Okay, this episode has got to be one of the most forgettable episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants ever. No matter what I do I can never remember anything in this plot beyond Patrick growing a beard. Literally.
I’m glad that all of these episodes have been beginning with some gorgeous backgrounds, because I just love, love, love it! And this beginning segment of the episode signals that this is gonna be one of the ones about SpongeBob and Patrick’s friendship…oh boy. Those can either go very good, or very bad. And the whole screaming at cars activity that they do is both annoying and boring, which is almost an impressive combination. This episode is also interesting because of its direct highlighting of the child-adult line this show likes to straddle. Or at least, the idea of the episode doing this is interesting. The execution, on the other hand, leaves much to be desired.
For one thing, the plot is dumb and nonsensical, and not in a good way. Patrick just falls asleep, which is boring, and then when he wakes up he suddenly has a beard. This episode almost feels like it’s stealing from the first movie by making sudden facial hair the marker of adulthood, but okay. Not to mention, this episode feels like it’s taking all the wrong pages from the book of “Patrick SmartPants”. Because where that episode is an endearing look at SpongeBob and Patrick’s friendship, this episode is a boring, annoying mess, to be quite honest. Squidward’s involvement here makes the episode feel like an unholy combination of the first movie, “Naughty Nautical Neighbors”, and “Patrick SmartPants”, as he just creates the wedge between SpongeBob and Patrick by inducing Patrick into the Squidward school of how to be a miserable jerkwad in your adult years. And there’s just a complete lack of charm in how this is done. If there was some charm, I think I would’ve liked the episode.
Another reason I don’t like this episode is that literally every single character is bad. Main character, at least. Squidward just feels like he’s missing something to make me like him more, but he’s the most…normal. Patrick is a jerkwad for no reason (especially once we see that the beard wasn’t even real). SpongeBob is written very annoyingly in some parts of this episode which to me is a fundamental misunderstanding of his character. He acts like how Patrick would act in this episode, which to me means that this episode should’ve shown SpongeBob as the one growing the beard and trying to become a grown up. That wouldn’t have been a ton better but I think it would’ve been an improvement over what we got.
There were two good things in this episode though. One of them was the bit at the art museum. It’s nice to see that there was a clear capability for this episode to be funny and it just…didn’t do that. And notice how the funny part involved SpongeBob, not anything Squidward and Patrick were doing. Just thought I’d point that out. The second thing I liked was the opera, specifically SpongeBob’s singing. Teresa Parente has a beautiful voice, clearly. I would never, ever go to opera in real life, but I do enjoy good singing.
“Squidward’s School For Grown-Ups” could’ve been about the important of preserving one’s inner child, much like “Idiot Box” or “Grandma’s Kisses”, but instead it felt like an episode without clear focus because it spent so much time on unnecessary and annoying things, and not enough time building up its actual story. So it’s just an unpleasant watch. The ending feels unearned and rushed, and it’s just…not great. It just barely misses my Mediocre tier, because Squidward makes me want to go into the episode and strangle him. If he wasn’t so infuriating, this would’ve been Mediocre-tier for sure.
Episode Tier: Tolerable
Episode Score: 4.9/10
