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The Cent of Money

(SpongeBob sings to himself, pulling a leash. It reaches full extension and Gary meows off screen, then catches up to SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry, Gare. I thought you were done.
(Gary keeps going and pulls SpongeBob along on his face. SpongeBob lifts his head up to reveal flowers in his eyes, then blinks to get rid of them.)
SpongeBob: This side of town sure has gone downhill. (Bumps into a parked boat) Uhh … Mr. Krabs? What are you doing out here?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, you know, unwinding. Enjoying the free parking. (Pan out to reveal a run-down parking lot with a "Free Parking" sign. The P falls off.)
SpongeBob: D'eww … (Looks at Gary, whose eye starts are wiggling.)
Mr. Krabs: What's happening to your critter, there?
SpongeBob: I'm not sure, but whenever he does that he finds chage.
Mr. Krabs: Change? As in, legal tender?
SpongeBob: Yeah, watch.
(A coin flies out from underneath a wrapper and sticks to Gary's shell)
Mr. Krabs: Shiver me shell wax! You're like a little money-detecting, uh … you know, what do you call it … sniegel.
SpongeBob: You mean "snail"?
Mr. Krabs: Say, SpongeBob, why don't you ever bring your little sniegel to work with you?
SpongeBob: Because you said that pets were nothing but disease carrying vermin that should never be brought to the workplace.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, but that was before I knew that had such an incredible talent!
SpongeBob: Yes, but for some reason the whole process causes Gary great discomfort. I could never do that to him.
Mr. Krabs: I could.
(Cut to the Krusty Krab. Gary attracts coins from between the floorboards. Mr. Krabs sweeps them into a dustpan.)
Mr. Krabs: There you go, bring in that change! (He tips the dustpan and the coins roll down his arm and into his back pocket. He puts Gary next to the serving boat and more coins fly out. Mr. Krabs laughs. A coin becomes unstuck from a piece of gum and Mr. Krabs catches it.) I've been working on this one for months. (Laughs)
SpongeBob: What's so funny, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, hi SpongeBob. Uh, oh, well … say, uh, aren't you supposed to be out back scraping out the dumpster?
SpongeBob: Done and done! (Holds up a brush)
Mr. Krabs: Then get back there and swap the poop deck, so to speak.
SpongeBob: Yes, sir! (Whips out a toilet plunger and leaves)
(Gary slithers past a customer and attracts coins from his back pocket. Mr. Krabs picks them up.)
Customer: Hey, what are you doing with my change?
Mr. Krabs: Your change? Anything on the floor be fair game.
(Gary slithers on a tabletop and attracts coins from a woman's purse.)
Woman: Hey!
(Two customers walk in and Gary attracts coins from above, where he is stuck to a beam. Mr. Krabs flicks more coins into his back pockets until they explode and spill coins on the floor.)
Mr. Krabs: (Laughs) Looks like I need pockets for my pockets. (Disgruntled customers leave) Hey, where's everybody going? Wait, come back! Ah fine, go on, the lot of you! With my new money finder here who needs you? (Flips the sign to closed) I was about to close up shop anyway.
SpongeBob: Close up? Come on, Gare, you're going with me. (Holds out a leash)
Mr. Krabs: You're not taking him home with you just yet. (SpongeBob stares blankly) Uh, you haven't degreased the fryer. (Pushes SpongeBob into the kitchen) Now get in there and go it and I don't want to see you 'til you do.
SpongeBob: Yeah but- (Mr. Krabs shoves a brush in his mouth)
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry about Jerry here, I'll make sure he gets his nightly crawl.
SpongeBob: (Muffled) Gary.
(Cut to Mr. Krabs walking through Goo Lagoon with Gary on a stick like a metal detector. Coins that were buried in the sand stick to his shell. Change flies from a woman's swimsuit.)
Mr. Krabs: Hehe … 'scuse me, ma'am.
(Cut to Mr. Krabs walking down the street in the same manner. Coins are attracted from the drain.)
Mr. Krabs: Dirty money spends just like the clean stuff. (Bumps into SpongeBob and accidentally shoves Gary into his mouth) SpongeBob, what are you doing here?
SpongeBob: (Pushes Gary out) Mr. Krabs, I finished the- (Grabs Mr. Krabs' money sack and spits coins into it) I finished scrubbing the fryer, sir.
Mr. Krabs: You sure made easy work of it.
SpongeBob: Try telling that to my frizzled hands. (They disintigrate)
Mr. Krabs: You've got to keep working, boy!
SpongeBob: I do?
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, why don't you, um, rearrange the wall rivets from smallest to largest.
SpongeBob: Hey, aren't they the same size?
Mr. Krabs: That's what they want you to believe, boyo. Now get back in there and take a long look.
SpongeBob: (Salutes) Will do, cap'n! (Leaves) Lalalalalala!
Mr. Krabs: (To Gary, now on a leash) Now back to our little treasure hunt, eh, boy?
(Gary wiggles and growls)
Mr. Krabs: You OK, Barry? (Gary attracts coins out of nearby parking meters) Atta boy.
(Cut to SpongeBob at the Krusty Krab, measuring rivets)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs was right. A couple of these rivets are off by as much as five nanometres. I'd better get to work. (Wrenches a rivet out)
(Cut to Gary pulling Mr. Krabs and his sack of money in a wagon, exhausted. He falls asleep.)
Mr. Krabs: Hey hey hey hey, we ain't got time for that! There's a laundromat that needs to be cleaned out. (Laughs) Cleaned out. Get it? Ah, never mind. Mush!
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: If you don't get moving I'm gonna-
SpongeBob: You're gonna do what, sir?
Mr. Krabs: (Sweating) I was … gonna give him a snaily treat. (Puts a treat in Gary's mouth) See?
(SpongeBob and Gary look at each other)
SpongeBob: Oh, OK! Those rivets are all rearranged, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: How is that possible? Uh, OK then, now I want you to, uh, paint the Krusty Krab!
SpongeBob: No problem, that's easy!
Mr. Krabs: Ah ah ah! But I want you to do it with this toothbush. (Gives SpongeBob a toothbush)
SpongeBob: Sure thing, sir! Bye, lil pal. (Pets Gary)
Gary: Meow!
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry about Terry, he's in good claws.
SpongeBob: I'm sure he is. Goodbye. (Slides off screen)
Mr. Krabs: Now, little sniegel, are you ready to do some "laundry"? (Winks)
(At the laundromat. A fish puts a pile of change on a bench, but when he turns around it is gone.)
Fish: Huh? Hey! Where's my change? (Mr. Krabs leaves, laughing) Well that stinks.
(Outisde, Mr. Krabs pulling Gary and the sack in the wagon)
Mr. Krabs: Haha, I'll bet he didn't see that coming. (Walks into something) Hey, what's the big idea? (Sees it's an arcade) We just found the pot at the end of the rainbow! (Goes inside, where people are playing on arcade games. Old Man Jenkins puts a note into a change machine. When the change comes out, it is attracted to Gary.)
Old Man Jenkins: What the?
Mr. Krabs: (Shaking the coins into his sack) It's just like taking candy from a baby.
Old Man Jenkins: (Off screen) And then it went over there and the coins just flew from the machine. (Talking to a guard)
Guard: Don't worry, sir, we'll get to the bottom of this.
Mr. Krabs: Uh oh, they're on to us. Time for Plan B. (Pulls a dress from the wagon)
(Cut to SpongeBob painting the Krusty Krab with a toothbrush)
SpongeBob: Ah, that should do it. (Climbs down the ladder) Ah, I'd better check in with Mr. Krabs and see if he needs me to do any more impossible stuff. (Runs out of the Krusty Krab)
Fish: (Carrying dirty laundry) Oh boy, I'm not going to hear the end of this when I get home.
SpongeBob: Pardon me, sir, you haven't seen a Krab walking around with a snail, have you?
Fish: Say, are you in with those thieving criminals, too?
SpongeBob: Uh, thieving what?
Fish: Them two jerks what stole my money. The fat one used his sniegel to swipe my coins from me.
SpongeBob: His sniegel?
Fish: That's right, why the coins were sticking right to his shell. (Leaves, mumbling angrily)
(SpongeBob hears Mr. Krabs laughing from the arcade)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what have you done to my Gary? (Goes into the arcade) Huh, so this is what a hotbed of sin looks like.
Mr. Krabs: (In the restroom, dressed like a lady with Gary under his dress) How's it going, boyo? (To Gary) You feeling the coin vibes?
Gary: (Coughs) Meow.
Mr. Krabs: What do you mean, you don't feel so good?
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: You look fine to me. Now quit being such a baby and start making me some money. (Puts him back under his dress and leaves the restroom) 'Scuse me, 'scuse me! Pregnant lady coming through! (Sees the guard and laughs nervously) Ooh boy, it sure is hard being pregnant.
Guard: Uh, yeah.
(Mr. Krabs looks around and sees buckets full of money)
Mr. Krabs: Get ready for a downpour, me boy! Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your money! (Pulls Gary out but nothing happens)
Customer: Huh? What?
Mr. Krabs: C'mon, Harry, let's go. (Shakes him) Come on, you!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! For shame!
Mr. Krabs: What do you mean? I'm just showing Rory off.
SpongeBob: Don't you lie to me! I know all about your using Gary to steal money. (Gary starts to wiggle)
Mr. Krabs: I am doing nothing of the sort. I would never steal! You have to quit making up stories, boyo.
SpongeBob: I'm not making up anything! I know all about your little scheme. You're the one making up stories! (The buckets of money start to shake)
Mr. Krabs: Don't you have work you should be doing?
SpongeBob: Oh, that's rich!
Mr. Krabs: No, if I was rich, I wouldn't have to hire the likes of you!
SpongeBob: That's hurtful, Mr. Krabs, and you know it.
Mr. Krabs: Why, you little yellow – well, I never!
SpongeBob: You never what, learned to use decent language?
(A wave of coins surge towards Gary as SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs continue to yell at each other)
Mr. Krabs: Who do you think you are? (Sees the coins) Jackpot! Money money money money money money money! Come to papa! (Sees how big the wave is) Oh boy.
(Cut to Mr. Krabs in hospital)
Doctor: Yeah, he's in pretty bad shape with the impact of all that metal but he'll pull through.
SpongeBob: Doctor, how does this sort of thing happen?
Doctor: I think this might have had something to do with it. (Hands SpongeBob a magnet)
SpongeBob: Hey, my Mermaidman and Barnacleboy fridge magnet!
Doctor: Yes, it appears that your pet swallowed it. It has a very strong magnetic pull. (Holds out a coin, which sticks to the magnet)
SpongeBob: 'Cause it's a magnet, that's it, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: (Laughs) Well, what do you know.
Doctor: Unfortunately, there's still the matter of the bill. (Hands it to him)
Mr. Krabs: What? I can't afford this!
Doctor: Actually, it looks like you've got just enough change to cover it. (Points at the wagon full of sacks. A nurse wheels it away.)
Mr. Krabs: Noooo!
End