Back

Restraining SpongeBob

Squidward: (snoring in bed, hears loud noise) What the!? (sees SpongeBob sharpening his spatula, opens window, angrily) SpongeBob! Do you mind!? (SB continues, he tears off the window, to bounce back and hit him. He tumbles and falls out of home)
SpongeBob: (lifts Squid's legs off face) Oh, hey Squidward. Wat'cha doin'?
Squidward: (takes window off face) What, am I doing, what are you, doing!!!?
SpongeBob: I am sharpening my trusty spatula. Speaking of which, are you gonna stick around for morning fry cook (how do you spell calastetics?)?
Squidward: Cala-what? (SpongeBob does calastetics, he walks away and locks his door to go to work, Spongebob dashes to him)
SpongeBob: Walking to work, huh Squidward?
Squidward: Go away.
SpongeBob: Can I walk with you?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: No. (walks into the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: I, said, (screams) NO!!! I will not walk to work with you— (realizes he walked with him)
SpongeBob: Okay, Maybe tomorrow then! (Squidward growls)
(cuts to later)
Frank: I'll have two Krabby Patties.
Squidward: Okay, and would you like cheese on— (hears fart noise)
Frank: Do you, need a break or something?
Squidward: (hesitantly) No! It was not me, I swear! (hears fart noise again, fish walks away) Wait, really, I-uh— (walks to kitchen) SpongeBob! (sees him with a mustard bottle, grabs and opens it) It's empty! (puts it against SB) See, empty!
SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, how'd you know that?
Squidward: (leans on grill) Well, let's see, maybe cuz', I have a brain.
SpongeBob: Oohhh, uh, Squidward, the grill is on.
Squidward: Oh, really, and do you think I don't know this grill is (sees burn, loudly shrieks) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (runs in circles)
SpongeBob: I gotta do something! (dashes to grab bucket of water, tilts bucket back, water falls out) Okay, Squidward, this should help! (Squidward slips on water) Don't worry, Squidward (grabs jellyfish net) I'll catch you! (Squid rips through net into deep frier) Aaahh! (pulls Squid out of frier, sees Squid fried) I can fix this. (trips on mop, Squidward flies, fish bites him, both scream, throws Squid) This time I gotcha! (Squid bounces into mouth and out on the soda machine, breaks it, feels hurt)
Mr Krabs: (gasps) Me Soda Machine! (cries)
SpongeBob: Squidward, can you hear me!? (lifts fingers) How many fingers am I ho— (Squidward screams, kicks SB, breaks table, and climbs ceiling insanely)
Mr Krabs: Well, you really set him over the edge this time.
SpongeBob: Technically, I drove him up the wall.
Narrator: (with matching time card) One Shift Later
Squidward: (SpongeBob mops) Oh, SpongeBob! I got a present for you.
SpongeBob: (makes a cute face) A, a present? For me! (runs to Squid)
Squidward: Oh no, calm down, I should've given this to you a long time ago. (knocks down SB with paper)
SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, my very own (confused) Restraining Order? Uh, what is that?
Squidward: Perhaps my lawyers should explain.
Harry: (fast) We are the law officers of Harry, Combover and Bald, specializing in Restraining Order logical law and here to tell Mr. SquarePants (with Combover and Bald point) You've been served!
SpongeBob: Served? I don't understand. Squidward, what are these guys tal— (they block SB from coming to Squid)
Bald: (pushes Squid away and draws a chalk line) Paragraph 3 in our restraining order, you may not speak to our client. Likewise, you must not go within 15 feet of Mr. Squidward at any time. Any fractions of these behaviors will result in, serious jail time!
SpongeBob: Can you make Krabby Patties for loyal Krusty Krab patrons during, serious jail time?
Bald: Huh? (Squidward whispers to him) No!
SpongeBob: No! I don't wanna go!
Combover: Well then, follow the guidelines explained and you won't have to.
SpongeBob: Uh, sirs, if I can't speak to, or go within 15 feet of Squidward, how will we get anything done around here?
Lawyers: That's, not our problem! (they fly away)
SpongeBob: (steps next to chalk line Bald drew) Hm? (cuts to kitchen, flips patties onto burgers with a really long pizza tray) There we go, three Krabby Patties, 2 Large Kelpi Colas, and 3 Fries, ready to be served (sees Squid reading, rings bell, Squid rolls up window) Oh. (gives tray on other side of boat)
Mr Krabs: (opens door and hits tray) Much bett— (tray hits him) Oops!
SpongeBob: Oops! (jumps out window and runs to Krabs) Sorry, Mr Krabs, it's just so hard to get this food to Squidward without violating this restraining order!
Mr Krabs: Lemme see that (grabs paper and wipes mustard on it) Thank you, look, I don't know what in coral caverns a Restraining order is, but I do know whatever's goin' on here clearly ain't workin'! I want this ship sailing smoothly, on the double! Or I'm forced to remove more gold stars from your employee report card! (rips of gold star)
SpongeBob: (gasps) Think, SpongeBob, think! (gets an idea) I got it! (cuts to later)
Patrick: (laughs and slowly walks to Squidward)
Squidward: If I ignore it, maybe it'll go away. (continues laughing) I thought so. Okay PAtrick, what, what, what!!!
Patrick: (hesitantly) Notice, anything, (smacks Squid's nose) different! Huh, Huh! I'll give you a hint (shows Squid a bad picture of a hat)
Mr Krabs: Patrick, I am not not paying you to stand around like an idiot doing who-knows-what with Squidward. Get back to work!
Squidward: Yeah, Patrick, get back to, what! WORK!!! (gets out of boat) Oh, no! No, No, No! (SB backs up) Mr. Krabs!
Mr Krabs: Why all the shivering of the timbers, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: Mr Krabs! This will not stand!
Mr Krabs: I understand, oh, unless you'd rather talk with SpongeBob.
Squidward: Grrr! (cuts to later, fish hands him money, Patrick walks order to SB and walks food back, he hands it to fish) What?
Patrick: Can I watch you work?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Please?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Please?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Please?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: Please?
Squidward: No!
Patrick: Pretty please?
Squidward: No! NO! NO! NO! GRR! (Patrick contiunes to follow him) Go away Patrick! Go away Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! (washes hands and Patrick appears in the mirror) Patrick! (Patrick touches his hat) Patrick! (Pushes button on cash register and Patrick appears) Patrick! (starts walking with Patrick closely following him behind) Patrick! (uses the restroom with Patrick beside him) Patrick! (sweats and shivers)
Mr Krabs: Mr Squidward, time for your break.
Squidward: Don't mind if I do. Ah, no better way to spend a break than with a little cool jazz (opens clarinet box, blows, clarinet not there)
Patrick: Hi, Squidward.
Squidward: Hello, you.
Patrick: I just finished cleaning the restroom!
Squidward: Oh, that's great.
Patrick: I mopped the floors, I shined the mirrors, and scrubbed the sinks!
Squidward: Wonderful
Patrick: Oh, but we'll need a new toilet plunger (holds up clarinet) this one's broken.
Squidward: Patrick!!!
Mr Krabs: Nice work, Patrick. Break time's over, Squidward.
Squidward: Welcome to the house of misery, may I take your order?
Fish: Yes, I would like 2 double-fried kelp fritters, 3 Krusty Krab creme filled corals, and 4 triple-fatty Krabby Patties. Is that too much?
Squidward: That depends, how long do you wanna live? Ha, ha! (turns around, Patrick bites his nose and pulls it out and flies)
Patrick: Ha-ha! Squidward's flying! Hey, a button.
Fish: (with english accent) Oh, Grammy, I brought your favorite, Seaberry pie! (Squidward lands in pie, fish runs)
Squidward: Seaberries! I'm allergic to (face swells) Seaberries! That's it, I know what I must do! (angrily walks to SB)
Patrick: You're the prettiest button I ever, (gasps, sees Squidward) Monster! It's after SpongeBob! You're right button, no monster's gonna eat my friend! (jumps up angrily)
Squidward: SpongeBob! Ah!! No, no, no no! (Patrick lands on him and brawls)
SpongeBob: Oh, no, my two best friends are fighting! But this restraining order says I cant get close enough to break it up! (continue to brawl with mustard and spatulas) I'm sorry, restraining order, but my friends need me! (jumps and tumbles, breaks them up) STOP!!!
Squidward: (sees order in pocket) Give me that restraining order! Alright, let's look at this.
SpongeBob: Squidward, (grabs his leg) please don't send me to jail!
Patrick: Squidward? (holds up button) Did you know the monster was Squidward? (pause) Well, when were you gonna tell me!?
SpongeBob: (cries) I violated the restraining order. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!!
Squidward: Quit blubbering and hand me a pen!
SpongeBob: Here you go. (sobs)
Squidward: Stop the waterworks, you are not going to jail!
SpongeBob: I'm not?
Squidward: No, I am releasing you from this order.
SpongeBob: Really, Squidward
Squidward: And adding someone who's much more deserving!
Patrick: Sorry, button.
Squidward: No, Patrick, YOU!!!!! (holds up order with Patrick's name on it)
Patrick: Oohhh. (laughs)
End