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What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?

(Outside of SpongeBob's house at night. Foghorn alarm is going off)
SpongeBob: (Sheets fly off of SpongeBob's bed. His eye literally peel open. SpongeBob jumps out of bed and bounces off walls landing in front of Gary) Good morning, Gary! (looks out window) Good morning, Mr. Mailman!
Mailman: Morning, SpongeBob. Ah, it is a good morning, isn't it. (Mailman crashes into a truck and is sent flying) Aaaahh!
SpongeBob: Isn't life great, Gary? (Gary hides in his shell) Oh, what a beautiful day. I have the best friends...
(Squidward wakes up frantically waving his arms)
Squidward: Ah, stay away! Oh, another SpongeBob nightmare.
SpongeBob: The best job...
(Mr. Krabs looking at pocket watch)
Mr. Krabs: He's already 10 seconds late. I'm dockin' him a month's pay for this. (Puts coin in pocket)
SpongeBob: And, of course, the bestest pet. (Hugging Gary)
Gary: Meow. (SpongeBob squeezes Gary's shell to the point of breaking)
(Racket heard from outside of SpongeBob's house coming from the inside)
SpongeBob: (Runs through the wall of his house to leave) I'm sorry! I'm sorry! (runs into the back of Patrick)
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob. (facing away from SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Hey Patrick, how goes it?
Patrick: Well, it was great until you showed up. (turns around with cake smashed against his stomach)
SpongeBob: What is that?
Patrick: Oh, just a birthday cake for my mom... that I spent all day baking. (Throws cake on ground and walks back under his rock. Opens rock back up) Idiot Boy!
SpongeBob: Ewh, that's the first time somebody's called me that. Wait, I know who will enjoy my company! (SpongeBob at Squidward's door upside down knocking with feet)
SpongeBob: Squidward!
Squidward: Don't you ever wake me up from my beauty sleep! Do you understand? Idiot Boy! (slams door)
(Sandy in her treedome welding part of a robot)
Sandy: Woo-wee! It's all done! My greatest invention yet!
(Robot's eyes turn red and then it starts Geisha type dance)
SpongeBob: Sandy! What a neat robot! (trips on log and water from his helmet splashes onto robot)
Sandy: Noooo! (robot explodes)
SpongeBob: Let me explain. You see, I was up in the tree, and I thought it'd be funny if I gave you a surprise.
Sandy: Oh, you gave me a surprise, alright. Look at the surprise I got! (holding destroyed robot head) Get out of here! Idiot Boy! (pushes SpongeBob out and slams door)
SpongeBob: (sniffles) Well, I guess that means there's only one place left to go. A place where I am wanted, wherever they like it or not!
(SpongeBob walkes into Krusty Krab holding spatula)
SpongeBob: SpongeBob WorkPants reporting for duty, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Hurry up and get in there, boy! Patties need flippin'.
SpongeBob: No worries, capt'n! (SpongeBob spins spatula around and goes to kitchen. Noise of pots and pans falling is heard)
Mr. Krabs: (sigh)
SpongeBob: Oops, eh, all in a day's work. Now, back to doing what I do best! (SpongeBob running towards grill with pots on his feet) No way I can mess this up... aaahh! (Slipping in a puddle of water)
Mr. Krabs: Heheheh.(Holding up 2 dollar bills) Mr. Dollar, allow me to introduce you to Mrs. Dollar. Well hello there. (starts pushing the bills together and making kissing sounds. Hears SpongeBob screaming) What the barnacles is going on?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! (SpongeBob slips backwards and hits Mr. Krabs, sending him flying into the fryer grease) Mr. Krabs, are you okay?
Mr. Krabs: I'm fine, as long as me money's okay. (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs see the bills in the fryer)
Mr. Dollar: Although we have only known each other a short time, I just wanted you to know, I love you. (Dollars get fried and break apart as they cry. SpongeBob nervously laughs)
Mr. Krabs: (after kicking SpongeBob out) If I were you, I'd get as far away from me as possible. Idiot Boy!
SpongeBob: (starting to cry) I guess that's it, then. If Mr. Krabs is calling me "Idiot Boy", it must be true. I know what must be done! (starts crying as his tears slide him down the road)
SpongeBob: (Looking through chest in his bedroom. He is packing clothes) I somehow managed to make everyone mad at me. At least you still like me, right, Gare?
(Gary chewing on bandage where his shell was. He hisses at SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: (sighs) I'll miss you too, buddy. There's a year's supply of snail food for ya. (Walks out front door of house. Turns around and waves) Goodbye, pineapple. (The chimney turns and blows SpongeBob away) Goodbye, Squidward! Goodbye, Patrick! Goodbye, Sandy! Goodbye, Bikini Bottom! Goodbye, life as I know it. (Lands next to sign) Welcome to Bikini Bottom. Population 538. (Scribbles over the 8 and writes a 7) Minus 1. (Walking away) Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy... (night now) Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy, Idiot Boy... (Crabs seen behind a rock. Guy pops out behind rock and makes weird noise. Another guy makes a weird noise at SpongeBob. SpongeBob is is startled. Another fish makes a noise. Fish walks by swinging a flail.) Aaaahhh! (SpongeBob runs and hyperventilates.) Whoa! (Falls off cliff) Aaaahh! (Hits head on cliff five times before slamming on the ground. Hit sits up and huge lump extends from the top of his head) Oo boy! That's quite a lump. (His bindle hits him on the head. Knocking him out) Doh!
(Patrick knocking on SpongeBob's door while drinking a milkshake)
Sandy: Patrick, where's SpongeBob?
Patrick: I don't know. I've been knocking on his door for three hours. I need his hot sauce for my milkshake.
Sandy: We ain't got time for that! Hi-yah! (Breaks down door)
Gary: Mrrrloooow.
Sandy: Gary? Where are you, little guy? (Gets up and starts looking for Gary. Patrick drinks milkshake)
Gary: Mrrrloooow.
Sandy: Gary? Gary? (Runs into large sized Gary's slimy bottom)
Gary: Meow.
Sandy: Gary! What happened to you?
Gary: Mrrlooweow.
Sandy: (Sees not in Gary's food bowl) A note. To whom it may concern: if you've found this letter, that means Gary's food bowl is empty and that it needs to be refilled. It also means it's been approximately one year since I've split town, and no one's noticed 'til now. No one needs to worry, I won't bother anyone again. Sincerely, SpongeBob. A.K.A. Idiot Boy.
(SpongeBob wakes up with crusty eyes)
Villager Man: I could use this.
Villager Woman: Yeah, I like these here.
Villager Man: Mmm. This is top quality. Top quality.
SpongeBob: Hello there. What's goin' on?
Villager Man: Oh, we thought you were taking a dirt nap, but, uh, we, uh, organized your clothes for you, SpongeBob. (Woman holds up SpongeBob's clothes)
SpongeBob: (Looks around) Are you talking to me?
Villager Man: Isn't this your name? (Holds up pants with name tag on them)
SpongeBob: I don't know, is it?
Villager Man: You don't know your name?
SpongeBob: All I know is I hit my head on some rocks! Now I can't seem to remember anything.
(The two fish wink at each other)
Villager Man: Err, well, then, heheh, I'll remind you that these are not your clothes, and your name isn't SpongeBob, it's, uh mmm...uh...CheeseHead BrownPants. Haha! That's it!
SpongeBob: CheeseHead, huh? Wait a minute, what's this? (Pulls bubble soap and want out of pockets)
Villager Man: Bubbles?! (The two fish scream and run away)
SpongeBob: I wonder what got into them. (Scratches head with bubble wand. Traffic can be heard in a distance. SpongeBob sees the city that is nearby)
Perch Perkins: (Screen shows "Breaking News") We interrupt this program for an important announcement. Bikini Bottom is literally in a state of total chaos tonight.
Muscular Guy: (punches Perch Perkins) Literally! (Flexes)
Perch Perkins: (Gets back up and his bruised with torn up clothes) We go now to news C chopper 7. What's up? (Falls back down and drops mic)
News Chopper: (In chopper) Not looking too good up here, Perch. The Krusty Krab is just about to come apart at the hinges. Customers are in a rage over not getting their Krabby Patties.
(Customers yelling at the Krusty Krab and holding up their money)
Mr. Krabs: Squidward! Where the barnacles is SpongeBob!? This place is going down the toilet! Patties need flippin'!
Squidward: If I knew, do you think I'd be standing here getting yelled at by a bunch of morons?
Mr. Krabs: Don't talk back to your superior officer, you...
(They both start yelling and mumbling at each other)
Sandy: Squidward! Mr. Krabs! Y'all seen SpongeBob? (Sandy and Patrick run into the Krusty Krab)
Squidward: I think we just went through this. (Crosses arms)
Mr. Krabs: What he means to say is, no, we haven't.
Sandy: Well, apparently, he's left Bikini Bottom, and he ain't comin' back. (Holds up SpongeBob's letter)
Mr. Krabs: Let me see that. (Takes letter to read it) To whom that may concern...(mumbles out the rest of the letter) Aka. Aka? Idiot Boy? Idiot boy!? It is SpongeBob! What am I gonna do without me fry cook?
Patrick: What am I gonna do without my best friend? I should never have been mean to you. (Starts crying)
Sandy: I should have never kicked you outta my house! (Starts crying. Helmet fills with tears)
Squidward: If I'd known that was the last time I've seen SpongeBob (crying and then become cheerful) I would have slammed the door in his face even harder! (Laughs)
Mr. Krabs: Alright, group meetin'. Everybody out! (Pushes all the customers out) The Krusty Krab's closed until further notice! (Slams doors shut) Now...how do you propose we find me money-makin' employee?
(Downtown at New Kelp City)
SpongeBob: Whoo, I live in a dump! (Going by pawn shop) Oh! (Runs into fish)
Fish: Hey, watch where your stepping!
SpongeBob: Sorry, sir, I was just-
Fish: (Closes SpongeBob's mouth) I know what you was doing. You was doing the old bump into the sucker and reach into his pockets and take his change routine, well it ain't gonna work this time. You want money? Get a job, you deadbeat! (Continues walking)
SpongeBob: I'm a jobless deadbeat? What a sad existence I don't remember I lead. (Stomach growls) Oh, seems like I'm running on empty. (Turns pockets out. Sighs) Not a penny to my name. Well, I guess if I want to fill the hole in my gut, I'll need to fill a job somewhere. Help wanted? (Sees sign on N.K.C. Bank door)
Interviewer: Well, Mr. BrownPants, you seem to have left this entire application blank.
SpongeBob: (laughs) I can't remember a thing.
Interviewer: Well, do you have any special skills?
SpongeBob: Special skills... Oh! I can do this. (Blows bubble)
Interviewer: Oh! (Screaming) What do you think you're doing!? (SpongeBob gets kicked out the front door) Sorry, sir, but we run a respectable business here! (Closed doors)
SpongeBob: Okay, I guess they don't want you blowing bubbles unless it directly relates to the job at hand. (SpongeBob now wearing a hard-hat and hammering a building) Thanks for the job, boss! You won't be disappointed.
Construction Fish: (On a ladder hammering) That's real sweet, BrownPants, but I don't hear that hammer pounding.
SpongeBob: Then this might be music to your ears. (Floating up on a bubble, hammering the wall)
Construction Fish: Neptune's son, what are you doing!? (Jumps off ladder and hides behind wood boards) You aren't doing that on my building site! You're fired! (Bubble pops and SpongeBob falls)
SpongeBob: (Walking down sidewalk) I do not understand this. What is wrong with this city!? Maybe it's not the city. Maybe it's me. (Guy walks by SpongeBob) Hey, mister, look at me! Mister, look at me! Is there something wrong with me? (grotesque closeup of SpongeBob's face. Fish screams and runs away)
(At the Krusty Krab)
Sandy: Listen up, y'all! I got a plan to bring back SpongeBob!
Mr. Krabs: You do? (Sad)
Sandy: Yup, and it involves this. (Holds up tracker) It'll track any sponge within a 50-mile radius. (Turns nob, showing a sea sponge on the screen)
Squidward: (Takes tracker from Sandy) So, you're saying this thing can actually find SpongeBob?
Sandy: You got it, SquidCakes, but it's gonna take all of us to find--
Squidward: (Squidward aggressively destroys the tracker. Everyone gasps. Squidward is panting and holding a mallet) Oops, I dropped it.
Mr. Krabs: (Mr. Krabs nose blows up and explodes) Mr. Squidward! This device was me last chance to get this place back into shipshape, and since you destroyed it, I am ordering you to find SpongeBob!
Squidward: (laughs) I wouldn't seek out that twit for all the leotards of the sea. (Drops mallet)
Mr. Krabs: If you don't find him, you'll be out of a job forever.
Squidward: Ha! Is that your version of a threat?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Squidward, don't forget your retirement gift. (Holds up ornamental egg)
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I am not interested in any-- (looks back) Is that a handcrafted jewel-encrusted ornamental egg? That'll complete my collection! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Krabs! (Runs to Mr. Krabs, gets stopped and falls down)
Mr. Krabs: Not so fast! Bring back me number one fry cook first.
(SpongeBob stops by fire on the sidewalk, shivering, and warms his hands)
Fish #2: Real drag, isn't it? Having to stand around the fire for warmth every night?
SpongeBob: Yeah.
Fish #3: Heh, not for us. We're just waiting in line for a new video game.
SpongeBob: I guess I am just a jobless deadbeat. You guys mind if I bubble? (Pulls out bubble soap)
Fish #2: (Gasps) You can't do that here!
SpongeBob: But bubbles will steady the old nerves. Watch. (blows bubble. sighs) See? Feeling better already.
(Both fish run away screaming. The bubble travels, causing all the people in line to scream)
Fish #4: A bubble!
(3 fish walking towards SpongeBob out of an alley. They have leather jackets and are snapping their fingers. Another one comes from behind SpongeBob, knocking his fist on the building wall. SpongeBob is stepping back as one pops out of the trash can behind him. SpongeBob is startled and turns around)
Bubble Poppin' Boy #1: Do you have any-- (Looks at fish snapping) I think we've made our point with the snapping. As I was saying, do you have any idea who we are?
SpongeBob: Uh, ho-wait wait don't stop me umm ehh...
Bubble Poppin' Boy #1: Don't answer. (chuckles) I'll show ya. We call us the Bubble Poppin' Boys. And Article 1 of our charter prohibits bubble blowing on our turf. (Pops bubble. soap burns his eyes. Grumbles and then points to his watery, bloodshot eyes) You see why we don't allow bubbles in our city? Fortunately, we have ways of dealing with careless bubble blowers like you. (Pulls out switchblade style comb. Combs hair) Let's rough him up, boys! (3 of them pound their fists and walk towards SpongeBob. SpongeBob melts out of his own skin and runs) Where'd he go? After him! (They all run for SpongeBob. Gasps.)
SpongeBob: Ah! (SpongeBob sees them and turns around. Stops and blows bubbles. He uses the bubbles as stops to jump up to a poll. One of them climbs up the pole to follow. SpongeBob blows a big bubble raft) I'll be making this getaway in comfort. (SpongeBob lays back. Then the Bubble Poppin' Boys start using slingshots. SpongeBob blows another bubble, making a oar to paddle with. Panting. His bubble pops, he falls and splats against the ground. His bubble soap spills and his wand falls down a drain. Sticks hand in spilled soap and blows a bubble with his hand. The Bubble Poppin' Boys get stuck in it and float away)
Fish #5: (Sticks head out of mailbox) You--you did it! (jumps out and picks up SpongeBob) Do you realize what you've done?
SpongeBob: No.
Fish #5: You have freed the city! Citzens of New Kelp, come out of the shadows, 'cause CheeseBoy kicked the Bubble Poppin' gang right outta town!
All: (Blowing bubbles and coming out of hiding) Thank you, CheeseBoy!
Fish #6: What an amazing gift CheeseBoy has given us.
SpongeBob: Actually, it's CheeseHead.
Mayor: (pulls up in limo and shakes SpongeBob's hand) Well, CheeseHead, this is a historic day for New Kelp City. You have rid this city of the Bubble Poppin' Boys, and restored bubble blowing to the streets. (laughs) Something I wasn't able to do for 20 years as mayor. For this, I appoint you mayor of New Kelp City! (Puts his hat on SpongeBob's head. Rolls away in limo)
All: All hail Mayor CheeseHead! (Picking up SpongeBob and cheering)
(Squidward, Sandy, and Patrick looking for SpongeBob)
Sandy: SpongeBob!
Patrick: SpongeBob!
Sandy: SpongeBob!
Patrick: (Picks up road) Buddy? You there? (Drops road)
Sandy: SpongeBob! Maybe someone at that truck stop has seen our porous little buddy. (Pointing at truck stop)
Patrick: SpongeBob!
Sandy: There he is, guys!
Squidward: Huh?
Patrick: SpongeBob! (Runs up to random fish) Oh, I knew I'd find you, buddy! Look at you. You haven't changed a bit. Let's go home and eat a gallon of seanut butter.
Sandy: That's not SpongeBob, Patrick. There's SpongeBob. (Pointing at newspaper)
Patrick: Gah! I'll get ya out of this cage, buddy! (Smashes glass with brick. Takes the newspaper) You're safe now in my arms. (looks at paper) Huh? Where'd you go now? (News paper is smudged. Patrick cries)
Sandy: Uh, Pat? All the ink came off on your belly. (Pulls newspaper down, showing ink on Patrick's belly)
Patrick: Oh. (Stops crying)
Sandy: Now let's see what that little critter's up to. New mayor of... SpongeBob's mayor of New Kelp City!
SpongeBob: (Giving speech) Citizens of New Kelp City. I don't know much about politics or balanced budgets or how to be a "leader" (air quotes) I'm not sure what a "mayor" is, but I do know this, while I am wearing the mayor's hat it will always be safe to blow bubbles on the streets of New Kelp or my name isn't CheeseHead BrownPants! (Crowd cheers)
Sandy: Cheese Head Brown Pants?
Fish #7: New Kelp City has brown-pants mania! (Rips off pants revealing square pants, others do that same. Crowd cheers)
Sandy: Hang on a minute! (Using megaphone) I don't mean to put a damper on the mood here, but Bikini Bottom needs you back, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: What's that? (Sandy get's on the stage)
Sandy: Well, I'm sorry I yelled at you, buddy.
SpongeBob: Oh, this is a surprise.
Sandy: Surprised I found ya?
SpongeBob: No, surprised at seeing a talking weasel. (Touching Sandy's helmet)
Sandy: (gasp) It's me, Sandy. Don't pretend you don't remember me, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Sorry, Sandy. But I'd probably remember another underwater, talking weasel.
Patrick: You may not remember the weasel but you haven't forgotten your best friend, have ya? (Rips off SpongeBob's sleeve revealing a tattoo that completes half of Patrick's tattoo that reads "Best Friends Spring Break")
SpongeBob: I have no idea how that got there. All I remember is hitting my head, blowing some bubbles and now, poof, I'm mayor.
Sandy: You must've lost your memory when you hit your head. You'll just have to come back with us to Bikini Bottom. The familiar surroundings will bring your memory right back.
SpongeBob: Uh, sorry, weasel girl, I can't leave. These people need my leadership. In fact I'm late for a meeting. (Crowd cheers as SpongeBob walks away into his limo)
Sandy: SpongeBob, wait! (Limo leaves)
Squidward: Don't just stand there, get in. (Squidward is driving the limo)
Sandy: Squidward?
Squidward: Hurry up! (Sandy and Patrick get in) Decorative egg, here I come!
(At the Krusty Krab)
Sandy: Here it is! You must recognize this place.
SpongeBob: Nope.
Mr. Krabs: Don't recognize the Krusty Krab? Stop your kidding, boy, and start fryin' up them patties. (Holds up greasy spatula)
SpongeBob: I was a fry cook before?
Mr. Krabs: Aye, the best in the business. Now get flippin'.
SpongeBob: Look, guys, as much as I'd love to toil the days away flippin' burgers, I think I'll just go back to my modest job as mayor of a major city. (Throws spatula down)
Squidward: Whoo-hoo-hoo, SpongeBob's leaving for real this time!
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I brought back your number one fry cook. You gotta pay up.
Mr. Krabs: All right, Mr. Squidward, a deal's a deal. Here's your fancy egg.
Squidward: Oh, it's beautiful. (Twitching in happiness. Slips on greasy spatula. They egg goes flying) Stop! (Slow motion. Egg hits SpongeBob on the head and shatters. SpongeBob gets a big lump on his head)
Sandy: You okay, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yeah, just a bit of a headache, Sandy-- Hey, I remember this place!
Sandy: SpongeBob's back!
Mr. Krabs: We're really sorry we ran you out of town, boy. But we're glad you're back.
SpongeBob: I'd really love to stay, but the people of New Kelp City need their mayor. Goodbye, everyone. (Puts hat on and leaves)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, not again.
Sandy: Huh?
Patrick: Huh?
Squidward: He's leaving, again!
Perch Perkins: Stop what you're doing and don't go out that door. (SpongeBob stops and looks at the TV in the Krusty Krab) This is a KNKC special report. Panic in the streets of New Kelp City as rampant bubbles bring visibility down to 0. (Footage of bubble, fire, and people running into each other) The angry citizens here blame the apocalyptic scene on Mayor CheeseHead BrownPants and his newly-enacted bubble policy. (Perch Perkins gets punched aside)
Fish #8: If I ever see Mayor Brown Pants again, I'm gonna grab his little, yellow head and literally rip his--
(TV cuts out and shows "We are experiencing technical difficulties. Share the frustration")
Mr. Krabs: Where's SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Order up! (Puts Krabby Patty on the window) Who wants to be a dumb old mayor when you're the best fry cook in town? (laughs and comes out from the kitchen) And how could I ever leave behind my bestest friend?
Patrick: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, Krabby Patty! (Puts the Krabby Patty on his head, it rolls down into his mouth) SpongeBob, another masterpiece. (Holding out empty plate)
Sandy: It's great to have you back, Spongy.
SpongeBob: (sigh) Looks like I'm back in Bikini Bottom forever.
(Squidward opens the top of his head, pulls out his brain, and walks it to the trash)
End