In Progress Smoothe Jazz At Bikini Bottom Rewritten

[Glove]

(Part 1: The Tickets)
*We Fade In To Squidward Listening To Some Kelpy G In Work During Closing Time*
Mr Krabs: Squidward!
Squidward: *Falls Off The Boat* What?!
Mr Krabs: You Aren't Giving Me Money From Me Cash Register!
Squidward: And How Is That Important?
Mr Krabs: Well First Of all I don't get money and second you don't give me money and Third I don't close this place so people will think were still opened! and you know well what happened last time this happened
Squidward: (Remembers Graveyard Shift And Fear Of A Krabby Patty) Oh Yeah... Well get the money yourself I'm going home *Squidward starts walking away*
Mr Krabs: SQUIDWARD!
*Before Squidward leaves SpongeBob Gets In the way*
Squidward: Spongebob Can't you see I'm going home or should I say to a special place today
Spongebob: Ooh what's that?
Squidward: Like Im Gonna Tell You Nitwit!
SpongeBob: Well Im also going to a special even today
Squidward: *in a sarcastic voice* Wow let me guess, goofy goobers has a new offer today for ice cream? *laughs*
SpongeBob: Well Actually I Got Sent These Tickets For A Kelpy G Concert Tickets By Mail
*"i got sent these tickets for a Kelpy G Concert" play slowly in Squidwards head like the worst thing was just said to him*
Squidward: W-What!? B- But Im going too!
SpongeBob: Well That's great I want to see you there I also forgot to mention-
Squidward: Now Get Out Of The way Nitwit! (he shoves SpongeBob to the side and he walks away to his house)
Squidward: Great Now He's Going Over! What should I do!?... maybe if I trick him if he is dumb enough he will help me get into the backstage since I sadly didn't get any and maybe meet Kelpy G! maybe I can steal his clarinet! they say his clarinet can always play the right notes! maybe I can steal it! lets just hope It works
[Part 2 Coming Out Some Time I Like Writing These]

 

[Glove]

(Part 2: The Bus)
*cut to later with squidward in the bus thing form the episode idk waiting for it to go*
Squidward: Why is this taking so long?!
*we see spongebob and patrick walk in with*
Squidward: W-What!?
*spongebob and patrick sit down right next to him*
Spongebob: Oh Hey Squidward!
Squidward: What is patrick doing here!?
Patrick: Spongebob got 2 tickets so he gave me one!
Spongebob: Yeah I was gonna tell you that patrick was coming over too!
Patrick: I was honestly going to eat my ticket but then I remember I won't go and that means I won't eat food there!
Spongebob: Patrick if you were going to do that you should have told me!
Patrick: Yeah But-
Squidward: Grr... WHY DON'T YOU 2 NITWITS SHUT UP!
*All of the other cephalopods in the bus including the bus driver look at him*
Squidward: (whispering) Look what you two have done! your obnoxiousness is ostracizing me from all these other fans!
Spongebob: I'm Sorry Squidward We didn't mean to annoy you (he whispers to squidward): we don't really know a lot about kelpy so we are just trying to atleast have fun here
Squidward: Fine Just Don't Ruin Everything! (Squidward's Mind: Wait I gotta be nice to them I just noticed they have backstage passes so I might be able to get there I'm just scraping the plan of stealing kelpy's clarinet because even I'm not that rude)
*The Bus Starts Moving*
Squidward: *in his fake nice tone* Uhh so I'm sorry I was too mean so I hope you don't mind me asking can I go with you two backstage?
Spongebob: Well I'm sorry squidward as much as I'd want to I can't because I will miss looking backstage!
Squidward: (Squidward's Mind: maybe I can do it another way maybe I should just find another way maybe in the concert would be better...)
Patrick: So Uhh Where We going again?
Spongebob: *He whispers what happened to patrick*
Patrick: Oh yeah anyways I'm going to look under the seats
Spongebob: For What?
*Squidward looks obviously annoyed*
Patrick: Don't You remember how people leave gum under the seats maybe I can have them!
Spongebob: Ew! Patrick if Its for your big chewed gum ball then that's fine but if you're eating them then that's another story
*spongebob and patrick keep talking making squidward more annoyed during the trip while the other people don't seem to bother)
[Part 3 When I feel like it]

 

[Glove]

what do you think of the 2 parts as of now are they good bad? tell me!

 

[Pugs4Thugs]

This is definitely an improvement as far as having Patrick enter the episode is concerned. I'm excited to see where this goes!

 

[Glove]

This is definitely an improvement as far as having Patrick enter the episode is concerned. I'm excited to see where this goes!

what is concerning?

 

[Pugs4Thugs]

what is concerning?

Nothing's concerning! It's just the expression I used, basically I was saying that your new rendition of how Patrick enters the episode is better than the original episode.

 

[Glove]

Nothing's concerning! It's just the expression I used, basically I was saying that your new rendition of how Patrick enters the episode is better than the original episode.

Yeah I’m shocked how a 12 year old (aka me) can do better than a group of adult writers

 

[Glove]

Nothing's concerning! It's just the expression I used, basically I was saying that your new rendition of how Patrick enters the episode is better than the original episode.

but what about the whole fanfic? I think its already better than the original (I'm planning to go to a mix of hello bikini bottom and Krusty koncessionaires but its hard to come up with stories but I feel like this one is shaping up to be unique better than the original episode (I feel like I might just make stuck in the wringer reworked instead of a animatic)