Back

Sentimental Sponge

Narrator: The first day of spring in Bikini Bottom. The flowers are blooming. The rainbows are-- how you say? Bowing. The jelly fish are buzzing. (a bunch of purple flowers grow all over SpongeBob's house) And it's time for the traditional...
SpongeBob: (opens front door) Spring cleaning! Guess what time of year it is, Gary?
Gary: Meow! (hums a tune while using Gary as a floor cleaner. Gets his house sparkling clean and empties Gary's shells contents into the trash can)
SpongeBob: (laughs) Thanks for your help, Gar.
Gary: Meow! (SpongeBob walks outside and sets his garbage can on the front of his lawn)
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick. How's your spring cleaning going?
Patrick: It's spring cleaning day? Why didn't anyone tell me? (Patrick runs back into his rock and goes through a pile of junk on his floor to find a cotton swab)
Patrick: Found it! Thanks for the reminder, SpongeBob. (Patrick cleans his belly button with his cotton swab) See you again next spring. (notices the trash can next to SpongeBob) Whatcha got in your trash can? (gasps) You're throwing this away? The wrapper from the gum I gave you yesterday?
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.
Patrick: Oh! Some people just don't understand sentimental value. (gasps) You're throwing away Pete? You-you can't part with a keepsake! That's why you keep them for Pete's sake! Oh, I'm disgusted. It's time you reevaluate your priorities.
SpongeBob: Hmm, maybe Patrick's right. All of these things do hold precious memories. (garbage truck grabs hold of the trash can and SpongeBob gasps) No-o-o! (grabs the trash can) Come on, you! (goes back and forth with the garbage truck and gets the trash can back) Gotcha! Welcome home, precious memories. (pours out the contents of the trash can on a shelf. Cut to SpongeBob pouring some Kelpo cereal into the bowl. The toy wrapper comes out. He thumbtacks it to a wall with other toy wrappers) Plastic wrap is neat, huh, Gary?
Gary: Meow. (cut to the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Order up. Careful with these ones, Squidward. They're special.
Squidward: Oh, dear me. I know. I hope I never forget this moment.
SpongeBob: You're right. I'm going to need something to preserve the memory.
SpongeBob: Oh perfect. (scrapes up the grease from the grill into a jar) Ah, memories. Greasy memories. (comes out the kitchen door) Ooo-ee! Nothing like a hard day work at the Krusty Krab, eh, Squidward? Whew! (wipes off sweat and puts it in a jar)
Squidward: You're sentimental about your sweat?
SpongeBob: Oh, that's not all. (has a wagon full of jars) And I'm also very sentimental about these Krusty Krab keepsakes-- so many memories. Grill grease, gum from under the Krusty Krab tables, today's mop water, bendy straws, mayonnaise, a collection of freshly used ketchup packets, and these are today's order tickets written by my favorite fellow employee, Squidward. See? This one has your tentacle print on it!
Squidward: Okay, this is getting creepy now.
SpongeBob: Well, I better get these precious memories home.
Squidward: Officially creeped out now. (cut to SpongeBob headed inside his home)
SpongeBob: (singing) Memories. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo memories. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo memories. (opens the front door. There is garbage and keepsakes everywhere. Gary is trying to reach his bowl but can't) Hey, Gary. (SpongeBob goes up stairs with his wagon and puts the jar of sweat into the closet) Oh. Safe and sound. (all the junk in his closet is about to come out but he closes the door tightly) Whoo! Closed up tight. And you said it won't fit. (everything comes out of the closet and pins SpongeBob and Gary up agains the wall and window)
Gary: Meow meow meow. Meow meow.
SpongeBob: Oh, nonsense Gary, I'll find a place to put everything... (SpongeBob looks outside) like the front yard. (pushes a few things out. Cut to next morning when Squidward's alarm clock wakes him up. He opens up his window and a bunch of SpongeBob's keepsakes come rushing in. Squidward walks out his front door, through all the garbage, and knocks on SpongeBob's front door)
SpongeBob: (singing) Who is it?
Squidward: It's Squidward.
SpongeBob: How do I know it's you?
Squidward: Open the door, nitwit!
SpongeBob: (opens the door and is wearing a bag of garbage on the top of his head) Oh, hi, Squidward. Can I help you?
Squidward: You certainly can help-- (notices what SpongeBob is wearing) Why are you wearing garbage?
SpongeBob: Thanks for noticing, Squidward. And may I say that's a very becoming dress you're wearing this morning.
Squidward: Dress? It is not a dress. It's a night shirt. If you don't get rid of this trash, I'm calling the sanitation police.
SpongeBob: Augh! Not the sanitation police! You don't understand. These things aren't junk. They're my friends, like this little guy-- (pulls down a lightbulb) Alfred the lightbulb. Oh, we had great times together Al-- reading, paying the bills. Why is it the ones who glow brightest burn out the soonest? (starts to tear up) You will be missed. (puts the bulb in his ear)
Squidward: Touching. Still creepy, but touching. Time to make a phone call. (line rings. Cut to a police car showing up)
Cop #1: (using megaphone) Sanitation police. This is a raid. Step away from the refuse.
Squidward: Thank goodness you're here, Officer.
Cop #1: (using megaphone) Is this your filthy home?
Squidward: No, it is not my home! It belongs to that filthy little dirt bag. (points to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Hi.
Cop #1: (using megaphone) Thanks for the information, citizen.
Cop #2: (to Squidward) Hmm, snitch.
Cop #1: (using megaphone) Do your duty, Sergeant. (puts some yellow tape on SpongeBob's house that reads "CONDEMNED". Using megaphone) This residence is now condemned.
SpongeBob: Condemned? What does that mean?
Cop #1:(using megaphone) Condemned means this house is unfit to live in. You'll have to vacate the home immediately.
SpongeBob: Vacate? You mean I have to move?
Cop #1: (using megaphone) Anything that is a threat to public health must be condemned. (sniffs SpongeBob) Sergeant. (the other cop puts a yellow sticker on SpongeBob's trash-bag that is on top of his head)
Squidward: Thank you again, Officers.
SpongeBob: Wait. Please don't condemn my house.
Squidward: Sorry, SpongeBob. The law is the law. We can't just pick and choose which ones we follow.
Cop #1: (using megaphone) I'll request a commendation for you.
Squidward: Really?
Cop #1: (using megaphone) Right after we condemn your house.
Squidward: My house?
Cop #1: (using megaphone) Yes! It's as filthy as your neighbors.
SpongeBob: But isn't there anything we can do?
Cop #1: (using megaphone) You can evacuate the premises or throw away your junk.
SpongeBob: Throw them away?
Cop #1: (using megaphone. To Squidward) Thank you for the attempt, ma'am.
Squidward: Ma'am? It's a night shirt! (cops leave) This is all your fault. You have to get rid of your junk right now.
SpongeBob: I know. (sobs) I'm gonna miss them so much. (sobs more)
Squidward: You'll really miss them?
SpongeBob: No. I'll be strong. (sobs some more)
Squidward: Well, maybe you can take photos of all your junk-- uh, friends before you toss them away.
SpongeBob: That's a great idea, Squidward. Then years from now, I can look at the photos and remember my-- remember my precious little babies.
Squidward: Creepy. (cut to SpongeBob taking photos)
SpongeBob: Say "Barnacles!" (Squidward is helping SpongeBob take photos by holding items) That's it. Work it. (takes a pic) Nice. Very nice. (takes a pic) Now give me angry. (takes a pic) Amazing. Now look pouty, (takes a pic) now smug. (takes a pic) Oh, that's it. Beautiful! (takes a few more pictures. Cut to SpongeBob holding his hat as the garbage man takes all the garbage away. SpongeBob nudges Squidward and points to his hat)
Squidward: Oh, good grief. (takes his hat off)
SpongeBob: (shows a stack of cash to the garbage man) Your pay, my good man. (the garbage man takes the cash and gets into his truck) Goodbye, little friends. Have fun at the dump. (garbage truck drives off)
Squidward: Well, now that you completely ruined my day, once again, I'm going back to bed.
SpongeBob: All right, nighty-night.
Squidward: Idiot. (when he opens his door, a bunch of photos come out) What the...? (holding a picture of Pete) SpongeBob, why is my house filled with photos of your dumb junk?
SpongeBob: Oh, I forgot to tell you, I took so many pictures I ran out of room in my house. (opens his door and more photos come out, filling up both sides of their houses. Patrick comes floating in on top of the photos)
Patrick: (to Squidward) Nice dress.
Squidward: It's a night shirt!!
End