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Plankton's Regular

(at Chum Bucket)
Plankton: What is going on here?! (screams and rips off his skin. Karen comes out)
Karen: What's wrong now?
Plankton: Same as always. Look! Empty again!
Karen: So, what are you gonna do about it?
Plankton: I don't know anymore. (cries)
Karen: (mocks crying) Why don't you just work on a new recipe?
Plankton: What's the point? I haven't had a customer in years. (customer walks in)
Nat: Hello?
Plankton: Away with you! Can't you see that I'm self-loathing here?
Nat: Sorry, I just wanted a Chum Stick.
Plankton: What?!
Nat: Yes, I'd like one of your Chum Sticks.
Plankton: You're kidding right?
Nat: No, I'm serious. I want a Chum Stick.
Plankton: Uh, okay. If you insist. (hands him a Chum Stick and he eats it) Oh no! Please don't sue me.
Nat: Mm-mmm!
Plankton: I can't believe someone actually enjoys my Chum. (laughs)
Nat: Now this was so good, I'm going to have to come back, tomorrow. (hands Plankton some money) Here you go. See you in the morning. (walks off)
Plankton: (to Karen) Did you see that? I didn't even have to threaten his life. He loved it!
Karen: How'd you pull that off?
Plankton: Well it's simple. Finally someone came in who has good taste and he's coming back tomorrow! Excuse me, Karen, but i've got to whip up some more. (cut to Plankton coming out of the kitchen with a Chum Stick) Now, I wait. I wait until he returns. (hops up on to a stool and looks out one of the windows of the front door) I wait. I wait. I wait. I wait.
Narrator: 8 Hours Later. (Plankton is snoring on the Chum Stick. The alarm wakes him up)
Plankton: Huh? Nat? Hello? Huh? What? (the clock tolls) Ugh, it's closing time. I should have known it was too good to be true.
Nat: Hey!
Plankton: Well, hello, Nat.
Nat: I came back like I said yesterday.
Plankton: You certainly did, didn't you?
Nat: I'd like another Chum Stick, please?
Plankton: Well, it's your lucky day, Nat. I happen to have a quite delectable one, right here!
Nat: Oh, boy! (eats it)
Plankton: Is it okay?
Nat: Okay? It's perfection! (both laugh and give a high-five) Hey, how about I have another?
Plankton: You betcha. (gives him another one and eats it)
Nat: Ooh, boy! I cannot believe how good these things are.
Plankton: Ah, well, you know...
Nat: All right. See you tomorrow. (hand him another dollar)
Plankton: What? You're coming back again?
Nat: Oh, you know it! And the day after that. And the next week after that. You've got a regular customer on your hands. (walks out)
Plankton: Oh, my. This is amazing. At last, I've got my revenge! (laughs evily, then cuts to the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is laughing)
Mr. Krabs: ♪Rolling, rolling rolling. Money keeps on rolling along♪ (plays bowling with his coins and bills. Laughs) One more time! (sees Plankton on his stack of coins) No way, Plankton! You're not getting me formula this time or any time. (throws him on the counter, then gets a spoon, and crushes him)
Plankton: Don't bother. There's no need.
Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about?
Plankton: I'm just saying, I no longer need to copy you, Krabs. I've got my own winning recipe now.
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) You're really funny, man. You think you can compete with me? Look Plankton. Look at all these loyal customers. Loyal to me, Plankton. Not to you.
Nat: Hey, Plankton, can I get another one of your delicious Chum Sticks?
Plankton: But of course, loyal customer. (gets out of Mr. Krab's hand and onto Nat's hand) I'll see you later, loser. Much later! (laughs)
Mr. Krabs: Oh no! How can this be? Boy, front and center!
SpongeBob: Yes, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Plankton's trying to overthrow me business. He's got a customer that actually likes his food. You've gotta get that guy back on our side, with a couple of Krabby Patties.
SpongeBob: Oh, you can count on me, sir. (cut to Nat walking up to the Chum Bucket) Pardon me, you smart fellow. Down here. (SpongeBob is on the ground with Nat's feet in his face) Why settle for Plankton's lumpy Chum, when you can enjoy a steaming Krabby Patty, for free? (shows Nat a plate with the patty on it)
Nat: (sniffs it) Eww! No, thanks. (opens the door which peels off some of SpongeBob's face)
SpongeBob: Barnacles. (cut to SpongeBob sitting in a chair in front of the Krusty Krab. He's watching Nat walking down the street through binoculars) There he is. Just in time for breakfast. (SpongeBob walks down the street and then drops a rock) Oh, I am such a clumsy oaf. I sure hope nothing happens to this Krabby Patty as I step carefully over this rock here. (deliberately trips on rock) Oh, no! Too late! No! No! (tries to put the Krabby Patty into Nat's mouth but keeps missing) Oops. Oops! Oops. Oops! Oops. Oops! Oh, come on, Nat. Just one accidental bite! I see you're not hungry right now. But I'm telling you, that Krabby Patty is gonna make a great snack later.
Nat: Yeah, do me a favor. (rips off SpongeBob's pants and uses them as a napkin. Hands back his pants) From now on, keep those Shabby Patties to yourself. (walks off)
SpongeBob: Oh, fish paste. (cut to the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: Nat, back already? That's the fifth time today. Not that I'm surprised. Karen, babe, fetch Nat here another plate of that sweet Chum.
Karen: Yes, your Diminutiveness. (goes into the kitchen)
Plankton: Say, Nat, do you have any friends?
Nat: No. (Plankton hums then chuckles nervously)
Plankton: Would you hurry up with that Chum, Karen?
SpongeBob: (imitating Karen) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep your tiny pants on, Plankton. Bleep, bloop. (throws a Krabby Patty on top of Plankton) There's your Chum. Bleep, blap, blop.
Nat: Hey, this doesn't look like Chum.
Plankton: And that doesn't look like Karen. (SpongeBob looks like Karen as a computer)
SpongeBob: Why don't be ridiculous, my husband. Bleep, blap. Of course it's me.
Plankton: What have you done with Karen? You brute! (in the kitchen, Karen is taped up)
Nat: How many times do I have to tell you? I don't want to eat your trash. Plankton's chum is my favorite breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I love Chum! So, forget it. I don't want to eat anything else. (SpongeBob returns to normal, and speaks in normal voice)
SpongeBob: So you're saying that you love Chum? And all that you ever eat is Chum?
Nat: Yeah, that-that's right.
SpongeBob: Interesting. (walks off. Cut to Nat flushing the toilet and opening his trailer door to see a sign that says "Shortcut 2 Chum Bucket")
Nat: A shortcut to the Chum Bucket? Hmm. That must be for me. (whistles as he walks through the hole and into the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob & Mr. Krabs: Welcome, valued customer.
Nat: This isn't the Chum Bucket.
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Why go to the Chum Bucket when the Krusty Krab is adding tasty Chum to our menu?
Nat: That's ok. I only eat Chum Bucket brand Chum.
Mr. Krabs: But we've developed a special recipe for the most descerning Chum lovers. Besides, I locked all the exits until you give it a try. So, what do you say? (Nat gags and spits it out) You like it?
Nat: It's...
Mr. Krabs: Yeah?
Nat: It's... (coughs)
Mr. Krabs: Well, what do you think?
Nat: It's the second foulest thing I've ever tasted. (heaves on the floor) I'm going back to Plankton's Chum. (crawls away)
Mr. Krabs: What am I gonna do? I can't let Plankton have as much as one single customer. (sobs) I just can't afford it.
SpongeBob: I guess you'll have to make Chum that's as good as Plankton's.
Mr. Krabs: But to do that, I'd have to know how Plankton makes his Chum. Ooh. (gets an idea. His eyeballs turn into bright lightbulbs) That's it boyo! (cut to the Chum Bucket where Mr. Krabs, dressed in all black attire, torches an outline of him on the wall and walks through it) Where can it be? (notices a safe) There! Plankton's secret formula. (tries to open it) It's gotta be in here. (alarm goes off and then a giant spoons squishes him onto the floor)
Plankton: (laughs) What do you think Krabs, baby? This time I caught you trying to steal my secret formula. Ironic, isn't it?
Mr. Krabs: Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing. You see, crabs are not born with an innate inkling of irony.
Plankton: Ouch. Double irony!
SpongeBob: (picks Plankton up) Triple irony, Plankton! Though you nabbed Krabs trying to steal your formula, I'm still here to foil your evil plans, so it's like a dollop of irony on top of an ironic twist. (Plankton groans) I mean, just think about that. (Plankton presses a button on his remote) You know, in a weird way, it's like we never left the... (a second giant spoon squishes SpongeBob onto the floor)
Plankton: Good thing I sprang for the dual spoon installation.
Karen: Call it a computer's intuition but I sense your regular approaching, with an unusually large wad of cash.
Mr. Krabs: Look at all that loot.
Plankton: That's right, Krabs. And you're going to have to keep looking when my customer comes in and pays me for my Chum!
Mr. Krabs: Oh! Just put me out of me misery! (Nat walks in)
Plankton: Back for more of my delicious Chum, I see.
Nat: Not this time.
Mr. Krabs & Plankton: Huh?
Nat: Not ever again. (throws the wad of cash at Karen) The deal's off, computer. I can't eat another bite of that slop, no matter how much you pay me.
Plankton: (stammering) Huh?
Nat: I have eaten ten of those things and I've all ready had to go to the doctor, twice! (falls onto the floor in pain. Two medical fish come and put Nat on a gurney) If you need me, I'll be getting my stomach pumped. Again.
Plankton: What's the deal, Karen?
Karen: The deal, was that I payed Nat to eat your Chum, so you'd quit your constant complaining.
Plankton: All this time I never had one regular customer?
Karen: Uh, duh.
Plankton: Should have known! Why would anyone ever eat my slop?
Karen: (groans) There he goes again. Cut it out, Plankton.
Plankton: What? It's just obvious that i'm a complete failure, and wasted of a lower life form. Oh, woe is me. (sobs)
SpongeBob: Quickly, now is the time to beat a hasty retreat!
Mr. Krabs: What? And miss this? I've never enjoyed me self more! This irony's pretty good stuff. (laughs)
End