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Penny Foolish

(at Discount Grocery Mart where Mr. Krabs is at the counter getting groceries scanned)
Jennifer: Price check on industrial-size econopack of raw fiber.
Mr. Krabs: Ah, it goes in my steel wool, but comes out like an angel from heaven.
Jennifer: Please, tell me more.
Mr. Krabs: Oh...well, this one time I...
Jennifer: Not really.
Mr. Krabs: I didn't think so. Oh, wait! I almost forgot me coupons. (tosses a lot of coupons over her head) There's a couple double ones in there, too.
Jennifer: Sir, these expired over thirty years ago.
Mr. Krabs: What does that mean?
Jennifer: It means they're no good. Sir, I'll just throw those away for you.
Mr. Krabs: No, wait! I'll take 'em.
Jennifer: Okay, sir, your change today is going to be exactly ten cents.
Mr. Krabs: Come to papa! Come to papa! (two nickels slide out of machine) Yay! Two nickels. (cackling then notices SpongeBob walking by outside) Hey, that's SpongeBob out there. (SpongeBob makes some weird dance-like moves) What in blue blazes is that boy up to? (SpongeBob points to a penny on the ground and dances around it) Oh! (SpongeBob picks it up and puts it in his pocket then walks off) Well I'll be a geriatric jellyfish! SpongeBob found a penny. A bright, shiny penny just sitting there, and he picked it right up! Oh, I can remember the whole thing as if it just happened a moment ago. (thought bubble of what just happened)
SpongeBob: (in the thought bubble) Sir? Sir!
Jennifer: Sir.
Mr. Krabs: What?
Jennifer: You're holding up the line.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I am? (walks away)
Jennifer: Next please. (cuts to Mr. Krabs driving his boat at night)
Mr. Krabs: Interesting how things work out that way. Some folks just walk along and stumble over free money, while others... others... they work!
Billy: Hey mommy, who's that weird guy in the car over there.
Mom Fish: Billy, mommy's watching the road right now.
Mr. Krabs: I mean why couldn't I have just walked along and found it? I have legs too you know. (groans) How about a little music? (before touching the dial, the dial turns into a penny. Mr. Krabs gasps) Okay, okay, get a grip Krabs. Just concentrate on driving. (steering wheel turns into a penny. Mr. Krabs screams while letting go of the wheel then grabs the wheel again and hyperventilates) Okay. Getting all worked up over a little coin. (cackling) Oh, must just be the full moon. Wait a second. (the moon turns into a penny. Mr. Krabs screams) I gotta have that penny!! (cuts to next day at the Krusty Krab where SpongeBob walks in and stops as Mr. Krabs is staring at him) Good morning, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Good morning, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Find anything special lately?
SpongeBob: Ye-yes!
Mr. Krabs: Really?
SpongeBob: Yup!
Mr. Krabs: And you want to share it with your old Uncle Krabs, don't you boy?
SpongeBob: Of course!
Mr. Krabs: Great. Well, share it with me!
SpongeBob: (laughs) I already am sharing it with you, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Wh-what?
SpongeBob: The thing I found was a bright, shiny new day! Well, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. Morning, Squidward!
Squidward: Don't talk to me.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs seems to be in a good mood today.
Squidward: That counts as talking. (SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and when he closes the door, Mr. Krabs is staring at him again. This startles SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Whoa! Hello again, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Hello, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: What can I do you for?
Mr. Krabs: Can I borrow a penny?
SpongeBob: A penny? Sure! (checks his pocket) Oh. Sorry. All out of pennies right now.
Mr. Krabs: But did you check all your pockets?
SpongeBob: Well, I thought I did.
Mr. Krabs: Front pockets?
SpongeBob: (checks) Hmmm, no.
Mr. Krabs: Back?
SpongeBob: (checks) Uh-uh.
Mr. Krabs: Shirt pockets?
SpongeBob: (checks) Nada.
Mr. Krabs: Shoe pockets?
SpongeBob: (laughs) Shoe pockets! Oh, Mr. Krabs, that is just ridiculous.
Mr. Krabs: It is?
SpongeBob: Oh, I do have a tie pocket though. (checks) No, not in there either.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, maybe it fell in your sock.
SpongeBob: Well, I...
Mr. Krabs: Did you check there? (shakes SpongeBob upside-down) It's got to...got to be in somewhere! Just go to... Just got to... (SpongeBob's brain falls out on the floor) Uh...
SpongeBob: Hey look, it's my brain. (brain grows legs and walks away) Hey where's it going? (his brain squeezes through a crack and up and down Squidward) Oh, there! (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs chase the brain) There! Th-there! That way! Th-there!
SpongeBob & Mr. Krabs: I got it! I got it! (brains hides under a barrel but SpongeBob lifts it up)
SpongeBob: Aha! (brain hisses and then squirts liquid at his face) Ugh! (laughs) Not so fast, little guy. (cooing) There now. Yes, I know. Come here. (brain crawls back inside SpongeBob's head)
Mr. Krabs: Uh...
SpongeBob: What's the matter Mr. Krabs? Didn't you know I was a brain whisperer?
Mr. Krabs: So, uh... no penny, huh?
SpongeBob: Nope.
Mr. Krabs: Darn! (cut to later when SpongeBob is mopping around the front boat. SpongeBob hears a jackhammering and a drill)
SpongeBob:: Squidward, these deafening construction sounds are preventing me from working.
Squidward: Me, too.
SpongeBob: You think we should walk out back to investigate?
Squidward: Never. (SpongeBob and Squidward are walking out back)
SpongeBob: The sounds are coming from back here. What the...? (a sign that says "Movie Palace Grand Opening" is hanging above a theatre)
Mr. Krabs: Careful with those marquee letters!
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs. You made your own movie theater.
Mr. Krabs: Yes I did.
SpongeBob: Yay!
Mr. Krabs: And you're just in time for the grand opening. (pulls a lever that turns on all the lights) Step right up, folks, and witness a spellbinding tale chock-full of adventure, and action, and thrills! (two fish are walking by and when they do Mr. Krabs is speaking in dolphin)
Fish #1: You know, I'm not really hungry.
Fish #2: Yeah, let's go see what this fat guy is yelling about.
Mr. Krabs: Witness the terrifying challenges overcome by...by...
Fish #2: By who?
Mr. Krabs: by, uh... by a plucky young sponge.
SpongeBob: Just like me!
Mr. Krabs: That's right. And the best part is admission is only one penny.
Squidward: Does a movie like that even exist?
Fish #2: Yeah! Does it?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, well, actually I was going to show you this flip-book.
Squidward: A flip-book?
Fish #2: Yeah, I don't even know what that is. (everyone walks away)
Mr. Krabs: No! Wait! No!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, can I see the movie now? Please?!
Mr. Krabs: Of course you can lad! You just gotta give me one penny.
SpongeBob: But...
Mr. Krabs: But what?
SpongeBob: But... I really don't have a penny. (Mr. Krabs screams and then uses a bulldozer to destroy the movie theatre) Huh, that's too bad. I really wanted to see that movie. Oh well.
Squidward: (dressed up as a waiter) Good evening, (wold whistle) and (looks at a piece of paper) welcome to the (looks at paper again) Krusty Krab Semiannual Charity Night.
SpongeBob: Squidward, you look beautiful!
Squidward: Let me show you to your table.
SpongeBob: My table? Ooh! Fancy. (gasps) My very own name tag. (lights turn off as a light shines on Mr. Krabs. Squidward gasps as he's holding a flashlight on Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Hello, and welcome to a very important evening. Tonight's event is entitled "Pennies for the penniless." And, before the following images are shown, I would ask each of you to look not look with your eyes, but with your heart. (Mr. Krabs clicks a remote to show some images on a screen) Three dimes. Two nickels. One quarter. Zero pennies. As I realize the images seen here tonight may be wretchedly hideous, I am going to tell you what you can do to end this travesty. You can donate one penny to me-- Mr. Krabs, also known as Mr. Krabs: The Man Who Doesn't Have One. (Mr. Krabs starts sobbing and so does SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Yes?
SpongeBob: I would like to donate a penny.
Mr. Krabs: You would?
SpongeBob: If I only had one! (bawling. Mr. Krabs's eyes retract into his head as he screams. Scene cut to SpongeBob's house at night. A flower delivery truck is used to spy outside of his house by Mr. Krabs. He sputters)
Mr. Krabs: Penny. (sputtering) Penny. (mumbles as the pinging continues) Aha! (uses the periscope to view SpongeBob's door opening. He's panting as SpongeBob walks down the street) Now we... (Mr. Krabs goes inside SpongeBob's house using a metal detector, searching around for the penny) Hiding it somewhere. Hiding it... Hiding it... Hiding...it... (fridge door opens to a frozen Mr. Krabs) Hiding it!
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: Who's it? You! You know where!
Gary: Meow. (Mr. Krabs picks him up)
Mr. Krabs: Tell me where.
Gary: Meow.
Mr. Krabs: Hiding it inside! (Gary's eyes bulge as Mr. Krabs is checking inside his shell for the penny) In there. Somewhere! (SpongeBob walks in and gasps)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! What is this metal detector doing on the floor? These should only be stored on special racks. (gasps) And you're not wearing your metal detector handling gloves!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I-I-I just wanted that penny you found on the street yesterday. Oh, i'm sorry.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, that wasn't a penny! (laughs)
Mr. Krabs: It wasn't?
SpongeBob: No, that was just a dried-up piece of gum for my collection. I think it's peppermint.
Mr. Krabs: Aha! (cackling) Ooh! Oh-ho. I feel so relieved. There was no penny after all. Huh. Well, I'll be going now. You can keep the metal detector, SpongeBob. See ya!
SpongeBob: Thanks, Mr. Krabs. (door closes) Here, Gary, you can play with that. (Gary sniffs it then gives it a raspberry. Crawls away. The gum absorbs the spit) Hey, this isn't gum at all. (stretches it out to reveal a bill) It's just a dumb old $500 bill. This won't go with my chewed-up gum collection. Oh, well. Good night, Gary. (turns off the light. Zoom out showing Mr. Krabs digging holes outside of his house looking for the penny)
Mr. Krabs: Penny-- he must've buried it around here somewhere. I just have to keep digging.
End