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Lettuce Have Fun

Member Since 20 Jun 2018
Offline Last Active Today, 08:26 AM

About Me

Well, come to my twisted butthole!
I am your host for the evening, please get comfortable!
Over there is the State of Things, a place where situations may be absurd or outright in disarray, but never fear! I am here to hear your fears, while I sip my beers--just kidding, I do not drink on the job.

My job is to assist you into the role of Perfect Observer, which is one who watches, but never corrects. I am a massive ::dolphin noise:: with a GINORMOUS phobia of hurting people's feelings. It's an incredibly odd circumstance to be in.
OH GOD, did I just hurt your feelings?! No? Oh, good. I don't care.

Now, to the north, we have the Receptacle of Existence, which as you can see is a terrifying tin can, covered in rust, 500 feet tall, and with no bottom in sight. The thing penetrates all below it! It's a never-ending tube of disaster, loneliness, cold AND hot at the same time, ramen noodle addictions (which, no, I do not suffer from), the idea of grease, wet bandaids, and that weird thing that people do where they think dogs are not annoying, rude, and do not smell bad. It is a terrible tin can that you would never want to jump into. And a wonderful tourist attraction!

For our food options, we only have things available in theory. You have to embrace the theory of macaroni, which is a theory of an almost universal experience. Who among us has not eaten macaroni, at least as a child? It is unifying, and terrifying. You never know what will come out of the other end of those noodles. I feel so unprotected!!

I hope you enjoy your stay.


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  • Member Title Baby Clam
  • Age 25 years old
  • Birthday May 28, 1993
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