No one:
Is slick as Gaston
Is quick as Gaston
Has a neck as incredibly thick as Gaston
Has been like Gaston
Is a king pin like Gaston
Has a swell cleft in their chin like Gaston
Fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wresting match bites like Gaston
Has chest hair like Gaston
Hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match spits like Gaston
Is as good at expectorating like Gaston
Eats 5 dozen eggs like Gaston
Is the size of a barge like Gaston
Shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
Goes stomping around wearing boots like Gaston
Falls to their death like Gaston
Has muscles like Gaston