Episode rewrite

CherrySponge

There can only be one 'Jellyfishing King!'
Joined
Jan 23, 2017
Messages
384
Likes
164
Location
Fighting against 'The Pods' with my good friends '
Sportz? with slightly less scenes, less Sandy and more interaction between the Conch Street neighbours. Squidward's lines are somewhat less...harsh. SpongeBob and Patrick know what sports are. The competition has a different feel to it.

Total line count for each character:
SB: 35
Patrick: 23
Squidward: 21
Sandy: 2
Gary: 1
SB and Patrick: 3

[SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob and Patrick are pushing a bin out through the door and on to the curb.]
SpongeBob: Whew!
[A delivery truck drops a package on the curb.]
SpongeBob: Ooh, what's that?
Patrick: It looks like...a BOX!
SpongeBob: Wonder who it belongs to. Maybe it says on the other side.
Patrick: Nope.
Both: It doesn't.
SpongeBob: Great minds do think alike, after all. [They both grin at each other.]
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, I just noticed it's open.
SpongeBob: It is?
Patrick: Yup. Sure is.
SpongeBob: Ooh. Ah. Well, would ya look at this? It's-it's-it's sports equipment!
Patrick: Ha, ah, I knew that. Totally! Uh-what do you do with sports equipment?
SpongeBob: TONS of stuff, buddy. Like...
Both: Uh...
SpongeBob: Sudden brainwave.
[The scene changes to SpongeBob's library.]
For instance, have you ever heard of the knocking-a-book-off-a-shelf event?
Patrick: Sure haven't! But it sounds great.
SpongeBob: Let me give you an example.
[SpongeBob throws a golf club at the wall and a few books fall on Patrick's head.]
Patrick: Hey! SpongeBob, you're hitting me with all those heavy books.
SpongeBob: Oops. Sorry.
[The scene changes to SpongeBob's kitchen.]
Patrick: Ooh, ooh, I know, I know! This is the whipped cream event.
SpongeBob. [laughs] No, Patrick, because we're talking about sports. There's no such thing.
Patrick: Well, to me there is.
SpongeBob: Let's invent it!
Both: Yeah!
[They both eat whipped cream from two bowling balls. The scene changes to SpongeBob's living room.]
SpongeBob: And this event is my favourite of all.
Patrick: Does it have something to do with your snail?
SpongeBob: Heck, no! I would never hurt Gary or use him for cheap entertainment! This is the classic game of find-Gary-a-new-bed.
Patrick: Fancy.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: He says you're a very good friend to me, Patrick.
Patrick: Heh...what does that mean?
[The scene changes to Squidward's house. Squidward is getting himself lunch.]
Squidward: Oh, it may have taken you all morning, Squidward, but this is a meal fit for a fabulous cephalopod. Such as myself. [smiles as a tennis ball flies through his window] Drat! I know I shouldn't have left that window open. SpongeBob! Patrick! What do you two think you're doing?
SpongeBob: I fancy some kar-ah-tay!
Patrick: Right behind ya, buddy!
SpongeBob: Now let's-
Squidward: Stop! Stop, stop, stop! Please, I strongly advise you not to go any further with your so called kar-ah-tay, because you'll wreck something else!
SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Squidward. Such as?
Squidward: [groans] My window.
SpongeBob: Oh! I must've been pretty stupid to forget about your window.
Squidward: You can say that again. Well, what are you waiting for?! Get that dumb equipment of my garden!
SpongeBob: It's not dumb! It creates the most fabulous games. If only you knew. Me and Patrick have been having so much fun lately.
Patrick: Yeah. Trying to figure stuff out.
Squidward: Well, if you two are so super dedicated to your sports, how's about I challenge you?
SpongeBob: Ooh! I like a challenge.
Patrick: It's a deal.
Squidward: Good. [grins as they all shake hands.] The first game is the horseshoe toss. [muttering to himself] I'll be sure to win this.
Patrick: Great choice, Squidward.
SpongeBob: Okay, so who goes first?
Squidward: You, if you like. But, oh! I forgot the most important part of the game. There's this one rule that everyone has to follow. You have to do it blindfolded.
SpongeBob: [eyes get bigger] Really?
Squidward: Yes. You want to play by the rules, don't you?
SpongeBob: Uh, yeah, kinda, heh.
Squidward: Go ahead, then. [smiles at him as he walks forward.]
SpongeBob: [picks up the horseshoe, but then hesitates] Are you SURE about this, Squidward?
Squidward: YES!
SpongeBob: Okay, okay! [tosses it] Woo! Ten points!
Squidward: [in his mind] That's not a bad start. It's a truly treacherous thought, but what if SpongeBob wins instead of me?
[Time lapse to the next game.]
I'm sure you two are familiar with ice-skating. It's a favourite in Bikini Bottom. So if you get it wrong, you'll have to pa-uh, I mean, get help from me.
Patrick: Sounds terrible.
SpongeBob: Really terrible.
Squidward: Ready, set, skate!
SpongeBob: Ooh! It's started! We'd better not waste any time, Patrick. Hey, Patrick, how are you doing that?
Patrick: Practice. [the camera zooms out far enough for us to see Patrick doing tricks with only his tongue to support him.]
Squidward: [in his mind] They're incredible. Could it be...I'll have to admit defeat?
SpongeBob: Woo! Nice one, Pat!
Patrick: It takes guts, doesn't it, SquarePants?
Squidward: Oh, brother...
[Time lapse to the final game.]
No one is better at basketball than the true professionals.
SpongeBob: You said it! I'd still sure like to give it a try.
Patrick: Me too!
Squidward: [stressed] Okay, out on to the field. And don't forget the rules.
SpongeBob: [stops walking] Nice try, Squidward. Basketball doesn't have any rules. It's just for fun.
Squidward: [gasp] What makes you invertebrates think it's "just for fun"? This is a proper competition, and there have been rules applied to every single last game!
SpongeBob: [hesitates] Guess I can't argue with that.
Patrick: Me neither.
Squidward: [wiping brow] Phew. I'm still in, thank Neptune.
SpongeBob: What was that? Afraid we'll wipe you out?
Squidward: No, I said nothing just then! Nothing!
SpongeBob: [taunting face] I think I'm even more eager to play now, aren't you, Patrick?
Patrick: He already looks like he needs a rest.
Squidward: That's it! [angrily, he throws the basketball into the air but to his surprise it goes through the net] I-I did it! I actually won something! Victory is mine! Ha-ha! [does victory dance]
SpongeBob: [confused] Wait. You signed us up to these fun-tastic games, hoping you would win every one? That's not really how sports work, Squidward.
Squidward: I just wanted a competition, and you two morons got one! Besides, technically you should be happy, because you've still won more games than me!
Patrick: Well, we are. But we want you to have the winning cup. Because you're our friend.
Squidward: Me?
SpongeBob: Of course! Who else would we give it to? [Sandy is walking by]
Sandy: Well, that's mighty generous. But I think I would be just as happy to recieve a trophy like that.
SpongeBob: Today, everyone's a winner! [everyone but Sandy cheers]
Sandy: Not if I challenge one of you!
Everyone sans Sandy: Actually, that can wait... [they all leave in a hurry]
The end
:sbhappy:
 

Depressed Luigi

Dead Inspector
Joined
Jul 18, 2015
Messages
1,713
Likes
1,717
It's better than the original episode at least.

Anyway, once I get the chance I'll make a rewritten version of A Pal for Gary.
 

CherrySponge

There can only be one 'Jellyfishing King!'
Joined
Jan 23, 2017
Messages
384
Likes
164
Location
Fighting against 'The Pods' with my good friends '
You definitely should.
Although, I quit submitting my works here because they ignore it, I don't get feedback either.
I'm slightly afraid that mine will get ignored too, but I will still submit because I actually really enjoy doing them. Thanks for the reply.


Wintermelon43 said:
It's better than the original episode at least.
Anyway, once I get the chance I'll make a rewritten version of A Pal for Gary.
Thank you, that feels good to hear. A rewritten version of A Pal for Gary...pfft, we could do with one of those!!
 
Back
Top