“SpongeBob meets God”
A/N: I wrote this after wondering what would happen if SpongeBob died and had a near-death experience. It was inspired by the CreepyPasta called “An Egg.” Naturally, this story is philosophically controversial and very odd, but I find it somewhat thought provoking nevertheless and I hope you do too.
Summary: SpongeBob dies and meets God.
SpongeBob SquarePants had lived a very long and very happy life. He was now a really old sponge, 100 years old, and he was finally ready to die. The old sponge was in his pineapple home on his deathbed. He was surrounded by his friends, who were either around his age or even older. Everyone was both sad and happy, sad because they would never see SpongeBob again and happy that they knew him for so long. The old people Patrick Star, Sandy Cheeks, Gary the snail, Squidward Tentacles, Mr. Eugene Krabs, and even Sheldon Plankton were by his side. They said their final goodbyes and told him to not be afraid because he would go to Heaven after he died and he would meet God, so there was nothing for him to fear in the valley of the shadow of Death. But SpongeBob wasn’t fully sure if he would go to Heaven, if there was a God, and if he might simply lose consciousness forever and return to the primordial matter from which he arose, or reincarnate as an ugly duck or a beautiful swan in another life, or worse meet the Devil in the afterlife and burn in Hell like Hitler. After saying his final goodbyes, SpongeBob SquarePants finally simply accepted his fate and died.
After he died, SpongeBob felt like his soul, a tiny ball of light, flew out of his dead spongy body. The freed soul then traveled through a dark tunnel, an infinite void of darkness and nothingness, toward an even greater, overwhelming sphere of Light beyond. SpongeBob had heard of near-death experiences before, but he had never taken them very seriously. But now SpongeBob knew the truth. He was dead, and he was going to meet his Maker. Soon SpongeBob’s soul met the Light, and SpongeBob spoke to God. Oddly, they did not speak with voices since they had no mouths, but they seemed to communicate telepathically by thoughts.
SpongeBob: “Where am I? Is this Heaven? Who are you? Am I dead? Are you God? I know it will be somewhat annoying, but will you answer all my questions about life, the universe and everything?”
God: “Yes, you are dead. Yes, I am God. Yes, this is Heaven. And I don’t mind answering all your questions. I do it for everyone else. We have all the time in the world for that, and I have all the answers you will ever need.”
SpongeBob: “Okay, then, why did I die? And which God are you? You don’t look like Neptune to me.”
God: “You died just like all living things die. You were mortal, finite, and temporary just like all my creations. Only I am immortal and infinite. And I am all Gods. I am all Gods in one. No one people or ideology could fully understand me in all my glory, so that is why so many people have different and partial views about me, both partially right and partially wrong. Only I can know myself fully. Only I can have the God’s eye view of all things.”
SpongeBob: “Well, that makes sense, I guess. Does everyone meet you when they die?”
God: “Yes, everyone meets me when they die. But at the same time, everyone and everything is already within me all the time, living or dead. All things are like the atoms and cells of my body, so we can never be separated. Though my parts change and decay and grow and regenerate, my body remains forever.”
SpongeBob: “But what are you made of…are you Light? Surely, you are all good? Surely, you contain no evil and darkness? That’s why you are Light, and the Void surrounding us is darkness.”
God: “Don’t you understand? I am everything. The Void beyond me is literally nothingness. I shine like an all-powerful Light because I am the total collection of everything, all worlds and peoples are within me. They give me my infinite power and beauty. I am all good, all evil, and beyond good and evil. Ultimately, I am pure knowledge and bliss because I am and I know all things. That is why I am called God. You return to me because you came from me just like everything else.”
SpongeBob: “Sorry, I don’t understand. If you are God, and everything is a part of you, then does that mean I am a part of you too? My soul is a part of God.”
God: “Yes, that’s exactly what it means. You are a part of God, you are not fully God, I am fully God but you are a necessary finite part of my infinite being.”
SpongeBob: “Oh, that’s very interesting. So what happens now then? Does my soul get to stay in Heaven for all the good things I’ve done or does it go to Hell for all the bad things I’ve done? I’m just dying to know.”
God: “Neither. You create your own heavens and your own hells. You are your own judge. I will not judge you. You must judge the worth and importance of your own life.”
SpongeBob: “Really? But how do I do that?”
God: “You must relive your life, but now you must see your life from everyone else’s perspective. You must become everyone else to fully judge how well you lived.”
SpongeBob then involuntarily left the Light and suddenly relived his entire life over from his birth to his death. But his soul not only inhabited his own body and felt his own feelings and sensations, but inhabited the bodies of others and felt their feelings and sensations. His soul became everyone in Bikini Bottom that he ever interacted with and he experienced his actions in life from their point of view. He saw and felt how much joy and love he brought to his friends, especially to Patrick, Sandy, Gary, and Mr. Krabs. He also saw how much frustration and suffering he brought to them, especially to Squidward and Plankton. Likewise, he became everyone else in Bikini Bottom to learn how much pleasure and happiness and how much pain and sorrow he brought to everyone else every day of his entire life. After having his life review, SpongeBob felt so conflicted about his past life. He loved and hated himself so much for all he had done for good and for harm and all that he had failed to do for better and for worse. After returning to the Light after reliving his life, SpongeBob resumed his conversation with God.
SpongeBob: “Wow, I did so many good things, but I also did so many bad things. I had so many successes, but I also had so many failures. I am proud of so many things I did, but I also regret so many things. I don’t know if I hate or love myself more. But overall, I just don’t understand what I was supposed to learn from my whole life. What did it all mean?”
God: “You do not learn from your life. I learn from your life. I learn from all of my creation because I become all of my creation. Although I experience all good and evil, all happiness and suffering, I can handle all the overwhelming pain and joy because I can never be destroyed since I am all. I am the smallest atoms, the greatest galaxies, the smallest and biggest plants and animals. I became the universe after I created it, and slowly, painfully, progressively through you and through everything else I learn about myself. I learn about my own abilities, what I can do with my great powers. In the end, I become fully conscious and aware of exactly who I am through experiencing myself in infinitely many forms and ways. You are only one of those forms that I have used to fully become conscious of myself, to discover who I am, and to achieve all I possibly could. I have created innumerable life forms, innumerable worlds, innumerable universes, and although there are many flaws and imperfections in my creations, every time they get better, every time they become more complex, every time they achieve a higher level of consciousness and power after I create and become them one after the other, until finally I achieve the state of perfect awareness and understanding of all things, and thus, come to know that I am and always have been God.”
SpongeBob: “Oh my God, it all makes sense now. I think I finally understand everything. I finally understand what it all means, who I really am, and who you really are. My soul is not separate from you. It is not my soul, it is your soul, the soul of all, temporarily inhabiting my body for the duration of my life and now that I am dead I am reunited with the Over Soul again. You and I are one again, and we always were one. But now I have to go back, don’t I? I can’t stay with you in the Light forever right? I have to live again.”
God: “Yes, only I exist, and everything is merely a particle of my boundless being, including you. I am everything, and I am infinite. You must go back, I must go back. This whole conversation is merely me talking with myself, reflecting on what it was like to temporarily become a sponge. But this time I will not become SpongeBob SquarePants again. I have already done that and learned what I needed to learn from your life. This time I must reincarnate as a giant sea scorpion in the prehistoric seas. I know there is much I can learn from that beast, just like I learn from everything else all the time.”
SpongeBob: “And when you say that you reincarnate, you really mean that you become all things but you can only do so one at a time.”
God: “Yes, one at a time, one after the other. That’s the way it has always been and the way it will always be. I grow and mature through you and through the multiverse, so your universe is like a fish egg through which I am fully born. That’s all it is, just a fish egg.”
SpongeBob: “A fish egg?”
God: “Just one big fish egg. So are you ready to go back, SpongeBob? Are you ready to leave the Light? You won’t be SpongeBob anymore, now you’ll be something else entirely. But remember that I will always be with you, because you and I are one, and I love you.”
SpongeBob: “I’m ready. I know you love me and are one with me, God, and I love you too.”
And so SpongeBob’s soul, his tiny fraction of God, went back into our universe, our little fish egg, to become another life form and to live a new life.