Under My Rock

[Stinkoman 20X6]

Under My Rock
Written by
PokDouglas

Directed by
PokDouglas

Not to be Confused With
"Under My Rock" by SquidwardLover

Anything Else I Forgot
PokDouglas

We cut to the outside of Patrick's rock, early morning, as the UMR music started.

Patrick was asleep in his bed. He instantly woke up.

Patrick: (as he's walking)
♪It's where you'll,
Alwyas find me,
If you're waking,
Right behind me!♪

♪Where is it?
Please remind me,
Oh, yeah!♪

*jumps on top of attena*
♪Under My Rock!
Under My Rock!♪

He hopped off and pulled out a list.

Patrick: Alright, what's on my to-do list today? (reading list) Wake SpongeBob up. Stare at rock with SpongeBob. Eat lunch in rock. Stare at rock with SpongeBob and Stevie. Play inside rock. Eat dinner in rock. Go to bed in rock.

We cut to SpongeBob asleep in his bed. Patrick's head popped in through the window.

Patrick: HI, SPONGEBOB!!!!!!

SpongeBob sprang out of bed and crashed into the cieling.

SpongeBob: (falls back onto bed) Patrick, please don't do that.

*bubble transition*

SpongeBob and Patrick were at Pat's driveway, admiring Patrick's rock.

Patrick: Isn't my rock so special?
SpongeBob: It sure is.
Patrick: It's big, strong...*suddenly becomes musuclar*...and manly!!!

We suddnely see him high in the heavens big and muscular as he throws lightning bolts down the earth ala Thor. We go back to reality to show he was imagining it.

Patrick: (laughing insanely) I am Thor, God of Thunder!
SpongeBob: Patrick, you're getting carried away again.
Patrick: Oh, sorry.

Next scene: Mr. Timbacks!

Believe it or not, that whole Thor reference is actually foreshadowing to much much much much later fic (so much later I haven't even revealed it in Make Your Own Episode yet).

 

[SpOnGeFaN818]

Patrick: Alright, what's on my to-do list today? (reading list) Wake SpongeBob up. Stare at rock with SpongeBob. Eat lunch in rock. Stare at rock with SpongeBob and Stevie. Play inside rock. Eat dinner in rock. Go to bed in rock.

Nice list.

 

[SquidwardLover]

Nice. Oh and thank you for inclduding the not confuzed thing whatever.

I like the beginning. Like "Best Day Ever"

 

[SpOnGeFaN818]

I can't wait to see Mr. Timback's second appearence.

 

[patrick2403]

Really great! -_-

 

[Stinkoman 20X6]

Mr. Timbacks

Patrick: Hey, I know! Let's take pictures of it!
SpongeBob: Oh, no problem. I'll just run home and get my camera...
Patrick: No need, I'll go get it.

On his way down the road to SpongeBob's, he bumepd into Mr. Timbacks from From Here to Geek.

Patrick: Ah, it's the tax collector!!!
Mr. Timbacks: (as SpongeBob walks over) Actually, I'm a real-estate agent. I sell houses to people. So um, where do you live, my good obese man?
Patrick: Over there. (poitns to his rock)
Mr. Timbacks: You...live under a rock?
Patrick and SpongeBob: Yup.
Mr. Timbacks: What kind of idiot sold THAT to you?!
Patrick: I built it myself.
Mr. Timbacks: You're kidding me.
Patrick: (shows his hands, which are scarred and bandaged) Yeah, it was a lotta hard work, but I did it!
Mr. Timbacks: Certainly you do not realize the property values of livin'...in the ground under a giant paperweight. *flashes up a chart* You see, if the house does not have a contract on it, you will have no morgage to pay and that will certainly get you in trouble with the IRS*. Then again, nobody's safe when it comes to the IRS.
Patrick: I don't get it.
Mr. Timbacks: It's all simple real-estate inferences made by assumption and (muttering) past expieriences. Stupid cable company. (speaking normally) What have you been living under a rock?
Patrick: (takes a quick glance at his rock) Is that supposed to be funny to you?

Mr. Timbacks pondered for a minute.

Mr. Timbacks: Well, here's a deal you'll probably like. Follow me.

He led them at the other side of town to the most beautiful mansion they had ever seen. (click here)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoooooaaaa.
SpongeBob: Big.
Patrick: Purple.
Mr. Timbacks: Like the swimming pool? The water is 100% sparkling clear. See that cyndracil blue building? Inside is the biggest water slide you'll ever see in your pathetic little lives!
Sponge and Pat: Woooooww!!!
Mr. Timbacks: There's also a tennis court in the backyard, plus an automated kitchen, a pet playroom, and a huge attic, plus a hi-def plasma screen TV and a huge computer and a Temper-Peadick** bed. So, will you buy it?
Patrick: Well, that is cool, (in Mr. Timbacks's face) but I wouldn't give up my rock for anything! NOTHING!!!
Mr. Timbacks: Okay, how about as well as this luxurious mansion, I also thrown in, um...this half-eaten doughnut I just found on the ground?
SpongeBob: Is it jelly-filled?
Mr. Timbacks: (inspects the doughnut) Probably.
Patrick: Oooh, tough choice. Hmmmm....
Mr. Timbacks: Okay, I'll throw in this mansion, this doughnut, and uh...

He pulled out a rubber band and nailed it to the mailbox.

Mr. Timbacks: ..this rubber band!
Patrick: (snapping rubber band repeatedly) Ooh, rubber band. The ultimate source of joy...and pain.
Mr. Timbacks: ...So? Huh? Huh?
Patrick: It' so very tempting, but the answer is still no. (points to the rubber band) Can I still have the rubber band?
Mr. Timbacks: (grits teeth) I'll get you to buy this house! Just watch me! (stomps back to the mansion and does a double-take) Aaaghh!!!

Patrick immediately went back to snapping the rubber band as a BTTNS*** appeared.

Next scene: That Night!

*I don't much abut real estate and morgage mumbo jumbo, so I'm just guessing all that. If it's inaccurate, please don't eat me. :no:
**Tempur-Pedic mattresses.
***"BTTNS" means "Bubble Transition To Next Scene". In the case of a half-hour special (such as this one), there'll be a BTTCB/Bubble Transition To Commerical Break, meaning that if it were a real episode, the BT would bring us to a commercial break.

 

[SquidwardLover]

Nice!

 

[SpOnGeFaN818]

Patrick: Well, that is cool, (in Mr. Timbacks's face) but I wouldn't give up my rock for anything! NOTHING!!!
Mr. Timbacks: Okay, how about as well as this luxurious mansion, I also thrown in, um...this half-eaten doughnut I just found on the ground?
SpongeBob: Is it jelly-filled?
Mr. Timbacks: (inspects the doughnut) Probably.
Patrick: Oooh, tough choice. Hmmmm....

I saw that in the commercial, and it never gets old.

 

[Stinkoman 20X6]

That Night!

It was now nighttime. We cut to Patrick tossing and turning in his rock.

Patrick: Zzzzzzzzzz.....aren't sha gla....zzzzzzzzz.....

A grappling hook burst into the cieling. Mr. Timbacks swung down from it in a ninja suit.

Mr. Timbacks: (takes off his mask; whispering) If I can deface his entire rock, that'll probably convince him to buy my mansion!

Then the grappling hook snapped and he crashed onto the ground.

Patrick: (wakes up) Invisible shiny Bulbasaur!* (falls back asleep)
Mr. Timbacks: (phews) Time to get to work.

He pulled out a bamboo stick and started jabbing the cieling with it. This caused the cieling to loosen and crack. Jus tone small mvoement would send the whole thing tumbling down.

Next, he snuck over tho the bed. Using a PokDouglas-style chaisnaw, he sawed a hole in Patrick's bed. He then pulled out all the springs and replaced them with a huge rough boulder. Patrick showed signs of discomfort.

Patrick: Porcupine in a balloon shop....zzzzzzz.....

Mr. Timbacks then did the worst thing yet. He completely ruined Patrick's quilt. He cut holes it it, discolored it with cherry soda, teared some of the cotton out, and ruffed it up. It now looked like it was 59 years old.

Mr. Timbacks snuck out of the rock, snickering.

Narrator: THE NEXT MORNING

We cut to the outside of Patrick's house.

Patrick: (from inside) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From inside, the scream caused the cieling to fall down on Patrick. He came out of his rock, dusty, torn up, covered in pieces of rock, and holding his quilt. Mr. Timbacks and SpongeBob walked over.

Mr. Timbacks: (reading card) Oh, wow. Your home sure is a wreck. Why don't you move into that mansion instead? I'm 102% sure that there is no cieling problems with the water slide.
Patrick: (points to Mr. Timbacks) You...you. I don't like...you. You defaced my home, put a rock in my bed to give me nightmares about invisible sparkling bulb creatures, and worst of all...*pulls out his quilt* You tore up my favorite quilt! (tears start to form) My grammy made this quilt for me, and it's all I have left of her.

He ran into SpongeBob's house (through the wall) crying.

SpongeBob: (turns to Mr. Timbacks) Now you've really done it.
Mr. Timbacks: Does this mean he won't buy the mansion?
SpongeBob: With an attitude like yours, I don't even think he'd buy that hat!
Mr. Timbacks: Hey, my dad bought me this hat...(tears start to form)...right before he went to the military and never came back!

He ran into SpongeBob's house (through the wall) crying.

SpongeBob: No amount of therapy will ever make this moment okay.

Next scene: I Gots an Idea!

*In Pokmon Diamond/Pearl, there is a glitch Pokmon in the Oreburgh Mine. It is named "Invisible Shiny Bulbasaur" because it has no spirte, lets out a "shiny Pokmon" sparkle, and has a Bulbasaur's cry.

 

[SquidwardLover]

Yikes. Such emotional chappy.

 

[patrick2403]

Simply awesome!

 

[Stinkoman 20X6]

I Gots an Idea!

We cut to SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob and Stevie were playing Battleboats.

Stevie: OK, um, um um, 2...B?
SpongeBob: Uh, no-no-no, it's not 2-B...
Stevie: Drat!*

SpongeBob slapped his head. Patrick came in, plugging his ears as Mr. Timbacks followed him.

Mr. Timbacks: Can't we just come to a deal? What if I gave you a pet rock to love and care for? Come on! Isn't there something we can work out!
Patrick: (as Timbacks is talking) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! (once Timbacks finishes talking; in hiss face) Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Timbacks started to walk out.

Mr. Timbacks: Fine, I'll leave you alone to come to a decision. But mark my words, without a proper home, you're gonna end up like...that guy!

He pointed to the Poor Guy, who was digging in a trash can. He pulled out a pea.

Poor Guy: Here we go! That'll make a good dinner. (pulls out a carcass) And this'll probably feed my kids for a week! (walks away) Who am I kidding? My life is over.

Patrick slammed the door on him.

Stevie: (walks over) Wow. First he calls me a "pet", and now he's trying to get rid of your house? Man, I hate that Mr. Dimbanks.**
SpongeBob: I know. It would probably take a whole big musical number to show him that Patrick doesn't want to sell his house!

Behind Patrick, he walked over and turned the lamp on. From the angle the camera was on, the lamp looked like it was over Patrick's head, thus resulting in the old cartoony "lightbulb-over-head' trick.

Patrick: Wait a minute! I gots an idea!
Stevie: (turns to SpongeBob) Ten bucks says he wants us to produce a big musical number with him.

BTTNS.

Next scene: Under My Rock!

*In case you didn't get it, Stevie said it wrong. it's supposed to be "letter, number" in the real Battleship. SpongeBob was correcting him, but Stevie thought he was denying that spot.
**Continuation of the running joke from From Here to Geekp where Stevie kept mispronouncing Mr. Timbacks's name.

 

[SpOnGeFaN818]

Looks like there is gonna be a big musical number.

 

[Stinkoman 20X6]

Under My Rock!

Patrick walked up to Mr. Timbacks.

Patrick: Hey, there, Mr. Rimhanks.
Mr. Timbacks: It's...Timbacks.
Patrick: Yeah, gab-gab. Anyway, I have made my decision!
Mr. Timbacks: Great!
Patrick: But first, can I show you something?

He pushed Mr. Timbacks to the driveway and faced him towards the rock.

Mr. Timbacks: What are we looking at?

The Under My Rock music started to play. We cut to SpongeBob on bass guitar and Stevie on drums. Patrick jumped up onto his rock and pulled out a microphone. A spotlight shone over him, courtesy of Stevie.

Patrick:
♪It's where you'll,
Always find me,
If you're walking,
Right behind me!
Where is it?
Please remind me,
Oh, yeah!♪

Everytime Patrick does the "Under My Rock, Under My Rock" lyric, over the first lyric, the words "Under My Rock" pop out in front of the image of the rock (similar to the "Rock" lyric from Goofy Goober Rock).

The second lyric displays Patrick spinning around in front of a flashing-inverted image of the rock.

♪Under My Rock!
Under My Rock!♪

He took Mr. Timbacks through a tour of his home.

♪Here's the bed that I lie in
Laugh and sigh and cry in
Or eat a piece of pie in♪
*throws a pie in Mr. Timbacks's face*

♪Under My Rock!
Under My Rock!♪

Now this is where it started to get fancy. We go to a limbo set of just Patrick and his rock in a blue-lit background, similar to the first limbo set of the VeggieTales song "BellyButton". Thousands of SpongeBobs and Stevies were behind them in grandstands, acting as the "Under My Rock" backup singers.

♪It's cold and hard and kind of gray,
It's the only place I'll ever stay,
*fridge appears*
Got snacks in the fridge and a telephone, *takes a telephone out of the fridge*
In this stone that I call home♪

Patrick: Let's rock!

Back in reality, Patrick was now dressed live a heavy metal rocker. He grabbed an electric guitar, hopped on top of his rock, and started playing the jazzy guitar solo in the middle of the song.

We go back to the limbo set. All the objects Patrick mentions start falling near him.

♪I got a welcome mat and dirty socks,
A sink, a table, and a secret box,
Myself and me can be alone,
In the stone that I call home!♪

Patrick: Oh, yeah.

We go back to the tour with Mr. Timbacks. He showed Mr. Timbacks to his green chair in front of the TV.

♪That's the chair I sometimes doze on,
*pulls a tissue out of the box in the nearby nightstand*
The hankie I blow my nose on... *blows nose* Eww.
*turns the TV on*
Hey, my favorite show's on!♪

♪Under My Rock!
Under My Rock!♪

Mr. Timbacks and Patrick walked out of the rock.

♪Well, I guess that completes our tour,
*pulls out a wooden door*
So let me show you to the door,
That's all, there ain't no more.♪

♪Under My Rock!
Under My Rock!♪

Patrick: (points to the rock) Boys, take it home!

We go back to the limbo set. Now fireworks started as Spongey and Stevie kept doing the backup singing.

Patrick: Oh, I already am home! (leans onto his rock) Yup, it's where we are. Still here. (in Mr. Timbacks's face) Heh, this is prime real estate, baby! (points to his rock) Oh yeah. Everything I need, I got right here. I don't need to go anywhere else.

A hat rack appeared next to him.

Patrick: It ain't much, but it's a place to hang my hat. Well, I don't wear a hat. But I wear shorts! I can hang my shorts there! Stand back, I'm taking 'em off.

He ripped off his shorts. Mr. Timbacks and the thousands of SB's and Stevie's dashed offscreen (even though you could still hear the backup singing).

It eventually faded back to reality where Mr. Timbacks, SpongeBob, and Stevie were just staring at Patrick where he was oviously enjoying himself.

Patrick: ♪There it is...there it is...there-♪
SpongeBob: (walking over) Uh, Patrick, the song's over.
Patrick: Oh, right. (laughs nervously) Sorry.

He walked voer to Mr. Timbacks.

Patrick: So, Mr. Whiphacks, what do you say?
Mr. Timbacks: (sigh) Fine. It's apparent to me that you seem to be happy here.
Sponge, Stevie, and Patrick: Hurray!
Patrick: Well, this story's warapping up quite nicely.
Mr. Timbacks: I guess I'll just have to sell this mansion to someone else.

Producer Randy walked over eating some nachos.

Randy: (mouth full) I'll take it.
Mr. Timbacks: Sold!
Randy: Yay! (runs towards the mansion) Finalmente, un hogar a llamar mi muy posee! Oh, da feliz! {Finally, a home to call my very own! Oh, happy day!}

End of Under My Rock (the story)

 

[Band Geek]

End of Under My Rock (the story)

From the way you worded that, that means there's still a catch to it. :P

 

[SpOnGeFaN818]

Okay, I did not see that part coming. Nice suprise. :P