The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star

JCM

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this used to be a pretty popular fanfic on a website but that website got shut down so i'm reposting it here



Patrick Comes Out Of His Rock

(Patrick's rock opens and Patrick walks out.)
Patrick: (yawns) What a wonderful day! Don't you think so, rock?
SpongeBob: Patrick?
Patrick: Rock! You're finally talking back! And you sound just like my friend, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: That's because it is me, Patrick!
Patrick: SpongeBob! You've turned into a rock?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick! I'm right behind you.
(Patrick turns around and sees SpongeBob.)
Patrick: SpongeBob!
(What a twist!)
 

JCM

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Patrick Meets the President
(Patrick and SpongeBob walk into the Krusty Krab and see President Trump eating there.)
Patrick: Who's the guy with the orange skin?
SpongeBob: That's the president of the United States, Patrick!
Patrick: What's the United States?
SpongeBob: What's the United States? It's the home of the brave, land of the free!
Patrick: What does that mean?
SpongeBob: I don't know. It's some landmass. Hey, Mr. President! It's me, the fry cook!
Trump: President? I'm not the president! I'm just an average citizen of Loompaland!
(What a twist!)
 

JCM

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Patrick Runs Over a Seahorse
(Patrick is driving his boatmobile down the street, and he hits something that pops up in front of him.)
Patrick: Oh, no! If the title of this episode is correct, I just ran over a seahorse!
(Patrick gets out of his boatmobile and takes a look at the damage.)
Patrick: This seahorse is hurt bad.
Seahorse: Mama, is that you?
Patrick: I'm not Mama, I'm Patrick.
Seahorse: Mama, tell my brother...I hate him...
Patrick: I'm not Mama. I'm Patrick.
Seahorse: You got that, Mama? You got it?
Patrick: I'm not Mama! I'm Patrick!
Seahorse: And I'm not a seahorse. I'm...Charlie the Unicorn.
(What a twist!)
 

JCM

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Patrick Has 24 Hours To Live
(A doctor walks into Patrick's hospital room.)
Doctor: Patrick, I have bad news for you.
Patrick: Really?
Doctor: Yes. You've officially become too stupid to live.
Patrick: Really?
Doctor: You have 24 hours left before your brain tells your body to just give up.
Patrick: Really?
Doctor: Yep. If you have anything you want to do, you should probably go ahead and get it done now.
Patrick: I'll take your advice, doc.
(Patrick goes home and thinks about the stuff he wants to do.)
Patrick: Oh no! There's nothing I want to do!
(What a twist!)
 

IAmAGoofyGoober2004

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JCM said:


Patrick Runs Over a Seahorse
(Patrick is driving his boatmobile down the street, and he hits something that pops up in front of him.)
Patrick: Oh, no! If the title of this episode is correct, I just ran over a seahorse!
I'll admit that line got a good chuckle out of me. :hehe:

Also this series is godlike, and it needs to be kept in a museum. I'm glad you posted this topic so that this absolutely g o d l i k e series will stay on the Internet forever.
 

JCM

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And now for the thrilling conclusion to "Patrick Has 24 Hours to Live"!



Patrick Has One Hour To Live

(Patrick is writing his will.)
Patrick: I'll give my jellyfishing net to SpongeBob and my shorts to Gary. Um...what else?
(An angel flies through Patrick's rock and sets his will on fire.)
Patrick: Hey, what was that for?
Angel: I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding. You're not going to die in an hour.
Patrick: I'm not?
Angel: No. The man upstairs made budget cuts, so we can't afford to take up any more too-stupid-to-live types.
Patrick: Was burning the will really necessary, though.
Angel: It's dramatic. Who doesn't like dramatics?
(The fire spreads and burns Bikini Bottom to the ground.)
Angel: Well, bye! (flies away)
(What a twist!)
 

JCM

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Patrick Steals A Shoe

(Patrick is looking through shoes at a marketplace.)
Patrick: This one looks nice.
(Patrick picks up a pair of shoes and goes to the register. Another shoe falls into his back pocket on the way there.)
Patrick: I'd like to buy this pair of shoes.
Cashier: That'll be ten dollars.
(Patrick gives him the money, but as he leaves, the marketplace's alarm goes off.)
Cashier: Shoplifter!
(The cashier runs after Patrick, but the shoe falls out of Patrick's back pocket and trips up the cashier.)
Cashier: You win this round, criminal!
(The marketplace owner walks up to the cashier.)
Owner: What are you doing with that stolen shoe?
Cashier: Umm...acrobatics?
(What a twist!)
 

JCM

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Patrick Outsmarts A Sea Monster

(SpongeBob and Patrick walk into a cave.)
SpongeBob: Why are we walking into this cave again?
Patrick: I dunno.
(Suddenly, a sea monster sprouts up from the ground and holds up a straw.)
Sea Monster: I'm here to suck your brains out!
(SpongeBob screams and Patrick scratches his chin.)
Patrick: Was that straw used to suck anyone else's brains out?
Sea Monster: Yeah, why?
Patrick: That's an infection hazard!
Sea Monster: Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea.
Patrick: Get out of here, you monster!
(The sea monster cries and sinks back underground. What a twist.)
 

JCM

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Patrick Marries a Lamp

(SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting on a bench.)
Patrick: SpongeBob, have you ever considered finding a soul mate?
SpongeBob: I already have. Grilling is my passion.
Patrick: I'm talking about something tangible, like...like...
(A lamp falls out of a passing garbage truck.)
Patrick: Like that!
(Patrick picks up the lamp and rubs it affectionately.)
Patrick: Lamp, will you marry me? Yes? SpongeBob! I'm a husband!
SpongeBob: I'm not sure what just happened.
Lamp: Yeah, me neither.
(What a twist!)
 

JCM

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Patrick Divorces a Lamp

(Patrick takes the lamp home.)
Patrick: Oh, this is going to be a great honeymoon!
(Patrick turns on the light and realizes that he just pulled the cord of another lamp.)
Patrick: It's just a friend, I swear!
(Patrick's wife says nothing.)
Patrick: Don't give me that look! I can't help who I hang around with!
(Patrick's wife says nothing.)
Patrick: Oh, so you're going to give me the silent treatment now? I've had this night lamp since I was a child, and I respect it a lot more than I'm respecting you right now!
(Patrick throws his wife into the street.)
Patrick: This marriage is over! Don't bother to ask for your things, because you don't have any.
Lamp: Harsh, dawg.
(What a twist!)
 

JCM

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Patrick Drinks Purple Tea

Patrick: Today's episode is brought to you by the letter "T".

SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, I don't think this episode has anything to do with the letter "T".

Patrick: Then what's it about?

SpongeBob: Tea, the drink.

Patrick: You can drink a letter?

SpongeBob: No, tea is water that you usually heat up and put little packets in. There's many forms of it: Green tea, red tea...

Patrick: Purple tea!

SpongeBob: Well, there's no such thing as purple tea.

Patrick: Then what am I drinking right now? (sips purple tea)

SpongeBob: That's grape soda, Patrick.

(What a twist!)
 
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