King Krabs
The King of the Castle and the Village
The marathon leading to Revenge is here:
Jellyfishing:
[open in on a bunch of jellyfish and one flying out of the field toward Spongebobs block]
Narrator: Ah, ze early morning in Bikini Bottom, when the jellyfish are buzzing about and making their jellyfish jelly. [a jellyfish flies by Spongebobs house. Just then a giant periscope comes out of the porthole] Oh, what is happening here? [Spongebob is looking through the periscope from inside, Patrick waits behind him] Collectors? [Spongebob nods to Patrick. They both seriously run toward two vents: one square shaped, one circular shaped. Sponge takes the square one and Pat takes the circle one. The two approach ropes and slide down them. At the bottom, they encounter a case of rope burn and jump around frantically. Once the burn is gone, the two get serious again and approach a closet. It houses three sets of poles and three sets of nets. Sponge and Pat take one of each, connect them and test their mobility. Spongebob puts on his glasses and the two seriously step out ready for action. A jellyfish flies by and the two joyfully sing and follow it]
Spongebob: [off-screen] I think Ive got it! Wait [we hear jellyfish stings and Sponge and Pat screaming. The two run back the way they came, being chased by the jellyfish. They fall into a heap in front of Squidwards house. The jellyfish stings both of their backsides and flies off. Just then, Squidward comes out of his house with his bike]
Squidward: Hm.
Spongebob: Hi Squidward, were jellyfishing.
Squidward: Of course you are, bye now. [walks off]
Spongebob: Wait! We made a net especially for you! [holds it up] Do you want to come with us?
Squidward: [faking excitement] Really? Jellyfishing with you guys? Oh, that would be the best day ever in my book. I would love to go jellyfishing! I cant think of anything Id like to do more on my day off than go jellyfishing with my two best friends: Spongebob and uh
Patrick: Patrick.
Squidward: Right. But I cant. Bye bye.
Spongebob: Next time?
Squidward: Oh sure, right! Whatever. [bikes away] [under-breath] Like thatll ever happen.
Spongebob: You know, Patrick? It always seems like Squidward never has time for fun.
Patrick: Maybe he doesnt like us.
Spongebob: No, are you kidding? Were his best friends. [Squidward bikes down a path, chuckling to himself]
Squidward: Jellyfishing. [laughs, as he laughs, his nose inflates and deflates] Oh, Ill go. [laughs] I sure had them going. [laughs. But, he doesnt see a jellyfish which is going in the opposite direction. He keeps on laughing. The jellyfish ends up swimming in Squidwards mouth and he coughs it out] Stupid jellyfish! Beat it! [he hits it, and the jellyfish goes up his shirt and starts zapping him. Squidwards legs get tangled on the pedals and he trips on a rock. He bounces down a hill and then falls down a jagged rocky cliff. When he reaches the bottom, theres an atomic explosion. He groans silently. Cut to Spongebob sitting at his house. He looks out the window. No one there. He sits down again. He notices a photo of him and an unhappy Squidward that reads, Friends. He puts it down and looks out the window again. Squidward, whos in a wheelchair and all bandaged up rolls down the path]
Spongebob: Squids back! [he phones Patrick, which causes the screen to split diagonally, revealing Patrick on the bottom]
Patrick: Yello?
Spongebob: Hey Patrick, Squids home! And were gonna make sure hes greeted by his two best friends!
Patrick: Oh great! Who are they? [its revealed that the two are phoning each other from across the room, just with different wallpapers]
Spongebob: Us! [the two hang up] Lets go! [Squidward wheels himself into his house and turns on the lights. Sponge and Pat are inside with a banner, Welcome Home] Welcome home, Squidward!
Patrick: Merry Christmas!
Spongebob: Were gonna make this your best day ever! [Squid turns around and wheels out. Sponge rolls him back in] Well your best days sure not gonna be out there. [Sponge wheels Squid to a table where Patrick stands by a bowl of soup]
Patrick: How about some soup on your best day ever? [Squidward looks at the soup and sees Alphabet Soup letters spelling out, Best Day Ever. Patrick holds up a spoon] Here we go! [he scoops some up, but Squid makes some grunting noises in refusal] Oh, its a little hot. [he blows on it, but blows the soup off. Squid screams off-screen. Pat notices his spoon is empty and refills it to blow on. This continues for three times and we see all the steaming soup is getting on Squidward. Sponge pulls the soup bowl away and laughs nervously]
Spongebob: I dont think soup is the best thing for him on his best day ever. [walks near a music stand and Squids clarinet] How about some music on your best day ever? Played on your very own clarinet. [he blows into it, but wind comes out] Sorry, my lips are a little dry. [he wets his lips exaggeratingly long and wet and starts to blow when Pat takes the clarinet away]
Patrick: Music isnt best either.
Spongebob: But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever THE best day ever! [cut to Sponge, Pat and Squidward in Jellyfish Fields. Sponge and Pat hold nets]
Sponge & Pat: [chanting] Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!
Spongebob: This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild jellyfish roam just waiting to be captured. [Squid rides away, but Sponge catches him] No, no, Squid! Over here! I know youre eager, Squid, but you dont even have your net. Pat, fix him up while I find him a good specimen.
Patrick: Firmly grasp it in your hand. [he places the pole end on Squids bandaged hand, but it falls because he cant grab, Pat picks it up] Firmly grasp it. [he does it again and the results are the same. Pats mad] FIRMLY GRASP IT! [he jams the net through Squids bandaged hand. He groans in pain] That oughta do it. [Sponge spots a jellyfish]
Spongebob: Theres one in position. Ready set GO! [the two yell out words of encouragement to Squidward and jump up and down, but Squidward isnt budging. The two eventually notice Squid isnt going anywhere. They again encourage him, but nothing happens]
Patrick: Maybe we gotta show him how its done. [in the tune of Swan Dance, Sponge & Pat dance along next to the jellyfish and try to catch it. After several attempts, they get into a big fight with stinging and such. The jellyfish escapes the squabbles and swims by Squidward and stings him on the nose. Squid, mad, goes after the jellyfish. Sponge & Pat, still getting stung by jellyfish, notice]
Spongebob: Hey look! Squids doing it! [as Squid chases, Sponge and Pat cheer him on. His wheelchair is stopped by a rock, but he eventually gets back on track. The jellyfish lands on a pink rock and Squid catches it. He laughs triumphantly, but muffled due to the bandages and whacks the net against the rock. The rock surfaces revealing to be a really huge jellyfish. Sponge & Pat look on]
Patrick: This guys good.
Spongebob: Hes a natural! [Sponge & Pat cheer Squid on as Squid tries to get away from the jellyfish. After several strokes of luck, hes eventually caught off-screen and is stung to the extreme. Sponge & Pat stop cheering. Cut to Sponge and Pat walking in front of Squids place covered in bandages] Hey Patrick. Thought yesterday went pretty well, dont you think?
Patrick: I had fun.
Spongebob: Me too. [some whirring is heard in the background]
Patrick: Hey its Squidward!
Spongebob: Oh, great. [Squidward comes rolling down the path in a stretcher and in a cast] Hey Squid! How about that [Squid rolls down the front walk] best day ever?
Patrick: Theres always tomorrow! [Squid bangs on the door, trying to get in]
Spongebob: Um, were really sorry about what happened yesterday, Squidward. [he bangs the door again] Um, we got you a present! [its the jellyfish that caused Squid to encounter the large jellyfish in a jar] Its the jellyfish. [Squid frowns]
Patrick: You know, from yesterday!
Spongebob: Youre not still mad, are you? [Squid opens the jar]
Patrick: I think hes still mad. [The jellyfish chases after Sponge and Pat and stings them. Squid laughs to himself. But the large jellyfish is back and zaps Squid. Now hes burnt to a crisp. The cast cracks off]
Squidward: Ouch.
END
We will be right back....
Now back to the show...
Plankton!:
[view of the Krusty Krab]
Squidward: [from inside] One Krabby Patty for table two. Spongebob, I dont have the whole day. [cut to inside in the kitchen]
Spongebob: Oui, oui. Une Krabby Patty, monsieur. First, le patty. [flips it up in the air and it falls into one of his holes. He holds up the other ingredients]
Squidward: Come on, Spongebob!
Spongebob: Next, lingredients. [throws them in the air] Ah, whee! [he catches them in his holes and his pants] Le mustard. [he squirts some out and it lands in his eye]
Squidward: Will you quit fooling around, wheres my Krabby Patty?
Spongebob: Le hold on a second! [Sponge takes his head and shakes it all up. When he puts it back on his body, his eyes roll around] And voila. [he goes up to Squidward and pulls a Krabby Patty from under his nose] Its under your nose! [laughs and puts it on a plate. Squid pretends to laugh]
Squidward: Youre killing me Spongebob! Hahaha you really are. [close up on the patty]
Spongebob: Look at it, Squidward. Mr. Krabs gift to all of Bikini Bottom: the Krabby Patty.
Squidward: OK, give it to me. [the Krabby Patty flies off the plate and starts bouncing all over the place] Come on Spongebob, stop it!
Spongebob: I swear, Im not doing anything! [the patty slithers out the door and heads for the exit] Mr. Krabs! The Krabby Patty is haunted! [the patty gallops along until Mr. Krabs spears it with his leg. A tiny thing comes out from it and Krabs inspects it in a magnifying glass]
Krabs: Avast, ye patty pirate! This is no ghost. It is [view of in the magnifying glass, of a tiny jelly bean-shaped green creature with one eye] Plankton! Stealing me booty!
Plankton: Hear me Krabs. When I discover your formula for Krabby Patties, Ill run you out of business. I went to college! [Krabs picks up the puny pest] Hey! Let me go!
Krabs: Ill let you go all right, squirt. On a flying saucer! [laughs. He splats Plankton on a plate and spins him back across the street, to the Chum Bucket] Back to the Chum Bucket with you!
Plankton: Youll pay for this Krabs! [slams through the doors]
Spongebob: Uh.. Plankton, sir?
Krabs: Aye, hes been trying to steal me secret formula for years. But you havent got it yet, have ye bug? [laughs. Spongebob joins in, braying with laughter. Krabs stops but Sponge keeps laughing] OK. [keeps laughing] Enough lad, it wasnt that funny. [keeps laughing] Get back to work! [Sponge stops. Cut to nighttime at the Krusty Krab]
Spongebob: [from inside] OK Mr. Krabs, see you tomorrow!
Krabs: Good night, me boy! [Sponge walks out and walks past the Chum Bucket contently]
Plankton: [unseen] Psst young man. [Sponge looks around to see where this voice came from] Yes, over here. Come on boy, a little closer. [Sponge walks forward] Closer [Sponge walks] Not that close! [a crunching sound is heard. Sponge lifts up his show revealing a flattened Plankton] You blasted barnacle head! I mean hi. [Sponge peels Plankton off his shoe and onto his hand]
Spongebob: Plankton? What do you want?
Plankton: I just want to talk. You could say were friends, right?
Spongebob: Um no.
Plankton: Acquaintances.
Spongebob: No.
Plankton: Well, were both invertebrates, arent we?
Spongebob: I guess so.
Plankton: You see? Everything works out. I have something for you. Ive been keeping it in my secret compartment. [rummages through his back pocket and takes out a golden spatula] Ching! [in unison with the sparkling of the spatula] Sparkle, sparkle
Spongebob: Wow! A golden spatula! And its even got my name on it!
Plankton: Its a gift! A gift from a friend. [hugs Sponges thumb] Friends give each other gifts. And tomorrow is my birthday. [puts a birthday hat on his head and Sponges thumb and then blows a noisemaker. He then takes out a cake] And you know what Id like more than anything in the whole wide world? [blows out the candles]
Spongebob: A booster seat? [Plankton takes off the hat]
Plankton: Booster seat? Hot dog! I mean, no. What I want for my birthday from you my friend, is one of those [starts to drool] tender delicious Krabby Patties! [Sponge drops Plankton and screams]
Spongebob: You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet its not even your birthday tomorrow.
Plankton: Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
Spongebob: Youll never get a Krabby Patty from me! [walks off, then stops] Even if we are friends! [runs off] Never, never, never, never!
Plankton: Oh, Ill get a Krabby Patty and youre going to hand-deliver it to me personally! You weak-minded fool! [takes out a record player that plays evil music and laughs evily to it. Cut to Sponge going to sleep]
Spongebob: Good night Gary. [Gary meows. Sponge goes to sleep. Just then, one of the flowers on Sponges bed pattern pops up. Its Plankton in disguise, wearing a backpack, that looks more like an antenna-like machine]
Plankton: [chuckling] Spongebob, you will be mine! [pulls out the record player and laughs evilly to it. But it actually plays a kids song of the A-B-Cs. Plankton realizes this and flips the record around. It plays the evil music like last time and he laughs. Then he walks through one of Sponges holes and begins his journey. Plankton reads a map that looks like a regular road map, except with a giant brain in the middle of it] It should be in here but where? [pan out to reveal hes standing on the brain] Where? Oh [takes off the antenna thing on his back] This will be the beginning of the end! [outside, Sponge rolls to his left in his sleep. The brain falls to the right inside and Plankton falls off] Ouch! Stupid brain [gives chase] Come back here you swine! [Sponge then rolls to his right. Inside, the brain squishes Plankton. Sponge then sleeps on his back and the brain stops rolling. Plankton holds up a roll of duct tape] Thats it brain, youre going down! [Plankton uses tape to hold it down] Yes, yes, thats grand. [takes out blueprints] And now, for my very elaborate and college-educated plan. [the blueprints reveal a picture of the antenna thing labeled Control and an arrow pointing to a picture of a brain labeled Brain. Plankton follows these instructions by jamming the control in the brain] And now its time for a little wakey-uppy. [his hands on the control levers, he uses his foot to press the Total Control button. Outside, Sponge wakes up]
Spongebob: Morning already? [Plankton jams the controls causing Sponges legs to jam out to his side. He rumbles and falls down. Plankton laughs evily] I I feel a little funny today. [using the controls, he makes Sponge walk. Plankton laughs]
Plankton: I have you now! [outside, Sponge keeps walking toward the kitchen]
Spongebob: Time for a well-balanced breakfast. [he rams through the wall and through the fridge emerging with bread, a bottle of milk and an egg carton on his head] This isnt what I had in mind. [he walks toward the straps with his pants attached] Let me just grab my pants. [he walks toward them and they spring him. He eventually gives free and keeps walking] I guess Im not wearing any pants today. [he crashes through the side of the wall] I guess Im not using the door either. See you later Gary! I guess. [Gary meows] Youre right, Gary! There is something wrong with me! Squidward! Squidward! Wake up! I need some help! [inside Squids house, he tries to sleep] [off-screen] Squidward! Help!
Squidward: Be quiet, Spongebob! [Sponge bursts through the wall of Squids room]
Spongebob: Heeelllp!
Squidward: Spongebob! What are you doing? Im talking to you! Spongebob! Spongebob, are you mad? [Sponge crashes through the opposite wall. He stops walking and his head turns around 180 degrees]
Plankton: [through Spongebob] Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.
Squidward: Mediocre? [from inside, Plankton speaks through a microphone]
Plankton: You pretentious little insignificant artist. Your snivelly creations are worth less than a protozoans waste! [Sponge snaps out of it]
Spongebob: Something must be wrong with my brain! [Sponges eyes roll into the back of his head and he sees Plankton] [gasps] Plankton! What kind of friend are you?
Plankton: Nonsense. You never liked me anyway. You wouldnt even come to my birthday party! [from outside]
Spongebob: Get out of my head! Leave my brain alone! [in Planktons voice] Never! Never! [laughs and walks out backward. Squid goes back to sleep, actually faints. Sponge crashes through Planktons rock and reemerges with Pat on his head. Sponge throws him off and hes pinned into the ground. Sponge walks toward the Krusty Krab]
Plankton: [inside Sponge] How about a little take-out!
Spongebob: No, never! [he crashes through it, reemerging with a Krabby Patty. Plankton laughs evily] You cant fool me Plankton, you want the Krabby Patty secret formula! [Sponge walks into the Chum Bucket]
Plankton: You are going to hand it over to me personally!
Spongebob: No, no, no! [theyre inside and walk through a door] Theres no one here.
Plankton: Dont remind me. Brace yourself Spongebob, this is my lab! [the room hes walked into has a screen with a live-action Labrador retriever. He barks a couple of times. They walk into the next room, a real lab] And this is my laboratory! And did I ever show you my record player? [he pulls it out again and it plays dramatic music. Plankton laughs]
Spongebob: I must fight! [he mumbles nonsensically and stretches his head out and bites against the side of the door. His body keeps trying to walk]
Plankton: No, no, no, no. [he pushes the levers forward with causes Sponge to lose grip and slam against the wall and wobble over to a giant funnel thing] There, you see how much easier it is when you help, friend? How do you like my analyzer? It tells the ingredients of whatever I put into it. [a robot arm clenching some seaweed comes in and drops it in the giant funnel analyzer. Its zapped and some beeping is heard from the giant computer screen. The screen then reads what the computer says]
Computer: Seaweed: 50% Sea, 50% Weed. [a picture of the seaweed appears]
Plankton: Impressed? Now lets reveal that secret formula. [laughs. He pulls the lever forward, letting two of Sponges fingers off the patty. Hes holding it with both hands, so one finger from each hand] And this little piggy brought home a Krabby Patty. [two more fingers loose grip] This little piggy will help me drop it in. Any last words, Spongebob Secretpants? [Sponge tries to resist, but stops]
Spongebob: I just have to say Im sorry I let Mr. Krabs down. [starts to tear] I let all of Bikini Bottom down. But worst of all, I let you down, you delicate little Krabby Patty.
Plankton: Mmm
Spongebob: With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness. [inside, Plankton starts to get hungry]
Plankton: Steamy [a live-action patty gets assembled on screen as Sponge states the ingredients]
Spongebob: Ill never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steamed between two fluffy seaweed-sea buns. [inside, Plankton starts to drool excessively]
Plankton: Yes yes YES!! [he jumps out of one of Sponges holes to the patty] Come to poppa! [he bounces off the patty and lands in the analyzer] Oh boy [hes zapped and the computer reads out the analysis]
Computer: Plankton: 1% Evil, 99% Hot Gas. [Plankton appears on screen]
Plankton: Well this stinks.
Spongebob: Well patty, I guess we can go home now. [walks out]
Plankton: Spongebob, thats my Krabby Patty! [Sponge walks out the swivel doors and they go back and forth] Give it back you porous freak! I command you! My patty! [the doors come to a close] Nooooo! Ill settle for some fries.
END
Graveyard Shift:
[Its nighttime at the Krusty Krab]
Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Bikini Bottoms premier day-time eatery. [zoom in on the Open sign in the window] Where it will be closing time right about [Squidward grabs the sign and turns it around, reading Closed]
Squidward: Now! 8 o clock. See you later, suckers! I got a hot date with a little lady and her name is Clarinet! [holds it up. Tomwalks by and knocks on the door] What?
Tom: Are you open?
Squidward: Read the sign.
Tom: Ill have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a Double Chili Kelp Fries.
Squidward: Oh no you wont. I cant just hang out here all night. Ive got a life.
Tom: Well, fine if you dont want my money!
Krabs: [off-screen] Money? [a sound effect of someone falling is heard. Krabs comes crashing down on Squidward] You mean if wed stay open later youd give us your money? [cut to Tom holding up cash, as well as some passerbys in the distant]
Tom: Well sure! [Krabs takes the Open/Closed sign and rips it in half]
Krabs: Mr. Squidward, welcome to the night shift. From now on, the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours a day! [Squidward stands up]
Squidward: WHAT? [a barrage of customers come barging in, trampling over Squidward. Spongebob walks by]
Spongebob: Wow! Now we never have to stop working! [Squidward stands up]
Squidward: Mr. Krabs
Krabs: See you in the morning, boys! I cant hang out here all night, I got a life. [runs out]
Squidward: Mr. Krabs!
Spongebob: Isnt this great, Squidward? Just me and you together for hours and hours and hours and then the sun will come up and itll be tomorrow and well still be working! [gasps] Itll be just like a sleepover! Except well be sweaty and covered with grease! [jumps up on top of the counter and points] Are you ready to rock, Squidward?
Squidward: No.
Spongebob: Good! Cause weve got customers! [he flies through the ordering window into the kitchen. Squidward walks behind the counter. A fish walks up and Squidward gives him a bat]
Squidward: Here. Hit me as hard as you can. [Spongebob pops up from the ordering window]
Spongebob: Psst, Squidward. Im working in the kitchen! [giggles] At night! [Squidward puts his head on the counter]
Squidward: Dont hold back. [cut to Spongebob chopping lettuce]
Spongebob: Hey Squidward, guess what! Im chopping lettuce! At night! [cut to Spongebob scrubbing himself around and cleaning the bathroom] Look at me! Im swabbing the bathroom! At night! [the room is sparkly clean. Cut to Spongebob picking up a spatula off the grill and getting burned] Aaaah!!! I burned my hand! [happily] At night! [his hand turns red and sizzles. Cut to Spongebob walking on top of the counter chanting Night, night, night, night in the tune of Charge! while Squidward watches annoyed]
Squidward: Will you please! [holds up a bag of trash] Here, give me a moments peace and take out the trash.
Spongebob: All right! [grabs bag and runs to the front door] Taking out the trash! Taking out the trash! At ni- [stops short. Pan out to show a very creepy looking outside. Cut back to the restaurant] You mean outside?
Squidward: Thats where the dumpster is, yes.
Spongebob: I dont know Squidward. Its kind of dark out there.
Squidward: But I thought you liked the night shift.
Spongebob: Youre right. [holds up the trash bag triumphantly] For the Krusty Krab! [he frantically runs out of the building sweating and slams the trash bag in the dumpster and runs back in the same fashion. He leans against the door and inhales and exhales. With each inhale, his body inflates into a sphere. He then snaps his fingers and walks back] Piece of cake.
Squidward: So youre not afraid?
Spongebob: Phfft, nah!
Squidward: Well, I am. Especially after [gulps] well, you know.
Spongebob: What do I know?
Squidward: You mean you dont remember? It was all over the news!
Spongebob: Tell me! Tell me!
Squidward: No, no, I probably shouldnt. It would ruin the night shift for you. [smiles contently]
Spongebob: What happened? What happened? What happened?
Squidward: You mean youve never heard the story of the [thinks] Uh, hash-slinging slasher?
Spongebob: [stops getting exciting] The slash-bringing hasher?
Squidward: The hash-slinging slasher!
Spongebob: The sash-ringing, the trash-singing, the mash-flinging, the flash-springing, ringing, the, the crash-singing, the
Squidward: Yes, the hash-slinging slasher. But most people just call him the Hash-AAAGH!!! Because thats all they have time to say before he gets them! [Spongebob pulls on two holes and his face stretches down]
Spongebob: Tell me the story!
Squidward: Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hash-slinging slasher used to be a fry cook just like you. Only clumsier! [Spongebobs eyes get smaller] Then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened.
Spongebob: He forgot the secret sauce?
Squidward: No.
Spongebob: He didnt wash his hands?
Squidward: No.
Spongebob: Irregular portions?
Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake!
Spongebob: You mean like this! [pulls off his own arm, then another grows in its place] Or like this? Or this? Or this? Or what about this? [continues to pull off all of his arms and they just grow back. Cut to an annoyed Squidward]
Squidward: Except he wasnt a sponge! [cut to Spongebob, with a giant pile of hands around him]
Spongebob: So?
Squidward: So it didnt grow back! [Spongebob and the hands jump up]
Spongebob: AAAAAH!!! [the hands hop away]
Squidward: He replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And at his funeral, they fired him! And now, on every what day is it?
Spongebob: Tuesday.
Squidward: Tuesday night! His ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to reek horrible vengeance.
Spongebob: [gasps] But tonights Tuesday night!
Squidward: Than hell be coming.
Spongebob: How will we know? [Squidward holds up three tentacles]
Squidward: There are three signs signaling the approach of the hash-slinging slasher. First the lights will flicker on and off. Next [a fish walks up to the counter]
Fish: Dude, can I have some ketchup?
Squidward: Wha, oh, here you go. [gives him two ketchup packets. He returns to his ghostly tale] Next, the phone will ring and there will be nobody there. [Spongebob chatters his teeth and fingernails fly everywhere as he bites his nails] And finally, the hash-slinging slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran him over! [Spongebob chatters on his arms and they go through his mouth with the sound effect of a paper shredder. He grows new arms and the process starts again] Then he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways because hes already dead! [Spongebob now has a movie popcorn-like bucket full of his arms and he eats them] Then, he taps on the window with his grisly spatula hand.
Spongebob: No
Squidward: He opens the door. [makes a strange door creaking noise. Then, he talks and moves his face closer to Spongebob and eventually so close, Spongebobs face has been pushed into his body] Then, he slowly approaches the counter! [the word counter echoes] And you know what he does next?
Spongebob: What?
Squidward: You really want to know?
Spongebob: What?
Squidward: Are you SURE you want to know?
Spongebob: What? What? What does he do?! [Squidward come up from behind Spongebob and taps him]
Squidward: He gets ya! [Spongebob screams and continues screaming as Squidward laughs it up and bangs the counter. He soon calms down, but Spongebob is still screaming] Spongebob [screaming continues] Spongebob [screaming continues] I was just- [zoom in on Spongebobs mouth as it screams] I was just- [zoom onto Spongebobs eyes which are now in the format of a mouth and scream] Spongebob! I was joking!
Spongebob: What?
Squidward: Its not true! None of its true!
Spongebob: Its not?
Squidward: Of course not! Nobody has a spatula for a hand. It was all a joke.
Spongebob: Oh [as he comprehends the joke, he begins laughing in the same style as he did screaming earlier. Cut to outside where neon lights on the Krusty Krab now read, Open Forever. Cut to inside, where Squidward reads a book behind the register. He hears strange noises repeatedly but cant figure out where theyre coming from. The noises are actually Spongebob is using suction cups on his shoes to hang on the ceiling and clean it with a mop and a bucket of water. Spongebob pops up behind Squidward upside-down and startles him]
Spongebob: Isnt this great, Squidward! Theres never any time to wash the ceiling during the day. [springs back up]
Squidward: [growls] Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who wants a Krabby Patty at three in the morning? [cut to Patrick at his house asleep. His alarm clock goes off]
Patrick: Oh boy! 3 A.M.! [he pulls off the covers, revealing a Krabby Patty next to him. He starts eating. Cut back to the Krusty Krab]
Squidward: Just look at this place! Its like a ghost town in here! [the lights flicker on and off] Very funny Spongebob. [Spongebob walks back to the floor]
Spongebob: What?
Squidward: [imitating his story voice] And the lights will flicker on and off just like the story! I get it. [Spongebob just stands there. Squidward notices that the light switch isnt budging. It even has cobwebs all over it]
Spongebob: Hey Squidward, how are you doing that without moving the switch?
Squidward: Im not doing it. It must be the stupid faulty wiring in here. This place isnt built to run 24 hours a day. [the phone rings, he answers it] What? What? Hello? Hello? Hello?
Spongebob: Nice try, Squidward.
Squidward: Nice try what?
Spongebob: [imitating story voice] The phone will ring and there will be no one there. [lifts eyebrows] Oh, you crack me up.
Squidward: Spongebob, Im not doing this? OK, calm down, calm down. Alright, what was it? There was the lights [they flicker again] and the phone [the phone rings] and the walls will ooze green slime?! [they do so] Oh, wait, they always do that. But what was that third thing? [he notices a bus pulling up the restaurant coming out of the fog]
Spongebob: I didnt know the buses ran this late.
Squidward: They dont.
Spongebob: Well, theyre dropping someone off. [the bus leaves, leaving a shadowy figure who looks like a hunchback. His eyes are glowing red and he holds up his spatula hand. Squidward screams. His hat flies off and hair grows. The hair stands up and waves around. The hair disappears]
Squidward: The sash-ringing, the, the, the sash- singing, the bash p-pinging [Spongebobs eyes widen]
Spongebob: The hash-singing slasher! [he starts to cry]
Squidward: At last you understand! Were doomed!
Spongebob: No, thats not it. [wipes away a tear] I am just so touched that you would go through the trouble that you would dress as a shadowy fry cook and stand on the other side of the street just to entertain me. You must really like me! [cut to the shadowy figure, walking toward the restaurant]
Squidward: [off-screen] Spongebob, there are two problems with your theory. [cut back to inside] One: I hate you, and two: how can that be me if Im standing right here? [the shadowy figure knocks his spatula hand on the door. Spongebob screams in the same fashion as Squidward did, except his eyelashes grow and start to wiggle around]
Spongebob & Squidward: The hash-slinging slasher!!! [the shadowy figure walks toward the counter and the two stammer and hold each other]
Squidward: Spongebob, no matter what Ive said, Ive always sort of liked you!
Spongebob: Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!
Squidward: Huh? [the two keep stammering. The shadowy figure walks into the light and turns out to be a regular guy. The two red eyes were just his nostrils]
Guy: Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula. [holds up his hand, than his sleeve moves down, revealing his hand is just holding] I called earlier, but I hung up cause I was nervous.
Spongebob: Do you have references? [Squidward puts him down]
Squidward: Wait, if that was you on the phone and you on the bus, than who was flickering the lights? [the lights continue to flicker. Cut to an old black-in white frame of Nosferatu, the old movie vampire, flickering the lights]
Spongebob, Squidward & that Guy: Nosferatu! [cut to him, and he smiles. Cut to black accompanied by a light flicker sound effect]
END
We will be right back..
Now back to the show...
Krusty Love:
another day at the Krusty Krab. In his office, Krabs is humming and sewing a cushion of his true love: money. He stops short]
Krabs: [sniffs] Whats that smell? [he runs to the ordering window] The register! [he shakes it and sniffs] Forty-nine-o eight?! Thats a penny short! [he starts to sob. Squid walks by]
Squidward: [unenthusiastic] Oh no, not a penny. Help, somebody help us. [Sponge walks up to him]
Spongebob: Its just a penny, sir. It doesnt matter.
Krabs: Doesnt matter? Its money that makes the world go round, boy! Its money that keeps your pants square! [puts a two-sided ruler to Sponges pants] Its money that keeps Squidward in frilly soap! [Squid sniffs himself and sighs]
Squidward: Lilac. [panoramic of the restaurant shot, but the store covered with giant red bandages]
Krabs: Its money that paid for all them renovations we did! Oh, nothing in the seven seas could matter more. Not even [he sees something afar and gets glass-eyed] that scrumptious curvy cutie.
Spongebob: I see her, Mr. Krabs. [Sponge was referring to the food] A Krabby Patty with cheese. A classic.
Krabs: Not the sandwich, boy! The curvy cutie holding the sandwich. [we see its Mrs. Puff eating the sandwich]
Spongebob: Hey, thats my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff!
Krabs: Mrs. Puff? Aw, shes married.
Spongebob: Oh no, Mr. Krabs. Shes single.
Krabs: Then what happened to Mr. Puff? [we see live-action footage of a spiky blowfish being used as a lamp]
Spongebob: She doesnt like to talk about it.
Krabs: Oh, what I wouldnt give to have a lass like that on me claw.
Spongebob: Wait, I know! Why dont I take you over and introduce you?
Krabs: Oh no, no, no, Im too old, boy. Too hard-shelled for love. Besides, Im not properly dressed.
Spongebob: Oh, come on Mr. Krabs. [close up on his clothes, all dirty and smelly and Krabs fly is open] You look great! Wait here while I break the ice! [runs off]
Krabs: Spongebob, no, wait! Im too nervous! Oooh [Sponge approaches Puff]
Spongebob: Hi, Mrs. Puff. [Puff screams]
Puff: Hit the brakes, Spongebob! Watch the tree! [screams, Sponge snaps his fingers]
Spongebob: Wait Mrs. Puff, were not driving.
Puff: Oh, Im sorry Spongebob. I didnt expect to see you here.
Spongebob: I work here, Mrs. Puff. Want to meet my boss?
Puff: Well, Im not
Spongebob: Dont move. [runs off, Puff groans. Sponge pushes Krabs to the table] Mrs. Puff, Id like to introduce you to Mr [Krabs falls face forward like a statue. Sponge pulls him back up] Id like to introduce you to my boss, Mr. Krabs.
Puff: Uh, hello. [Krabs quivers]
Spongebob: Psst, Mr. Krabs, say hello. [Krabs makes some weird garbled muttering] No, no, Mr. Krabs, just say hello. [Krabs makes a weird strangled groan]
Puff: Hmm, perhaps another time would be
Krabs: Nooo!
Spongebob: Wait, hes trying to tell you something!
Puff: [trembling] Mr. Krabs [Krabs does some weird movements and speaks gibberish] I dont understand. [Krabs does some more weird stuff]
Spongebob: Oh, uh, I think Mr. Krabs is saying that hed like to, uh, hit you with a rake!
Puff: Goodness!
Krabs: No! [does some more weird stuff]
Spongebob: Try to guess your weight!
Puff: [indignant] Well!
Krabs: No! [more weird stuff]
Spongebob: No, wait, he wants to take you on a date! [Krabs falls over in delight]
Puff: Is this true, Mr. Krabs? Do you want to take me on a date?
Krabs: Aye. What do you say?
Puff: What do I say? [laughs] I say, you have a way with words, Mr. Krabs. [walks off]
Krabs: I still got it. [laughs. Cut to Krabs house]
Spongebob: Are you ready for your date, Mr. Krabs?
Krabs: Im always ready when it comes to dating, lad!
Spongebob: Breath spray?
Krabs: Check!
Spongebob: Lucky hanky?
Krabs: Check!
Spongebob: Giant rusty anchor?
Krabs: Uh, anchor. Anchor! I cant find me giant rusty anchor! [Sponge laughs]
Spongebob: Relax, Mr. Krabs. Just a little joke. Good luck with you-know-who. [makes a circle out of hand quotations]
Krabs: Who?
Spongebob: Mrs. Puff.
Krabs: Oh, right. [walks out the door] Wish me luck, lad! [cut to a restaurant made out of a ship in a glass bottle. Krabs and Puff have dinner there]
Puff: Oh, Mr. Krabs, this dinner has been so wonderful. The coral was cooked to perfection. [laughs] I dont think I could eat another bite.
Krabs: Oh, I doubt that, my little shrimp boat. [Puff laughs]
Puff: Youre spoiling me, Mr. Krabs. I mean, foot rubs between courses [under the table, a squid rubs her feet] caricatures [holds up one] imported music [quick pan over to a live-action scuba diver playing a piano]
Krabs: Nothings too good for you, my prickly peach.
Puff: Well, what Im trying to tell you, Mr. Krabs, is [the waiter interrupts them]
Waiter: Uh, Mr. Krabs, your fancy pantsy limousine is here.
Krabs: Wonderful! Pufflily-poo, your chariot awaits! [he whistles and two men carry Puff to the limo] Youll never have to walk again, my little lobster bib! [laughs and sighs. The waiter approaches him again]
Waiter: Your bill, sir.
Krabs: Bill? [looks at it and gasps] What? ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!? Well, this cant possibly be correct!
Waiter: Oh, my mistake, sir. Thank you for pointing that out. [hands him another bill] Heres your bill. [Krabs eyes widen and from outside the building, Krabs scream breaks the glass of the entire restaurant. Cut back to Krabs house where Sponge is watching Krabs on the floor crying]
Spongebob: I dont understand, Mr. Krabs. How can you spend $100,000 in one night?
Krabs: Oh, Spongebob! I couldnt help but spend every cent I had on her! I couldnt control myself!
Spongebob: What are you going to do?
Krabs: I dont know, boy! Ive got another date tomorrow! Im caught between me two greatest loves! Sweet Mrs. Puff, and the rest of me money! [cries]
Spongebob: I wish there was some way I could help.
Krabs: Perhaps there is, boy! [hands him his wallet] Im leaving you in charge of me money!
Spongebob: I dont get it, Mr. Krabs.
Krabs: You come with me on the date and make sure I dont spend any money! [cut to the two walking to Puffs door] Now remember, we keep it cheap and go to the park. And no matter how much I ask you, dont give me any of me money. Now, give me a dollar.
Spongebob: No.
Krabs: Good job, boy! Youll do fine! [knocks on the door]
Puff: Who is it?
Krabs: Its me, my beautiful belle buoy! [Puff giggles]
Puff: Just a minute!
Krabs: Flowers! Flowers, boy! Go get me flowers!
Spongebob: But you said
Krabs: You cant call on a classy lady like Mrs. Puff empty-handed! [makes an air-square] Were not talking about this, [makes an air-triangle] or this, [makes an air-circle] were talking about this!
Puff: Almost ready!
Krabs: Hurry boy, get the flowers! [Puff comes out] Mrs. Puff, youre as beautiful as ever.
Puff: Thats funny, I thought I heard Spongebobs voice.
Krabs: Uh, you did. Hell be right back. Hes our personal assistant during the day.
Puff: Oh, uh, excuse me. I have to call my insurance agent. [walks inside]
Krabs: Ah, my beautiful Puff. [Sponge returns with flowers]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, I got the flowers you wanted me to buy.
Krabs: What is that?
Spongebob: I got the flowers for Mrs. Puff!
Krabs: We had an agreement, boy! Youre not supposed to spend any of me money!
Spongebob: But you said
Puff: Here I come! [walks out, Krabs grabs the flowers and gives them to Puff]
Krabs: For you, Mrs. Puff!
Puff: Oh, flowers! Theyre wonderful!
Krabs: And heres a box of chocolates! [he realizes hes holding nothing] Spongebob, where are the chocolates?
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, the budget doesnt allow for
Krabs: Spongebob, you cant go to Mrs. Puffs house without chocolates. [Sponge runs off] Hurry! Hurry! [Sponge comes back with the box of chocolates]
Spongebob: I bought the biggest box they had!
Krabs: Buy, buy, buy! Spend, spend, spend! Is that all you can think about?
Puff: Oh, Eugene? [Krabs presents the box to Puff]
Krabs: Heres those chocolates I bought for you. What are we doing today, Mrs. Puff? Dinner? Dancing? A trip to the moon?
Spongebob: Were just going for a walk in the park, remember?
Puff: Actually, a walk in the park sounds perfect. Its a beautiful day. Ill just need to get a sun hat and
Krabs: Mrs. Puff needs a sun hat, Spongebob!
Spongebob: Well, I think she
Krabs: The suns beating down on poor Mrs. Puffs head!
Spongebob: As your financial advisor, I suggest
Krabs: Theres no time for suggestions, boy! Go buy a hat!
Spongebob: But
Krabs: Today! [Sponge runs off] Dont worry, Mrs. Puff! Ill shade you! [places a barrel on Puff] Spongebob, hurry! [Sponge returns]
Spongebob: One shady hat.
Krabs: Good job, lad. [places it on Puffs head]
Puff: Uh, thank you. But you didnt need to buy one. I have a hat in the closet.
Krabs: Didnt need to buy one? [his head turns 180 degrees] Did you hear that, boy? We didnt need to buy a hat! Arent you supposed saving me money?
Spongebob: Im trying, Mr. Krabs! But you keep telling me to buy things for Mrs. Puff! Its all very confusing.
Krabs: Spongebob, Im sorry. This is my fault. Im not thinking clearly. Im making a sailors promise, boy. From this moment on, I wont ask you to buy anything for Mrs. Puff!
Narrator: A few moments later [Krabs is lovey-dovey and hearts float in the background]
Krabs: Spongebob! Mrs. Puff needs a new fur coat! [Sponge runs out and gets one. Krabs is now mad and flaming dollars float in the background] Youre spending all me money! [back to the heart background] Puffy needs a new pair of shoes! [Sponge runs out and gets them] Youre breaking me boy! [back to hearts] She needs fine jewelry! [Sponge rushes out and gets them] Not that fine! [Sponge runs back out] Spongebob! [Krabs keeps yelling Sponges name as he keeps running back and forth with gifts until finally, Sponge is so tired, he cant even move] Spongebob! Im glad I caught you. I need you to buy Mrs. Puff
Spongebob: WAIT! Dont tell me. You want me to run down to the store and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesnt need! Then you want me to run back here so you can say, [Sponge pulls his eyes upward to look like Mr. Krabs] Aye, Spongebob, youre spending all me money! And then Ill say, But Mr. Krabs, Im only doing what you said! And then youll say, Were not talking about this [makes an air-square] or this, [makes an air-triangle] were talking about this! [makes a bunch of air lines that black out the screen. It comes back]
Krabs: But, Spongebob, this times different! Mrs. Puff really needs this! [cut to Puff, whos surrounded by all this useless expensive stuff]
Puff: Are we going to the park soon?
Krabs: Please lad, Im begging you! Im a lonely old crustacean whos found love! Dont let me lose her! [starts to cry]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, dont. Dont cry, Mr. Krabs! Look, Im going to get it, see! [walks out and comes back with something] Cheer up, Mr. Krabs! Heres that washing machine you wanted!
Krabs: Cheer up? How can I cheer up when youre spending all me hard-earned cash?
Spongebob: See! You just did it again!
Krabs: Lad, I cant help it if youre loose with other peoples money. [Sponge snaps and remains calm] Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go along with that?
Spongebob: Well, Mr. Krabs. Do you want to know what I think? [Sponge shouts out random, meaningless, incoherent gibberish. Puff looks up these words in the dictionary. Sponge ends his gibberish] -Mr. Krabs wallet! [Sponge storms out, Krabs jaw is hanging down]
Puff: I didnt know Spongebob had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, theres something Id like to say too, Mr. Krabs. [takes off the fur coat, shoes and hat] Im afraid I dont feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. Id rather go Dutch, if you dont mind. [hands him some money]
Krabs: Uh, OK.
Puff: Youre a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs. [Puff kisses him. Krabs utters something and his eyes form into the shape on a heart]
END
Welcome to the Chum Bucket:
[The Krusty Krab at night. The lights are still on]
Krabs: Come on Spongebob, its quitting time. [the lights turn off and Krabs and Sponge walk out] Ive got a card game tonight. [he locks the doors]
Spongebob: ::dolphin noise:: you playing cards with, Mr. Krabs? [we see the Chum Bucket across the street, with its lights still on]
Krabs: Im going over to the Chum Bucket to play with Plankton. [Sponge gasps]
Spongebob: Plankton! [a thought bubble appears over Sponges head with Plankton inside] But Mr. Krabs, hes your archenemy. [he picks up a Krabby Patty] Hes been trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula for years. [the Plankton in the bubble sees the burger and goes to get it, but Sponge swats him with a fly swatter]
Plankton: Ouch. [the thought bubble disappears]
Spongebob: Why would you play cards with him?
Krabs: Between you and me, Plankton is the worst card player in Bikini Bottom! [cut to him and Plankton holding cards and a giant stack of money on the table] Why Ive been taking him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! [Krabs puts his cards down on the table and rakes in his money with his claws. Back to the present, Krabs eyes have turned to dollar signs] I never lose! [the two start laughing and walk off their separate ways. Dissolve to morning where Krabs walks to work crying, and Sponge walks in laughing]
Spongebob: Taking him to the cleaners, that a hot one! [Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors] Howd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?
Krabs: I lost.
Spongebob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs. How much money did you lose?
Krabs: I didnt lose any money. [he sheds away a tear] I lost
Spongebob: Dont tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!
Krabs: I lost [Sponge grabs him]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didnt lose the Krabby Patty secret formula!
Krabs: I lost [he points to Sponge] you!
Spongebob: What?
Krabs: I bet your contract and I lost. [Sponge stares blankly, then laughs]
Spongebob: Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I got to make those Krabby Patties. [he begins to walk to the door, but Krabs claw stops him. After continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor]
Krabs: Im afraid you dont work here anymore. [Squid runs out the door to the two]
Squidward: Please tell me this isnt a joke.
Spongebob: Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke. [Plankton walks over]
Plankton: As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, Im afraid hes not joking. [he points at Sponge] You work for me now, Spongebob! [he whips out a bucket with the initials CB on it] Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. [Plankton jumps on Sponges head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat, and puts the bucket on his head. Sponge screams and runs to Krabs, knocking Plankton and the bucket off]
Spongebob: But Mr. Krabs! I dont want to work for him! [he tugs at Krabs shirt collar] I want to work for you here at the Krusty Krab! [he and Krabs start crying and hug]
Krabs: Im sorry, boy! Its all my fault!
Plankton: What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? [he whips out a crowbar] I would! [he jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry Sponge off Krabs. Sponge goes flying with Krabs arms still clung to him]
Krabs: Spongebob!
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs! [he slams into a cage and Krabs arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door]
Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, Ive been throwing those card games just waiting for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty secret formula but Ive got the next best thing: the guy who makes em! [a propeller emerges from the cage] Im gonna run you out of business, Krabs. [the propeller spins and pilots Sponge into the Chum Bucket]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs!
Krabs: Spongebob! [he sobs] Can I have my arms back? [Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs head. Cut to the cage hovering over a spotlight and dropping Sponge into it]
Spongebob: What is this place? [the lights turn on and screens with wires and gizmos start starting up. Sponge gasps. A giant boiler turns on. Sponge yelps. A light turns on and a calendar entitled Science! appears and the photo of the month is some nerd in front of a blackboard. Sponge screams. Plankton bursts open the doors]
Plankton: OK, Im ready for my Krabby Patty! [he walks over to Sponge]
Spongebob: Actually, uh, Mr. Plankton, sir, I havent, uh
Plankton: Perhaps you dont understand. You work for me now [he jumps onto Sponges knee] and as your new boss, I command you to make me a patty this instant, or Ill be forced to remove your brain and implant it in my robot chef! [we see a giant robot that bares a slight resemblance to Sponge] So get cooking. [he twangs Sponges nose. Later, Sponge is in front of a weird looking grill. He picks up a spatula with a spring end. He puts his fingers to one of the holes in the grill and steam bursts from it. Sponge screams. He looks at a digital sign reading, KITCHEN]
Spongebob: The sign says kitchen, but my heart says jail. [Sponge walks toward the window, where he sees the silhouette of the Krusty Krab. A song starts] A stove is a stove no matter where you go [cut to Krabs at the grill at the Krusty Krab]
Krabs: A patty is a patty, thats what I say [the patty on the grill ignites into flame. Sponge looks at the grill at the Chum Bucket teary eyed]
Spongebob: A grill is a grill. This is surely so [cut to Krabs in the kitchen throwing out a burnt batch of fries]
Krabs: And fries should be fries either way
Spongebob: But this grill is not a home. [he pops his head out the window] This is not the stove I know [Krabs walks out of the Krusty Krab]
Krabs: I would trade it all away, if youd come back to stay [both restaurants seem to get farther and farther away]
Sponge & Krabs: This kitchens not the same without you [a shooting star flies by. Smoke billows from both restaurants, taking form of Sponge and Krabs] Its just a greasy spoon without you. [Sponge turns and falls to the floor sobbing. Plankton is watching him from the lab]
Plankton: What is he doing? All these tears? And the show tunes? Why isnt he making the patties? Forget it! Im going with Plan B. Ill put his brain in the robot chef. [we see the robot again]
Karen: You know that never works. The answer is obvious. [an image equation appears on screen: Spongebob + heart] To get to the Spongebob, you must show him compassion and understanding. [the image changes to Sponge happily holding out a patty] Then hell give you what you want.
Plankton: Will you be quiet? Im thinking! [he snaps his fingers] Ive got it! To get to the Spongebob, Ill show him compassion and understanding. Then hell give me what I want. [cut to Sponge, now with the bucket helmet on, pressing a button on the boiler. The hatch opens, steam emits from it, and a burger with a red hand jutting out from it crawls toward Sponge. Plankton walks up] Hi! [Sponge screams and shuts the hatch]
Spongebob: Im sorry, Plankton! Im trying my best! Im not used to cooking this way. Please dont take my brain out!
Plankton: Hold it, Spongebob. Im capable of compassion and understanding.
Spongebob: Really? Then Id like to go back to the Krusty Krab.
Plankton: Lets not get carried away. Now what can I do to make you feel more comfortable here at the Chum Bucket?
Spongebob: Well I usually cook on a grill.
Plankton: You got it! [cut to later, Plankton grunts and pushes in a grill, then he jumps on top of it] Well, it wasnt easy, but here it is: one old frying grill. How about we try it out?
Spongebob: Uh, its just that Im used to the grill facing that way. [he points to the left]
Plankton: Say no more. Ill take care of everything. [he pushes it to the direction Sponge pointed, grunting] How about here?
Spongebob: A little more to the left. [Plankton pushes it back on-screen but further back]
Plankton: Hows this, Spongebob?
Spongebob: Move it over a little more. [Plankton pushes it more to the left]
Plankton: Here?
Spongebob: Keep going! [Plankton pushes it off-screen again]
Plankton: Here?
Spongebob: Almost! [Plankton pushes it into view] Thats it Just a little more Perfect! Right there! [Plankton has pushed the grill back where it originally was. He growls] I dont know Something still doesnt feel right. [cut to Sponge walking blindfolded]
Plankton: Just a few more steps, Spongebob. OK, go ahead, take it off. [Sponge does and we see from his POV Plankton standing in front of what appears to be the kitchen of the Krusty Krab] Its an exact replica of the Krusty Krab kitchen! [Sponge gasps]
Spongebob: It is an exact replica! Heres the sink! The greasy fryers! The squeaky floorboard! [he squeaks one] And that thing! [he points to the buoy on the wall. He runs over to the grill where Plankton is standing] One Krabby Patty coming up, Mr. Krabs! [he realizes what hes just said and starts sobbing] Oh, Mr. Krabs
Plankton: Dont cry, Spongebob. Ill show you its much better working for me. Is there anything that old skinflint Krabs wouldnt let you have?
Spongebob: Well, there is one thing Ive always wanted. [cut to later, Sponge is wearing vibrating flowered green shoes with fuzzy hems and red laces] Wow!
Plankton: So, now do you have everything you need to make some Krabby Patties?
Spongebob: Well [cut to Sponge in a bubble bath licking on an ice cream. Plankton scrubs his back]
Plankton: Are you ready to make some patties?
Spongebob: Wait till I finish my ice cream! [cut to Plankton pushing a laughing Sponge around on a rolling seahorse]
Plankton: How about those patties?
Spongebob: Faster! Faster! Faster! [cut to Plankton reading to Sponge]
Plankton: [reading] And then the littlest sea elf said.. [a drop of water falls on his head] Huh? [it was actually drool, and we see Sponge is sleeping. Plankton growls. He jumps up on the chair leg and holds up a mallet] Steady, Plankton. Its all going to pay off soon enough. [he throws the mallet aside and Sponge wakes up] Hey there, sleepyhead. [Sponge waves] What do you say?
Spongebob: All that preparation is making me hungry.
Plankton: Me too! You know what would really hit the spot? Why dont you whip us up a couple of Krabby Patties?
Spongebob: Mmm, Im kind of in the mood for tacos. [Plankton chuckles weakly]
Plankton: Good one, Spongebob. But really, go ahead and make us some patties. [Sponge yawns and turns over in the chair]
Spongebob: Nah, I dont really feel like it.
Plankton: But I dont understand. [Sponge picks up a cup of soda and begins drinking it] You have the grill and the spatula and the comfy chair. I rubbed your putrid feet! [stench rises from his hands]
Spongebob: Tell you what, half-pint, why dont you ask me later? [Plankton growls]
Plankton: I command you to make me a patty this instant! [Sponge puts down his soda and gets off the couch]
Spongebob: No!
Plankton: Dont back-sass me!
Spongebob: [mocking Plankton] Blah, blah, blah!
Plankton: What?! [Sponge blows a raspberry] Thats it, mister. You just lost your brain privileges! [cut to later, where electrical crackling is heard for Planktons lab. He runs out holding a remote control] Finished! Spongebob, come in here. [he presses a button and the robot walks in. He chuckles] Or should I say Robotbob Spongechef pants. I put the brain in the robot, you know. You shouldnt have been a spoiled brat. You see, I always get what I want, and I want you to make me a Krabby Patty! [he presses a button on the remote and the robot makes beeping sounds]
Robotbob: [in Sponges voice] Response: Why dont you ask me later?
Plankton: What? WHAT?!
Robotbob: Get welded. [it walks off]
Plankton: Wait! I command you make me a Krabby Patty! [he presses the button again. We see the robot lying down with a soda reading comics]
Robotbob: I dont wanna. [Plankton screams his lungs out. Cut to outside, where Krabs is outside the Krusty Krab hanging an Out of Business sign]
Krabs: Well old girl, this looks like our final chapter. [Plankton walks in] Huh?
Plankton: [sobbing] I cant take any more. [he jumps on Krabs nose] Youve got to take that yellow nightmare back! Its not worth it! Im better off stealing a Krabby Patty fair and square.
Krabs: Um [he grabs the sign and puts it behind his back] well, a deals a deal, Plankton. Hes your headache now. [he picks up Plankton by his antennas]
Plankton: Oh please have mercy, Krabs! Ill do anything. I beg of you!
Krabs: How about you give me fifty bucks and Ill take him off your hands. [Plankton holds up some money]
Plankton: Its a deal! [Krabs takes the money] I cheated anyway.
Krabs: Now begone with you, you puny pest! [he throws Plankton back to the Chum Bucket]
Plankton: [in mid-air] Thank yooooooou!! [he flies in the restaurant and a crash is heard] Ouch. [cut to Sponge in the Krusty Krab galley with a bandage on his head]
Spongebob: My brain and I are glad to be back, Mr. Krabs.
Krabs: Good to have you back, lad! Now get to those patties! The lunch rush is a-comin! [Sponge yawns]
Spongebob: I dont feel like it. Why dont you ask me later, Krabby? [he laughs, but sees Krabs isnt and stops] I mean, Im working all day for free. My treat! [he runs off, leaving his underwear behind. Cut to the restaurants exterior]
Krabs: Thats what I thought you said.
END
We will be right back...
(this is the first page used)
Jellyfishing:
[open in on a bunch of jellyfish and one flying out of the field toward Spongebobs block]
Narrator: Ah, ze early morning in Bikini Bottom, when the jellyfish are buzzing about and making their jellyfish jelly. [a jellyfish flies by Spongebobs house. Just then a giant periscope comes out of the porthole] Oh, what is happening here? [Spongebob is looking through the periscope from inside, Patrick waits behind him] Collectors? [Spongebob nods to Patrick. They both seriously run toward two vents: one square shaped, one circular shaped. Sponge takes the square one and Pat takes the circle one. The two approach ropes and slide down them. At the bottom, they encounter a case of rope burn and jump around frantically. Once the burn is gone, the two get serious again and approach a closet. It houses three sets of poles and three sets of nets. Sponge and Pat take one of each, connect them and test their mobility. Spongebob puts on his glasses and the two seriously step out ready for action. A jellyfish flies by and the two joyfully sing and follow it]
Spongebob: [off-screen] I think Ive got it! Wait [we hear jellyfish stings and Sponge and Pat screaming. The two run back the way they came, being chased by the jellyfish. They fall into a heap in front of Squidwards house. The jellyfish stings both of their backsides and flies off. Just then, Squidward comes out of his house with his bike]
Squidward: Hm.
Spongebob: Hi Squidward, were jellyfishing.
Squidward: Of course you are, bye now. [walks off]
Spongebob: Wait! We made a net especially for you! [holds it up] Do you want to come with us?
Squidward: [faking excitement] Really? Jellyfishing with you guys? Oh, that would be the best day ever in my book. I would love to go jellyfishing! I cant think of anything Id like to do more on my day off than go jellyfishing with my two best friends: Spongebob and uh
Patrick: Patrick.
Squidward: Right. But I cant. Bye bye.
Spongebob: Next time?
Squidward: Oh sure, right! Whatever. [bikes away] [under-breath] Like thatll ever happen.
Spongebob: You know, Patrick? It always seems like Squidward never has time for fun.
Patrick: Maybe he doesnt like us.
Spongebob: No, are you kidding? Were his best friends. [Squidward bikes down a path, chuckling to himself]
Squidward: Jellyfishing. [laughs, as he laughs, his nose inflates and deflates] Oh, Ill go. [laughs] I sure had them going. [laughs. But, he doesnt see a jellyfish which is going in the opposite direction. He keeps on laughing. The jellyfish ends up swimming in Squidwards mouth and he coughs it out] Stupid jellyfish! Beat it! [he hits it, and the jellyfish goes up his shirt and starts zapping him. Squidwards legs get tangled on the pedals and he trips on a rock. He bounces down a hill and then falls down a jagged rocky cliff. When he reaches the bottom, theres an atomic explosion. He groans silently. Cut to Spongebob sitting at his house. He looks out the window. No one there. He sits down again. He notices a photo of him and an unhappy Squidward that reads, Friends. He puts it down and looks out the window again. Squidward, whos in a wheelchair and all bandaged up rolls down the path]
Spongebob: Squids back! [he phones Patrick, which causes the screen to split diagonally, revealing Patrick on the bottom]
Patrick: Yello?
Spongebob: Hey Patrick, Squids home! And were gonna make sure hes greeted by his two best friends!
Patrick: Oh great! Who are they? [its revealed that the two are phoning each other from across the room, just with different wallpapers]
Spongebob: Us! [the two hang up] Lets go! [Squidward wheels himself into his house and turns on the lights. Sponge and Pat are inside with a banner, Welcome Home] Welcome home, Squidward!
Patrick: Merry Christmas!
Spongebob: Were gonna make this your best day ever! [Squid turns around and wheels out. Sponge rolls him back in] Well your best days sure not gonna be out there. [Sponge wheels Squid to a table where Patrick stands by a bowl of soup]
Patrick: How about some soup on your best day ever? [Squidward looks at the soup and sees Alphabet Soup letters spelling out, Best Day Ever. Patrick holds up a spoon] Here we go! [he scoops some up, but Squid makes some grunting noises in refusal] Oh, its a little hot. [he blows on it, but blows the soup off. Squid screams off-screen. Pat notices his spoon is empty and refills it to blow on. This continues for three times and we see all the steaming soup is getting on Squidward. Sponge pulls the soup bowl away and laughs nervously]
Spongebob: I dont think soup is the best thing for him on his best day ever. [walks near a music stand and Squids clarinet] How about some music on your best day ever? Played on your very own clarinet. [he blows into it, but wind comes out] Sorry, my lips are a little dry. [he wets his lips exaggeratingly long and wet and starts to blow when Pat takes the clarinet away]
Patrick: Music isnt best either.
Spongebob: But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever THE best day ever! [cut to Sponge, Pat and Squidward in Jellyfish Fields. Sponge and Pat hold nets]
Sponge & Pat: [chanting] Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!
Spongebob: This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild jellyfish roam just waiting to be captured. [Squid rides away, but Sponge catches him] No, no, Squid! Over here! I know youre eager, Squid, but you dont even have your net. Pat, fix him up while I find him a good specimen.
Patrick: Firmly grasp it in your hand. [he places the pole end on Squids bandaged hand, but it falls because he cant grab, Pat picks it up] Firmly grasp it. [he does it again and the results are the same. Pats mad] FIRMLY GRASP IT! [he jams the net through Squids bandaged hand. He groans in pain] That oughta do it. [Sponge spots a jellyfish]
Spongebob: Theres one in position. Ready set GO! [the two yell out words of encouragement to Squidward and jump up and down, but Squidward isnt budging. The two eventually notice Squid isnt going anywhere. They again encourage him, but nothing happens]
Patrick: Maybe we gotta show him how its done. [in the tune of Swan Dance, Sponge & Pat dance along next to the jellyfish and try to catch it. After several attempts, they get into a big fight with stinging and such. The jellyfish escapes the squabbles and swims by Squidward and stings him on the nose. Squid, mad, goes after the jellyfish. Sponge & Pat, still getting stung by jellyfish, notice]
Spongebob: Hey look! Squids doing it! [as Squid chases, Sponge and Pat cheer him on. His wheelchair is stopped by a rock, but he eventually gets back on track. The jellyfish lands on a pink rock and Squid catches it. He laughs triumphantly, but muffled due to the bandages and whacks the net against the rock. The rock surfaces revealing to be a really huge jellyfish. Sponge & Pat look on]
Patrick: This guys good.
Spongebob: Hes a natural! [Sponge & Pat cheer Squid on as Squid tries to get away from the jellyfish. After several strokes of luck, hes eventually caught off-screen and is stung to the extreme. Sponge & Pat stop cheering. Cut to Sponge and Pat walking in front of Squids place covered in bandages] Hey Patrick. Thought yesterday went pretty well, dont you think?
Patrick: I had fun.
Spongebob: Me too. [some whirring is heard in the background]
Patrick: Hey its Squidward!
Spongebob: Oh, great. [Squidward comes rolling down the path in a stretcher and in a cast] Hey Squid! How about that [Squid rolls down the front walk] best day ever?
Patrick: Theres always tomorrow! [Squid bangs on the door, trying to get in]
Spongebob: Um, were really sorry about what happened yesterday, Squidward. [he bangs the door again] Um, we got you a present! [its the jellyfish that caused Squid to encounter the large jellyfish in a jar] Its the jellyfish. [Squid frowns]
Patrick: You know, from yesterday!
Spongebob: Youre not still mad, are you? [Squid opens the jar]
Patrick: I think hes still mad. [The jellyfish chases after Sponge and Pat and stings them. Squid laughs to himself. But the large jellyfish is back and zaps Squid. Now hes burnt to a crisp. The cast cracks off]
Squidward: Ouch.
END
We will be right back....
Now back to the show...
Plankton!:
[view of the Krusty Krab]
Squidward: [from inside] One Krabby Patty for table two. Spongebob, I dont have the whole day. [cut to inside in the kitchen]
Spongebob: Oui, oui. Une Krabby Patty, monsieur. First, le patty. [flips it up in the air and it falls into one of his holes. He holds up the other ingredients]
Squidward: Come on, Spongebob!
Spongebob: Next, lingredients. [throws them in the air] Ah, whee! [he catches them in his holes and his pants] Le mustard. [he squirts some out and it lands in his eye]
Squidward: Will you quit fooling around, wheres my Krabby Patty?
Spongebob: Le hold on a second! [Sponge takes his head and shakes it all up. When he puts it back on his body, his eyes roll around] And voila. [he goes up to Squidward and pulls a Krabby Patty from under his nose] Its under your nose! [laughs and puts it on a plate. Squid pretends to laugh]
Squidward: Youre killing me Spongebob! Hahaha you really are. [close up on the patty]
Spongebob: Look at it, Squidward. Mr. Krabs gift to all of Bikini Bottom: the Krabby Patty.
Squidward: OK, give it to me. [the Krabby Patty flies off the plate and starts bouncing all over the place] Come on Spongebob, stop it!
Spongebob: I swear, Im not doing anything! [the patty slithers out the door and heads for the exit] Mr. Krabs! The Krabby Patty is haunted! [the patty gallops along until Mr. Krabs spears it with his leg. A tiny thing comes out from it and Krabs inspects it in a magnifying glass]
Krabs: Avast, ye patty pirate! This is no ghost. It is [view of in the magnifying glass, of a tiny jelly bean-shaped green creature with one eye] Plankton! Stealing me booty!
Plankton: Hear me Krabs. When I discover your formula for Krabby Patties, Ill run you out of business. I went to college! [Krabs picks up the puny pest] Hey! Let me go!
Krabs: Ill let you go all right, squirt. On a flying saucer! [laughs. He splats Plankton on a plate and spins him back across the street, to the Chum Bucket] Back to the Chum Bucket with you!
Plankton: Youll pay for this Krabs! [slams through the doors]
Spongebob: Uh.. Plankton, sir?
Krabs: Aye, hes been trying to steal me secret formula for years. But you havent got it yet, have ye bug? [laughs. Spongebob joins in, braying with laughter. Krabs stops but Sponge keeps laughing] OK. [keeps laughing] Enough lad, it wasnt that funny. [keeps laughing] Get back to work! [Sponge stops. Cut to nighttime at the Krusty Krab]
Spongebob: [from inside] OK Mr. Krabs, see you tomorrow!
Krabs: Good night, me boy! [Sponge walks out and walks past the Chum Bucket contently]
Plankton: [unseen] Psst young man. [Sponge looks around to see where this voice came from] Yes, over here. Come on boy, a little closer. [Sponge walks forward] Closer [Sponge walks] Not that close! [a crunching sound is heard. Sponge lifts up his show revealing a flattened Plankton] You blasted barnacle head! I mean hi. [Sponge peels Plankton off his shoe and onto his hand]
Spongebob: Plankton? What do you want?
Plankton: I just want to talk. You could say were friends, right?
Spongebob: Um no.
Plankton: Acquaintances.
Spongebob: No.
Plankton: Well, were both invertebrates, arent we?
Spongebob: I guess so.
Plankton: You see? Everything works out. I have something for you. Ive been keeping it in my secret compartment. [rummages through his back pocket and takes out a golden spatula] Ching! [in unison with the sparkling of the spatula] Sparkle, sparkle
Spongebob: Wow! A golden spatula! And its even got my name on it!
Plankton: Its a gift! A gift from a friend. [hugs Sponges thumb] Friends give each other gifts. And tomorrow is my birthday. [puts a birthday hat on his head and Sponges thumb and then blows a noisemaker. He then takes out a cake] And you know what Id like more than anything in the whole wide world? [blows out the candles]
Spongebob: A booster seat? [Plankton takes off the hat]
Plankton: Booster seat? Hot dog! I mean, no. What I want for my birthday from you my friend, is one of those [starts to drool] tender delicious Krabby Patties! [Sponge drops Plankton and screams]
Spongebob: You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet its not even your birthday tomorrow.
Plankton: Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
Spongebob: Youll never get a Krabby Patty from me! [walks off, then stops] Even if we are friends! [runs off] Never, never, never, never!
Plankton: Oh, Ill get a Krabby Patty and youre going to hand-deliver it to me personally! You weak-minded fool! [takes out a record player that plays evil music and laughs evily to it. Cut to Sponge going to sleep]
Spongebob: Good night Gary. [Gary meows. Sponge goes to sleep. Just then, one of the flowers on Sponges bed pattern pops up. Its Plankton in disguise, wearing a backpack, that looks more like an antenna-like machine]
Plankton: [chuckling] Spongebob, you will be mine! [pulls out the record player and laughs evilly to it. But it actually plays a kids song of the A-B-Cs. Plankton realizes this and flips the record around. It plays the evil music like last time and he laughs. Then he walks through one of Sponges holes and begins his journey. Plankton reads a map that looks like a regular road map, except with a giant brain in the middle of it] It should be in here but where? [pan out to reveal hes standing on the brain] Where? Oh [takes off the antenna thing on his back] This will be the beginning of the end! [outside, Sponge rolls to his left in his sleep. The brain falls to the right inside and Plankton falls off] Ouch! Stupid brain [gives chase] Come back here you swine! [Sponge then rolls to his right. Inside, the brain squishes Plankton. Sponge then sleeps on his back and the brain stops rolling. Plankton holds up a roll of duct tape] Thats it brain, youre going down! [Plankton uses tape to hold it down] Yes, yes, thats grand. [takes out blueprints] And now, for my very elaborate and college-educated plan. [the blueprints reveal a picture of the antenna thing labeled Control and an arrow pointing to a picture of a brain labeled Brain. Plankton follows these instructions by jamming the control in the brain] And now its time for a little wakey-uppy. [his hands on the control levers, he uses his foot to press the Total Control button. Outside, Sponge wakes up]
Spongebob: Morning already? [Plankton jams the controls causing Sponges legs to jam out to his side. He rumbles and falls down. Plankton laughs evily] I I feel a little funny today. [using the controls, he makes Sponge walk. Plankton laughs]
Plankton: I have you now! [outside, Sponge keeps walking toward the kitchen]
Spongebob: Time for a well-balanced breakfast. [he rams through the wall and through the fridge emerging with bread, a bottle of milk and an egg carton on his head] This isnt what I had in mind. [he walks toward the straps with his pants attached] Let me just grab my pants. [he walks toward them and they spring him. He eventually gives free and keeps walking] I guess Im not wearing any pants today. [he crashes through the side of the wall] I guess Im not using the door either. See you later Gary! I guess. [Gary meows] Youre right, Gary! There is something wrong with me! Squidward! Squidward! Wake up! I need some help! [inside Squids house, he tries to sleep] [off-screen] Squidward! Help!
Squidward: Be quiet, Spongebob! [Sponge bursts through the wall of Squids room]
Spongebob: Heeelllp!
Squidward: Spongebob! What are you doing? Im talking to you! Spongebob! Spongebob, are you mad? [Sponge crashes through the opposite wall. He stops walking and his head turns around 180 degrees]
Plankton: [through Spongebob] Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.
Squidward: Mediocre? [from inside, Plankton speaks through a microphone]
Plankton: You pretentious little insignificant artist. Your snivelly creations are worth less than a protozoans waste! [Sponge snaps out of it]
Spongebob: Something must be wrong with my brain! [Sponges eyes roll into the back of his head and he sees Plankton] [gasps] Plankton! What kind of friend are you?
Plankton: Nonsense. You never liked me anyway. You wouldnt even come to my birthday party! [from outside]
Spongebob: Get out of my head! Leave my brain alone! [in Planktons voice] Never! Never! [laughs and walks out backward. Squid goes back to sleep, actually faints. Sponge crashes through Planktons rock and reemerges with Pat on his head. Sponge throws him off and hes pinned into the ground. Sponge walks toward the Krusty Krab]
Plankton: [inside Sponge] How about a little take-out!
Spongebob: No, never! [he crashes through it, reemerging with a Krabby Patty. Plankton laughs evily] You cant fool me Plankton, you want the Krabby Patty secret formula! [Sponge walks into the Chum Bucket]
Plankton: You are going to hand it over to me personally!
Spongebob: No, no, no! [theyre inside and walk through a door] Theres no one here.
Plankton: Dont remind me. Brace yourself Spongebob, this is my lab! [the room hes walked into has a screen with a live-action Labrador retriever. He barks a couple of times. They walk into the next room, a real lab] And this is my laboratory! And did I ever show you my record player? [he pulls it out again and it plays dramatic music. Plankton laughs]
Spongebob: I must fight! [he mumbles nonsensically and stretches his head out and bites against the side of the door. His body keeps trying to walk]
Plankton: No, no, no, no. [he pushes the levers forward with causes Sponge to lose grip and slam against the wall and wobble over to a giant funnel thing] There, you see how much easier it is when you help, friend? How do you like my analyzer? It tells the ingredients of whatever I put into it. [a robot arm clenching some seaweed comes in and drops it in the giant funnel analyzer. Its zapped and some beeping is heard from the giant computer screen. The screen then reads what the computer says]
Computer: Seaweed: 50% Sea, 50% Weed. [a picture of the seaweed appears]
Plankton: Impressed? Now lets reveal that secret formula. [laughs. He pulls the lever forward, letting two of Sponges fingers off the patty. Hes holding it with both hands, so one finger from each hand] And this little piggy brought home a Krabby Patty. [two more fingers loose grip] This little piggy will help me drop it in. Any last words, Spongebob Secretpants? [Sponge tries to resist, but stops]
Spongebob: I just have to say Im sorry I let Mr. Krabs down. [starts to tear] I let all of Bikini Bottom down. But worst of all, I let you down, you delicate little Krabby Patty.
Plankton: Mmm
Spongebob: With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness. [inside, Plankton starts to get hungry]
Plankton: Steamy [a live-action patty gets assembled on screen as Sponge states the ingredients]
Spongebob: Ill never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steamed between two fluffy seaweed-sea buns. [inside, Plankton starts to drool excessively]
Plankton: Yes yes YES!! [he jumps out of one of Sponges holes to the patty] Come to poppa! [he bounces off the patty and lands in the analyzer] Oh boy [hes zapped and the computer reads out the analysis]
Computer: Plankton: 1% Evil, 99% Hot Gas. [Plankton appears on screen]
Plankton: Well this stinks.
Spongebob: Well patty, I guess we can go home now. [walks out]
Plankton: Spongebob, thats my Krabby Patty! [Sponge walks out the swivel doors and they go back and forth] Give it back you porous freak! I command you! My patty! [the doors come to a close] Nooooo! Ill settle for some fries.
END
Graveyard Shift:
[Its nighttime at the Krusty Krab]
Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Bikini Bottoms premier day-time eatery. [zoom in on the Open sign in the window] Where it will be closing time right about [Squidward grabs the sign and turns it around, reading Closed]
Squidward: Now! 8 o clock. See you later, suckers! I got a hot date with a little lady and her name is Clarinet! [holds it up. Tomwalks by and knocks on the door] What?
Tom: Are you open?
Squidward: Read the sign.
Tom: Ill have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a Double Chili Kelp Fries.
Squidward: Oh no you wont. I cant just hang out here all night. Ive got a life.
Tom: Well, fine if you dont want my money!
Krabs: [off-screen] Money? [a sound effect of someone falling is heard. Krabs comes crashing down on Squidward] You mean if wed stay open later youd give us your money? [cut to Tom holding up cash, as well as some passerbys in the distant]
Tom: Well sure! [Krabs takes the Open/Closed sign and rips it in half]
Krabs: Mr. Squidward, welcome to the night shift. From now on, the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours a day! [Squidward stands up]
Squidward: WHAT? [a barrage of customers come barging in, trampling over Squidward. Spongebob walks by]
Spongebob: Wow! Now we never have to stop working! [Squidward stands up]
Squidward: Mr. Krabs
Krabs: See you in the morning, boys! I cant hang out here all night, I got a life. [runs out]
Squidward: Mr. Krabs!
Spongebob: Isnt this great, Squidward? Just me and you together for hours and hours and hours and then the sun will come up and itll be tomorrow and well still be working! [gasps] Itll be just like a sleepover! Except well be sweaty and covered with grease! [jumps up on top of the counter and points] Are you ready to rock, Squidward?
Squidward: No.
Spongebob: Good! Cause weve got customers! [he flies through the ordering window into the kitchen. Squidward walks behind the counter. A fish walks up and Squidward gives him a bat]
Squidward: Here. Hit me as hard as you can. [Spongebob pops up from the ordering window]
Spongebob: Psst, Squidward. Im working in the kitchen! [giggles] At night! [Squidward puts his head on the counter]
Squidward: Dont hold back. [cut to Spongebob chopping lettuce]
Spongebob: Hey Squidward, guess what! Im chopping lettuce! At night! [cut to Spongebob scrubbing himself around and cleaning the bathroom] Look at me! Im swabbing the bathroom! At night! [the room is sparkly clean. Cut to Spongebob picking up a spatula off the grill and getting burned] Aaaah!!! I burned my hand! [happily] At night! [his hand turns red and sizzles. Cut to Spongebob walking on top of the counter chanting Night, night, night, night in the tune of Charge! while Squidward watches annoyed]
Squidward: Will you please! [holds up a bag of trash] Here, give me a moments peace and take out the trash.
Spongebob: All right! [grabs bag and runs to the front door] Taking out the trash! Taking out the trash! At ni- [stops short. Pan out to show a very creepy looking outside. Cut back to the restaurant] You mean outside?
Squidward: Thats where the dumpster is, yes.
Spongebob: I dont know Squidward. Its kind of dark out there.
Squidward: But I thought you liked the night shift.
Spongebob: Youre right. [holds up the trash bag triumphantly] For the Krusty Krab! [he frantically runs out of the building sweating and slams the trash bag in the dumpster and runs back in the same fashion. He leans against the door and inhales and exhales. With each inhale, his body inflates into a sphere. He then snaps his fingers and walks back] Piece of cake.
Squidward: So youre not afraid?
Spongebob: Phfft, nah!
Squidward: Well, I am. Especially after [gulps] well, you know.
Spongebob: What do I know?
Squidward: You mean you dont remember? It was all over the news!
Spongebob: Tell me! Tell me!
Squidward: No, no, I probably shouldnt. It would ruin the night shift for you. [smiles contently]
Spongebob: What happened? What happened? What happened?
Squidward: You mean youve never heard the story of the [thinks] Uh, hash-slinging slasher?
Spongebob: [stops getting exciting] The slash-bringing hasher?
Squidward: The hash-slinging slasher!
Spongebob: The sash-ringing, the trash-singing, the mash-flinging, the flash-springing, ringing, the, the crash-singing, the
Squidward: Yes, the hash-slinging slasher. But most people just call him the Hash-AAAGH!!! Because thats all they have time to say before he gets them! [Spongebob pulls on two holes and his face stretches down]
Spongebob: Tell me the story!
Squidward: Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hash-slinging slasher used to be a fry cook just like you. Only clumsier! [Spongebobs eyes get smaller] Then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened.
Spongebob: He forgot the secret sauce?
Squidward: No.
Spongebob: He didnt wash his hands?
Squidward: No.
Spongebob: Irregular portions?
Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake!
Spongebob: You mean like this! [pulls off his own arm, then another grows in its place] Or like this? Or this? Or this? Or what about this? [continues to pull off all of his arms and they just grow back. Cut to an annoyed Squidward]
Squidward: Except he wasnt a sponge! [cut to Spongebob, with a giant pile of hands around him]
Spongebob: So?
Squidward: So it didnt grow back! [Spongebob and the hands jump up]
Spongebob: AAAAAH!!! [the hands hop away]
Squidward: He replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And at his funeral, they fired him! And now, on every what day is it?
Spongebob: Tuesday.
Squidward: Tuesday night! His ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to reek horrible vengeance.
Spongebob: [gasps] But tonights Tuesday night!
Squidward: Than hell be coming.
Spongebob: How will we know? [Squidward holds up three tentacles]
Squidward: There are three signs signaling the approach of the hash-slinging slasher. First the lights will flicker on and off. Next [a fish walks up to the counter]
Fish: Dude, can I have some ketchup?
Squidward: Wha, oh, here you go. [gives him two ketchup packets. He returns to his ghostly tale] Next, the phone will ring and there will be nobody there. [Spongebob chatters his teeth and fingernails fly everywhere as he bites his nails] And finally, the hash-slinging slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran him over! [Spongebob chatters on his arms and they go through his mouth with the sound effect of a paper shredder. He grows new arms and the process starts again] Then he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways because hes already dead! [Spongebob now has a movie popcorn-like bucket full of his arms and he eats them] Then, he taps on the window with his grisly spatula hand.
Spongebob: No
Squidward: He opens the door. [makes a strange door creaking noise. Then, he talks and moves his face closer to Spongebob and eventually so close, Spongebobs face has been pushed into his body] Then, he slowly approaches the counter! [the word counter echoes] And you know what he does next?
Spongebob: What?
Squidward: You really want to know?
Spongebob: What?
Squidward: Are you SURE you want to know?
Spongebob: What? What? What does he do?! [Squidward come up from behind Spongebob and taps him]
Squidward: He gets ya! [Spongebob screams and continues screaming as Squidward laughs it up and bangs the counter. He soon calms down, but Spongebob is still screaming] Spongebob [screaming continues] Spongebob [screaming continues] I was just- [zoom in on Spongebobs mouth as it screams] I was just- [zoom onto Spongebobs eyes which are now in the format of a mouth and scream] Spongebob! I was joking!
Spongebob: What?
Squidward: Its not true! None of its true!
Spongebob: Its not?
Squidward: Of course not! Nobody has a spatula for a hand. It was all a joke.
Spongebob: Oh [as he comprehends the joke, he begins laughing in the same style as he did screaming earlier. Cut to outside where neon lights on the Krusty Krab now read, Open Forever. Cut to inside, where Squidward reads a book behind the register. He hears strange noises repeatedly but cant figure out where theyre coming from. The noises are actually Spongebob is using suction cups on his shoes to hang on the ceiling and clean it with a mop and a bucket of water. Spongebob pops up behind Squidward upside-down and startles him]
Spongebob: Isnt this great, Squidward! Theres never any time to wash the ceiling during the day. [springs back up]
Squidward: [growls] Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who wants a Krabby Patty at three in the morning? [cut to Patrick at his house asleep. His alarm clock goes off]
Patrick: Oh boy! 3 A.M.! [he pulls off the covers, revealing a Krabby Patty next to him. He starts eating. Cut back to the Krusty Krab]
Squidward: Just look at this place! Its like a ghost town in here! [the lights flicker on and off] Very funny Spongebob. [Spongebob walks back to the floor]
Spongebob: What?
Squidward: [imitating his story voice] And the lights will flicker on and off just like the story! I get it. [Spongebob just stands there. Squidward notices that the light switch isnt budging. It even has cobwebs all over it]
Spongebob: Hey Squidward, how are you doing that without moving the switch?
Squidward: Im not doing it. It must be the stupid faulty wiring in here. This place isnt built to run 24 hours a day. [the phone rings, he answers it] What? What? Hello? Hello? Hello?
Spongebob: Nice try, Squidward.
Squidward: Nice try what?
Spongebob: [imitating story voice] The phone will ring and there will be no one there. [lifts eyebrows] Oh, you crack me up.
Squidward: Spongebob, Im not doing this? OK, calm down, calm down. Alright, what was it? There was the lights [they flicker again] and the phone [the phone rings] and the walls will ooze green slime?! [they do so] Oh, wait, they always do that. But what was that third thing? [he notices a bus pulling up the restaurant coming out of the fog]
Spongebob: I didnt know the buses ran this late.
Squidward: They dont.
Spongebob: Well, theyre dropping someone off. [the bus leaves, leaving a shadowy figure who looks like a hunchback. His eyes are glowing red and he holds up his spatula hand. Squidward screams. His hat flies off and hair grows. The hair stands up and waves around. The hair disappears]
Squidward: The sash-ringing, the, the, the sash- singing, the bash p-pinging [Spongebobs eyes widen]
Spongebob: The hash-singing slasher! [he starts to cry]
Squidward: At last you understand! Were doomed!
Spongebob: No, thats not it. [wipes away a tear] I am just so touched that you would go through the trouble that you would dress as a shadowy fry cook and stand on the other side of the street just to entertain me. You must really like me! [cut to the shadowy figure, walking toward the restaurant]
Squidward: [off-screen] Spongebob, there are two problems with your theory. [cut back to inside] One: I hate you, and two: how can that be me if Im standing right here? [the shadowy figure knocks his spatula hand on the door. Spongebob screams in the same fashion as Squidward did, except his eyelashes grow and start to wiggle around]
Spongebob & Squidward: The hash-slinging slasher!!! [the shadowy figure walks toward the counter and the two stammer and hold each other]
Squidward: Spongebob, no matter what Ive said, Ive always sort of liked you!
Spongebob: Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!
Squidward: Huh? [the two keep stammering. The shadowy figure walks into the light and turns out to be a regular guy. The two red eyes were just his nostrils]
Guy: Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula. [holds up his hand, than his sleeve moves down, revealing his hand is just holding] I called earlier, but I hung up cause I was nervous.
Spongebob: Do you have references? [Squidward puts him down]
Squidward: Wait, if that was you on the phone and you on the bus, than who was flickering the lights? [the lights continue to flicker. Cut to an old black-in white frame of Nosferatu, the old movie vampire, flickering the lights]
Spongebob, Squidward & that Guy: Nosferatu! [cut to him, and he smiles. Cut to black accompanied by a light flicker sound effect]
END
We will be right back..
Now back to the show...
Krusty Love:
another day at the Krusty Krab. In his office, Krabs is humming and sewing a cushion of his true love: money. He stops short]
Krabs: [sniffs] Whats that smell? [he runs to the ordering window] The register! [he shakes it and sniffs] Forty-nine-o eight?! Thats a penny short! [he starts to sob. Squid walks by]
Squidward: [unenthusiastic] Oh no, not a penny. Help, somebody help us. [Sponge walks up to him]
Spongebob: Its just a penny, sir. It doesnt matter.
Krabs: Doesnt matter? Its money that makes the world go round, boy! Its money that keeps your pants square! [puts a two-sided ruler to Sponges pants] Its money that keeps Squidward in frilly soap! [Squid sniffs himself and sighs]
Squidward: Lilac. [panoramic of the restaurant shot, but the store covered with giant red bandages]
Krabs: Its money that paid for all them renovations we did! Oh, nothing in the seven seas could matter more. Not even [he sees something afar and gets glass-eyed] that scrumptious curvy cutie.
Spongebob: I see her, Mr. Krabs. [Sponge was referring to the food] A Krabby Patty with cheese. A classic.
Krabs: Not the sandwich, boy! The curvy cutie holding the sandwich. [we see its Mrs. Puff eating the sandwich]
Spongebob: Hey, thats my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff!
Krabs: Mrs. Puff? Aw, shes married.
Spongebob: Oh no, Mr. Krabs. Shes single.
Krabs: Then what happened to Mr. Puff? [we see live-action footage of a spiky blowfish being used as a lamp]
Spongebob: She doesnt like to talk about it.
Krabs: Oh, what I wouldnt give to have a lass like that on me claw.
Spongebob: Wait, I know! Why dont I take you over and introduce you?
Krabs: Oh no, no, no, Im too old, boy. Too hard-shelled for love. Besides, Im not properly dressed.
Spongebob: Oh, come on Mr. Krabs. [close up on his clothes, all dirty and smelly and Krabs fly is open] You look great! Wait here while I break the ice! [runs off]
Krabs: Spongebob, no, wait! Im too nervous! Oooh [Sponge approaches Puff]
Spongebob: Hi, Mrs. Puff. [Puff screams]
Puff: Hit the brakes, Spongebob! Watch the tree! [screams, Sponge snaps his fingers]
Spongebob: Wait Mrs. Puff, were not driving.
Puff: Oh, Im sorry Spongebob. I didnt expect to see you here.
Spongebob: I work here, Mrs. Puff. Want to meet my boss?
Puff: Well, Im not
Spongebob: Dont move. [runs off, Puff groans. Sponge pushes Krabs to the table] Mrs. Puff, Id like to introduce you to Mr [Krabs falls face forward like a statue. Sponge pulls him back up] Id like to introduce you to my boss, Mr. Krabs.
Puff: Uh, hello. [Krabs quivers]
Spongebob: Psst, Mr. Krabs, say hello. [Krabs makes some weird garbled muttering] No, no, Mr. Krabs, just say hello. [Krabs makes a weird strangled groan]
Puff: Hmm, perhaps another time would be
Krabs: Nooo!
Spongebob: Wait, hes trying to tell you something!
Puff: [trembling] Mr. Krabs [Krabs does some weird movements and speaks gibberish] I dont understand. [Krabs does some more weird stuff]
Spongebob: Oh, uh, I think Mr. Krabs is saying that hed like to, uh, hit you with a rake!
Puff: Goodness!
Krabs: No! [does some more weird stuff]
Spongebob: Try to guess your weight!
Puff: [indignant] Well!
Krabs: No! [more weird stuff]
Spongebob: No, wait, he wants to take you on a date! [Krabs falls over in delight]
Puff: Is this true, Mr. Krabs? Do you want to take me on a date?
Krabs: Aye. What do you say?
Puff: What do I say? [laughs] I say, you have a way with words, Mr. Krabs. [walks off]
Krabs: I still got it. [laughs. Cut to Krabs house]
Spongebob: Are you ready for your date, Mr. Krabs?
Krabs: Im always ready when it comes to dating, lad!
Spongebob: Breath spray?
Krabs: Check!
Spongebob: Lucky hanky?
Krabs: Check!
Spongebob: Giant rusty anchor?
Krabs: Uh, anchor. Anchor! I cant find me giant rusty anchor! [Sponge laughs]
Spongebob: Relax, Mr. Krabs. Just a little joke. Good luck with you-know-who. [makes a circle out of hand quotations]
Krabs: Who?
Spongebob: Mrs. Puff.
Krabs: Oh, right. [walks out the door] Wish me luck, lad! [cut to a restaurant made out of a ship in a glass bottle. Krabs and Puff have dinner there]
Puff: Oh, Mr. Krabs, this dinner has been so wonderful. The coral was cooked to perfection. [laughs] I dont think I could eat another bite.
Krabs: Oh, I doubt that, my little shrimp boat. [Puff laughs]
Puff: Youre spoiling me, Mr. Krabs. I mean, foot rubs between courses [under the table, a squid rubs her feet] caricatures [holds up one] imported music [quick pan over to a live-action scuba diver playing a piano]
Krabs: Nothings too good for you, my prickly peach.
Puff: Well, what Im trying to tell you, Mr. Krabs, is [the waiter interrupts them]
Waiter: Uh, Mr. Krabs, your fancy pantsy limousine is here.
Krabs: Wonderful! Pufflily-poo, your chariot awaits! [he whistles and two men carry Puff to the limo] Youll never have to walk again, my little lobster bib! [laughs and sighs. The waiter approaches him again]
Waiter: Your bill, sir.
Krabs: Bill? [looks at it and gasps] What? ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!? Well, this cant possibly be correct!
Waiter: Oh, my mistake, sir. Thank you for pointing that out. [hands him another bill] Heres your bill. [Krabs eyes widen and from outside the building, Krabs scream breaks the glass of the entire restaurant. Cut back to Krabs house where Sponge is watching Krabs on the floor crying]
Spongebob: I dont understand, Mr. Krabs. How can you spend $100,000 in one night?
Krabs: Oh, Spongebob! I couldnt help but spend every cent I had on her! I couldnt control myself!
Spongebob: What are you going to do?
Krabs: I dont know, boy! Ive got another date tomorrow! Im caught between me two greatest loves! Sweet Mrs. Puff, and the rest of me money! [cries]
Spongebob: I wish there was some way I could help.
Krabs: Perhaps there is, boy! [hands him his wallet] Im leaving you in charge of me money!
Spongebob: I dont get it, Mr. Krabs.
Krabs: You come with me on the date and make sure I dont spend any money! [cut to the two walking to Puffs door] Now remember, we keep it cheap and go to the park. And no matter how much I ask you, dont give me any of me money. Now, give me a dollar.
Spongebob: No.
Krabs: Good job, boy! Youll do fine! [knocks on the door]
Puff: Who is it?
Krabs: Its me, my beautiful belle buoy! [Puff giggles]
Puff: Just a minute!
Krabs: Flowers! Flowers, boy! Go get me flowers!
Spongebob: But you said
Krabs: You cant call on a classy lady like Mrs. Puff empty-handed! [makes an air-square] Were not talking about this, [makes an air-triangle] or this, [makes an air-circle] were talking about this!
Puff: Almost ready!
Krabs: Hurry boy, get the flowers! [Puff comes out] Mrs. Puff, youre as beautiful as ever.
Puff: Thats funny, I thought I heard Spongebobs voice.
Krabs: Uh, you did. Hell be right back. Hes our personal assistant during the day.
Puff: Oh, uh, excuse me. I have to call my insurance agent. [walks inside]
Krabs: Ah, my beautiful Puff. [Sponge returns with flowers]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, I got the flowers you wanted me to buy.
Krabs: What is that?
Spongebob: I got the flowers for Mrs. Puff!
Krabs: We had an agreement, boy! Youre not supposed to spend any of me money!
Spongebob: But you said
Puff: Here I come! [walks out, Krabs grabs the flowers and gives them to Puff]
Krabs: For you, Mrs. Puff!
Puff: Oh, flowers! Theyre wonderful!
Krabs: And heres a box of chocolates! [he realizes hes holding nothing] Spongebob, where are the chocolates?
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, the budget doesnt allow for
Krabs: Spongebob, you cant go to Mrs. Puffs house without chocolates. [Sponge runs off] Hurry! Hurry! [Sponge comes back with the box of chocolates]
Spongebob: I bought the biggest box they had!
Krabs: Buy, buy, buy! Spend, spend, spend! Is that all you can think about?
Puff: Oh, Eugene? [Krabs presents the box to Puff]
Krabs: Heres those chocolates I bought for you. What are we doing today, Mrs. Puff? Dinner? Dancing? A trip to the moon?
Spongebob: Were just going for a walk in the park, remember?
Puff: Actually, a walk in the park sounds perfect. Its a beautiful day. Ill just need to get a sun hat and
Krabs: Mrs. Puff needs a sun hat, Spongebob!
Spongebob: Well, I think she
Krabs: The suns beating down on poor Mrs. Puffs head!
Spongebob: As your financial advisor, I suggest
Krabs: Theres no time for suggestions, boy! Go buy a hat!
Spongebob: But
Krabs: Today! [Sponge runs off] Dont worry, Mrs. Puff! Ill shade you! [places a barrel on Puff] Spongebob, hurry! [Sponge returns]
Spongebob: One shady hat.
Krabs: Good job, lad. [places it on Puffs head]
Puff: Uh, thank you. But you didnt need to buy one. I have a hat in the closet.
Krabs: Didnt need to buy one? [his head turns 180 degrees] Did you hear that, boy? We didnt need to buy a hat! Arent you supposed saving me money?
Spongebob: Im trying, Mr. Krabs! But you keep telling me to buy things for Mrs. Puff! Its all very confusing.
Krabs: Spongebob, Im sorry. This is my fault. Im not thinking clearly. Im making a sailors promise, boy. From this moment on, I wont ask you to buy anything for Mrs. Puff!
Narrator: A few moments later [Krabs is lovey-dovey and hearts float in the background]
Krabs: Spongebob! Mrs. Puff needs a new fur coat! [Sponge runs out and gets one. Krabs is now mad and flaming dollars float in the background] Youre spending all me money! [back to the heart background] Puffy needs a new pair of shoes! [Sponge runs out and gets them] Youre breaking me boy! [back to hearts] She needs fine jewelry! [Sponge rushes out and gets them] Not that fine! [Sponge runs back out] Spongebob! [Krabs keeps yelling Sponges name as he keeps running back and forth with gifts until finally, Sponge is so tired, he cant even move] Spongebob! Im glad I caught you. I need you to buy Mrs. Puff
Spongebob: WAIT! Dont tell me. You want me to run down to the store and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesnt need! Then you want me to run back here so you can say, [Sponge pulls his eyes upward to look like Mr. Krabs] Aye, Spongebob, youre spending all me money! And then Ill say, But Mr. Krabs, Im only doing what you said! And then youll say, Were not talking about this [makes an air-square] or this, [makes an air-triangle] were talking about this! [makes a bunch of air lines that black out the screen. It comes back]
Krabs: But, Spongebob, this times different! Mrs. Puff really needs this! [cut to Puff, whos surrounded by all this useless expensive stuff]
Puff: Are we going to the park soon?
Krabs: Please lad, Im begging you! Im a lonely old crustacean whos found love! Dont let me lose her! [starts to cry]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, dont. Dont cry, Mr. Krabs! Look, Im going to get it, see! [walks out and comes back with something] Cheer up, Mr. Krabs! Heres that washing machine you wanted!
Krabs: Cheer up? How can I cheer up when youre spending all me hard-earned cash?
Spongebob: See! You just did it again!
Krabs: Lad, I cant help it if youre loose with other peoples money. [Sponge snaps and remains calm] Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go along with that?
Spongebob: Well, Mr. Krabs. Do you want to know what I think? [Sponge shouts out random, meaningless, incoherent gibberish. Puff looks up these words in the dictionary. Sponge ends his gibberish] -Mr. Krabs wallet! [Sponge storms out, Krabs jaw is hanging down]
Puff: I didnt know Spongebob had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, theres something Id like to say too, Mr. Krabs. [takes off the fur coat, shoes and hat] Im afraid I dont feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. Id rather go Dutch, if you dont mind. [hands him some money]
Krabs: Uh, OK.
Puff: Youre a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs. [Puff kisses him. Krabs utters something and his eyes form into the shape on a heart]
END
Welcome to the Chum Bucket:
[The Krusty Krab at night. The lights are still on]
Krabs: Come on Spongebob, its quitting time. [the lights turn off and Krabs and Sponge walk out] Ive got a card game tonight. [he locks the doors]
Spongebob: ::dolphin noise:: you playing cards with, Mr. Krabs? [we see the Chum Bucket across the street, with its lights still on]
Krabs: Im going over to the Chum Bucket to play with Plankton. [Sponge gasps]
Spongebob: Plankton! [a thought bubble appears over Sponges head with Plankton inside] But Mr. Krabs, hes your archenemy. [he picks up a Krabby Patty] Hes been trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula for years. [the Plankton in the bubble sees the burger and goes to get it, but Sponge swats him with a fly swatter]
Plankton: Ouch. [the thought bubble disappears]
Spongebob: Why would you play cards with him?
Krabs: Between you and me, Plankton is the worst card player in Bikini Bottom! [cut to him and Plankton holding cards and a giant stack of money on the table] Why Ive been taking him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! [Krabs puts his cards down on the table and rakes in his money with his claws. Back to the present, Krabs eyes have turned to dollar signs] I never lose! [the two start laughing and walk off their separate ways. Dissolve to morning where Krabs walks to work crying, and Sponge walks in laughing]
Spongebob: Taking him to the cleaners, that a hot one! [Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors] Howd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?
Krabs: I lost.
Spongebob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs. How much money did you lose?
Krabs: I didnt lose any money. [he sheds away a tear] I lost
Spongebob: Dont tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!
Krabs: I lost [Sponge grabs him]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didnt lose the Krabby Patty secret formula!
Krabs: I lost [he points to Sponge] you!
Spongebob: What?
Krabs: I bet your contract and I lost. [Sponge stares blankly, then laughs]
Spongebob: Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I got to make those Krabby Patties. [he begins to walk to the door, but Krabs claw stops him. After continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor]
Krabs: Im afraid you dont work here anymore. [Squid runs out the door to the two]
Squidward: Please tell me this isnt a joke.
Spongebob: Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke. [Plankton walks over]
Plankton: As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, Im afraid hes not joking. [he points at Sponge] You work for me now, Spongebob! [he whips out a bucket with the initials CB on it] Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. [Plankton jumps on Sponges head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat, and puts the bucket on his head. Sponge screams and runs to Krabs, knocking Plankton and the bucket off]
Spongebob: But Mr. Krabs! I dont want to work for him! [he tugs at Krabs shirt collar] I want to work for you here at the Krusty Krab! [he and Krabs start crying and hug]
Krabs: Im sorry, boy! Its all my fault!
Plankton: What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? [he whips out a crowbar] I would! [he jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry Sponge off Krabs. Sponge goes flying with Krabs arms still clung to him]
Krabs: Spongebob!
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs! [he slams into a cage and Krabs arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door]
Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, Ive been throwing those card games just waiting for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty secret formula but Ive got the next best thing: the guy who makes em! [a propeller emerges from the cage] Im gonna run you out of business, Krabs. [the propeller spins and pilots Sponge into the Chum Bucket]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs!
Krabs: Spongebob! [he sobs] Can I have my arms back? [Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs head. Cut to the cage hovering over a spotlight and dropping Sponge into it]
Spongebob: What is this place? [the lights turn on and screens with wires and gizmos start starting up. Sponge gasps. A giant boiler turns on. Sponge yelps. A light turns on and a calendar entitled Science! appears and the photo of the month is some nerd in front of a blackboard. Sponge screams. Plankton bursts open the doors]
Plankton: OK, Im ready for my Krabby Patty! [he walks over to Sponge]
Spongebob: Actually, uh, Mr. Plankton, sir, I havent, uh
Plankton: Perhaps you dont understand. You work for me now [he jumps onto Sponges knee] and as your new boss, I command you to make me a patty this instant, or Ill be forced to remove your brain and implant it in my robot chef! [we see a giant robot that bares a slight resemblance to Sponge] So get cooking. [he twangs Sponges nose. Later, Sponge is in front of a weird looking grill. He picks up a spatula with a spring end. He puts his fingers to one of the holes in the grill and steam bursts from it. Sponge screams. He looks at a digital sign reading, KITCHEN]
Spongebob: The sign says kitchen, but my heart says jail. [Sponge walks toward the window, where he sees the silhouette of the Krusty Krab. A song starts] A stove is a stove no matter where you go [cut to Krabs at the grill at the Krusty Krab]
Krabs: A patty is a patty, thats what I say [the patty on the grill ignites into flame. Sponge looks at the grill at the Chum Bucket teary eyed]
Spongebob: A grill is a grill. This is surely so [cut to Krabs in the kitchen throwing out a burnt batch of fries]
Krabs: And fries should be fries either way
Spongebob: But this grill is not a home. [he pops his head out the window] This is not the stove I know [Krabs walks out of the Krusty Krab]
Krabs: I would trade it all away, if youd come back to stay [both restaurants seem to get farther and farther away]
Sponge & Krabs: This kitchens not the same without you [a shooting star flies by. Smoke billows from both restaurants, taking form of Sponge and Krabs] Its just a greasy spoon without you. [Sponge turns and falls to the floor sobbing. Plankton is watching him from the lab]
Plankton: What is he doing? All these tears? And the show tunes? Why isnt he making the patties? Forget it! Im going with Plan B. Ill put his brain in the robot chef. [we see the robot again]
Karen: You know that never works. The answer is obvious. [an image equation appears on screen: Spongebob + heart] To get to the Spongebob, you must show him compassion and understanding. [the image changes to Sponge happily holding out a patty] Then hell give you what you want.
Plankton: Will you be quiet? Im thinking! [he snaps his fingers] Ive got it! To get to the Spongebob, Ill show him compassion and understanding. Then hell give me what I want. [cut to Sponge, now with the bucket helmet on, pressing a button on the boiler. The hatch opens, steam emits from it, and a burger with a red hand jutting out from it crawls toward Sponge. Plankton walks up] Hi! [Sponge screams and shuts the hatch]
Spongebob: Im sorry, Plankton! Im trying my best! Im not used to cooking this way. Please dont take my brain out!
Plankton: Hold it, Spongebob. Im capable of compassion and understanding.
Spongebob: Really? Then Id like to go back to the Krusty Krab.
Plankton: Lets not get carried away. Now what can I do to make you feel more comfortable here at the Chum Bucket?
Spongebob: Well I usually cook on a grill.
Plankton: You got it! [cut to later, Plankton grunts and pushes in a grill, then he jumps on top of it] Well, it wasnt easy, but here it is: one old frying grill. How about we try it out?
Spongebob: Uh, its just that Im used to the grill facing that way. [he points to the left]
Plankton: Say no more. Ill take care of everything. [he pushes it to the direction Sponge pointed, grunting] How about here?
Spongebob: A little more to the left. [Plankton pushes it back on-screen but further back]
Plankton: Hows this, Spongebob?
Spongebob: Move it over a little more. [Plankton pushes it more to the left]
Plankton: Here?
Spongebob: Keep going! [Plankton pushes it off-screen again]
Plankton: Here?
Spongebob: Almost! [Plankton pushes it into view] Thats it Just a little more Perfect! Right there! [Plankton has pushed the grill back where it originally was. He growls] I dont know Something still doesnt feel right. [cut to Sponge walking blindfolded]
Plankton: Just a few more steps, Spongebob. OK, go ahead, take it off. [Sponge does and we see from his POV Plankton standing in front of what appears to be the kitchen of the Krusty Krab] Its an exact replica of the Krusty Krab kitchen! [Sponge gasps]
Spongebob: It is an exact replica! Heres the sink! The greasy fryers! The squeaky floorboard! [he squeaks one] And that thing! [he points to the buoy on the wall. He runs over to the grill where Plankton is standing] One Krabby Patty coming up, Mr. Krabs! [he realizes what hes just said and starts sobbing] Oh, Mr. Krabs
Plankton: Dont cry, Spongebob. Ill show you its much better working for me. Is there anything that old skinflint Krabs wouldnt let you have?
Spongebob: Well, there is one thing Ive always wanted. [cut to later, Sponge is wearing vibrating flowered green shoes with fuzzy hems and red laces] Wow!
Plankton: So, now do you have everything you need to make some Krabby Patties?
Spongebob: Well [cut to Sponge in a bubble bath licking on an ice cream. Plankton scrubs his back]
Plankton: Are you ready to make some patties?
Spongebob: Wait till I finish my ice cream! [cut to Plankton pushing a laughing Sponge around on a rolling seahorse]
Plankton: How about those patties?
Spongebob: Faster! Faster! Faster! [cut to Plankton reading to Sponge]
Plankton: [reading] And then the littlest sea elf said.. [a drop of water falls on his head] Huh? [it was actually drool, and we see Sponge is sleeping. Plankton growls. He jumps up on the chair leg and holds up a mallet] Steady, Plankton. Its all going to pay off soon enough. [he throws the mallet aside and Sponge wakes up] Hey there, sleepyhead. [Sponge waves] What do you say?
Spongebob: All that preparation is making me hungry.
Plankton: Me too! You know what would really hit the spot? Why dont you whip us up a couple of Krabby Patties?
Spongebob: Mmm, Im kind of in the mood for tacos. [Plankton chuckles weakly]
Plankton: Good one, Spongebob. But really, go ahead and make us some patties. [Sponge yawns and turns over in the chair]
Spongebob: Nah, I dont really feel like it.
Plankton: But I dont understand. [Sponge picks up a cup of soda and begins drinking it] You have the grill and the spatula and the comfy chair. I rubbed your putrid feet! [stench rises from his hands]
Spongebob: Tell you what, half-pint, why dont you ask me later? [Plankton growls]
Plankton: I command you to make me a patty this instant! [Sponge puts down his soda and gets off the couch]
Spongebob: No!
Plankton: Dont back-sass me!
Spongebob: [mocking Plankton] Blah, blah, blah!
Plankton: What?! [Sponge blows a raspberry] Thats it, mister. You just lost your brain privileges! [cut to later, where electrical crackling is heard for Planktons lab. He runs out holding a remote control] Finished! Spongebob, come in here. [he presses a button and the robot walks in. He chuckles] Or should I say Robotbob Spongechef pants. I put the brain in the robot, you know. You shouldnt have been a spoiled brat. You see, I always get what I want, and I want you to make me a Krabby Patty! [he presses a button on the remote and the robot makes beeping sounds]
Robotbob: [in Sponges voice] Response: Why dont you ask me later?
Plankton: What? WHAT?!
Robotbob: Get welded. [it walks off]
Plankton: Wait! I command you make me a Krabby Patty! [he presses the button again. We see the robot lying down with a soda reading comics]
Robotbob: I dont wanna. [Plankton screams his lungs out. Cut to outside, where Krabs is outside the Krusty Krab hanging an Out of Business sign]
Krabs: Well old girl, this looks like our final chapter. [Plankton walks in] Huh?
Plankton: [sobbing] I cant take any more. [he jumps on Krabs nose] Youve got to take that yellow nightmare back! Its not worth it! Im better off stealing a Krabby Patty fair and square.
Krabs: Um [he grabs the sign and puts it behind his back] well, a deals a deal, Plankton. Hes your headache now. [he picks up Plankton by his antennas]
Plankton: Oh please have mercy, Krabs! Ill do anything. I beg of you!
Krabs: How about you give me fifty bucks and Ill take him off your hands. [Plankton holds up some money]
Plankton: Its a deal! [Krabs takes the money] I cheated anyway.
Krabs: Now begone with you, you puny pest! [he throws Plankton back to the Chum Bucket]
Plankton: [in mid-air] Thank yooooooou!! [he flies in the restaurant and a crash is heard] Ouch. [cut to Sponge in the Krusty Krab galley with a bandage on his head]
Spongebob: My brain and I are glad to be back, Mr. Krabs.
Krabs: Good to have you back, lad! Now get to those patties! The lunch rush is a-comin! [Sponge yawns]
Spongebob: I dont feel like it. Why dont you ask me later, Krabby? [he laughs, but sees Krabs isnt and stops] I mean, Im working all day for free. My treat! [he runs off, leaving his underwear behind. Cut to the restaurants exterior]
Krabs: Thats what I thought you said.
END
We will be right back...
(this is the first page used)
