The Everyday Life of Squidward Tentacles (TELOST)


Professional Mayo Player
Apr 21, 2013
In the Kitty Kingdom
Ok everyone I made a fanfic of Squidward (my first fanfic!) the title sounds boring but it is basically everyday adventures of Squidward! (Note: I am in the middle of a better Squidward fanfic so I am showing you this one) This fanfic is PG so its not inappropriate for anyone here.

S:1 E:1 "High School" (Pilot)Released: 7/17/13

(Bell Rings, Squidward stops brushing his luxurious silky blonde hair that is down to his upper back and preps himself for class)

Squidward: Ah Band class my favorite time of day! (Squiward takes out his clarinet)
Squilliam: How about that mine too!
Squidward: Finally somebody with class around here! I am Squidward by the way! (Puts out hand to shake)
Squilliam: Uh nice to meet you too! (takes out napkin and shakes Squidwards hand)
Teacher: OK! enough chit chat time to start symphony #8
(Class starts playing but its mediocre except Squilliam)
Squidward: Wow Squilliam! you are a very good player!
Squilliam: Thank you I get that a lot! Your music is umm OK
Squidward: :squidx: What are you saying?
Squilliam: Well your music is like any other player here its...crap.
Squidward: No its not Squilliam! mine is way better than yours!
Squilliam: I always enjoy challenges how about today at noon at the cafeteria!
Squidward: You're on Unibrow!

(They are at the cafeteria standing on the same table in front of a crowd of 9th graders the clock strikes noon)

Squilliam: Ok its noon time for the music! (Squilliam plays the most beautiful song the crowd cries)
Squidward: Alright amateur time for some real music!
(SpongeBob and Patrick in their teenage form jump out of the crowd)
SpongeBob: Go go Squidward!
Patrick: You can do it!
(Squidward drops all of his papers and picks them up in the wrong order)
Squidward: Dang! my papers! I am doomed!
(Squidward plays the worst music ever heard the crowd laughs)
Squilliam: look whos the amateur now! loser!
SpongeBob: That was beautiful!
Patrick: He has a way with music!
Squidward: (gets mad) You know what!
Squilliam: What? are you going to cry over my fame and glory!
Crowd: (laughs louder)
Squidward: You will all see one day I will beat you Squilliam!
Squilliam: (winks)




Professional Mayo Player
Apr 21, 2013
In the Kitty Kingdom
S:1 E:2 "Cashier" Released: 7/18/13
Squidward: (graduated from High School a few days ago and is coming home)
Hi Mama I got the ointment you want!
Mama: That's great dear but I need you to sit down we need to talk
Squidward: Do you need a message?
Mama: No
Squidward: Do you want me to make you something?

Mama: No
Squidward: Do you want me to rub your ointment in..
Mama: stop! don't continue.. I want you to move out since you have no plans to go to college.
Squidward: But Mama!
Mama: No buts in this house pack your bags!
Squidward: (holding bags) Can we work this out?
Mama: (getting angry and kicks him out) Squiddy I love you but you need to get a life!

(Squidward wanders around the city looking for a good job but no one excepts him)
Squidward: I am hopeless I cant even get I interview! (Finds flier)
The Krusty Krab? gross well I have nothing to lose.
(Squidward walks into the Krusty Krab and meets a sweaty crab)
Squidward: What a dump!
Mr.Krabs: Hello may I take you money?
Squidward: No I don't have any I am here for the job
Mr.Krabs: oh well er time for the interview!
Squidward: But I'm not ready!
Mr.Krabs: Question 1. Do you know how to overprice?
Squidward: Yes but isn't that a bit unfair?
Mr.Krabs: Question 2. Do you understand that there are no refunds and that refills are not free?
Squidward: Yes but isn't that illegal?
Mr.Krabs: SHH Question 3. You realize that if you reveal anything secrets to anyone I will rip off your legs with my bare arms and make you gulp it down!
Squidward: *gulps* yes?
Mr.Krabs: Ok you have the job! but I am giving you one final test which is observation (Mr.Krabs puts the hat on Squidward and gets back to his business)
Jim: Hey there noobie I'm Jim the frycook
Squidward: um hi I am Squidward the new cashier o how is this place like?
Jim: Its crap! You have to deal with customers get payed nohing and have to deal with the taskmaster! I am thinking of leaving and making my own business!
Squidward: Well I am going to take this job no matter what at least that sponge from high school doesn't work here..
Customer: Can I get a patty?
Squidward: Whatever..Jim one patty!
Jim: Here you go!
Squidward: Heres your patty that will be 2.99
Customer: *gives money* here you go um can I get extra mustard?
Squidward: No
Customer: come on I want my mustard!
Squidward: Look I am here just to make a living not to serve you I am superior!
Mr.Krabs: What the Hades is going on here?
Customer: This employee wont give me extra mustard!
Mr.Krabs: Squidward.... Congratulations you have got the job!
Customer: What do you mean? he mouthed me off!
Mr. Krabs: Yer right but our purpose is to give cheap food and verbal abuse! but the main reason I am giving you the job is because everyone I hired is to generous and wasted my profits but you sir re cheap as they come! You will be with us forever and ever and ever and ever..
Squidward: Yes I hate my life..


Professional Mayo Player
Apr 21, 2013
In the Kitty Kingdom
S:1 E:3 "Neighborhood" Released: 7/23/13

(Squidward has finally gotten enough money to get a house in rather rural district of Bikini Bottom with two neighbors from High School SpongeBob and Patrick)
Squidward: It's you two again..
SpongeBob: Ya and this time we live next to one another!
Squidward: Oh joy..
Patrick: Hey new neighbor (winks) want to play our secret game
Squidward: Nnnno
SpongeBob: Come on Squiddy ol' buddy! Just one round and we'll leave you alone
Squidward: That's crazy talk!
Patrick: That's not crazy talk this is Blah Blah..
SpongeBob: (Covers Patricks mouth) Not that again Pat
Squidward: Fine I will but one annoying blurb out of you and I leave!
SpongeBob: Alright! Lets start!
(Squidward is holding two oversized rocks and SB and Pat and standing 5 yards away)
Squidward: I honestly don't get it
SpongeBob: You throw the rocks at us and we have to dodge it
Squidward: Isnt that dodgeball
Patrick: It's better It's called dodge rock..
Squidward: Well it may kill them not an entirely bad idea.
(Squidward throws the rocks them two dodges bounces off Pats rock and hits Pat and SB in the back)
Squidward: Yaaay! I won and your hurt woo!
(Squidward gets all happy and runs inside opening the window)
Squidward: I love you world hahahaha!
SpongeBob: Well at least Squidward is happy with us..
Patrick: Me too but I realized something
SpongeBob: Whats that?
Patrick: Caring hurts!