Once Bitten 2 - No-Name vs. No-Talent

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Sep 22, 2005
Stealing your grill

It was a dark and rainy day in Bikini Bottom. It had been raining like this for about a week now. This didn't please Squidward, who was sitting on the window pain, moping as usual.

Squidward: It's been raining for days and I haven't even been able to play my clarinet with all the thunder. I hate the rainy seasons!

Snellie walked over to Squidward, suddenly foaming at the mouth and growling.

Squidward: What's wrong with you, Snellie? I already fed you twice today.

Suddenly, Snellie lunged towards Squidward and bit his right arm.

Squidward: Eeeeeeeooooooowwwww!!! Snellie, bad girl! Do I have to put you in that little cage again?

Snellie roared at Squidward and then slithered away.

Squidward: What has gotten into that snail lately?

Meanwhile, at the Bikini Bottom Pet General, Dr. Gillium, S.D.E and S.E, had made a sudden discovery.

Dr. Gillium: Ooh, this is exceedingly interesting.
Dr. Nutworth, S.E: What is it, Rob?
Dr. Gillium: Jacob, you know that urban myth disease that put Bikini Bottom into a panic a few weeks ago?
Dr. Nutworth: Yes?
Dr. Gillium: If my studies are correct, I may have found an undiscovered mild aliment similar to Mad Snail Disease.
Dr. Nutworth: So to put it into short terms, you've discovered an actual Mad Snail Disease?
Dr. Gillium: Basically.
Dr. Nutworth: Hm, I'll look into this further. In the meantime, we have a sick patient in Corridor E on the second floor.
Dr. Gillium: Understood. I'll be there in a minute.


Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Sep 22, 2005
Stealing your grill

Later that night, it was still raining heavily. Squidward was in the bathroom, washing his hands while preparing to go to bed for the night. Then he noticed a rash on his arm, where Snellie had bitten it.

Squidward: Huh, now how''d that rash get there? Maybe my blood vessels are acting up.

He got out of the bathroom and as he walked, he held onto his throat.

Squidward: (cracky voice) That's strange. My throat appears to be dry.

Then suddenly, he slipped and fell.

Squidward: What, have I lost my balance? (stands up) Wait, loss of balance? Sudden rash? Dry throat? If I wasn't smart enough, I would say I have Mad Snail Disease! Then again, maybe its all coincedence.

As he sat down on his bed, his ribs touched the mattress and he started to chuckle, then he stopped.

Squidward: Ticklish rib cage? Oh no, that's not a good sign! At least I haven't got... (looks at feet then gasps) ...severely untrimmed toenails?!!? (gasps) I have Mad Snail Disease!!!


Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Sep 22, 2005
Stealing your grill

The next morning, it was still raining. The entire outside environment had a grayish tone, mainly because storm clouds were covering the sky. SpongeBob and Patrick were in the front yard, with an umbrella plopped into the wet and muddy sand so they wouldn't get wet. SpongeBob was wearing his Christmas scarf*, and Patrick was wearing his sweater from the beginning of Pretty Seahorse. They were playing marbles, but you could tell they really didn't know how to play marbles.**

SpongeBob: (rolls dice on a piece of paper) Looks like I get your green marble!
Patrick: Darn. (hands over green marble) Wait, but now you have four marbles, so I get your red and yellow marbles!
SpongeBob: Darn. (hands over red and yellow marbles)
Patrick: Okay, my turn!

He flipped a quarter into the mud puddle and dug it out to see which side it was facing.

Patrick: Darn, you get your yellow marble back. (hands over yellow marble)

Then, Squidward opened the door and walked out. He didn't seem to care that it was raining outside. In fact, he looked completely mindless. He had bloodshot eyes and was simply staring at the horizon.

SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward! Want to join? Third player gets two orange marbles!
Patrick: Wait, if he's a new player, doesn't that mean he gets my yellow marble?
SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
Patrick: Barnacles. But wait! Since he gets more then two marbles at once, that means you have to give him all your green marbles!
SpongeBob: Yeah, but if he gets at least three marbles from each player, that means he only gets half of all my green marbles!
Patrick: But you have three green marbles. Doesn't that mean he gets two of your purple marbles and one of my brown marbles?
Squidward: Uhhh....
Patrick: I didn't understand a word he said. That means I get one of his blue marbles!
Squidward: Ooh, I'm a zombie, here to dine on your severely under-used brains...
Patrick: SpongeBob, what's wrong with Squidward?
SpongeBob: I don't know, but if he's got brain freeze, the means I get my two purple marbles back!

Suddenly, Squidward started walking towards the two, terribly freaking them out.

SpongeBob and Patrick: AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! RUN FOR THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!

They immediately ran inside the pineapple. Squidward followed and knocked on their door.

Squidward: Come back... Get in meh belly...


* I'll get into more detail on SpongeBob's scarf in the next story.
** I don't how to play marbles, so I had them play a really abstarct version, which appears to be nothing more then taking eachother's marbles based on the circumstances.
*** Like the cool new color pallet feature I've got going on here?

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Sep 22, 2005
Stealing your grill
Do not read this scene if you cannot handle the following:
  • Characters screaming at the top of their lungs several times.
  • People pulling down their pants to zombie people.
  • Being bitten in the buttocks.
  • Annoying little blue jellyfish.
  • Zombies.

Squidward started trying to break into the pineapple with chainsaws. All he really succeeded in was popping a hole in the walls and having pineapple juice splashed all over him. SpongeBob and Patrick were inside, leaning against the door, terrified.

Patrick: SpongeBob, what in the name of Rock Bottom has gotten into Squidward?!!?
SpongeBob: I don't know, but I'm sure it's nothing that mind-numbing television won't get our minds off of!
Patrick: Hurray!

They walked over to the TV. Our little blue friend Stevie was sitting on the couch, watching some weird Spanish soap opera.

Marco: No preocuparte, Lisa. Nunca te abandonara. Nunca!
Lisa: Parar el mentir a m, Marco. No tienes gusto de m en todos, y ahora s eso.

SpongeBob: What the scallop are you watching?
Stevie: I don't really know, but when Marco starting dating that French girl Riley, I-I just had to keep watching to see if Lisa dumps him!

Riley: Ne pas couter elle, Marco. Vous n'avez pas besoin de elle de toute faon.
Marco: No, no deseo elegir! Tengo sensaciones para ambos ti!
Lisa: Marco!
Riley: Elegir, o sufrir las consecuencias calamitosas!

SpongeBob: (swipes remtoe from Stevie) Give me that! (changes to Bikini Bottom News)
Stevie: Aw, I didn't get to see which one Marco chose yet, or if the German girl Malina found out too.

Realistic Fish Head: Our top story tonight: Mad Snail Disease is Real!

This immediatelt caused SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes to beam.

Realistic Fish Head: Dr. Robert Gillium S.D.E and S.E, as seen in the first Once Bitten, along with his assistant, Dr. Jacob Nutworth S.E, have made a remarkable discovery leading to the conclusions that long-though-to-be-a-myth-disease, Mad Snail Disease, is in fact real!

Patrick: I got a bad feeling in my stomach.

Relistic Fish Head: If your neighbor is trying to break into your pineapple home with PokDouglas-style chainsaws so he can eat your under-used brains, Mad Snail Disease has turned him into a viscous zombie. Back to you, Jeff!

SpongeBob and Patrick: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Stevie: Hey, look! It's Squidward! And he's trying to break into our pineapple home with PokDouglas-style chainsaws so he can eat our under-used brains! Maybe he knows someone who has Mad Snail Disease!
SpongeBob: Stevie, you idiot! He has Mad Snail Disease!!!
Stevie: Oh. Oh!!! What are we gonna do?

Then Gary entered the room, snarling, twitching, and foaming at the mouth.

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Stevie: NOOOOOO!!!! GARY'S GOT MAD SNAIL DISEASE!!!!!

They bust through the doors as Squidward was trying to bite the hinges off. He, Gary, and Snellie immediately hightailed after the trio.

Stevie: This is it, guys! We gotta leave town and never come back!
SpongeBob: Good idea! Patrick, you and I will go into town and warn everyone! Stevie, you distract Squiddy and the snails!
Stevie: No problem! (turns around) Hey, zombie jerks! Look looky!

As SpongeBob and Patrick ran away, Stevie turned around, his back facing them, and pulled down his pants and underwear.

Stevie: Hah hah, cheeks of inappropriateness!

And then before you can say, "Uh, you do know this show is rated G, right?", Gary bit No-Name in the buttocks.

Stevie: Now that's gonna hurt in the morning.
Patrick: No, Stevie's been infected!
SpongeBob: And they're coming after us now!


Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Sep 22, 2005
Stealing your grill

SpongeBob and Patrick an into twon with the Zombie squad running after them. They were alerting everyone they knew.

Patrick: Run for your meaningless lives!
SpongeBob: Mad Snail Disease is real!
Patrick: It's only a matter of time before we're all zombie slaves!
SpongeBob: ...and then he'll eat you whole and spit you back up, and you'll be bitten in your vulnrable state...
Patrick: Watch your eyeballs or you'll never watch again!
SpongeBob: ...and your rig cage will kick in, passing you out like a...
Patrick: Run while you still have minds!
SpongeBob: ...devouring everyone's under-used brains, like the zombies you are!

Now usually, the Bikini Bottom citizens would probably grab a phone and report the two to asylum officials to take them away, but not this time. After the epidemic that put them into panic last month, and the story they saw on TV, everyone started panicing as Squidward and the two snails of doom started chasing and zombifying everyone in sight. Over at Bikini Bottom Pet General, Dr. Gillium and Dr. Nutworth were watching on the front sidewalk, sipping some Sandbucks coffee.

Dr. Nutworth: I hypothesize that everyone is pancing because of a Mad Snail Disease epidemic.
Dr. Gillium: It does appear that way, Jacob. Shall we take procedures?
Dr. Nutworth: Yes, Rob, we probably should.
Dr. Gillium: I'll develop a vaccine in Corridor G of the fifth floor. Alert me if anything urgent occurs.
Dr. Nutworth: Thank you, Rob, I will.

With that, he waltzed with SpongeBob and Patrick. They were running so fast, he had to hightail it at full speed just to keep up with them.

Dr. Nutworth: Gentlemen, Dr. Gillium and I are developing a vaccine! Alert everyone!

SpongeBob and Patrick gathered everyone up in the center of town and spoke through a megaphone.

SpongeBob: May I have everyone's attention? Dr. Nutworth S.E has informed us that a vaccine is being developed as a cure for Mad Snail Disease. Let's help them out, who will join us?!!?

Everyone just stared for a second, and then their eyes suddenly went bloodshot.

Citizens of Bikini Bottom: There is no hope... No cure... We have been zombified... Zombified you will become...
Patrick: Oh no, SpongeBob! Everyone's been zombified already!

SpongeBob: Run for the Krusty Krab, Patrick!
They started running towards the Krusty Krab with the zombie citizens of Bikini Bottom right behind.


Next Scene: Patrick On His Own!
Nov 4, 2006
hey dogulas nice one but when will you create scene 6? i can't wait for it!


Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Sep 22, 2005
Stealing your grill
Hm, I'm thinking right now!


Patrick and SpongeBob continued to run like there was no tomorrow. Unfortuenately, Zombie Squidward was gaining up on them. SpongeBob ntocied he was starting to slow down slightly as Patrick got ahead of him.

SpongeBob: Curse my -23 lb. stick legs! Patrick!
Patrick: SpongeBob, no!
SpongeBob: Farewell, Patrick! It was a fun life!

That's when Squidward grabbed SpongeBob and ate him. ... ... ... Yes, I'm serious.

Squidward: Needs salt...

That's when he spit SpongeBob back up. Gary slithered over and bit his legs.

SpongeBob: YAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Patrick: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: There's nothing you can do for me now, Patrick... SAVE YOURSELF!!! SAVE BIKINI BOTTOM!!! SAVE NO-NAME!!! SAVE...ME!!! Like you...did...six months...ago...

He was dragged away to be zombified.

Patrick: NOOOOO!!!!! The odds are against me! I'm alone...again!

The zombies started to gain up on Patrick.

Zombie Citizens: Uhhh....
Patrick: No, it's not ending like this! There's still one season left, and it shouldn't be wasted with everyone dead!

That's when he pulled out his secret weapon. He pulled out the Mindo-Matic helmet he'd saved from months ago. He used on all of them and amazingly, it un-zombified them.

Patrick: Hm, so mind waves are the vaccine, huh? Cool.
Citizen #1: Uh, what happened?
Citzien #2: Am I in h-h-heaven?
Patrick: Uh, I'd like to explain what just happened, but I gotta run to the Krusty Krab.

He ran off to the Krusty Krab while everyone stood there, confused.

Citizen #3: Uh, what just happened?


Sorry, this story's getting a little amatuer. I'm not used everything being so actiony!

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Sep 22, 2005
Stealing your grill

Patrick didn't watch where we was going, so he immediately thudded against the locked doors of the Krusty Krab.

Patrick: Someone, please! Let me in! Zombies after me!
Mr. Krabs: Come on in, Patrick!
Old Man Jenkins: No, wait! How do you know he's not a zombie?
Mr. Krabs: Well, for starters, his eyes aren't bloodshot.
Old Man Jenkins: Oh, okay. Let him in.

Mr. Krabs unlocked the door and opened it for Patrick.

Mr. Krabs: Say, where's SpongeBob?

Patrick shook his head.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, no, don't tell me you're not shaking your head! When someone shakes their head, it means that something bad happened to SpogneBob, so please don't tell me you're shaking your head!
Patrick: Okay.

Mr. Krabs fainted. Then Patrick realized Mr. Krabs's mistake. He left the door open! The zombies started to march through the doors, with Patrick and the refugees backing up against the back wall. They all held up their snails. Coincidentally, every snail in Bikini Bottom was afflicted with Mad Snail Disease. Patrick tried to sneak out the door, but was stopped by two busterbrown shoes standing in front of him. He looked up.

Patrick: SpongeBob?

He looked up to see a bloodshot-eyed SpongeBob standing in front of him.

SpongeBob: (zombie-like voice) Hello, Patrick.

Stevie appeared, sitting on his shoulders, mimicing his every action and dialouge.

SpongeBob and Stevie: (limping towards Patrick) Join us, Patrick... Join us...

Stevie pulled out of nowhere (it's a cartoon) the Mindo-Matic helmet Patrick had dropped outside and placed it on Patrick's head.

SpongeBob and Stevie: Who needs afflicted snails when we can zombify you with this helmet?

SpongeBob set the helmet to Mind-Removal and flicked on the switch, activating the helmet as it drained the mind waves from Patrick.

Patrick: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
SpongeBob and Stevie: Yeeeeeeeeesss.....


Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Sep 22, 2005
Stealing your grill

Dr. Gillium and Dr. Nutworth peeked their heads out of the pet hospital and looked into the empty streets of Bikini Bottom.

Dr. Nutworth: Hello, is anyone there?
Dr. Gillium: We almost have the vaccine ready, I think.

Then a whole mob of Mexican cabaret dancers popped up, all looking like Randy.

Dr. Nutworth: Uh, hola.

Everyone just stared.

Dr. Gillium: Why are all you Mexican cabaret dancers here?
All the Mexican Dancers: Oh, we're not Mexican cabaret dancers!

They unzipped themselves to be the zombified citizens. One of them was a zombified Patrick. The other was SpongeBob and Stevie. Another one was a zombified Randy wearing lens to hide his bloodshot eyes.

Dr. Gillium and Dr. Nutworth: The zombies!!!

SpongeBob held out Gary, Patrick held out Rocky with an angry face drawn on him, Squidward held out Snellie, and Randy held out his tan and black snail, El Zorro.

Dr. Gillium: NOOOOOOO!!!!

Then they were bitten on the arms by Gary, Rocky, Snellie, and El Zorro.

Dr. Gillium and Dr. Nutworth: Uh, oh.


Stay tuned for: No-Name vs. No-Talent!