Timmy ran down the stairs and through the kithcen. Timmy's mom was using a spatula to scoop eggs onto Timmy's dad's plate.
Timmy's dad: Hey-hey-hey! What's the rush, son? Timmy: Um...um...I gotta go...to...Egypt!
*pause* Timmy's dad: Good enough for me! Timmy's mom: Don't catch cold, Timmy!
Timmy then proceeded to run out the door.
Timmy's dad: (wiping a tear from his eye) That's my boy.
Once Timmy had run out, Cosmo and Wanda flew over. Wanda was holding her slimed wand and some sort of magical hand saw-like tool.
Wanda: I think I can get my wand unslimed, but you can't use it now anyways! Cosmo's wand has grown too powerful! Timmy: Then we're gonna have to stop Cosmo's wand ourselves! Cosmo: Insert naive quip here.
They then heard people screaming.
Wanda: Did you hear that?! Cosmo: That's definitely not the ice cream truck!
They ran into town, where Chet Ubetcha on the TV.
Chet Ubetcha: Good morning, Dimmsdale! This is Chet Ubetcha reporting on what can only be described as a 14-year-old middle schooler's twisted fantasy gone wild! (as title appears on the screen) "A Fish Called Wand"! Dimmsdale is being invaded by a mysterious green magical wand of some sort! There have been unconfirmed reports claiming the wand has the ability to melt things into green slime or even turn anything or anyone monstrerous! (pause) In clearly unrelated news, a UFO has been spotted around Downtown Dimmsdale. People claim it to be an alien spaceship. This is Chet Ubetcha saying...
Just as he said that, he was then zapped into a muscular green-skinned mutant with a dragon-like head. His suit and shirt and tie underneath tore off as he was zapped.
Mutant Chet Ubetcha: (leans out of the TV screen with a sudden deep voice)...DIE‼
He then blew green fire, which Timmy dodged.
Wanda: Did you hear that? Cosmo: I know! We're being puppets to a middle schooler! It's like community college all over again! Wanda: No! I mean about the spaceship! He mentioned a UFo flying over Dimmsdale! That could be the same spacehsip that fired the alien beam thatw as absorbed into Cosmo's wand in the first place! Timmy: Then that means they'll probably know how to fix his wand! That's it! We'll locate their ship, get on-baord, confront them, and demand them to fix Cosmo's wand! Wanda: But Timmy, we don't even know if these aliens are friendly! Timmy: Then we'll take them by force!
Wanda finished sawing her wand.
Wanda: My wand's fixed! Timmy: I wish I had some alien-tracking gear!
Wanda poofed Timmy a bag of gear and a helmet similar to the one he wore to see the Anti-Fairies in That Ol' Black Magic.
Timmy: (puts helmet over his eyes) Let's hunt down some outsiders.
We then cut up to the spaceship, which was floating nearby. Chris was yet again checking the scanner.
Chris: Marc! Marc! Marc: (rushing over) What is it, Chris? Chris: Scanners picked up an Earth lifeform and two other beings with alien-hunting gear, dude! Marc: Hmmmm, they must be special defenses sent by the Earth's monarchy! Chris! Jared! Jared: Si! Chris: (sigh) Yeah, man? Marc: Continue monitoring these three until we are sure of how to counter them! Jared: Si! Estoy preparado y dispuesto! (I am ready and willing!) Wow, esto es la primera vez que he hablado desde despus de la gran hiato. (Wow, this is the first time I've spoken since after the big hiatus.) Chris: We sure do, like, appear more frequently then we did in that last chapter, Steve-a-Go-Go, dude. Marc: Silence, both of you! With that long hiatus, the people reading this probably don't even recognize that chapter anymore! Chris: Dude, maybe we should like, stop breaking the fourth wall[sup]1[/sup], and like, start tracking these dudes, dude! Marc: You used the word "dude" three times and "like" two times all in one sentence.
(pause) Chris: Dude like, am I fired? Marc: I should, but you are of a rank higher then even that of Seargant LOUEEN-4847, so I will simply demote you to Head Scanner Operator! Chris: I already am that, Marc, and also man, you do not have the authority to demote me, dude. Marc: (holds up a lazer-gun) Repeat that statement, scalp farmer! Chris: Uhh...I accept this demotion that has been bestowed upon me, m'am!
Jared couldn't help snickering.
Marc: You're on thin ice, Chris. And as for you, Jared, your ice is also beginning to crack. *imitates cracking sound and walks away* Jared: l a veces me asusta. (He scares me sometimes.)
Next scene name: Chaos in Dimmsdale! Will probably be added: Sunday, January 27th.
[sup]1[/sup]"Breaking the fourth wall" is a term for various instances in media where characters indicate awareness on the fact that they are merely fictional characters of a television show, movie, comic book, etc.
Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda screeched into a seemingly empty street. Cosmo and Wanda poofed into ballpoint pens which hung from his pocket by the clips.
Timmy: It's quiet. Too quiet.
Just then, he heard the sounds of people screaming.
Timmy: Did you hear that?! Cosmo: (as they turn around) Still not the ice cream truck!
People ran by, screaming. The wand was flying through town melting random buildings into green slime. It then fird at Timmy, melting his alien gear and his hat underneath the helmet.
Timmy: Plan B: RUN‼
He started to run from the wan, which repeatedly fired and missed, melting random things, such as mailboxes, parking meters, and a cow, into green slime.
In their spaceship which was following them, Chris was scanning Cosmo's wand. readings appeared on the screen.
Chris: Whoa! Dudes! (Marc and Jared run over) That strange wand would be a seriously awesome weapon for us to use, man! Jared: Es tan brillante... (It's so shiny...) Marc: Wait a minute! That wand's asborbed the energy beam you shot out from the ship! Hm, according these readings, the magical properties of the wand combined with the energy from our beam grant the wand the ability to turn anything monstorous or primitatively alien-like...or melt things into green slime. Jared! Hover over the wand and beam it aboard the ship! Jared: S, capitn! Chris: (humphs) Captain's pet.
Marc flashed up the lazer gun again. Chris nervously shifted his focus back to the scanner, as Jared activated the beam that started to lift the wand towards the ship.
Timmy: (gasp) It's the spaceship! Wanda: And they're trying to take Cosmo's wand!
However, the wand fought back by zapping the beaming ray, destroying it and freeing the wand.
Timmy: Wanda! You distract that wand while Cosmo and I go talk to the aliens! I wish we were on-board the spaceship!
Wanda reluctantly poofed them away.
*inside the spaceship* Marc: Blast it! The wand has destroyed our beaming ray! Now how are we to bring it aboard the ship?
Timmy and Cosmo poofed in behind them, wearing their space-suits from the Spaced Out! episodes. The three aliens turned their chairs towards them.
Timmy: Beings from beyond the moon! I am Timmy of Earth! Cosmo: (waving) And I'm Cosmo! Timmy: We have entered your ship to demand that you extract your alien energy from that green wand! Cosmo: Take us to your leader!
There was a brief moment of silence until the three pointed spears at them. Cosmo hid behind Timmy.
Marc: Lock them in the chamber with the chipmunk! And bring the pink-haired being and the wand to me! Chris and Jared: (Chris) Dude, yeah dude! (Jared) Seor, s seor! Cosmo: You know, you really should've thought this plan out more.
Next scene name: When Butch Hartman Met Stephen Hillenburg! May not be suitable for: Those who don't enjoy crossover fiction.
As indicated by the above text, the next scene features the first ever crossover between SB and FOP characters.
"When Butch Hartman Met Stephen Hillenburg" will be the next scene after this one.
Scene number: 7 Scene name: Can't Keep a Good Wand Down!
The wand continued to melt the various Dimmsdale buildings to green slime. It was then strucken by a magical blast from Wanda's wand, temporarily stunning it.
Wanda: Prepare to meet your worst nightmare!
She then poofed herself into a giant (floating) army tank. Inside, she wore an army helmet. She pressed a button.
A huge torpedo fired from the tank. The wand instantly melted it into green slime. Then, it melted the army tank as well.
It was then the wand did something unexpected. It actually struck energy into itself, turning it monstorous!
The stick turned into a dark green devil-shaped tail. The star of the wand became a big green spotted beastly dragon-shaped head. Two of the points formed the beast's straight pointy white horns. The end point sprouted into the tail. The wand still glowed green.
The beastly wand roared and then fired a beam of alien energy at Wanda, melting her into green slime. She fell to the road, a puddle of green slime.
Wanda: Aw, tartar sauce.
Next scene name: When Butch Hartman Met Stephen Hillenburg! Will probably be added: Friday, February 1st. May not be suitable for: Those who don't like crossovers.
Scene number: 8 Scene name: When Butch Hartman Met Stephen Hillenburg!
Timmy and Cosmo were now hanging by chains in the ship's dungeon. Sandy Cheeks (OH MY GOD!!! SPONGEBOB CHARACTER!!! BUM BUM BUM! :P =O) was chained next to them, still wearing her sequined pink dress from the previous chapter. She was now actual squirrel-size compared to Timmy and Cosmo. Aparently, she was also still under anasteshia.
Sandy: Ooh, look. Little mutant bunnies! Hi! My name's Lisa and this is my dog, El Barto!
She pointed to a rock lying on the ground.
Timmy: (to Cosmo) Is that talking squirrel in the dress fraking you out too? Cosmo: I actually think it's a chipmunk. Sandy: You talk funny. Are you from Mercury?
They then heard the aliens laughing.
Timmy: Wait, I hear something!
On the other side of the wall, we see Chris and Jared guarding the door to the dungeon. They were both laughing.
Jared: Y as dice, "No es un nabo suizo! Esa es mi esposa!"
They both laughed.
Chris: You know, we can like, talk about the big master plan since like, obviously no one is eavesdropping on us.
Cosmo: What are we listening to? Timmy: Sssh. They're talking about their plan.
Jared: Ah, quieres decir el plan que tome todas las del planeta jalea y usarla para reconstruir al punto rojo en nuestro hogar planeta Jpiter, para que podamos reunir nuestras fuerzas y tomar ms de este planeta? Chris: Yup, that's the one, dude.
Timmy: (to Cosmo) Do you speak Spanish? Cosmo: No. Maybe that talking chipmunk does.
*pause* Sandy: I like men now[sup]1[/sup].
Chris: You think they'll like, use that weapon we've kept in the armoary for like, a ba-jillion years, dude? Jared: Slo si ests de suerte!
Timmy: What weapon do you think they're talking about? Cosmo: Bill Gates? Sandy: Da monkeyz?
Chris: When we get back to Jupiter though, I'm totally driving, dude. Jared: No, voy a conducir la nave a casa. (No, I shall drive the ship home.) Chris: No, me! Marc: (yelling from offscreen) I am driving us back home, you inferior beings! Chris: Who took a wipeout and put him in charge?
Timmy: Did you hear that? Cosmo: The part about who's driving? Timmy: No, about Jupiter! That must be their home planet! Cosmo: (gasp) Just like Roger Meyers, and the Flintstones! Timmy: We gotta get out of these chains and help Wanda! Cosmo: But how? Sandy: (while licking area where tooth was pulled out) If I had a puppy, I'd name him Twinklydoo, just like my mom. Timmy: That's it! (to Sandy) Hey, squirrel, think you can gnaw through these chains for us?
*pause* Sandy: Who's George Huffyboo? Timmy: I got it! Hye, squirrel! Pip pop a doodly doo! Sandy: Hebert Noodleman!
Then, in a small moment of recollection, she chopped off the chains with her foot.
The monstorous wand roared a blast of green energy at a building, completely burning it to green ashes. It was then struck by yet another blast from Wanda's wand, again stunning it.
We then pan out to Wanda, who had unmelted from the previous scene.
Wanda: Do your worst!
She was then shoved forward slightly by an energy blast.
She turned around to see the spaceship. Marc spoke through the speaker.
Marc: Attention, levitating pink-haired being! All your base are belong to us! You are on the way to destruction! Prepare to be beamed aboard immediately!
He then pressed a button on the console. Nothing happened.
Marc: What the flarg?! (turns) Chris, you told me that Jared had finished fixing the beaming ray. Chris: No, I said he finished fixing the broken soda machine.
He then stepped aside to show a small soda container on the console. He squirted some green-colored soda into a cup and then drank it.
Marc: (growls) Curse caffinated Earth-based beverages! (back on speaker) Alright, then! We shall take you down with threats! Surrender your pointed energy-absorbed scepter to us or we'll...we'll...bathe your cat in...ketchup!
Wanda just stared.
Chris: (to Marc) Dude, I like, keep telling you, you should leave these threats to me. At least mine make a little bit of sense, dude. Marc: Silence! I did not command you to speak in the duration of this confrontation! Chris: Like, since when do I need your authorization to speak out, man? I don't wanna have to fight for my right to party!
Wanda snuck away using her wand to carry the stunned Cosmo's wand away as Marc and Chris were distracted.
Marc: Keep talking like that and you'll go back to dusting my mother's particle accelerator! Chris: Um dude, your mother's dead. Marc: I meant my fourth mother! Chris: The fat one? Marc: Yes! Chris: Aw, man. I hate her and her pet freppsy. Marc: (turns back to where Wanda was) As I was saying, you cannot...Huh?
It was then he noticed she was gone.
Chris: (gasp) They're gone, dude! Marc: Good going, Chris, you let them get away! (through speaker) You may be able to break loose, but you are unable to enshroud thy self! Chris: Um, Mark? Like, I think it goes, "You can run, but you can't hide". Marc: Silence, for the final time!
We then cut to the wand continuing to burn down buildings as Wanda was chasing it down.
Wanda: Come back here!
Just then, a green blast melted her wand into green slime yet again. The spaceship had found them. Now all three aliens were in the bridge.
Marc: I repeat! Surrender your wand or your donkey...will be fried via...toaster oven!
Wanda stared again.
Chris: Seriously, are you even completely sure that she like, has a donkey, man? Jared: No es una de sus mejores amenazas. (Not one of your best threats.) Marc: Fine, then, how's this for a threat? (on speaker; to Wanda) If you don't surrender it now, we will fire a radiation beam that wil destroy your entire civilization! Chris: Still lame. Wanda: You can't do that! Jared: Seguro de que podemos. (Sure we can.) Todo lo que necesitamos hacer es elevar hasta el lanzamiento en nuestro poder y de la radiacin de rayos objetivo la viga en el centro de la zona. (All we need to do is raise up the firing power on our radiation ray and aim the beam at the center of the area.)
He then tilted a button on the console. On the screen, we see a green circle growing in size. Chris then pinpointed it intto the exact latitude and longitude of the center of Dimmsdale.
Marc: Prepare to fire!
Cosmo and Timmy were watching from on top of the roof of the ship.
Cosmo: I like fire! Timmy: (shushes him) Come on, we have to stop them!
Cosmo took out "El Barto" the rock from the dungeon. Meanwhile, Marc pressed the button that released a loose cannon from the spaceship. Several mini-rays sprouted out from the cannon. They all fired in the same direction, causing a small radiation ball to form in the air.
Cosmo: (throws rock) This is for John F. Kennedy!
The rock hit one of the lazers, causing it to break the cycle and fire at the cannon, completely burning it into nothing.
Jared: (gasp) iMe tom Jpiter Ciento siete meses para construir ese rayo! (It took me seven-hundred Jupiter months to build that ray!) Marc: (growls) You Earth beings have plagued us for the last time! Timmy: (points) Look!
The wand was whizzing away.
Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, Marc, Jared, Chris, and Sandy: The wand! Sandy: Puppies!
Timmy and Cosmo jumped back down to Wanda as they ran after the wand.
Marc: Jared! Follow that wand using our super-spidey mechanical tentacles! We haven't used them in a while and I hate to see good mechanisms go to waste! Jared: Oh, si! (runs over to his console) Chris: Hows come you never command me to activate the mechanical tentacles? Marc: Because I despise you! My voice is hurting from yelling at you so much! How we could've been assigned to the same troop is beyond me!
Jared pressed a button on his console. Instantly, six long mechanical tedumms sprouted from the side of the ship. The ship's tentacles then started walking over buildings as it followed the wand. The citizens of Dimmsdale screamed as the spaceship passed by.
Next scene name: Trouble at the Ballpark! Will probably be added: Friday, February 15[sup]th[/sup].
To make up for the massive dealy, I'm adding a scene for BOTH fics today.
Scene number: 10 Scene name: Trouble at the Ballpark!
Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and the spaceship followed the wand to the Dimmsdale Ballpark, where it instantly burned a tree in the park. Just then, Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda poofed over.
Timmy: Not so fast! Cosmo: (looking around) Hey, where'd those pink octopuses go?
We then cut to the White House. Inside the Oval office, President Arnold Schwarzenegger was signing papers on his desk.
President Schwarzenegger: Ugh, this job is frustrating. I need more excitement in my life. Like another war!
Just then, the spaceship arrived. One of its tendumms tore off the White House's roof.
President Schwarzenegger: Gaton himmel! Marc: (through intercom) Relinquish your sceptre to us at once, foul pint-heighted Earth beings! (looks out window) Huh? President Schwarzenegger: It's the RUSSAINS‼ We left your country in peace, what do you want from us?!
*Jared looks out the window* Jared: Oh. Pens que me fijo problema tcnico con los tentculos de los sistemas de navegacin. (I thought I fixed that glitch with the tentacles' navigation systems.) Marc: (sigh) Maybe we should just use the teleporting system. Chris: Um like, why didn't we do that in the first place, dude? Marc: SILENCE! Both of you! You guys are driving me crazy!
He then pressed a button that teleported the spaceship away.
President Schwarzenegger: Vice President!
Offscreen voice: Yeah, Mr. President? President Schwarzenegger: Alert Congress immediately to declare war on New Zeland!
Offscreen voice: What?!
The ship teleported back to the park and landed on the ground. Marc, Jared, and Chris put on their space helmets and scurried out. They then zapped the wand with an "Inanimation Ray", reverting the monstorous wand back to its inanimate state.
Marc: Relinquish your sceptre to us at once, foul pint-heighted Earth beings! Or you shall suffer consequences that may or may not be dire! Chris: It like, really all depends on the configuration of your taste buds, dude.
Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda turned to each other.
Timmy: Wanda! I wish the aliens were frozen! Marc: (scurries over to him) Now, keep your lower body coverings intact for a zentanon! We...
Wanda used her wand to literally freeze the three of them in ice. A woodpecker flew over and started pecking at the ice.
Wanda: I think if I use the right tools, we can craftingly extract the alien energy from Cosmo's wand!
She poofed up a magical hand tweezer, which she used to lift the transparent lid of the star.
Wanda: Cosmo, hand me a fairy thermos! Cosmo: (hands her a sparkling thermos) Here you go.
Wanda twisted the lid off of the thermos.
Wanda: Cosmo, this thermos is full of milk! Cosmo: Well, I get thristy when we're on our honeymoons.
Wanda sighed as she poured out the milk (while Cosmo wasn't looking) and then carefully poured the green magic from the wand into the thermos, still while Cosmo wasn't looking. The star turned white as a reaction to having the magic taken out of it.
Wanda: There! Cosmo: Oh, boy! Milk!
He grabbed the thermos and then gulped all the green magic down.
Wanda: Cosmo, no!
Cosmo burped as he tossed the thermos aside. Just ten, he turned a grenish-white color as yellow boils formed all over his skin. He then floated down to the ground, glowing green and looking ill.