Kay-Rah-Tae: The Movie!

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
14,837
Location
Stealing your grill
Well, here it is. Kay-Rah-Tae: The Movie. My 4th TV movie fic. My Season 9 finale. One of my most notorious Simpsons Movie parodies is also in this fic. All rolled up into this action-packed baby.

---

*throughout this openng, a stylized version of the MM&BB theme played, pitched up to sound more like a karate theme*

We are looking at a red wooden barn side.

*inscribed on the wall*
SBM FORUMS PRESENTS...

Just then, we see SpongeBob's arms karate-chopping pieces of the wall until it now read in broken wood...

*SB logo*
IN

Then Sandy performed a huge karate chop which completely chopped the wall, revealing behind it a 3-D flyaround of Downtown Bikini Bottom, similar to something you'd see from The Simpsons Movie or Futarama, as well as the SpongeBob Squarepants Movie 3-D Game.

The title was made out of wood.

8kayrahtaeut0.png


The rest of the opening titles were made out in a similar way, SpongeBob's arms karate-chopping them into the alternate titles. The plank showed the "Starring/Written by" credit whilst the cast or crew member's/members' name(s) was/were shown in wood.

Only now, the flyaround advanced through suburban Bikini Bottom, touching upon various landmarks such as the Krusty Krab and Chum Bucket, Sandy's Treedome, and Jellyfish Fields.

STARRING
TOM KENNY
BILL FAGERBAKKE
CAROLYN LAWRENCE


GUEST STARRING
TRESS MACNEILLE
JON KASSIR


WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY
DOUGLAS-Z


At this point, the flyaround finally ended at SpongeBob's house.

ANYTHING ELSE I FORGOT
DOUGLAS-Z


The title fell apart as we zoomed in through the window and onto SB's TV screen.

Johnny the Realistic Fish Head: It's that time of year again, folks! (image of a clendar shows up) It's June 2[sup]nd[/sup]! Continuing the semi-annual tradition that's been going on for as long as the practice itself, the 96[sup]th[/sup] Annual Kapoerer (KAEP-ohh-RARE) Karate Competition! Here's the host of this year's competition, Academite Award winning pop singer Ken Darry, with more!

Ken Darry was depicted as a light orange fish with a black hairstyle similar to that of Timmy's imaginary friend Gary from The Fairly OddParents. He wore an orange plaid suit with a purple tie.

Ken Darry: This year, the competition is looking tough! Participating in this competition are last year's champions, the duo of Roger Brat and Larry Jay! We also have our 1st runner up for two years in a row, Sandra "Sandy" Cheeks, returning to the competition! Back to you, Johnny!
Johnny: This year, there's a little twist! Due to a massive whirlpool that just occured in Sugimori Bottom, the competition will not be taking place in Ebiwalar (AE-bee-WAY-ler) Stadium! This year, the competition will take place in Sawamular (SOH-ahm-ULL-er) Stadium in Hayashigame (HAE-aye-SHEE-game-EHH) Bottom, just off Desert Road!

We now cut to Sponge and Pat watching this on the TV.

Darry: We expect to see you all there...(raises up two "fingers")...in two days!

SpongeBob turned off the TV.

Patrick: Wow! Sounds like that competition's gonna be so cool this year!
SpongeBob: You bet it is! And you can also bet on who's gonna win: the best karate-choppin' duo in Bikini Bottom! Ya know who they are?
Patrick: Ummmmm....uhhhh....don't tell me! Um, ee...grr! Don't ell me! *straining* Don't tell me, don't..tell me! (pause) Okay, tell me.
SpongeBob: Me and Sandy.
Parick: Ohhhhhhhh.
SpongeBob: See, every year, Sandy and I enter the competition individually, but now, since we're dating, we're entering as a duo, and the trophy and the $1,000 prize, will be ours!
Patrick: Hurray!

We then zoom out again to see Stevie easvesdropping on them via the window.

Stevie: It's not fair! Why don't I get to enter that karate competition too? I know just as much karate as SpongeBob, maybe even more! I could even win that trophy with Patrick as my partner! (gets an idea) Hey!

BTTNS.

Next scene name: A Seat for Two!
Will probably be added: Tomorrow.
May not be suitable for: Those with busengiphobia (fear of bus drivers).

Most of the Japanese names you will hear in this TV movie fic are taken from the Japanese names of various Pokmon, all with rather different pronounciations.

Hayashigame is the Japanese name of the Pokmon Grotle. Ebiwalar and Sawamular Stadiums are named after the Hitmon duo, Hitmonchan and Hitmonlee, respectively. The name of the competition, Kapoerer, is named after my favorite member of the Hitmon family, Hitmontop.

The only thing that isn't named after a Pokmon's Japanese name is Sugimori Bottom, which is named for Ken Sugimori, the head designer for many Nintendo games, including the Pokmon franchise.
 

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
14,837
Location
Stealing your grill
Already people have PM'd me concering the rating for this fic, TV-PG-DSV. This rating is nothing to worry about.

Suggestive Dialogue There will be a number of references to The Simpsons Movie in this fic, and with it, some of the more "mature" puns, such as Homer calling the Medicine Woman "Boob Lady" as he walks off, so I just put the "D" up to be cautious.

Sexual Situations This sub-rating, which worries people the most, only exists for one gag in the fic that I'm not completely sure of that it fits "S", in which SpongeBob and Sandy don disguises, and they are ripped off, revealing Sandy's bikini and SpongeBob's underwear.

Violence Okay, you can NOT tell me you didn't expect a karate-centralized fic to be rated "V". In the show, karate only gets the show an "FV" rating because i's every minimal and is only practiced for sport. This fic demonstrates SB and Sand actually using their karate skills frequently, and even for self-defense at some points.

Scene number: 2
Scene name: A Seat for Two!

Later that day, the bus to Desert Road had arrived. A sign on the bus read "Desert Road Transportation Services -- The Only Modes of Transportation That Have Ever Survived Through Desert Road".

SpongeBob tossed a suitcase to the bus driver.

SpongeBob: Can you hold this for a second?
Bus Driver: Kid, I-
SpongeBob: (tosses a bag to him) This too?
Bus Driver: Listen, kid, I'm the bus driver, not your servant!
SpongeBob: (tosses two more suitcases, which land in his arms, covering his face) Oh, and these two?
Patrick: Well, good luck in Hey-ashley-game Bottom, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: It's Hayashigame Bottom, Patrick. Since we're going thorugh Desert Road, let's just hope Sandy and I make it there alive!
Patrick: What do you mean?
SpongeBob: You do know about Desert Road, don't you, Patrick?
*Patrick shakes his head*
SpongeBob: Desert Road is one of the most dangerous and obstacle-filled areas of the sea!

He took a map out of his last suitcase, which he then tossed to the bus driver, who in turn collapsed on the floor, still holding the suitcases. Click here for the map.

SpongeBob: See, you start out at the Jagged Plains, then make it through the Dunes of Hazzard, make your way out of the Pitch-Black Forest, cross the Golden Trench, get past the twelve-mile long Snospmis Eivom Desert...
Patrick: Weird name for a desert.
SpongeBob: ...pass through the Desert Gate, go through Coral Hill and onto Iceland, past The Great Vine, through the Long Tunnel, down the road, until you finally reach Hayashigame Bottom and the Sawamular Stadium!
Patrick: Wow, I'm sure glad I don't have to go through all that!

SpongeBob walked onto the bus and picked up his suitcases.

SpongeBob: (to the bus driver) Thank you, sir.
Bus Driver: (getting up) How can you have so many suitcases?! What are you, moving to Hayashigame?!
SpongeBob: DAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Of course not!

He opened a suitcase which was full of red karate gear.

SpongeBob: This suitcase is where I put all my spare karate gear. I packed food in all the other suitcases.

He started to carry all the suitcases into the back seat one by one as the bus driver opened one of them. It was filled to the top with steamy cheese fondue.

Bus Driver: Fondue?!
SpongeBob: (picks up the last remaining suitcase, the one the bus driver opened) Well, why not? Fondue is the ultimate source of liver warmth!

He pulled out a ladle from his back pocket, scooped up some fondue, and licked it from the ladle like a dog as he closed the suitcase and carried it to the baggage hold above the back seat.

The bus departed. Once we cut back to Patrick, we see that Stevie is now standing next to Patrick.

Stevie: (putting his arm on Patrick's shoulder) So...
Patrick: AAH!
Stevie: I was thinking...
Patrick: Thinking? What's that?
Stevie: I was thinking that we should enter the competition ourselves!
Patrick: Huh?

*bubble transition*

The bus stopped at Sandy's house. Sandy stood on her driveway holding merely one suitcase, persumably containing her green karate gear. She got into the back seat with SpongeBob.

Spongebob: Hey, Sandy.
Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob.

The bus sarted off again. The bus driver turned on the intercom as the bus passed the "Bikini Bottom City Limits" sign.

Bus Driver: Thank you for choosing the Desert Road Transportation Services. My name's Gil and I'll be your bus driver for the duration of the trip. Our estimated arrival time to Hayashigame Bottom is...whenever we get there. Rest assured, if the ride goes smoothly, we will reach Hayshigame before the Kapoerer Karate Competition, for those of you traveling to Hayashigame to watch or participate in the event.

We then see a couple sitting together. The man had a towel on his shoulders and is practicing his punches.

Woman: Oh, Darryl, I'm so pleased that you gave up your obsession with food-based events to participate in the karate competition.
Darryl: Karate competition? What are you talking about, Darlene? I'm going to Hayashigame to compete in the Hayashigame Bi-Annual Salami Toss!

Darlene looked frustrated. We then cut to Sandy and SpongeBob's who's playing his Fintendo SB Darrk.

SpongeBob: So, what's our game plan, bunny honey?
Sandy: Ah was thinking about trying Strategy #48.
SpongeBob: #48? Which one's that?
Sandy: Ya know, the one where I toss y'all in the air and then y'all come back down flailing yer arms and then...
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah! Wait, that's the only one we haven't tried yet.
Sandy: I know, it may be a bit risky, but ah'm willing to do anything to win...except cheat. Cheating's bad.

The bus passed by the sign that said "Jagged Plains WARNING! Road may be bumpy".

Bus Driver Gil: (over the intercom) Attention passengers. We are now entering the first leg of Desert Road, the Jagged Plains. Be cautious, as the road may be a little...

The bus then started bumping up and down.

Bus Driver Gil: Buh-huh-uh-humpy-hy-hy-hy!!!!!!
SpongeBob and Sandy: Ah-ha-ha li-hi-hi-hitt-le-le-le-le?!

Next scene name: Onward and Upward!
Will probably be added: Tuesday, January 8th.
May not be suitable for: Those who can't understand "bumpy dialogue", as heard in the last few lines of this scene.
 

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
14,837
Location
Stealing your grill
Yeah, all Karate episodes are good. . .expect Karate Island. :D
Karate Island is the best out of all of them. ;)

Scene number: 3
Scene name: Onward and Upward!

The bus continued through Jagged Road. At this point, the road wasn't as bumpy. There was an average of eight bumps a mile.

One rather thin man on the bus was trying to hide his bald head with a tuke[sup]1[/sup]. Then the bus bumped, and the tuke he was about ot fit on his head bumped down his body and stopped at his waist, creating a tiny "skirt".

Nelson Muntz: (revealed to be sitting next to him) Haw-haw!

The man covered his "skirt" with his hands, blushing. SpongeBob was still playing his SB Darrk. Just then, a bump caused some of the fondue to leak out from one of the suitcases onto the top of SpongeBob's head.

Sandy: Uh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I know.

On the next bump, SpongeBob leaped up in the air. This gave him an oppertuinity to close the suitcase and push it back in the baggage hold.

SpongeBob: Sandy, are you sure we should try Strategy #48, or as I like to call it, the "Toss n' Whirl"? Like I keep telling you, we still haven't perfected that move yet. Every try ends with me crash-landing on the ground and spending 12 minutes at Weenie Hut General! *Weenie Hut General background with a thunderstorm appears behind SB* And Weenie Hut General is baaaaaaaaaad.
Sandy: Ah know, but ah'm willing to risk it. (standing on the seat) 'Cause we will win, and we will...

Another bump, which caused Sandy to fall.

Sandy: WHOA‼
SpongeBob: We will win, and we will WHOA? Hmmmmm...Yeah, I like it! You're right, Sandy! (standing on the seat) We will win, and we will...*falls off purposely* WHOA‼

They both got up. Another bump caused the suitcase of fondue to now fall over SpongeBob's face. Fondue started to drip out.

Sandy: Uh, dude?
SpongeBob: I know.

*bubble transition*

Back at the pineapple, it was now sunset. Patrick was watching TV as Stevie spoke.

Stevie: ...and then we could win the competition, and we could take home the trophy and the $10,000, and we could become the masters of karate!
Patrick: Yeah! (pause) Except that we don't know karate.
Stevie: You make a very good point, and that's why I hate you. Hmmmmm...we still have a little more then a day and a half to learn karate, so starting tomorrow morning, you and I will become karate masters...in training!
Patrick: Why not start now?
Stevie: Because now, I'm hungry.

*bubble transition*

It was now early dusk. The land now started to transition into dark brownish colored sand with a windy sandstorm blowing. The bus passed a sign saying, "YOU ARE NOW LEAVING JAGGED PLAINS -- YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE DUNES OF HAZZARD".

Bus Driver Gil: (on intercom) Attention, passengars. We are now coming up on the Dunes of Hazzard.

SpongeBob watched all the dunes they passed by.

SpongeBob: Wow, the Dunes of Hazzard. I never would've imagined such a place.

The bus stopped at a small blue building labled, "DUNES OF HAZZARD BUS DEPOT".

Bus Driver Gil: (on the intercom) Alright, ladies and gentlefish. We've arrived at the Bus Depot, where you can all bunk in for the night. Everyone off the bus.

Everyone started to get off the bus, their eyes blinking because of the sandstorm. Gil pulled into the garage. Later that night, they all slept in bunk beds. Darryl from the previous scene was telling them all stories of his many food-themed event expieriences as Darlene was trying to sleep, annoyed.

Darryl: And then, I totally ralphed all over the judge! And yet I still won!

SpongeBob, Sandy, and all the other passengers laughed.

Darryl: And wait 'till I tell you about the Tomato Joust!

We then zoom out to the bus, where Gil is still inside the seat. He looked up at the notice on the window, "THE BUS DRIVER IS NOT PERMITTED TO LEAVE THE BUS UNATHORIZED BY THE SUPERVISOR -- NO EXCEPTIONS".

Bus Driver Gil: I should've listened to my mother and become an astronaut.

*bubble transition*

The next morning, a scallop came up the window and Cock-a-doodled-doo like a rooster. SpongeBob woke up. We pan out to show that mysteriously, SpongeBob and Sandy (still asleep) were the only ones left in the room. Everyone else was gone.

SpongeBob: Where is everybody?

He then looked out the window and gasped. The bus was getting ready to leave and everyone else was already inside.

SpongeBob: (jumps down onto Sandy's bunk) Sandy, wake up!

Sandy, waking up, sat up and rolled her eye. She was wearing her nightgown from Survival of the Idiots.

SpongeBob: Sandy! We overslept! The bus is leaving‼
Sandy: (wide awake) What?!

Outside, the bus started to leave. SpongeBob and Sandy, now in their clothes, ran out after the bus.

SpongeBob: (as they're chasing the bus) Bus! Bus! Come back, bus!

But it was hopeless. The bus zoomed off, leaving the two behind.

Sandy: Well, this is quite a pickle.
SpongeBob: Tell me about it. I left all my fondue on that bus!

*cut to commercial break*

Next scene name: Rise and Shine!
Will probably be added: Friday, January 9th.
May not be suitable for: Anyone who is annoyed by one-man bands.

[sup]1[/sup]A tuke is a Candian knitcap usually worn at gaming events and such.
 

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
14,837
Location
Stealing your grill
Scene number: 4
Scene name: Karrot Tie
Song in this scene: "Rise and Shine" by Stevie

After the commercial break, we are now looking at the morning sky, as some jellyfish zoomed by. The camera then pans down to Patrick's rock.

Inside, Patrick is fast asleep until he is woken up by loud, ear-splitting, obnoxious band music. He fell out of his bed. We zoom out to reveal the source of the obnoxious music is Stevie, equipped as a one-man band.

Stevie: (sininging really badly to the tune of those various I Don't Know But I've Been Told marching songs)
Come on, wake up, rise and shine,
Smell all those old rotting socks


Freddie ducked into her shell to escape all the horrible noise.

Stevie: (playing sour notes on his accordion while crashing cymbals together)
♪Five-four, three-two, six-four[/i]♪
(throws a rock at Patrick, who is getting up)
Wake up, you dumb old oaf!

Patrick: AUGH‼ WHAT IN THE NAME OF CANADA IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!
Stevie: (crashes cymbals) A karate master-to-be knows no sleeping in! (runs up to Patrick) Now let's get moving! (crashing cymbals in patrick's face repeatedly) Go! Go! Go Go!
Patrick: Stevie‼ At least let me get dressed first!
Stevie: (drops cymbals) Okay.

*cut outside, very long pause*

Patrick: Stevie?
Stevie: Yes, private?
Patrick: GET OUT OF HERE‼

Stevie was hurled out of the rock and went flying. Offscreen, we heard a thud, followed by a sout accordion note.

*bubble transition*

Patrick and Stevie now stood in Patrick's backyard, which was set up like a training ground.

Stevie: Alright, Patrick, we've only got a little less then a day and a half to train, so if we want to win this karate competition, then we must clear our minds and focus on our dream of becoming the best karate pair in the sea!
Patrick: Umm, actually...(puts on a toque blanche[sup]1[/sup]) My dream is to become a world-famous chef!

He held out a cauldron of bubbling orange-ish stew. A closeup revealed how disgusting and absurd-looking the stew looked. A scream was heard during the closeup to emphasize the nastiness of the stew.

Stevie: (plugging his nose; mumbling) I just lost my appetite. (to Patrick) Uhh...let's just focus on karate right now, young accomplice. (tosses the stew away)

*bubble transition*

Patrick and Stevie walked up to a store with a sign saying, "Karrot Tie -- The One-Stop Shop for Your Martial Arts Needs".

Stevie: Before we begin our training, we need some gear, and what better place to shop for karate training gear then Karrot Tie, filled from head to toe with gear for karate, samurais, ninjas, and every form of martial arts known to man, as well as four only known to monkeys!

They walked inside.

Stevie: I think I remember SpongeBob telling me that this is where he and Sandy bought their karate gear.

Patrick and Stevie walked up to the cashier, who was bent over, putting down a package.

Stevie: (ringing bell) Um, excuse me.

The cashier turned to them, revealing himself to be...Producer Randy. :P

Producer Randy: iHola, mi amigoes, Patrick y Stevie! How may I ayuda?
Patrick and Stevie: Producer Randy?!
Randy: Look, it's just a day job, okay? Don't tell my brother.
Stevie: Wow, this whole thing with you in various odd jobs is becoming a running gag now.

We zoom out to Douglas-Z "watching" the fic on his computer.

Douglas-Z: Oh, good lord, he's onto me!

*back to the story*

Patrick: Why are you working at a martial arts gear store?
Randy: Not just martial arts!

He tore off his clothes one at a time, revealing a samurai helmet under his hat and a ninja suit under his clothes.

Randy: (as he's ripping off his clothes) We also sell gear for the traveling samurai and ninja!
Stevie: What are you doing here anyway?
Randy: Well, that Arthur Timbacks not only sold me the nice mansion[sup]2[/sup], but he also happens to be the landlord, and he charges quite a lot with the mortgage. My summer job at Lugar de Fiesta3 wasn't paying well enough, so I took this job.

He ripped off his ninja suit and took off the helmet, revealing a full head of brown hair. Under his ninja suit was a karate robe with a black belt.

Randy: I also happen to be 3[sup]rd[/sup] degree black belt, and to work at this store, you need to be at least a 1[sup]st[/sup] degree black belt. So...what do you need?

There was just an akward silence between them for a brief second.

Patrick: (nudging Stevie) Well, tell him.
Stevie: (flashes up the KKC poster) Okay, see, Patrick and I here are gonna be entering the Kapoerer Karate Competition tomorrow, and we need some training gear for practice, plus some actual karate gear for the event.
Randy: De acuerdo, entonces. First, I just need to measure the circumference of your cabeza.
Stevie: The circumfer-what of my head?[sup]4[/sup]

Randy pulled out a protractor and a compass and measured Stevie's head. He then used the compass to measure Patrick's head. He wrote these measurements down on post-it notes.

Randy: I have just the thing for you two.

He handed a circular sparring helmet to Stevie.

Randy: For you, a sparring casco.
Stevie: Ooh...sparring helmet.

He put it on his head.

Randy: So, what color gloves would you like?
Stevie: Hm, well my favorite color is orange. Then again, I've always been fond of blue. Oh, man. Caught between my two idolized colors. Orange! Blue! Orange! Blue! Oh, if there could be a cross-color bewteen orange and blue, that I could base my decision on!
Producer Randy: How about aqua green?
Stevie: Sure.

Randy: (walks over to Patrick) And for you, I have a lovely...
Patrick: Oh, no need to worry! I have my own karate gear!
Stevie: (turning to him) You do?

Patrick put on his tranlucent yellow rubber gloves from SpongeBob Who?.

Patrick: Ta-da!
Stevie: Rubber gloves?
Patrick: "Karate-prepared hand and head coverings"! Must I explain this to everyone?!

Stevie turned to Randy, hoping he would make a better suggestion for Patrick.

Randy: (to Stevie) Well...if they work for him, then I have no problem with it. (pause; to Stevie) Would you like a headband to go with that gear?

Stevie's frown turned into a smile.

BTTNS.

Next scene name: The Punk Hut!
Will probably be added: Tuesday, January 12th.
May not be suitable for: Those who haven't seen The SpongeBob SqaurePants Movie and thus aren't familiar with the Thug Tug and
its sinking by Dennis
.

[sup]1[/sup]A toque blanche is a traditional hat worn by gorumet chefs. You remember it most from the film Ratatouille, in which Alfredo Linguini hides his "puppetmaster" Rmi in this uniquely tall hat.
[sup]2[/sup]See Under My Rock
[sup]3[/sup]See Gabriella Returns: The Musical!
[sup]4[/sup]From now on, I will no longer be translating the Spanish dialogue in my fics, however as you see in this scene, I will sometimes have one of the fluent Spanish speakers on the show, Patrick or Stevie, translate the Spanish through dialogue. I will still provide translations for longer pieces of Spanish dialogue (that I intend for my readers to understand) and Jared's dialogue in the Nickelodeon INVADED series, which reminds me... :P
 
Joined
Feb 28, 2006
Messages
11,576
Yeah, one of your best TV movies, and one of your best fan fics, period. Awesome cameo from you.
 

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
14,837
Location
Stealing your grill
Scene number: 5
Scene name: The Punk Hut!

It was now early sunset. A fiece sandstorm continued to blow through the Dunes of Hazzard. SpongeBob and Sandy, seperated form the bus, were still trudging on by following the road.

SpongeBob's tie kept blowing into his face, similar to Squidward's nose blowing into his face during the sandstorm in Pizza Delivery. He solved this by unclipping his tie and putting it into his pocket, thus leaving him tie-less for the rest of the movie.

SpongeBob: (yelling) What time is it?!
Sandy: (checking her watch) It's 6:12 PM! Eastern time![sup]1[/sup] SpongeBob, let's face it! We ain't never gonna catch that bus on our own two feet!
SpongeBob: (kneeling down) Oh, you're right, Sandy. All hope is lost. We probably wouldn't even make it home if we turned back now!
Sandy: (looking into the distance strugglingly) Hold the rodeo a second...
SpongeBob: (lying down on the road) We should just lie here until we die to dust...or get run over. Whichever comes first.
Sandy: SpongeBob, I think I see something in the distance!
SpongeBob: (getting up) What?
Sandy: It looks like...some sort of shack!

We cut to the shack, which actually looked more like an establishment. It was certainly large enough. There was also a sign that read:

THE PUNK HUT
[sub][sup]BAR & GRILL[/sup][/sub]

There was also a parking lot in front of the Punk Hut, with lots of motrocycles and boats parked. SpongeBob and Sandy were now walking up the road to it.

SpongeBob: It looks like a bar. Well, there's lights on, and I hear voices, so they must be open!
Sandy: We could perhaps go inside and ask 'em for directions!
SpongeBob: Orrrrrr...Look at those motorcycles they got parked there!

He ran over to a red motorcycle parked on the lot.

SpongeBob: We could probably ride one of these babies and catch up to the bus with it!
Sandy: SpongeBob, we can't just steal this thing! We don't even know who it belongs to!
SpongeBob: We're not stealing it, Sandy! We're just gonna borrow it! (climbs into the seat) After the competition, we'll return it to the parking lot on the ride home! No one will know it's missed.
Sandy: Ah don't know. it still doesn't feel right.
SpongeBob: Hey, look at this! The dumb owner left his keys!

He started the cycle, causing the engine to start revving.

SpongeBob: It's like we've realeased...a power...Well, come on, Sandy! It's a two-seater!

Just then, his stomach started rumbling.

SpongeBob: Hmmmm...I guess it is dinnertime. Maybe a quick bite to eat wouldn't hurt.
Sandy: Annnnnnnd...we should also try to find the owner of this motorcycle and ask if we can borrow it!
SpongeBob: (sigh) Fine, we'll also try to find the owner. One thing at a time, my lady.

They walked up to the bar.

SpongeBob: "The Punk Hut". (reading a smaller sign on the window) "Our replacement for the sunken Thug Tug from the County Line."

He then looked up at another sign above the door.

SpongeBob: "No girls or smallfries allowed." What's a smallfry?
Sandy: A smallfry is a snotty name for a person considered short and rather fragile.
SpongeBob: That's me. (turns to Sandy) What should we do?
Sandy: Ah think ah have an idea.

A muscular yet regularly tall man was standing at the door from the inside. SpongeBob and Sandy then stepped in. SpongeBob looked a lot muscular and a bit taller, even. He also wore a gray shirt and a leather jacket, with sunglasses. Sandy wore a white sweatjacket with red-striped sleeves, plus yellow baggy shorts with a balck stripe running down, similar to her regular suit. She also wore decorative goggles. Combined, this disguise made her look like a male. They tried to walk in, but the bodyguard stopped them.

Bodyguard: Hold it! Can I help you boys?
SpongeBob: (slightly lifting down his sunglasses; speaking in a thick New York accent) Whoa, what's the holdup?! Me and my girlfri- I mean, playah here, just stopped fo' some grub. There a problem wit' dat?
Bodyguard: Names.
SpongeBob: Huh?
Bodyguard: NAMES!
SpongeBob: My name, see, is...uh, Flapjack.
Bodyguard: Flapjack?
SpongeBob: (lowers his sunglasses again) Wanna know how I got that nickname?
Bodyguard: Uh, I'd rather not. (points to Sandy) What about you? What's your name?
Sandy: I'm...I'm...
SpongeBob: This is my home playah, San...jay. Sanjay!
Sandy: (disguising her voice with a strong male Boston accent) That's right, there! My name is Sanjay. You gonna let us through or what?

SpongeBob's jaw dropped to the floor.

Bodyguard: You boys from out of town?
Sandy: What?
Bodyguard: The accents?
SpongeBob: Oh, yeahs. See, we come from Bi...ki...nan Bottom! B'Keanan Bottom!
Bodyguard: B'Keanan Bottom? Ne'er heard of it.
Sandy: See now, it's down near the Clams Casino, off the 490. It's a wicked rough town, man! We talking pollutions, mimes, people talkin' dirty...
SpongeBob: And gamblahs! Lots and lots of gamblahs! Ya eveh been to Clams Casino? Over half of the people you see in there are B'Keanan peoples!
Bodyguard: Is that so? Hm, I'd like to visit this B'Keanan Bottom sometime. (steps aside) Oh, yeah, um, you guys can go on, ahead.

SponeBob and Sandy stepped forward.

SpongeBob: (whispering to Sandy; speechless) That was the best male Boston voice I've ever heard.
Sandy: (regular voice) AAw, tweren't nuttin'. Ah gots some relatives in Boston, and we often visit. Ah've been able to pick up a pretty good Boston accent while I was there.
SpongeBob: Well well well. You want some eggs with that ham?

They walked over to the bar and sat themselves down. The bartender was polishing some empty wine bottles.

SpongeBob: Hey, bartendeh! What's a fella gotta do ta get a drink around here?

The fat gray-skinned bartender turned around. He had a angry crusty face.

Bartender: How may I serve you gentlemen, PUNKS?!
SpongeBob: Um...what yas got to drink here, bub?
Bartender: A mug full o' spit.

He handed a mug literally filled with salivation to SpongeBob, right after spitting in it one more tme.

Bartender: Enjoy, PUNK‼
SpongeBob: (a little raw on the accent) Um...what, is this...all ya...got?
Sandy: (Boston accent) So, whatcha got to eat in this wicked parlor, Bob?
Bartender: For you, PUNK, I've got a burger.
Sandy: I'll take one of 'em joes!

The bartendar handed Sandy a burnt black rock patty on a plate.

Bartender: Enjoy, PUNKS‼

SpongeBob uncomfortably drank the spit whilst Sandy took a bite from the rock patty, chewing on the rock-hard burger.

SpongeBob: (mouth full of spit) Um, where's the restroom?
Bartender: (pointing) Second door on the left, PUNK‼
SpongeBob: (wiping the bartender's spit from his face) Um, thank you.
Sandy: I uh, gotta to the hoppa too. Stick tight. (follows SB)
Bartender: Whatever...PUNK‼ (goes back to washing dishes)

SpongeBob and Sandy both went into the bathroom. SpongeBob spit out the spit he had just drank as Sandy walked into the stall.

SpongeBob: Hey, I'm spitting out spit. Neat! (walking over to Sandy's stall) Hey, Sandy? How long are we doing this?

He lifted up his sleeve to reveal that his "muscles" were no more then balloons tied to his arms.

SpongeBob: These balloons are making me sweat.
Sandy: (from inside the stall) Until y'all find the owner of that dang motorcycle so we can catch up to the bus, which is probably miles ahead o' us by now!
SpongeBob: Right...finding the owner. (as Sandy walks out, flushing the toilet) Sandy, do you know how hard it is to ask a strong muscular buffman if he owns a certain motorcycle outside? Next thing you know, he's gonna beat the living heck outta me!
Sandy: (washing hands) Aw, come on, Spongey. It ain't as hard as y'all think. Back in Texas, my pa used to interrogate buffmen for a living. He was the town sheriff!
SpongeBob: (gulp) Okay. Here goes, then.

They both walked out.

SpongeBob: (normal voice; yelling) Um, can I have everyone's attention?!

Everyone in the bar immediately stopped and turned to them.

Bodyguard: (walking up to him) What up with the sudden girly smallfry voice?
SpongeBob: Um...(clears throat; NY accent) I just use it to gain attention. There a problem wit' that? (calling out to everyone in the bar) Um, so uh, which schlub owns the red m'cycle with a Trasheh Bottom license plate?
Bartender: Why do you need to know, PUNK?!

Then, a red balloon fell out of SpongeBob's pants. The bodyguard stepped on it.

Bodyguard: A balloon?!

Two buffmen came over and used needles to pop all of SpongeBob's balloons, reducing him to just a smallfry dressed in oversized clothes.

Bodyguard: Balloons?!

The massive clothes then dropped, revealing SpongeBob's Goofy Goober Peanut Party underwear.

Bodyguard: GOOFY GOOBER UNDERWEAR?!!?
Random patron: Smallfry alert! Smallfry alert!
Bartender: Wait a minute!

He walked over to Sandy and ripped off her suit, revealing her bikini.

Sandy: Uh...I can explain?
Random patron: (gasp) Girl alert! Girl alert!

Then, someone knocked him out with a chair.

Bodyguard: Can't you two read?! (rips off the sign and flashes it in their faces) No girls or smallfrys allowed! And we all know the rule...
Everyone in the bar: All girls and smallfries caught inside the Punk Hut will be beaten senselessly by every able-bodied patron in the bar & grill.

They all started to approach SB and Sandy as they backed against the wall.

SpongeBob: What do we do now, Sandy?
Sandy: Ah'll tell y'all what we're gonna do. We're gonna take care of this...(puts on green karate gloves and headband)...karate-style!
SpongeBob: (gasp) Right! Pull out some...(puuts on karate gloves and helmet)...kay-rah-tae‼

And thus, SpongeBob and Sandy charged, each of them using various karate moves to fight their way through the crowd. SpongeBob used a karate chop to knock down a guy. Sandy kicked the bodyguard in the crotch, causing him to go "Ohhhhhhh!" and pass out. SpongeBob climed up the walls and then the cieling, and then kicked two guys in the head as he descended down.

Sandy: SpongeBob, the Toss n' Whirl!
SpongeBob: We still haven't perfected it yet!
Sandy: it's still worth a shot!

SpongeBob jumped into Sandy's arms, who then tossed him into the air. As he descended down, he started to spin around, until he started to get dizzy.

SpongeBob: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!

This imbalance caused SpongeBob to miss and land on, then smash, a table.

SpongeBob: Owwwww...
Sandy: Awww.

However, SpongeBob and Sandy were still able to knock out everyone in the Punk Hut. They were heavily exhausted.

SpongeBob: (phews) We did it.
Sandy: Yeah, but now we can't find out who owns the motorcycle.
SpongeBob: Aw dang, you're right.
Bartender: Hey, PUNKS...you missed one.

The bartender, the only guy they hadn't knocked out yet, started to approach them, cracking his knuckles.

SpongeBob: (trembling) Um um, do you...own...the red motrocycle...with the Trasheh Bottom license plate...p-parked outside?
Bartender: (in his face) Yes, yes I do, PUNK‼ What do you want with it?
Sandy: Do y'all mind if...we borrow it?
Bartender: (in a threatening voice) You PUNKS...want...to borrow...my prized motorcycle? (very long pause; suddenly in a happier tone) Well, sure you can! All you two had to do was ask, instead of going through all this trouble! Keys are in the cycle! Just be sure to return it when you're done...PUNKS‼
SpongeBob: (grateful) Um, thank you.

Then, the bodyguard started to wake up.

Bodyguard: Ohhh...
Sandy: (whispering to SB) Let's get outta here.

They ran out of the bar and then put their clothes back on.

SpongeBob: Whew, that was close.

We then cut to them riding the motorcycle down the road.

BTTNS.

Next scene name: Pitch-Black Forest!
Will probably be added: Sunday, January 20th.

[sup]1[/sup]For those of you who don't live in the Eastern Time Zone like I do.
 

The Dark Knight

Fashionabluh
Joined
Sep 17, 2005
Messages
4,255
SpongeBob: Hey, I'm spitting out spit. Neat!

I swear, one 'o teh best quotes ever :sandyx: Welcome to the quote 'o teh week.
 

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
14,837
Location
Stealing your grill
Notice in this scene that my writing for Sandy is starting to get more realistic to the show, with phrases such as "and they're out like grandpappy's dinner".

Scene number: 6
Scene name: Pitch-Black Forest
Song in this scene: "The Germ Warrior" (from Atlantis Squarepantis; instrumental version)

SpongeBob and Sandy were now riding down the road in Pitch-Black Forest. It was a bit dark in the forest's interior. SpongeBob and Sandy were busy laughing from the Punk Hut. Sandy was driving the motorcycle.

SpongeBob: And then...and then...remember when he just goes, "Keys are in the cycle!" DAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! What an idiot!
Sandy: Everyone at that bar & grill was a real cow! One chop, and they're out like grandpappy's dinner!
SpongeBob: Yeah, what real "punks". I think that place is wrongly named!
*they both laugh*
SpongeBob: Sorry for putting you through all that, Sandy.
Sandy: (Boston accent) I'm sorry you couldn't pull a New Yorkie to save your wicked life!
*they both laugh*
SpongeBob: And who knew you had a motorcycler's license?
Sandy: Same place I got the accent.
SpongeBob: Boston?
Sandy: My couses run a motorcycle business up in Mass.
*pause*
SpongeBob: You wanna go dancing after all this is over?
Sandy: Sure, why not?

As they progressed through the deep forest, it started to get darker.

Sandy: Now ah know why they call this itchin' place the Pitch-Balck Forest. This humbug of a jungle is deader then dark even during the daytime! SpongeBob, check the trunk and see if there's a flashlight!

SpongeBob opened up the trunk.

SpongeBob: There's gotta be one in here! He must have gone through this forest in order to get to the Punk Hut!

The screen then went completely black.

SpongeBob's voice: Whoa. I can't even see my hand waving in front of my face.
Sandy's voice: Just keep searching for that flashlight!

We heard sounds of SpongeBob searhcing through the clutter in the trunk.

SpongeBob's voice: Let's see, binoculars, some sort of giant poster, a book or a magazine, some sort of box...a bikini?

We then heard the sounds of the bushes rustling.

SpongeBob's voice: What was that? (pause) Sandy, did you hear something?

More rustling as well as a swooping sound.

Sandy's voice: Now, ah did!

Next came a chattering sound.

Sandy's voice: What in the name of Conroe[sup]1[/sup] is that noise?!
SpongeBob's voice: Sorry, that's my teeth chattering.

Finally, they heard an array of chomping and chirping.

SpongeBob's voice: (nervously) Flashlight, flashlight, flashlight...

For a brief second, a tiny flame set by SpongeBob made a small portion of the screen visible.

SpongeBob's voice: Matches...
Sandy's voice: SpongeBob, wait, that's it! That's it, light the matches!

SpongeBob lit the whole pack of matches,
brightening up the entire screen to an a very distant orange glow, still giving everything a feeling of darkness. It also showed they were being chased by white scallops.

SpongeBob and Sandy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
SpongeBob: Darkforest scallops‼ Darkforest scallops are a carniverous species that eat invertebrates, such as starfish, jellyfish, and SPONGES‼

Then they were also stopped by a flying owl-like clam, as seen in One Krabs Trash.

Sandy: (stops the motorcycle) What in tarnation is that?!
SpongeBob: That's a scowlop!
Sandy: A what now?
SpongeBob: Scowlops are a species of mollusk related to darkforest scallops!
Sandy: (gulp) What do they eat?
SpongeBob: Anything covered in hair or fur. (puts matches over head like a lightbub) Wait, I have an idea! We'll deal with these forest baddies the same way we took on the guys at the Punk Hut! With the power of...(puts on karate helmet)...KAY-RAH-TAE‼
Sandy: (as they both put on their gloves) Let's go for it!

They stopped the motorcycle and jumped out. Throughout this scene, the music from Sandy's Song "The Germ Warrior" from Atlantis Squarepantis played. The scowlop bit Sandy in the tail. Sandy immediately chopped it off (the scowlop, not her tail). SpongeBob was also surrounded by darkforest scallops.

SpongeBob: It's time for you mollusks to meet your worst nightmare!

In a style similar to To Love a Patty, SpongeBob started karate-chopping all the scallops.

Sandy: SpongeBob! The Toss n' Whirl!
SpongeBob: (gritting his teeth) Still haven't perfected it...
Sandy: At this point, ah'm willing to try anehthing!

So, she tossed SpongeBob into the air again, and SpongeBob started spinning as he descended down, but again he started tog et dizzy and out of balance.

SpongeBob: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!

He missed again and bounced back between tree to tree in a pinball game-style, complete with pinball game sound effects, and the music from the video game in Atlantis Squarepantis still playing. His whirling started to chop up several darkforest scallops in his way, as well as the scowlop. Once he finally finished spinning, all of the scallops and the Scowlop were all chopped out.

Sandy: SpongeBob, y'all did it! Y'all messed up again, just like last time, but ya did it!
SpongeBob: (dizzy) I don't feel good, Patrick. Uh oh. (voice gurgling) I think I'm gonna...

THE AUTHOR OF THE FIC HAS CHOSEN TO CENSOR THIS PART FOR THE SAFETY OF YOUNG CHILDREN AND SQUEEMISH MEMBERS.

SpongeBob was now standing on his knees, taking slow deep breaths.

Sandy: Feelin' better?
SpongeBob: (wiping his mouth) Yeah, I think so. Let's just go.


So they got back on their motorcycle and continued on through the darkness as a BTTNS.

Next scene name: Catapulted Away!
Will probably be added: Saturday, January 26th.
NOTES: This fic will approximate as an hour-long TV movie, similar to Atlantis Squarepantis and one of my other TV movie fics, SpongeBob CablePants. Thus, that would really make all three "TV specials". Also, I am getting rid of the "May not be suitable for" tag comically, and instead I will only use it for serious reasons, such as later in this fic. :)

[sup]1[/sup]Conroe is a small town in Texas that is close to the mountaineous forests in the Eastern part of the Lone Star state.
 
Top