Favorite Squidward Quotes (for SBM site)

[ssj4gogita4]

I've been wanting to do a bit more "user contributions" on the site and for this, Beck and I have come up with a quotes system like we had in the past (I think)...or at least I had on my site. :\ I'm trying to get around 40-50 quotes, at least, to get started.

Anyways, I know there is a "favorite quotes" topic but I'm not searching through 103 pages and organizing all that. Not unless you're paying me $8/hr for that.


So, what are your favorite Squidward quotes?

 

[NastyPatty2002]

• "I order the food, you cook the food. The customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die."
• "Too bad that didn't kill me..."
• "Oh, my aching tentacles.."
• "Next I suppose you want me to go square dancing with Patrick!"
• "If I had a dollar for every brain you dont have, I'd have one dollar."
• "Too bad that didn't kill me."
• "Too bad SpongeBob is not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here!"
• 'I wonder if being dropped from this height is enough to kill me..."
• "Will we be getting business cards?"
• "You can't fool me Plankton. I listen to public radio!" :coolio: #i'msocool
• *SB, berserk, no-sleep mode, tirades about jobs Squid: "What are you saying?"
• *the Bikini Bottom Super Band has just finished a 4 second set. Squid: "Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no-one can hear us."
• Just dances the most horrendous dance in history, crowd giving correct response "You bottom feeders! You don't even KNOW talent!" Audience (in unison): NO TALENT! NO TALENT!
• ''The only culture that guy has is in his tennis shoes..."

 

[SarahGiraffe]

"We?! How about you take these patties and sho-"
"Battening down the word hatches, sir."
"Boys Who Cry? They're my favorite band! They charge a million dollars just to show up. If you want them to lip-synch, it'll run into real money."
(to Spongebob who asks for a high-five) "Not on your life, sport."
"Oh, it's days like this that make me wish I had gone to college."

 

[PatStar2000]

:squidx: - "Some people have no taste in headgear."
:squidx: - "Oh, gee, SpongeBob, that's a great idea! And maybe I should cook the patties and do the dishes, and wear square pants and live in a pineapple... while you wait on the unemployment line!"
:squidx: - "Is that what he calls it?"
:squidx: - "If it gets any hotter in here, we're gonna have to put Fried Calamari on the menu!"
:squidx: - "The only culture he has is in his tennis shoe. Heh, tennis shoe. Heh, heh, I crack myself up."
:squidx: - "I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me."

 

[Web Surfer]

"Here. *gives customers a baseball bat* Hit me as hard as you can."

 

[Ugly Barnacle]

"Oh gee, Spongebob, that's a great idea! And maybe I should cook the patties, and do the dishes, and wear square pants, and live in a pineapple... while you wait in the unemployment line!"
-Your Shoe's Untied

"...Then, HE GOT HIT BY A BUS! and at his funeral, they FIRED HIM!"
-Graveyard Shift

"And why aren't you in uniform?"
-Can You Spare a Dime?

"Why don't you ask CowBob RanchPants and his faithful companion, Sir Eats A Lot?"
-My Pretty Seahorse

(after SpongeBob gives him a can opener) "And I thought this friendship would never pay off!"
-Nature Pants

"Too bad that didn't kill me."
-Band Geeks

"I didn't realize it was happy-hopping moron day"
-Idiot Box

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU BARNACLE HEAD!"
-Dying for Pie

"I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts."
-Christmas Who?

"Would you PLEASE stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?"
-I Was A Teenage Gary

"How did I ever get surrounded by such LO-SER neighbors?"
-Bubblestand

 

[Ihavedahswag]

SQUIDDY: [background=rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039)]Why don't you ask CowBob RanchPants and his faithful companion, Sir Eats A Lot?[/background]
[background=rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.498039)]SQUIDDY: [/background]Who would want to celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts?
SQUIDDY: The only culture he has is in his tennis shoe. Heh, tennis shoe. Heh, heh, I crack myself up.
SQUIDDY: I order the food. You cook the food. The customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, then we die.
SQUIDDY: You cant fool me Plankton, I listen to public radio!
SQUIDDY: Ok, lets get this other with so I can go and practise my clarinet!

 

[SpongeRoadie UK]

"If I die, you stay away from my funeral!" - :squidward: -

 

[BlueberryFieldsForever]

"Heaven knows I won't."
"I'm calling the police!"
"That Krabs is a food thief!"
"I could get used to this!"

 

[DadMom AngryPants]

"Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where it's almost as if the evolutionary clock ticks backwards."

 

[Dr. Peter Lankton]

1. Intensive. Hmm… I bet they won’t have...They have it! CANNED BREAD!
2. Really? Jellyfishing with you guys? Oh, that would be the best day ever in my book. I would love to go jellyfishing! I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more on my day off than go jellyfishing with my two best friends: SpongeBob and...uhh...
3. That lemon has three seeds, THAT'S AN ODD NUMBER!
4. Will you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
5. I'll give him eleven minutes.
6. Oh no, he's HOT!
7. That idea may just crazy enough... to get us all killed!
8. I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.