Calling It Quits

Stinkoman 20X6

Stinkoman 20X6

I want to get lost in your rock and roll
This is my first fic entirely centralized on Squidward...unless you count the early fic Chocolate With Nuts 2. Anyways, this is because Squidward is actually one of my least favorite SB characters, for two reasons:

  1. SpongeBob and Patrick are mean to him. They're reckless all day long, and they can't understand how Squidward feels about them and their antics. It makes me feel really sorry for ol' Squid.
  2. However, at the same time, Squidward is also mean to Sponge and Pat. While his annoyance with the two is understandable on one level, he never wants SpongeBob and Patrick to cut loose near him. He tries to act civilized, and at the same point, tries to civilize the two of them as well. They're just being kids, Squidward.

So, this fic was devised to rid myself of these two issues I have with Squidward in my fanfics at the very least.Music playing: Katamari Damacy theme song

Painty: Are you ready, kids?
Kids: Aye aye, captain!
Painty: I can't hear you!
Kids: (louder) Aye aye, captain!

*the camera pans down from Bikini Attol into the ocean (using the same effect from the move) and into various film reels, displaying clips of the character whose name is displayed*

SpongeBuddy Mania Presents
*various images from the actual show*

An SBM Original Fan Series
*various images from the eighth and ninth seasons*

Starring
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: (holding a diamond ring) Diamond rings falling from the sky?! Has the world gone mad?!

Patrick Star
Patrick: (dressed in a beanie cap and orange/white-striped shirt) I don't even know who I am anymore‼

Stevie the Jellyfish
Stevie: I got my sand right here! (dumps a litterbox over himself)

Sandy Cheeks
Sandy: This is stranger then an antelope chewing a rattlesnake's tail.

Squidward Tentacles
Squidward: From now on, I want to be called Squidwealth Tentacash. No, wait. Too corny.

and Eugene Krabs
Mr. Krabs: (dressed by a hip-hop rapper) Well, am I in the his-house now?

With
Producer Randy
Producer Herman
Mrs. Puff
Plankton
Pearl Krabs

And
Gary the Snail
Freddie the Snail
Coral the Snail
Polar Bear the Snail
All snails: Meow.

*various images from the tenth season*

In assosciation with
Invision Power Services

Executive Producer
Tristin-Z

themetitletu9.png


Stevie has an "Easy" button from Staples(tm).

Easy button: (as Stevie presses it) That was easy. That was easy. That was easy.
Stevie: Don't listen to this thing, kids. 'Cause trust me...that was not easy at all.
Easy button: That was easy.
Stevie: Shut up!

He punched the button, causing it to spring out.

Easy button: Okay, maybe that wasn't so easy after all.

*traiditional SB theme song ending (Painty laughing/SpongeBob playing his nose/ocean waves)*

SpongeBob SquarePants Created by
Stephen Hillenburg

16callingitquitshv0.png


Written by
Douglas-Z

Directed by
Douglas-Z

Original Story by
Douglas-Z

Special Thanks
Band Geek

*exterior shot of Krusty Krab*
Narrator: Ah, here we see the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty.

The camera moved through the dining room inside, and eventually up to Squidward.

Narrator: It is also home to the Krabby Patty.
Squidward: (to the narrator) I thought I told you to stop with that joke.
Narrator: Sorry.

Squidward turned his focus back to the scene.

Narrator: Ah, and here is where the trouble begins. As we all know...

We look into Squidward's brain, with the same concept of stormclouds and a crying happy gland hiding underneath with the flu from Breath of Fresh Squidward.

Narrator: ...whenever Squidward interacts with SpongeBob, Patrick, and Stevie, has to work, or is just plain having a bad day, the storm clouds rage in and his happy gland is forced to stay in bed undernath with the flu. (camera zooms back out) Let's take a look at an average day at work.

*cut back out*

SpongeBob peered through the window.

SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, here ae those three Triple Decker Patties [singing falsetto] with extra cheese!

He swooped in a tray of three tall triple-burger Krabby Patties with tall slices of cheese inside each of them. However, the patties were so tall that they fell off of the tray and onto an agrivated Squidward's head.

SpongeBob: Oops, sorry about that, Squidward! (goes back in the kitchen)
Squidward: (wipes the mess off of his head; yelling at the window) Only the third time today, Mr. Perfect Balance!

Mrs. Puff walked over to the register with a tray. It had a card labled, "7".

Mrs. Puff: Is Number 7's order ready? Three Triple Decker Patties with extra cheese?
Squidward: (drops the mess onto the table) Here!
Mrs. Puff: Gee, thanks a lot. (walks away with the tray)

Mr. Krabs walked over.

Mr. Krabs: ♪ Oh, Mr. Squidward! ♪
Squidward: (sigh) What is it now, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Well, Squidward, as you know, I've been ordered to start paying Old Man Jenkins protection since we fired our drive-thru starfish.

As he continued talking, he "discreetly" hid a large bag of money in the back of his pants. The bag was labled, "Old Guy's Protection Money".

Mr. Krabs: And um, I seem to have [making quoting gestures with his claws] misplaced the money I'm supposed to pay him.
Squidward: (peering behind Mr. Krabs) I'm sure you did, Mr. K.
Mr. Krabs: So, I'm going to have to deduct your paycheck for the next, oh... three weeks or so.
Squidward: Fine, whatever.
Mr. Krabs: Thanks, Mr. Squidward. You're a real trooper. (walks away)
Squidward: (making quoting gestures) Nice butt, Mr. Krabs.

Mrs. Puff walked over again.

Mrs. Puff: (hands him a yellow note) Here's Number 5's order. Is Number 9's order ready yet?

SpongeBob jumped on Squidward's head (much to his agony) and handed Mrs. Puff the patty.

SpongeBob: Here you are, Mrs. Puff! Fresh and frosty, I mean steamy!

He jumped back into the kitchen.

Squidward: (yelling to Mrs. Puff) Make sure to remind him that he didn't order a drink!

As he pasted the note onto the mobile for SpongeBob, Patrick walked over.

Patrick: Good morning, Krusty Krew!
Squidward: What'll it be, Patrick?
Patrick: I'll have uh, um, let's see, um, I, uh... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Squidward: Take your time there, buddy.
SpongeBob: (peering from the window) Okay, Squidward!

He held out another paty, which flew out of his hand and onto Squidward's face.

SpogneBob: (nervously) One Krabby Patty with extra lettuce... which you're allergic to. Heh-heh. (goes back into the kitchen)

Squidward dropped the mess, revealing a rash starting to devlop on his head.

Mr. Krabs walked over again, pushing Patrick aside. He now had another bag of money stuffed into his pants again, labled "Squidward's Money".

Mr. Krabs: ♪ Hello, Mr. Squidward! ♪
Squidward: What now, sir?
Mr. Krabs: Um, I seem to have "misplaced" the monery from yuor paycheck as well. That money just keeps slipping out of me hands like butter!
Squidward: Uh-huh, I bet it does.
Mr. Krabs: So... you won't be seeing your paycheck for the next three months. See ya! (walks away)
Squidward: (shocked) What?

Just then, a patty flew into the air and landed on Squidward's forehead.

Mrs. Puff: (walking away) He... wants to know where his drink is.

Someone tapped his shoulder. When Squidward turned his head, Patrick rose up from behind him.

Patrick: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Squidward: Patrick, get away from me!

He punched Patrick in the head, knocking him out.

SpongeBob walked out of the door and to the register.

SpongeBob: Okay, Squidward! This time, I'm not gonna drop a patty into your face! I'm gonna hand-deliver this one to you! Here is a grill-baked patty with pressed bun!

He misaimed his handover and accidentally socked Squidward in the chin with the hard patty. Squidward fell to the floor.

SpongeBob: Oops.

[marquee] ♫ You got hard-creamed with a patty by the fry cook! ♫ [/marquee]

[marquee] ♫ Because he has really bad hand-eye coordination! ♫ [/marquee]

A wide-shot revealed Mrs. Puff and SpongeBob still there. Patrick was on the floor, stuck in an "Uhhhhh" trance. His eye was twitching and he was drooling on the floor.

Mr. Krabs: (walking over) ♪ Mr. Squidward? ♪
Squidward: (bursts out of the register) That is it‼ I'VE HAD IT‼

He angrily started to storm towards the door.

Mr. Krabs: (runs over and blocks the door) Where do you think you're going, Mr. Squidward?! Your lunch break isn't for another hour!
Squidward: Move over, Eugene!

He split Mr. Krabs's shell off and pushed the pinkened Mr. Krabs aside.

Mr. Krabs: Squidward, you can't do this! I'm your boss!
Squidward: Not anymore! (in slow motion; throwing his hat down) I quiittttttt!
SpongeBob: Nooooooooooooooo!

A slow-motion sequence followed, as Squidward headed out the door while SpongeBob headed towards the hat. He caught it with a pillow just as it landed on the floor.

SpongeBob: *phews*

Next scene: Here We Go Again!
 
BTW, just to clarify, the first half of this fic will be a sequel to Can You Spare a Dime. And then, the second half will be a sequel to Breath of Fresh Squidward.

Scene number: 2
Scene name: Here We Go Again!

Squidward stormed out of the Krusty Krab. Inexplicitly, the lighting had become dusk like in Can You Spare a Dime.

Squidward: I am not wasting my life in that trash heap any longer!

SpongeBob ran out and grabbed Squidward's legs, making it difficult for him to continue walking.

SpongeBob: Squidward, no! You can't quit again! I won't let you!
Squidward: (stops walking) SpongeBob, let go of me right now! I've only made two mistakes in my entire life: going to work at the Krusty Krab, and coming back after I already quit!
SpongeBob: But Squidward, don't you remember the last time you quit?! You had to give up your home and eat all your paintings! I had to take care of you until I was driven mad! I can't go through with it again! That skimpy outfit doesn't even fit me anymore! I gave it to Stevie‼

We cut to Stevie inside his house with Coral. He was indeed wearing SpongeBob's maid uniform from the aforementioned episode.

Stevie: Oh man, Coral. I am feeling lucky tonight.
Coral: Meow. (slithers away)
*cut back to SpongeBob and Squidward*
Squidward: SpongeBob, listen. You don't need to worry about me. Since my previous attempt at disbanding from that deathtrap, I've saved up all the money I've earned... despite Mr. Krabs's constant pick-pocketing schemes. And now, I have enough wealth to retire successfully.

He started to walk away. SpongeBob got down on his ways.

SpongeBob: But, Squidward?
Squidward: (sigh; turns around) Yes, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: If there's anything I can ever do for you, just give me a call.
Squidward: Actually, SpongeBob, there is... one thing you can do for me.
SpongeBob: Really? What's that?
Squidward: Get out of my life. Leave me alone and never bother me. (dramatic closeup) Again.

He then walked away.

SpongeBob: (sniffling) Okay, Squidward.

*bubble transition*

Squidward walked into his house and into his music room, where his music tutor Phillip was waiting.

Phillip: Squidward! You're home awfully early.
Squidward: That's right! I quit that dump for the second and truly last time!
Phillip: Hm. Well then, this must be great news. Now we'll have more time to practice on the weekdays.
Squidward: You know it!
Phillip: Well then, shall we begin today's lesson?
Squidward: (pulls out his clarinet) I thought you'd never ask.

We cut outside of Squidward's house as he started playing.

*bubble transition to next scene*

No, they're not in love! Shut up!: Squidward's Big Chance! And... Stevie's Big Chance?
 
Scene number: 3
Scene name: Squidward's Big Chance! And... Stevie's Big Chance?

The next day, SpongeBob was sitting at the register, now with two hats on like in Squid's Day Off. He could ehar Squidward's clarinet playing (which was starting to get better) from where he was.

SpongeBob: (sniffling) Work just isn't the same with ol' Squiddenator yelling at me.
Mr. Krabs: (walking over) Don't worry, boy. Squidward'll be back. Why, in no more in a week, he'll come crying back here, begging for his job. (pause; pulls out a "Help Wanted" sign) Only for us to tell him that the position's been filled.

He placed the Help Wanted sign on the window and walked back into his office.

Stevie: (strolling by) ♪ I got a nude artist in my pocket, and I think he's starting to melt. ♪ (notices the sign) Whoa. That sign has words on it. (puts his finger on the "H") Is that an H or a K? I can never tell the difference between those letters. (reading the sign) "Kelp Wanted." Hmm. I've got kelp!

He pulled out from hammerspace a handful of kelp leaves.

Stevie: I've got loads of kelp!

He ran inside.

*kelp leaves transition*

Squidward and Phillip were still practicing. Squidward finished a chord on the clarinet.

Phillip: Good, good. I'm seeing some improvement here. Now, let's try working on our scales. Try playing a standard "Do-Re-Mi".

Squidward played the Do-Re-Mi scales. Just then, there was a knock on the door.

Phillip: Oh! I do believe somebody's at the door.
Squidward: I'll get it.

He walked down towards the door.

Squidward: It'd beeter not be SpongeBob. He promised he'd leave me alone for the rest of my life.

He opened the door and was surprised to see a purple fish with a large head in a business suit there. Two businessmen in sunglasses stood behind him.

Purple fish: Squidward Tentacles? (shakes Squidward's hand) My name is Snick Vaude. I work for Bigshot Records out in Memphis Bottom.[sup]1[/sup]
Squidward: Nice to meet you, Nick.
Snick Vaude: It's Snick.
Squidward: (stops shaking Snick's hand) Oh. Sorry.
Snick: Now, you see, I was strolling by looking for a potential new instrumental artist for Bigshot Records, and I couldn't help but notice that remarkable display of the clarinet.
Squidward: Oh. Thanks but, I really am only an amatuer player, and...
Snick: It doesn't matter how prematurely you play! You've heard of Gince Vogh, right?
*Squidward nods*
Snick: That guy couldn't paint a smiling woman to save his life! Why, he was so crazy, he actually cut off his own nose! And yet, he was still a giant success, and now his paintings are displayed in the Connaissance Musuem in Aimer Fond Franais2! Now, what I'm suggesting Squidward, is you could become the next Gince Vogh! Just...with music instead of art. And minus the craziness. ... You might wanna think about cutting off that honker though.
*Squidward lowers his eyelids*
Snick: So what do you say?
Squidward: What do I say?! Heck, yes! It's always been my dream to become a signed clarinet artist!
Snick: Great! All we need to do is give the President Ray Bigshot a recording and then sign a contract, and you're in the clear, Squiddy!
Squidward: Great!

Snick turned to leave, but then stopped.

Snick: Oh! I almost forgot. Before we can record or sign anything, just for legal reasons, you have to have a personal manager.
Squidward: I have to have a manger? Oh, man! Where can I find a manager at this time of year?

Phillip jumepd up onto the doorknob.

Phillip: Don't worry, Squidward. I'll be your manager!
Squidward: You will, Phillip?!
Phillip: Why, of course! It's the least I can do for my favorite pupil!
Snick: Well then, we are all set! Just give us a recording and then we can assure a CD by the end of the week!

*bubble transition*

Next scene name: Stevie Gets to Meet the President?!
Song in next scene: "Meet the President"

[sup]1[/sup]Snick Vaude, Bigshot Records, Ray Bigshot, and Memphis Bottom will go on to play a big role in SpongeBob SquarePants's Big Road Trip Movie.
[sup]2[/sup]"French Love Bottom", loosely translated.
 
1985 said:
Douglas Z said:
Stevie: (strolling by) ♪ I got a nude artist in my pocket, and I think he's starting to melt. ♪
Click to expand...
....should I ask what he ment?
Click to expand...
♪ I got an email in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt ♪
♪ I got a snail-mail in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt ♪
♪ I got a Polish email in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt ♪
 
Douglas Z said:
1985 said:
Douglas Z said:
Stevie: (strolling by) ♪ I got a nude artist in my pocket, and I think he's starting to melt. ♪
Click to expand...
....should I ask what he ment?
Click to expand...
♪ I got an email in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt ♪
♪ I got a snail-mail in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt ♪
♪ I got a Polish email in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt ♪
Click to expand...
...i ment the naked artist part.
 
1985 said:
Douglas Z said:
1985 said:
Douglas Z said:
Stevie: (strolling by) ♪ I got a nude artist in my pocket, and I think he's starting to melt. ♪
Click to expand...
....should I ask what he ment?
Click to expand...
♪ I got an email in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt ♪
♪ I got a snail-mail in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt ♪
♪ I got a Polish email in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt ♪
Click to expand...
...i ment the naked artist part.
Click to expand...
What about it? >_<
 
Scene number: 3
Scene name: Meet the President, Stevie!
Song in this scene: "Meet the President" by Squidward (sample only)

The next day, Squidward and Phillip were preapring for a usual day of practice.

Squidward: (grasping his clarinet) Haven't heard from SpongeBob since I left the Krusty Kookoo House. Looks like a miracle has happened and he finally listend to my complaint.
Phillip: Hm, quite.

There was a knock on the door.

Squidward: (turns his head to the door) Let's hope I didn't speak too soon.

He opened the door to see Snick and the two men.

Squidward: Snick!
Snick: Squidward! Great news!
Phillip: (jumps onto the doorknob) What's the good word?
Snick: Squidward, Ray Bigshot, the President of Bigshot Records, loved the recording! He says you have a remarkable talent and a possible future as a superstar!

Shining stars appeared in Squidward's eyes as camera flashes appeared around him. Snick held out a contract.

Snick: All you and Phillip need to do is sign this contract and you my friend have gotten yourself a record deal!

Squidward entusiastically signed his name. Phillip jumped onto Squidward's nose to sign as well. When they finished, Snick rolled up the contract and tucked it in his vest.

Snick: Great! Meet us at the studio in Memphis Bottom tomorrow, and your first album will be out before a bubble transition!

*bubble transition :P*

Inside the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs was walking to the rgister from his office with Squidward's KK hat.

Mr. Krabs: Well, I really didn't want to have to do this, but... looks like Stevie the Jellyfish is our new cashier.

He placed the hat on Stevie, who was standing at the register. Mrs. Puff was also there.

Stevie: (looking up at his hat) Wow. Do I get to meet the President?!
Mr. Krabs: Wha-- No! Now, listen closely. (speaking slowly) This is a cash register. You take people's green pieces of paper that they hand to you and put them inside this little black box. Then, if they gave you too many papers, you have to give them some little metal discs inside the box. Do you understand?
Stevie: (scratches his head) Um... Butt's twelve by pies?
*pause*
Mr. Krabs: Close enough. You're hired.

He started to walk away.

SpongeBob: (calling) Hey, Mr. Krabs! Come over here!

Mr. Krabs walked over to SpongeBob, whom was standing next to the television set.

Mr. Krabs: What is it, SpongeBob? And why aren't you working?
SpongeBob: Check out the local news!

Mr. Krabs turned his attention to the TV.

Johnny the RFH: We now return to our top story in the world of music: Bikini Bottom is taken ablaze by a freah new artist by the name of Squidward!
Mr. Krabs: (shocked) Squidward?! What the-
Johnny: We take you to Perch Perkins with more info.
Perch Perkins: (standing outside a music store, with people crowded in front of it) Thanks, Johnny. I'm here in front of the BJ's Music Emplorium store, where dozens of Bikini Bottomites are waiting in anticipiation to but Bigshot Records's newest single, "Meet the President", sung and performed by a fresh new talent, Squidward Tentacles!
Mr. Krabs: What in the flimflam?!
Perch Perkins: We bring you now to an exclusive taste of the new single!

(clarinet playing is heard)

Squidward: (overlapping his clarinet playing; standing on top of a giant clarinet)
♪Meet the President (jumps off of the clarinet)
I said, meet the President
(he said, meet the Preisdent)
I said, meet the President
(he said, meet the President)

Meet the President
(Meet the President)
Meet the President
(Meet the President)

You'll come upon cash,
To make a financial splash,
We're not talking the senator,
It'll be grand and better,
When you meet the President♪[sup]1[/sup]

Mr. Krabs: That was weird and made my brain throw up. I don't understand this. Squidward and success don't go together! (storms back into his office)
Stevie: I liked it.

*bubble transition to next scene*

Next scene name: Squidward's Swimming in Success!

[sup]1[/sup]A full version of the song will be available in the Bonus Features.
 
By the way, I almost forgot to mention that Snick has a sort of calm accent that somewhat resembles Lord Royal Highness's voice from Atlantis SquarePantis.

Scene number: 5
Scene name: Squidward's Swimming in Success!

We see the Bigshot Records studio previously seen in Sing a Song of Patrick in Memphis Bottom. Squidward drove up in front where Snick was waiting, again with the two men behind him. He was now carrying a briefcase.

Snick: Squidward, great to see you! As part of your contract, Presdient Bigshot has given you a 75% share of the CD sales!

Dollar signs appeared in Squidward's eyes as he was handed the briefcase, which was filled with bundles of money.

*golden coins falling transition*

--Montage--
Music playing: "All I Need" from The Lion King 1

Squidward is visualizing his bedroom, wich is then filled with luxurious and expensive furniture. Phillip gives him a thumbs-up.

Squidward then started releasing more albums and recieving more briefcases of money. Eventually, he transformed his house into a huge stately mansion, pushing aside his neighbors' homes.

Patrick: (riding his shifting rock) Wheeeeee!

Squidward is next seen swimming in a pool of wealth and gold. He throws a party where many classicla music appreciators are congratulating him on his success... including Squillium Fancyson.

Squillium: (kissing Squidward's feet) Oh, Squidward! You're my idol!

Squidward relaxed in his mighty throne. Through a window in the background, SpongeBob was walking past the mansion. He looked up at the mansion and sighed, depressingly. Squidward, not noticing SpongeBob, shut the blinds.

--End Montage--

*golden coins falling transition*

The exterior of the KK is seen.

Stevie: You're firing me?

We then cut to a closeup of Stevie inside. He is taped by his arms to a target board.

Stevie: Wow! This is gonna be great! The thrill! he exhillaration! The third-degree burns! (cut to a wide shot with SpongeBob, Mrs. Puff, and Mr. Krabs standing nearby) Fire the flamethrowers, Cap'n Crunch!
Mr. Krabs: Not that kind of "firing", Stevie.
Stevie: Awww... (jumps down from the target board)
Mr. Krabs: And stop calling me Cap'n Crunch. I'm firing you because you all me money in me cash register!
Stevie: For the last time, are you positive that that wasn't salad that you were hiding because you didn't want people to know you're on a diet? (burps out a dollar bill)

Mr. Krabs started to get steamed, with steam blowing out of his ears. Just then, loud cheering was heard. They walked over to the door to see people lined up on the sides of the road just outside the KK.

Mr. Krabs: What in blue blazes?

SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Stevie walked out to see that everyone was gathered as Squidward's fancy-shmancy limosuine was driving down, Squidward standing up over the sun roof.

The scene then became a newscast directed by Perch Perkins.

Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here, reporting at Squidward's Big Parade to celebrate his declared the Most Successful Artist in the Pacific Ocean! Let's have a look.

Squidward: Hey, everyone! Thanks for coming out! Great to see you!
Woman yelling: I love you, Squidward!
Squidward: Hey, great nose job, Mel! Vannessa! Haven't seen you in years! Never thought I'd end up like this back in college, huh?!

Squidward then relaxed into his seat.

Squidward: (sigh) From now on, I want to be called Squidwealth Tentacash. No, wait. Too corny. (sigh)
Squidward's assistant: Is there something wrong, Mr. Tenta... Cash?
Squidward: I just feel like something's missing. Missing from my life. Something small, and yellow, and squeaky...

A man scooched in with Squidward, holding a cake made to look like a sponge.

Man with cake: Excuse me, Mr. Tentacash! Would you like some sponge cake?
Squidward: (gasp) Of course! That's it! *pause* Sponge cake! The noblest of all edible cakes! (takes a bite)

Snick then walked into the limosuine.

Snick: Squidward!
Squidward: Snick!
Snick: The company wanted me to give thse rare Roll Wit' Da Punches, Hugo Left Me Miserable, and Doin' the Wigglie singles from Secuirity as a present!
Squidward: (takes the records) You're kidding! Secuirity doesn't even license these songs anymore!
Snick: Consider it a token of appreciation.

he stepped out. He then shifted his eyes and then suspiciously started whispering to Officer Tyke[sup]1[/sup] nearby.

Just then, Patrick jumped into the limo, squashing Squidward's cake.

Patrick: Squidward!

He turned around and pulled down his pants and underwear.

Patrick: Will you sign my butt?
Squidward: (sigh) Fine. Whatever, Patrick.

He took out a Sharpie marker and signed his name above Patrick's buttocks.

Patrick: (pulls up his pants) Thanks, Squidward! (jumps out and starts running out) Woo-hoo! I got Squidward to sign my butt!
Stevie: (as the limo passes the KK) Whoa! I wonder if Squidward can sign my-
Mr. Krabs: (cuts Stevie off) That's enough lip out of you. How did this happen?! Squidward can't be successful! It goes against the natural order or something!
SpongeBob: *sigh*
Mr. Krabs: Why are you all mopey, boy?
SpongeBob: I promised Squidward I would leave him alone for the rest of his life. But, now that means that I can't get him to sign my nose...or let me pilfer his sponge cake.
Mr. Krabs: (lowers his eyelids) I need to get out of town. (walks away)

Just then, Officer Tyke halted the limo.

Officer Tyke: Hold on a minute! Let me see those singles!

Squidward handed him the Roll Wit' Da Punches, Hugo Left Me Miserable, and Doin' the Wigglie singles Snick had given him. Officer Tyke scanned them for a second.

Officer Tyke: Sir, are you aware that these valuable Security singles were stolen from the Memphis Bottom Hall of Music several weeks ago?!
Squidward: What?! Bu- But officer, you don't understand! I was given those singles by the record company an--

Before he could finish, he was handcuffed.

Officer Tyke: Tell it to the judge, "Tentacash"!

He then dragged Squidwad by the nose out of the limo and towards the jail, before the stunned crowd's eyes

Squidward: No! Wait! This is all a huge misunderstanding!

*sbemail cliffhangers transition to next scene*

Next scene: Squidward in Prision!

[sup]1[/sup]Officer Tyke is the name I gave to the un-named blue officer next to Nancy in episodes such as Party Pooper Pants and Nasty Patty.
 
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