15. Ohio
The home of seven presidents, Ohio is the belly-button of America. A kind of center, a reminder of who we are, but also kind of gross.
The Good: A decent amount of people live in Ohio, so that's a change of pace for today! Ohio has big cities like Cleveland and Columbus and Cincinnati (what's with the Cs, guys?) to serve as cultural capitals. Plus Ohio is chock-full of great schools — from state institutions like massive Ohio State (excuse me, the Ohio State) and preppy Miami of Ohio, to hippie-dip dumpster dive paradises like Kenyon and Oberlin. Ohio indulges our fascination with Amish people pretty thoroughly. Part of it is situated on a big fat lake, so if you're into that you can do that. Lots of rural Ohio is very pretty — pastoral and red-barned and all that.
The Bad: All the people who live in (or near, I guess) those quaint red barns are total jerks (politically speaking, at least). Everyone who lives in the cities is poor and miserable. Calling Cleveland and Cincinnati "cultural capitals" is sort of a sad joke. (Ha, Cincinnati thinks it's people.) Ohio still uses its ridiculous (if dwindling) political power to elect chuckleheads like John Boehner to positions of power. They once set a river on fire. People from Cleveland, one of the worst cities to live in, tend to get all butthurt when you, correctly, tell them it sucks. Ohio feels like it's full of serial killers. (You can drive by a house that Jeffery Dahmer lived in as a kid outside of Akron and it's sooo scary.) Oh, and string me up for this, but buckeye candies taste bad. Deal with it.
Final Score: 4.41