OfficerSquidward's Critiques - Reviewing Every Season 9 Episode

[OfficerSquidward]

Hello, everyone. It's about time I started doing some reviewing! I've seen Spongebob over and over, and I used to do cartoon reviews a long time ago. A lot of them were mostly rants and lists for worst episodes, etc. But I want to do something different, and take a more analytical approach in my critiques. And getting back into it, I want to start off with something familiar, but something fresh, since honestly, I've only seen part of Season 9 and none of Season 10, 11, or 12. I will be making countdowns and other specific reviews in the future, but with how much I have to catch up on, I want to make sure I have seen all of it to really see how far Spongebob has come. That's why I am doing this. I will be doing a critique on every episode from Seasons 9-12, and at the end of every Season, I will put down a quick Top 5 and Bottom 5. I don't know where this will go, but it's worth a shot, so if you are interested, please enjoy my critique. Thank you. :aww:


Season 9, Episode 1a

This was a really good episode to kick off Season 9. It's another normal day at Goo Lagoon and Spongebob and Patrick are messing around when they meet a trio of famous daredevils named the Drastic Radicals, consisting of Johnny Krill, Not Dead Ted, and Grand Maul Granny. I really like this trio. Johhny Krill is based off a real celebrity named Johhny Knoxville (who did Jackass). I don't know whatever Not Dead Ted is supposed to be, but he looks cool as heck, and is probably my favorite design out of all three of them. And how can you go wrong with a Grandma that likes to go wild, eh?

They meet these daredevils and want to show them that they can be extreme, just like them. So the episode goes back and forth between the Radicals and our two heroes trying to outdo each other. The Radicals can be seen doing some pretty crazy stunts. Meanwhile, most of Spongebob and Patrick's versions of "extreme sports" are really more ordinary activities such as brushing your teeth, or jump rope, or heck, even dumpster diving. I will admit, some of the stunts the Radicals do are pretty darn cool!

What really helps me enjoy this episode is that the Drastic Radicals are technically the "antagonists", so to speak, but they are not arrogant or condescending like you might expect such a group to be. They don't ever say stuff like "you'll never be extreme, just give up now." In fact, they give them demonstrations to help inspire them and encourage them to go the extra mile to be better at their stunts. It's nice seeing this kind of plot played out as more of a friendly competition rather than an actual heated match.


And wouldn't you know it, Spongebob and Patrick DO prove themselves with an activity that they all turn out to enjoy: Jellyfishing! With the adrenaline rush of chasing a Jellyfish before running the risk of getting stung by a whole swarm, it makes sense that even the Drastic Radicals would get a kick out of it. It's a good ending that shows them all laughing about and just having a good time in the end.

It's a good story that doesn't have a lot of jokes, but it makes up for it by creating a few cool, and really likeable characters for Spongebob and Patrick to interact with. And there are definitely some positive message to learn from this episode. :)

7/10 Good Episode



Season 9, Episode 1b

So one night, it's closing time at the Krusty Krab. Spongebob is taking out the trash, and he discovers Sandy hiding out in the dumpster! He asks why she would do such a crazy thing, and she tells him about a new goal she has to beat all of the world records in the "The Guinness O'Ripley Enormous Book of Curiosities, Oddities, and World Records."

Perfectly paired with Extreme Spots, I do like this concept! Most of the stunts were okay, however. There are one or two moments that I might've found mildly cringe-worthy. The one I can remember most being where Sandy beats the record for world's longest tooth by injecting steroids into her buck teeth with a syringe. And then once she's already had her picture taken for the book, she saws them down! There's not a lot of gross-out/gore that fazes me, but teeth-related gross-outs are one of the few types I almost can't stand. I did like the wood-chucking world record joke, if only because I like seeing any new member of Sandy's (or anyone else's) family, even for just a joke. And as gross as it is, I didn't cringe when Sandy ate raw chum because honestly, I could see that being a world record in the Spongebob universe, anyway. I figured it was coming. I thought the moment with Sandy's colossal house of cards was a really nice visual sight, which is why I didn't need Patrick to come straight out of nowhere and knock it all down with a baseball bat!


Why does this guy always show up to ruin stuff?! (I don't hate Patrick, btw)

Eventually, Spongebob gets concerned with how seriously she is taking this, and decides to stop it. The next time he goes over to the treehouse, he disguises himself as one of her robots, only to find out that she's setting a new record for most robots built and destroyed in a day! He ends up getting compacted and built into a new robot like the rest of them. Once it pukes Spongebob out and he can finally tell Sandy how worried he is about her obsession, it turns out that that was the very last record, and now she can finally turn in the book. Unfortunately, it's revealed that it was published over 30 years ago, and the records have most likely been beaten several times over, rendering all of Spongebob and Sandy's work pointless. I've seen way worse endings, but this one soured the episode a little bit.

I would like to point out that this episode feels reminiscent of Pre-Hibernation week, where Sandy gets obsessed with going on insane escapades to the point where it might end up being a little bit too dangerous. Only that way back when, Spongebob and Sandy were doing stunts together, and Spongebob was worried about his well-being. In this episode, Sandy's the only one doing these stunts, and thus Spongebob is worried about her well-being. It's not a bad thing, honestly. Any show that has been running this long is bound to rehash a little bit from older episodes once in a while. But it was just something I picked up while watching this episode again.

It's an okay episode that does fit pretty well with its sister episode, but it doesn't quite give the satisfaction Extreme Spots does. But hey, Spongebob at leastgot his record for most injuries helping a friend! :aww:

5/10 Meh Episode

Spoiler: Sandy injecting steroids into her teeth, for those curious. You have been warned.

Next up, our favorite pink buffoon becomes Bikini Bottom's newest vigilante and Spongebob buys Gary a new toy! Stay tuned.

 

[MattTheSpongeFanatic]

I agree on both. Extreme Spots was repetitive (the Drasticals doing stunts and SpongeBob and Patrick doing something worse) but it varies the repetition and adds humor, such as the mattress flattening one of the Drasticals.

Squirrel Record I also agree on. This is also a repetitive episode, and the ending kinda makes the entire episode pointless to watch. I also think it's a meh episode.

Good reviews!

 

[Pugs4Thugs]

Ooh I love episode reviews! I like your style of doing these! I agree with your opinions of both episodes. For some reason Squirrel Record always gives me a strong wave of nostalgia compared to other episodes in that era, so I always rate it higher than it actually probably deserves. The ending is a bit weird and Patrick was annoying. Also, it's nice to see someone rate Extreme Spots a bit higher than it usually gets rated, I always enjoyed that episode. I look forward to your next batch of reviews!

 

[OfficerSquidward]

Season 9, Episode 2a

Patrick is finally tired of not having any goals or calling, so he ends up watching TV for some inspiration. After a few... fairly obvious hints that come his way (like a Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy commercial, or a Mermaid Man doll Patrick steps on), he resolves to be a superhero! Swearing to fight crime in Bikini Bottom, wherever it may lurk, Patrick-Man will be there! Donning underwear outside his pants, a pair of oven mitts, a half-eaten waffle cone for a mask, and a backwards 'P' written on his belly in peanut butter, Patrick-Man is no star to mess with.


And I find his costume pretty amusing. His outfit is ridiculous and completely impractical, but guess what? It's Patrick, so it's pretty goofy! And it always makes me laugh whenever he tries to fly, falls flat on his face, but still uses his feet to push himself onwards!

As for Patrick-Man himself? I'll admit, it's a pretty fun idea, but there isn't really all that much that could really be expanded upon in this episode because for the most part, Patrick is just kind of doing silly things. Stopping two kids from high fiving while teaching them the dangers of violence? Stopping Mr. Krabs from picking up a dollar on the street to teach him not to steal? It's a little funny, but it's not the most memorable we've gotten out of Patrick. Still, most of the things he does here are pretty harmless (besides maybe getting Mrs. Puff arrested), so it's not like it's all that annoying, either.

In that earlier scene with Patrick and Krabs, right before, Mr. Krabs was helping an old lady across the street. Of course, being the cheapskate he is, he had pretty much ditched her for the dollar, which was initially flying through the air. I'm not gonna lie, I was sitting there waiting for Patrick to come save the old lady until it cut to the next scene...

I will say it was amusing, however, when she walked up by Krabs and picked up the dollar that he was just being scolded for.

Eventually, we cut to the Krusty Krab, where Patrick-Man can be seen harassing the customers. Mr. Krabs is obviously not tolerating this, so he tries to kick Patrick-Man out. On his way out, however, Patrick-Man grabs onto a random customer's face and starts pulling as hard as he can. It's actually that same old lady from earlier, but once her head finally pops off, her true identity is revealed as the Dirty Bubble floats right out of her body! Seeing as we normally either have Plankton, or in the superhero's case, Man-Ray (which Patrick actually points out), it's kind of cool that the Dirty Bubble is the main villain here, since he doesn't get nearly as much screen time.

So after a bit of a scuffle between the two of them, the Dirty Bubble flies straight for Patrick-Man! Out of dumb luck, however, Patrick-Man sees a half eaten Krabby Patty on the floor, reaches for it, and the Dirty Bubble flies straight into Patrick's pointy head, popping instantly!

This right here was a pretty decent episode. It's not overly funny. But I did like the idea of Patrick donning his own superhero persona, even if he didn't really do much with it except for the very end. And any appearance of a minor character made for a major role is always a plus for me.

6/10 Okay Episode



Season 9, Episode 2b

I can honestly say that despite having such a simple plot, this episode is definitely the better of the two. Spongebob wakes up to the sound of his foghorn alarm clock literally coughing itself dry because its neck has been chewed through. As it would turn out, Gary's the culprit, and the foghorn is not even close to the only thing he's chewed up! So to solve this problem, Spongebob takes Gary to the pet store, where after some soul searching, Gary sets his eyes on a shiny red ball. Once Spongebob buys it for him, he can not be happier!


As you can see, he likes the ball! Perhaps he starts liking it a little bit too much, as he starts brushing Spongebob off to have tea parties with it, walk it in a stroller, and... well?

We don't need to know why. We just need to know that this was a thing.

Reasonably, Spongebob tries to keep the ball away from him, but Gary is just too obsessed with it. At one point, when Spongebob is reaching for the ball, Gary tries to grab it first and accidentally bites Spongebob! This causes a slight rift between them as Gary is forced to choose between the ball or Spongebob. In that moment, Gary chooses the ball, and Spongebob ends up going on his way (even though this is technically his house but I won't look too deeply into it!).

There comes a point where Gary gets hungry and realizes he can't feed himself. He starts to miss Spongebob and decides he wants to get rid of the ball once and for all. So it turns into almost a real looking battle as Gary tries to destroy it, but it constantly dodges and resists him. He ends up throwing the ball into a blender, but that only makes things worse as it flies out and bounces all over the place, eventually hitting the TV and causing a fire! I rather love this scene for the seemingly absurd, surreal aspect of it. I'm pretty sure in reality, it may very well have been more of a psychological battle between a pet and his toy that he's reluctant to let go. But I love how they make the ball "alive" in this case, to make him seem like an actual "villain", as supposed to just a regular toy.

Gary, of course, escapes the burning house, slithers down the road, finds Spongebob, and they end up reuniting as family. Now that they're back together, all they have to worry about now are the expenses needed to repair their home!

This episode is a really weird one in general, but they play up the drama so much that it ends up being amusingly creative to watch.

8/10 Great Episode

 

[Pugs4Thugs]

I pretty much agree with your assessment of Patrick-Man, that episode annoys me a lot. Though with Gary's New Toy, I'm personally gonna have to disagree. That episode also annoys me a lot, and it doesn't really make me laugh like you'd want a SpongeBob episode to. I can't tell if I like Patrick-Man or Gary's New Toy better though. Probably Gary's New Toy, because I can forgive Gary for his trangressions, but not Patrick. Just kidding, it's actually just a higher quality episode than Patrick-Man, but I still dislike the both of them. I do agree though that playing up the drama helps Gary's New Toy a lot. Helps with the absurdity factor.

 

[OfficerSquidward]

I pretty much agree with your assessment of Patrick-Man, that episode annoys me a lot. Though with Gary's New Toy, I'm personally gonna have to disagree. That episode also annoys me a lot, and it doesn't really make me laugh like you'd want a SpongeBob episode to. I can't tell if I like Patrick-Man or Gary's New Toy better though. Probably Gary's New Toy, because I can forgive Gary for his trangressions, but not Patrick. Just kidding, it's actually just a higher quality episode than Patrick-Man, but I still dislike the both of them. I do agree though that playing up the drama helps Gary's New Toy a lot. Helps with the absurdity factor.

It was actually kind of hard to figure out what to say about Patrick-Man, since there wasn't a lot going on. But I just recently had the thought in my head of how Patrick-Man could've been saved. Instead of Patrick just going up to random people who are doing the mildest things, have him try to stop actual conflict (or at least what would genuinely look like conflict), and screw up that way (by either just screwing up his method or by simply misunderstanding the situation). As long as the consequences weren't quite so hurtful as just simply annoying to the people, there could've been some funny moments to come out of that, as supposed to him stopping two kids from... high fiving? Plus, with him actually trying to do something productive throughout the episode instead of basically goofing around, the ending where he pops Dirty Bubble and everyone cheers would feel much more satisfying. After trying and failing so many times, Patrick-Man has finally achieved a victory.

And I can understand why you feel that way about Gary's New Toy. The humor is moreso in the visuals themselves than dialogue, so there isn't really much room for actual wit.

 

[Pugs4Thugs]

It was actually kind of hard to figure out what to say about Patrick-Man, since there wasn't a lot going on. But I just recently had the thought in my head of how Patrick-Man could've been saved. Instead of Patrick just going up to random people who are doing the mildest things, have him try to stop actual conflict (or at least what would genuinely look like conflict), and screw up that way (by either just screwing up his method or by simply misunderstanding the situation). As long as the consequences weren't quite so hurtful as just simply annoying to the people, there could've been some funny moments to come out of that, as supposed to him stopping two kids from... high fiving? Plus, with him actually trying to do something productive throughout the episode instead of basically goofing around, the ending where he pops Dirty Bubble and everyone cheers would feel much more satisfying. After trying and failing so many times, Patrick-Man has finally achieved a victory.

I like that idea you have for Patrick-Man, that would definitely be a much better episode.

 

[OfficerSquidward]

Season 9, Episode 3a

Spongebob runs into a little bit of trouble one day when he finds that he just can't make a good milkshake. For some reason, every time he builds one, it ends up frozen solid, even after stirring it just a few seconds ago! Turns out, his milkshake license has already expired seven years ago, so Spongebob is going to have to go back to the Milkshake Academy to earn his new one. Here, he will be instructed by Captain Frostymug.

I'm just gonna get this out of the way and comment on how weird it is for every single one of Spongebob's milkshakes to end up solid as a rock, even after being stirred with ease. I am perfectly aware that this is simply part of the joke. It's meant to be more silly than anything!But it's just one of those little things that sets in my mind in a weird way, as if to make it say "I... don't know if I should let this bother me or not". It's a lot like in 'Musclebob Buffpants' back in Season 1. Throughout the whole episode, Spongebob can't seem to lift even a glass of juice, and yet he can hold his spatula, flip patties, deliver platefuls in each hand, and most likely carry around all the inventory. It just doesn't make sense! Chewbacca's a wookie, and yet he was born on the planet Endor! (If by some chance I'm wrong for thinking this way, and perhaps this phenomenon is somehow possible, please tell me.)

Despite this logic flaw, however, I actually do like this episode. Firstly, Frostymug is a cool character. I rather like that he is styled like a military instructor who literally puts Spongebob through boot-camp training, and even simulates dangerous missions with a twist that's meant to end with them making a milkshake! You know, most Spongebob episodes back then mostly just involved the main cast, with some of its regular supporting characters added. The episodes with a really special one shot character were pretty few and far between (Pickles, The Bully, etc.). I like that this show started introducing more and more on shot characters as the seasons progressed, and I'm noticing a lot more in Seasons 8 and 9. It adds a bit of diversity to the Spongebob universe.


The only mission that would end up being actually dangerous is the part where Frostymouth tries to stir a shake himself. Turns out, he'd been instructing people on making shakes for years, but because of a bad experience in the past that caused him to lose his confidence, he hadn't actually made one himself in a long time. Luckily, Spongebob is there to save him from being sucked in and ground up into a delicious chocolate fish milkshake. And with that near-death experience, Frostymug has his own revelation that it doesn't really matter how you do it. Just as long as you put your own love and passion into it, it will come out beautifully. And a few mistakes here and there shouldn't discourage you from pursuing your passion. It's a nice little message to top the episode off with.

8/10 Great Episode



Season 9, Episode 3b

So I notice people kind of hate this episode. Now I can sit through this one better than most people can, but it's honestly not hard to see why it makes so many Bottom lists. Why is that? Well, let's take a look.

One day, Squidward is trying to take a nice, relaxing bath, when he hears Spongebob and Patrick making noise outside as usual. So he walks outside, and finds them... playing with baby toys! Literally just kind of sitting there, doing nothing but making noise and playing with baby toys. I will say there is nothing wrong with Spongebob and Patrick reminiscing on the old things they've dug up, but this just kind of seems more annoying than endearing. These are two grown adults acting like infants, and I kind of hate how the show would make them more progressively childish as the seasons went on. Spongebob and Patrick are kids at heart, and I love that about them. But they are still adults, so it's only fair that the show should make it clear that they are still capable of acting more like adults than they are right now.

So anyways, Squidward ends up slipping on a little racecar, only to knock his poor cranium against the mailbox, causing his head to swell massively. Concerned, Spongebob and Patrick take Squidward to the hospital, where the doctor describes the condition as... "Head-Go-Boom-Boom-Itis". Mmmkay...

Anyways, the doctor tells them that Squidward will recover, just as long as he doesn't get hit in the head anymore times. Now, I love this show to death and I always will, but if this show has taught me anything, things don't always go smoothly as planned, as proven by the very next scene, where Patrick throws Squidward right into the ceiling! Now like I said, I don't detest this episode like a lot of other people do, but one thing I will agree is rather hard to watch is just how often Squidward gets his head hit again. And again. And again....

And it screws with me especially when Spongebob does it, because while he's obviously worried about Squidward, he's about as gentle as Patrick while handling him. He pretty much slams Squidward's head smack dab onto the hadrd floor trying to sit him down. He knew well enough how to take care of a child in Rock-A-Bye Bivalve! How could this be any different? I will say this, however. I'm a weird person, but I think baby Squidward is kind of adorable when he's just giggling and not crying.


Unfortunately, Spongebob and... Squidward, too, still have to go to work. And by the time they get there, the two buds are tired and miserable. Of course, Patrick falls asleep right before Spongebob can ask him to tend to Squidward. So now, Spongebob has to take care of baby Squidward and do his job at the same time. Should I also mention how demanding everybody is to the two of them? Krabs is too impatient to care that Squidward has a very real injury and still wants him to man the register. And I probably shouldn't be surprised at how tactless and horrible the customers start being to Squidward, all because they're not getting get their darn food fast enough.

Aside from Squidward getting his head beaten in every 30 seconds and everybody just being flat out mean to him, this episode is just not funny. It indulges in the same old babysitting tropes that you would see in other cartoon episodes (except most episodes of this type involve an actual baby, not an adult with head trauma). And okay, I like the "My Face/Also My Leg" joke in the second half of this episode, but the baby puns?

Spongebob: "Will this be for here or to goo?"

And not for anything, but they could've left out the "Head-Go-Boom-Boom-Itis" bit and just called it Mental Age Regression for how lame it was, not even counting the fact that the "Itis" bit would signify an inflammation, not an injury.

So back to the episode, where things are getting a little stressful, and Squidward messes his diaper! Spongebob slams Squidward's head down a couple times trying to find a spot, but ends up taking him to the kitchen. I will admit, I could not have laughed harder when Mr. Krabs literally tells Spongebob to take Squidward back where the food is prepared, and the customers run out of the restaurant. It was hilarious to me how he just simply said that without realizing how nasty that actually sounds!

As Spongebob walks to the back, he slips on a mustard bottle, causing him to lose control and fumble around, hitting Squidward's head against basically everything before finally bashing it against the cooler, where he lands on the floor. Ice pours out onto his head, causing it to shrink back to normal size. Squidward becomes aware of his surroundings, and sees his newly full diaper, to which he simply tells Spongebob "Let's never speak of this again. EVER." And you know what? I don't think that's a bad idea.

3/10 Bad Episode

The atmosphere used during the second half of this episode, however, is honestly just calming and beautiful to me.



Next time, Squidward reads in on some of Spongebob's dirty little secrets in a particularly infamous episode, and Mrs. Puff hatches a new possible way to help Spongebob finally earn his license!

 

[Pugs4Thugs]

Glad to see these reviews pop up on my "What's New" page! License to Milkshake is a great episode, I like rewatching it every so often. And then there's Squid Baby, which deserves every bit of your 3/10. It's just...not good. But that picture you posted of the Krusty Krab is prime background material, I think I'm going to save it to my computer haha.

 

[OfficerSquidward]

I'm not gonna lie, motivation and work in general has taken a bit of a toll lately. I may only post one episode review tonight, but Bumper to Bumper will be finished tomorrow, for sure.



Season 9, Episode 4a
(It's actually blue, but whatever.)

One lazy day at the Krusty Krab, Squidward finds out that Spongebob brings his diary to work, and wants to read it. So, he tricks Spongebob into going on a fake delivery and steals the diary while he's gone, so that he can read into his naughty little secrets. Now this first entry he reads, I find funny in a weird way. It takes place that morning, when Spongebob goes over to Squidward's house to retrieve Gary who has chewed up several of Squidward's things. And of course, Spongebob takes Squidward raging out on him as constructive criticism dealt by a dear friend. Now, Spongebob's obliviousness to Squidward's frustration towards him can get annoying sometimes. But listening to his actual thoughts on Squidward yelling at him made me laugh and think a little bit.

"It warms my heart to know that Squidward thinks we're close enough to use the harshest words in his critique. Horrible words that would never be used around strangers, who may not know how well-intentioned those words are!"

What he says here makes me think about the people who actually think the way he does. Even moreso from experience, I think about people who actually do say some of the most hurtful things under the impression that their loved ones are supposed to understand how well-meaning they actually are. Of course, those same people would never say those things to strangers because they're afraid of how those people will think of them. I don't understand people, but that just seems to be the way some people think and act. Spongebob's interpretation of Squidward's frustration is horribly wrong, but it's kind of interesting to think about the way he thinks anyway. I don't know how anyone else feels about this, but it is a weirdly optimistic and deep thought process he's got going on there.

Aside from this, however, most of his entries aren't that interesting, just goofy (which I get is the point). Customers start eagerly listening in as Squidward describes various embarrassing quirks about Spongebob, like how he clucks like a chicken when he sees plaid, or has named his Spatula 'Fifi'. And did you know he has the uncontrollable urge to strip to his underwear and do ballet whenever he hears the Bikini Bottom National Anthem? Me neither! I will admit, this episode has a decent setup. Squidward has always been the uptight guy who secretly gets curious about Spongebob's antics, so while he does act out of character towards the end (which I'll get to), I could see him wanting to read what's in his diary that's making the little sponge giggle so much whenever he writes another entry. And aside from the goofy entries listed, this episode has a few decent jokes. One of my favorites may be the part where Spongebob gets stressed out, so he walks out behind the Krusty Krab and blows bubbles to calm himself! I think we all know what that really means, eh?

That being said, this episode takes a bit of a nosedive into Rock Bottom in the second half. As soon as Spongebob realizes that Squidward has been reading his diary the whole time, he runs out of the restaurant, sobbing. And what happens? The Bikini Bottomites stop laughing and immediately turn against Squidward, even though they were a part of this, too!

"...That was that little dude's diary?"

You SAW him, dude! You all watched and laughed at him. And even if you didn't see Spongebob beforehand, who else would be working in the Krusty Krab kitchen besides Spongebob? And the way he says that makes me wonder if they wouldn't have cared if it was some random stranger or not. Either way, this abrupt change in attitude from them simply doesn't work. And it gets worse, because not only does everyone shun Squidward and act like he's the only one who did anything wrong, but they even go as far as to evict the poor guy!

Eventually, two cops catch Squidward sleeping on a bench, because homeless, and so they throw him into a pillory. You know, this thing! https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f4/TitusOates-pilloried_300dpi.jpg

Now I'm just going to get this out of the way, because this scene right here infuriates me a little bit. It's when Patrick shows up one more time to throw tomatoes at Squidward and call him a "diary reader". Of course, Squidward calls him out on his hypocrisy, only to be chastised for "blaming everyone else but yourself". Not for anything, but Patrick is supposed to be Spongebob's best friend. Maybe he should've said all that stuff earlier when Spongebob was being actively humiliated instead of just making fun of him like everyone else!

Fortunately, Spongebob ends up visiting Squidward after to tell him that he forgives him. It turns out, it was only his work diary, and not his personal diary, which he conveniently brings with him to show Squidward. Still, when he realized how funny his diary actually was, he decided to publish it for everyone to read. Okay! You know what? This could be a good ending! Not only could Spongebob get Squidward out of this mess, but with Spongebob learning to not let himself get so upset and instead find humor in his own quirks, it could send a rather nice message about not letting yourself get embarrassed as easily, too. Wear your quirks with pride, my friend!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUT that's not how it works here. Instead, some civilians come to harass Squidward, and as Spongebob turns out around to defend him, Squidward snatches his personal diary out his back pocket, and proceeds to read through it, laughing through all the tomatoes being thrown at him...

(Look! That book's blue, too!)

What happened to wanting your house back? Even if Squidward deserved to get tomatoes thrown at him that time for snatching Spongebob's personal diary at the last second, his abrupt attitude change feels way too rushed, and doesn't really give the episode any closure. It only makes Squidward look more despicable than he did before. And I want to feel bad for Spongebob, but I can't help finding it foolish that he would just leave his personal diary hanging out of his back pocket, knowing what Squidward just earlier that day! Why would he be that careless if not just written that way to make Squidward seem like a bad person one last time?

I will say this. Back at the Krusty Krab, not once did I hear Mr. Krabs laughing or joking around over Spongebob's secret diary. I really think he may have been the only one out of everybody that genuinely disapproved of what Squidward was doing without being a hypocrite, so it felt more natural when Krabs called him out on his bad behavior. So you know what? You're my favorite character in this episode, Krabs.

Overall? This episode had an okay premise. The first half is actually pretty decent, and has a few good jokes to help fill it up. Still, every bad thing that happens to give the episode such an infamous reputation is crammed so abruptly in the last few minutes that not only does it feel mean-spirited, but just plain sloppy as well.

4/10 Mediocre Episode (Good setup. Terrible execution.)

 

[Snails]

I'm not gonna lie, motivation and work in general has taken a bit of a toll lately. I may only post one episode review tonight, but Bumper to Bumper will be finished tomorrow, for sure.



Season 9, Episode 4a
(It's actually blue, but whatever.)

One lazy day at the Krusty Krab, Squidward finds out that Spongebob brings his diary to work, and wants to read it. So, he tricks Spongebob into going on a fake delivery and steals the diary while he's gone, so that he can read into his naughty little secrets. Now this first entry he reads, I find funny in a weird way. It takes place that morning, when Spongebob goes over to Squidward's house to retrieve Gary who has chewed up several of Squidward's things. And of course, Spongebob takes Squidward raging out on him as constructive criticism dealt by a dear friend. Now, Spongebob's obliviousness to Squidward's frustration towards him can get annoying sometimes. But listening to his actual thoughts on Squidward yelling at him made me laugh and think a little bit.

"It warms my heart to know that Squidward thinks we're close enough to use the harshest words in his critique. Horrible words that would never be used around strangers, who may not know how well-intentioned those words are!"

What he says here makes me think about the people who actually think the way he does. Even moreso from experience, I think about people who actually do say some of the most hurtful things under the impression that their loved ones are supposed to understand how well-meaning they actually are. Of course, those same people would never say those things to strangers because they're afraid of how those people will think of them. I don't understand people, but that just seems to be the way some people think and act. Spongebob's interpretation of Squidward's frustration is horribly wrong, but it's kind of interesting to think about the way he thinks anyway. I don't know how anyone else feels about this, but it is a weirdly optimistic and deep thought process he's got going on there.

Aside from this, however, most of his entries aren't that interesting, just goofy (which I get is the point). Customers start eagerly listening in as Squidward describes various embarrassing quirks about Spongebob, like how he clucks like a chicken when he sees plaid, or has named his Spatula 'Fifi'. And did you know he has the uncontrollable urge to strip to his underwear and do ballet whenever he hears the Bikini Bottom National Anthem? Me neither! I will admit, this episode has a decent setup. Squidward has always been the uptight guy who secretly gets curious about Spongebob's antics, so while he does act out of character towards the end (which I'll get to), I could see him wanting to read what's in his diary that's making the little sponge giggle so much whenever he writes another entry. And aside from the goofy entries listed, this episode has a few decent jokes. One of my favorites may be the part where Spongebob gets stressed out, so he walks out behind the Krusty Krab and blows bubbles to calm himself! I think we all know what that really means, eh?

That being said, this episode takes a bit of a nosedive into Rock Bottom in the second half. As soon as Spongebob realizes that Squidward has been reading his diary the whole time, he runs out of the restaurant, sobbing. And what happens? The Bikini Bottomites stop laughing and immediately turn against Squidward, even though they were a part of this, too!

"...That was that little dude's diary?"

You SAW him, dude! You all watched and laughed at him. And even if you didn't see Spongebob beforehand, who else would be working in the Krusty Krab kitchen besides Spongebob? And the way he says that makes me wonder if they wouldn't have cared if it was some random stranger or not. Either way, this abrupt change in attitude from them simply doesn't work. And it gets worse, because not only does everyone shun Squidward and act like he's the only one who did anything wrong, but they even go as far as to evict the poor guy!

Eventually, two cops catch Squidward sleeping on a bench, because homeless, and so they throw him into a pillory. You know, this thing! https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f4/TitusOates-pilloried_300dpi.jpg

Now I'm just going to get this out of the way, because this scene right here infuriates me a little bit. It's when Patrick shows up one more time to throw tomatoes at Squidward and call him a "diary reader". Of course, Squidward calls him out on his hypocrisy, only to be chastised for "blaming everyone else but yourself". Not for anything, but Patrick is supposed to be Spongebob's best friend. Maybe he should've said all that stuff earlier when Spongebob was being actively humiliated instead of just making fun of him like everyone else!

Fortunately, Spongebob ends up visiting Squidward after to tell him that he forgives him. It turns out, it was only his work diary, and not his personal diary, which he conveniently brings with him to show Squidward. Still, when he realized how funny his diary actually was, he decided to publish it for everyone to read. Okay! You know what? This could be a good ending! Not only could Spongebob get Squidward out of this mess, but with Spongebob learning to not let himself get so upset and instead find humor in his own quirks, it could send a rather nice message about not letting yourself get embarrassed as easily, too. Wear your quirks with pride, my friend!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUT that's not how it works here. Instead, some civilians come to harass Squidward, and as Spongebob turns out around to defend him, Squidward snatches his personal diary out his back pocket, and proceeds to read through it, laughing through all the tomatoes being thrown at him...

(Look! That book's blue, too!)

What happened to wanting your house back? Even if Squidward deserved to get tomatoes thrown at him that time for snatching Spongebob's personal diary at the last second, his abrupt attitude change feels way too rushed, and doesn't really give the episode any closure. It only makes Squidward look more despicable than he did before. And I want to feel bad for Spongebob, but I can't help finding it foolish that he would just leave his personal diary hanging out of his back pocket, knowing what Squidward just earlier that day! Why would he be that careless if not just written that way to make Squidward seem like a bad person one last time?

I will say this. Back at the Krusty Krab, not once did I hear Mr. Krabs laughing or joking around over Spongebob's secret diary. I really think he may have been the only one out of everybody that genuinely disapproved of what Squidward was doing without being a hypocrite, so it felt more natural when Krabs called him out on his bad behavior. So you know what? You're my favorite character in this episode, Krabs.

Overall? This episode had an okay premise. The first half is actually pretty decent, and has a few good jokes to help fill it up. Still, every bad thing that happens to give the episode such an infamous reputation is crammed so abruptly in the last few minutes that not only does it feel mean-spirited, but just plain sloppy as well.

4/10 Mediocre Episode (Good setup. Terrible execution.)

I despise Little Yellow Book