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The Curse of the Hex

(at the Krusty Krab where it gets dark and stormy)
Nat: Boy, good thing I remembered my umbrella. (opens umbrella)
Old Fish: Me too. (both get swept away by tornados)
Female Fish: Come on kids. (She has an umbrella. Herself and her three kids get swept away by a tornado)
Fish #2: (walks out of the Krusty Krab) Eh, too bad I forgot my umbrella. (walks away)
Mr. Krabs: (sighs) The end of another successful business day. You know, Squidward, this time of day always reminds me of... money. (the money from the register falls onto the ground as Mr. Krabs is talking to it. Squidward is holding a door open for a customer, who gets swept away by a tornado for having an umbrella)
Squidward: Oh, yeah, that's great. I'll be here working while you do-- (screams. He sees a fortune teller fish in front of the Krusty Krab) Uh-huh. Um, I'm sorry, ma'am... (gulps) ...but we're closed. (the fish splutters and wheezes) I see you're hungry but... (she retches more spit out of her mouth) Uh-huh, but we really are closed. Um, thank you. Come again. (fish squeezes through the door) Hey! "Closed" means closed, Grandma! (Squidward closes the door completely. The fish grunts and get free eventually. Squidward sighs) Boy, some people. (walks behind the counter)
Madame Hagfish: One Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward: I told you we're closed. I was supposed to get outta here ten minutes ago. And besides, I already cashed the register out.
Madame Hagfish: Oh, but I--
Squidward: Nope.
Madame Hagfish: I--
Squidward: No.
Madame Hagfish: I--
Squidward: No way.
Madame Hagfish: Please, I--
Squidward: Never.
Madame Hagfish: I brought exact change. (shows three sea shells in her hand)
Squidward: Uh-huh, that is what they cost-- 20 years ago. Krabby Patties cost $4.50 these days, lady.
Madame Hagfish: Oh dear. Seems I'm just one short.
Mr. Krabs: No way, granny!
Madame Hagfish: Oh, But it's all I have. Please!
Squidward: Nope.
Madame Hagfish: Oh, please!
SpongeBob: How terribly sad.
Madame Hagfish: Please? Oh, please? (SpongeBob whispers something to her)
Madame Hagfish: (gasps. Slithers her way to the door, leaving a trail of slime behind) You haven't seen the last of me! (exits the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: Well, I've certainly seen enough. (laughs)
Squidward: What a creepy, old hagfish. I thought she'd never leave.
Mr. Krabs: Aye! Good job there, SpongeBob. Say, what did you tell here that finally drove her out? I may need to know in case she ever comes back. (laughs)
SpongeBob: (laughs nervously) Need to know in case she ever-- (whimpers. Cut to later where SpongeBob is leaving) Have a good night, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, uh, you, too, SpongeBob. Have a good... (notices something strange in the back of SpongeBob's pants) night?
SpongeBob: (tip-toeing behind the Krusty Krab) Psst, old lady? Old lady.
Madame Hagfish: Here I am... (splutters and wheezes) right where you told me to meet you.
SpongeBob: Actually, I told you to meet me two paces to the left. (old lady moves two paces to the left) Oh good, you're here. (pulls two steaming Krabby Patties from the back of his pants) I brought the stuff.
Madame Hagfish: My goodness, this has to be the most kind, most generous, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for--
SpongeBob: You're welcome. Just take them before someone sees us.
Mr. Krabs: (takes the Krabby Patties) Too late!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: So, it's true!
SpongeBob: H-How did you find out?
Mr. Krabs: Find out? Boy, you'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to sneak a pair of buns like these past old Mr. Krabs.
Squidward: Or at least before he takes off his sleep mask.
Mr. Krabs: How did you know I wore a sleep mask?
SpongeBob: Oh, please, Mr. Krabs, don't fire me! Please! (thunder and lightning crashing)
Madame Hagfish: (flying in the air) Eye of newt and frozen sharkskin slab, I hereby curse The Krusty Krab. (laughs evilly and flies off. The clouds clear)
Mr. Krabs: (throws patties away) We are not a soup kitchen, boy. And these will be comin' out of your paycheck. Besides, we don't want to encourage... (shudders) charity.
SpongeBob: But what about the-- the-- the-- the...
Mr. Krabs: Come on, boy, spit it out!
SpongeBob: The-- the-- the-- the-- the--
Mr. Krabs: Okay, let's see what's under the hood. (Mr. Krabs opens up SpongeBob and sees a record player. Moves the pin and laughs) Hmm. That should do it.
SpongeBob: But what about the curse?
Mr. Krabs: Curse? Boy, let me explain something about curses with a little short story me grandpappy used to tell me. (clears throat) Ah yes, here we go. Curses are nonsense!
SpongeBob: They are, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Yep. Just totally fabricated superstition. Right, Squidward?
Squidward: You're asking the wrong guy about curses. I live next to SpongeBob (shudders)
Mr. Krabs: (chuckles) See, boy? Just a maniacal ramblings of an old lady. Nothing to worry about. (cut to Mr. Krabs looking out the Krusty Krab doors) Squidward, I'm starting to get worried. I got a funny feeling that the Krusty Krab really is cursed.
Squidward: Uh-huh, and why is that?
Mr. Krabs: Well, we haven't seen a single customer all morning.
Squidward: That's not a curse. (sips some of his coffee) That's a blessing.
Mr. Krabs: (chuckles) Eh, you're right, There's no such thing as curses.(a dish falls on the ground, scaring Squidward and throwing his coffee mug into the kitchen. A fire breaks out and burns a dollar bill) Me money! (the fire continues to burn all the money, even in the safe)
SpongeBob: I got it! I got it! (grabs a dollar and blows on it. Takes the fire but shakes it away) Oh, hot, hot, hot. (rips the dollar into pieces) I don't got it.
Squidward: I just remember there's a "no curse" clause in my contract. Nice working with ya.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, wait, you don't even have a contract.
Squidward: There's a "no contract" clause in it, too. (cut to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs driving to the old lady's house)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what makes you so sure that even if we find that old lady, that she will even lift the curse?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, ho, don't worry, SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs has a special technique for dealin' with situations like these. It's called beggin' and pleadin'.
Narrator: Many Hours Later...
Mr. Krabs: Well, SpongeBob, I don't think were ever gonna find--
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, look!
Mr. Krabs: Well I'll be the slimy son of a slithery sea slug, boy. It's her. (now at Madame Hagfish's house)
Madame Hagfish: Give me one good reason why I should lift the curse.
Mr. Krabs: Because if you don't, me business will be ruined forever.
Madame Hagfish: I said give me a good reason.
Mr. Krabs: (gets on knees and cries and begs) Oh, please, Madame Hagfish, please. I'll do anything, anything at all.
Madame Hagfish: Oh, I like a man who begs.
Mr. Krabs: (to SpongeBob) See? Told ya.
Madame Hagfish: I will lift the curse, provided the two of you complete a dangerous task.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, now wait a minute, granny, that wasn't part of the--
SpongeBob: Anything, oh, Great Hagfish.
Madame Hagfish: (reads out of her book entitled 'Dangerous Tasks') Bring me the sacred gold doubloon from the throat of the giant golden eel!
SpongeBob & Mr. Krabs: Okay. (cut to the two of them walking up to a cave)
SpongeBob: Well, this must be it; The lair of the Golden Eel.
Mr. Krabs: How could you tell?
SpongeBob: She gave me its business card. (they begin to walk through the cave)
Mr. Krabs: Hey, SpongeBob, so you think this fudgy stuff we're walking in is the eel's...
SpongeBob: Leftover pudding? Yes I thought that too.
Mr. Krabs: Hold it, SpongeBob. Look. (points at the sleeping golden eel)
SpongeBob: It's the eel. Well, nappy time always comes after pudding. Let's go get the doubloon from his throat before he wakes up.
Mr. Krabs: Good idea, and be careful not to... (SpongeBob trips into the liquid) He's awake!
SpongeBob: (screams as the giant golden eel groans and swings his tail) Look out for his tail! (they duck) Quick find something to-- (Mr. Krabs uses SpongeBob as a shield) hide behind. (eel whacks SpongeBob with his tail and then grabs Mr. Krabs and mutters something to him) Morning, already? (gasps) I'm coming, Mr. Krabs Don't go anywhere!
Mr. Krabs: I really don't have a choice. (groans. The golden eel tightens its grip on Mr. Krabs)
SpongeBob: Take, this! (barely touches the golden eel and it releases Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Good job, laddie.
SpongeBob: We're not finished yet! (pokes the golden eel and the doubloon comes flying out its mouth) I got it! I got it! I got it! I got it! (SpongeBob does not catch the doubloon) I don't got it. (Mr. Krabs caught the doubloon. Cut back to Madame Hagfish's house)
Mr. Krabs: Madame Hagfish, we have the gold doubloon you asked for.
Madame Hagfish: Finally. (puts the coin in her washing machine) Clean frillies.
Mr. Krabs: Uh, now it's time to lift that curse like you promised. (cut to the Krusty Krab)
Madame Hagfish: (picks up the "closed" sign in front of the Krusty Krab) There you go, the curse is lifted.
SpongeBob: A closed sign?
Mr. Krabs: That's it? That's the curse?
Madame Hagfish: You think I'm gonna waste good spells on a bottom-feeder like you? Have a nice day. (as she slithers off, a bunch of customers drive up)
Mr. Krabs: Well, it's like I told you before, SpongeBob, there ain't no such thing as curses or witches or magical sea creatures, or... (ground starts to shake) Uh... do you feel that? (the golden eel pops through the Krusty Krab and scares everyone off)
End