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Welcome to the Bikini Bottom Triangle

(some fog rolls in through Bikini Bottom and singing is heard. SpongeBob wakes up)
SpongeBob: Hey, where's my alarm clock?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: (gasps) Your shell is gone, too?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: I think we've been robbed!
Gary: Meow.
Squidward: (screams) She's gone! My clarinet is missing.
SpongeBob: Hmm. Strange indeed.
Patrick: (screams) My cufflinks-- They're missing! Oh, why? Why?! (sobbing)
SpongeBob: I hope this doesn't mean that we're missing the one thing that's nearest and dearest to our heart.
Squidward: Nope, I'm right here.
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab! (cuts to Krusty Krab) Whew. (Squidward groans) Reporting to duty, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs? Pear? What are you doing here?
Pearl: Oh, nothing, SpongeBob. Just trying to juggle schoolwork, having a social life, and running the family business. That's all.
Squidward: (scoffs) Drama queen.
SpongeBob: Where's your dad?
Pearl: I don't know. When I went to get my allowance this morning, he was gone.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is missing?
Squidward: I'm missing my clarinet.
SpongeBob: And Gary's shell.
Patrick: Has anyone seen my cufflinks?
Charles: (laughing) So, you lost your cufflinks, eh? They're probably in the Bikini Bottom Triangle.
SpongeBob: The Bikini Bottom Triangle?
Charles: That's right. First an eerie fog blows in. (blows raspberry) Then you can here the hypnotic song of the mermaids. (babbling and blowing raspberries) And then, poof, your cufflinks are gone, never to return. (laughs as he leaves)
SpongeBob: The Triangle must've taken Mr. Krabs. We've gotta find him.
Squidward: Maybe he's doing his morning dumpster-dive for loose change. (cut to back of Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, are you out here? (an eerie fog rolls in and the mermaids sing)
Squidward: Oh no, is that a mermaids' song?
SpongeBob: No, just a thick, eerie fog. (light shines down on them)
Squidward: Uh-oh! (they both scream as they get sucked into The Bikini Bottom Triangle)
SpongeBob: Squidward? (his head is in a gumball machine)Come on, Squidward, quit messin' around. We've gotta find Mr. Kra... hey, gumballs! (takes one and chews it and makes a bubble. Squidward groans as the canister, holding all the stuff that was sucked into the Triangle, opens)
Squidward: This is the Bikini Bottom Triangle? It looks more like a dump.
SpongeBob: Come on, we gotta find Mr. Krabs. The Krusty Krab needs him. Mr. Krabs! (Squidward trips and falls into SpongeBob) Squidward, this is no time for seahorse-play.
Squidward: Oh, my neck.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs!
Squidward: Would you shut it already?
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, Mr. Krabs is gone. Oh, it hurts so bad. I can't take it much longer. I hope he's not in too much pain, wherever he is.
Squidward: I think he's doing just fine. (Mr. Krabs is getting a massage)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, you gotta get up. We gotta get out of here.
Mr. Krabs: Okay, Tibor, I think I'm good.
Tibor: Remember to drink plenty of fluids.
Mr. Krabs: Look, SpongeBob, you see all this stuff, including you and me, are brought here when the mermaids sing their beautiful song. The mermaids' song triggers this here contrapt-erion, to suck this pile like a vacuum, dumping all the contents here on this island. That is how we ended up surrounded with all this valuable and resalable stuff. (Mermaids start singing again) Yippee, a new shipment! Free stuff, here I...come? (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs scream as the pile of new stuff comes out) Pretty neat, eh, boy? Oh! (pulls out Patrick)
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: Have you found my cufflinks?
SpongeBob: No. (Patrick eats a Krabby Patty) Patrick, is that a Krabby Patty?
Patrick: Yep. Pearl doesn't make 'em as good as you do, though.
Mr. Krabs: Pearl? (begins crying) Oh, my sweet little girl all alone... with me cash register! (sobs)
Pearl: Daddy!
Mr. Krabs: Pearl!
Pearl: (grunts) Get me out of this trash heap.
Mr. Krabs: (hugs Pearl) Oh me little angel. Thanks, mysterious singin' mermaids!
Pearl: Enough with the hugging.
SpongeBob: That's it, Mr. Krabs! I'll just find the mysterious singing mermaids and ask them how to get outta here! (cut to SpongeBob climbing up a pile, with Patrick on his back)
Patrick: Riding piggy-back is exhausting.
SpongeBob: You're telling me. (falls on his face)
Patrick: Whoa. (five mermaids are sitting on top of a pile of items)
Mermaid #1: I love this mirror girls, but it is so ten minutes ago.
Mermaid #2: Like, I couldn't agree with you more.
Mermaid #3: Yeah, like, all this stuff is old news.
Lead Mermaid: Shall we ladies? (all the mermaids begin singing until Patrick interrupts them)
Patrick: Um, excuse me? Hi.
Lead Mermaid: Umm, can I help you? (Patrick chuckles and waves)
SpongeBob: Uh, yes, mermaid ladies, you actually can help us.
Patrick: (chuckles) Yeah.
SpongeBob: Yeah, we'd like to know how to get out of here, please.
Lead Mermaid: Like, this is the Bikini Bottom Triangle. Nothing ever leaves, duh.
SpongeBob: Are you sure?
Lead Mermaid: Look, little freakazoid, we only know one thing, and that's how to surround ourselves with cool new stuff whenever we feel like it. Anything beyond that is T.N.O.P.
SpongeBob: "Tee-nop?"
Lead Mermaid: Uh, yeah, you know, Totally Not Our Problem.
SpongeBob: Oh, T.N.O.P. Okay, well, thanks anyway. Come on, Patrick, let's go. Patrick?
Patrick: (chuckles) You go ahead SpongeBob. I think I'm gonna hang with the ladies for a bit. (cut to Mr. Krabs using a metal detector)
Mr. Krabs: Come on, come on, I know you're in there. (finds a quarter) Aha! Playing hard to get, weren't ya, little one?
Quarter: Little one? How dare you, sir!
SpongeBob: (panting) Sir, I'm back. Unfortunately, I was unable to get the information from... (faints)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? SpongeBob, boyo! SpongeBob, can you hear me?
Pearl: Should we help?
Squidward: He looks fine to me.
Mr. Krabs: What's the matter, boyo? (gasps) You're Krabby Patty meter's on empty. We've got to get a Krabby Patty into you quick or... (mermaids sing again) Please, great vacuum cleaner, please just give us just one little... (new items come in. Mr. Krabs sees a Krabby Patty at the very top on a crate and gasps) Krabby Patty. (he inserts the Krabby Patty in SpongeBob's mouth)
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah! Wow, sir, that was the single best Krabby Patty I have ever eaten.
Mr. Krabs: Why, thank you, boyo. I'm glad you-- wait a minute. I didn't make that Krabby Patty. And you didn't make that Krabby Patty. (points to Squidward and Pearl) And those two couldn't have made it. So it must have been that rotten pipsqueak Plankton. I've gotta stop that poor excuse for a life form from-- D'oh. How do we get outta here?
SpongeBob: Well, sir, based on what the mermaids told me, there, uh, there is no way out.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, really? Well, I think you don't know who to talk to a lady.
SpongeBob: Oh, sir, I...
Mr. Krabs: Look, boy, I've got a way with the ladies. And I guarantee the old Krabs charm will have them telling us exactly how to get out of this place. (cut to later) So there's really no way out of this place? (cries) 'Cause I really need to get back to the Krusty Krab to stop my arch-nemesis from ruining me business.
Lead Mermaid: T.N.O.P., Grandpa.
Mr. Krabs: "Teenop?"
SpongeBob: Totally not our problem.
Lead Mermaid: Oh, and P.S., here's you creepy pink friend back. (throws Patrick onto Mr. Krabs)
Pearl: Daddy, daddy.
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Pearl. Daddy's okay. (tosses Patrick off)
Pearl: Can I go to the mall now?
Mr. Krabs: The mall? But Pearl--
Pearl: I wanna go the the mall! (cries)
Lead Mermaid: Like, what's a mall?
Pearl: (stops crying) Wait, what? You seriously don't know what a mall is?
Lead Mermaid: I'm seriously serious.
Pearl: Well, the mall is, like, only like the most awesome place to get all the best, super-coolest, glitterishly fabulous new stuff you want!
Lead Mermaid: Really?
Mermaid #3: No way!
Mermaids #1, #2, & #4: We want to go to the mall!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, do you?
Mermaids: Uh-huh!
Mr. Krabs: Now how do you propose we do that, huh? (snaps) Wait, I know. We just hit the magic "reverse" button on the giant vacuum cleaner.
SpongeBob: That's it sir! It's the mermaids.
Mr. Krabs: It sure is. What?
SpongeBob: The reverse switch is the mermaids. They just need to sing their song backwards.
Lead Mermaid: (snaps) Yeah, backwards. (all the mermaids clear their throats and sing backwards)
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, backwards. What a stupid idea that-- (grounds starts to shake. Everyone screams as the vacuum cleaner sucks everyone and everything up and spits it back out by the Krusty Krab)
Pearl: You ready for the mall, girls?
Mermaids: Yeah! Mall! Mall! Mall!
Squidward: Hello, miserable life, I'm back. (citizens walk up the piles of items)
Old Fish: And so are my dentures. (chuckles)
Fish #37a: Tibor, you're alive.
SpongeBob: Isn't it great, Mr. Krabs? Everyone's reclaiming their stuff. (Mr. Krabs walks away) Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Speaking of reclaimin'... (walks into the Krusty Krab) Alright, Plankton, I know what you're up to, but the jigs up you little connivin' pipsqueak. Huh?
(The sailor from the beginning is cooking at the grill)
Charles Actually, the name's Charles. Figured I'd hold down the fort for you while you were gone.
Mr. Krabs: So, you've been the one making Krabby Patties?
Charles: Yep, all me. Oh, and by the way, you've got a little vermin problem.
Plankton: (captured in a jar) Vermin? You take that back.
Charles: He's a feisty one.
Patrick: Hey! I found my cufflinks. (puts them on his sleeves) That's better. Good day, gentlemen. (a limo picks up Patrick and drives off)
Patrick: Home, Reginald.
SpongeBob: Patrick! You dropped your cummerbund!
End