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Chum Bucket Supreme

(Opens outside the Chum Bucket then cuts to inside where Plankton is holding up two napkins)
Plankton: OK, Karen, which one's better?
Karen: If I had eyes I'd be rolling them right now.
Plankton: Thanks for the help. You know, details like this can be very important to the customers.
Karen: Customers? What customers?
Plankton: Well, uh … (Sees some customers pull up in a boat on one of his monitors) Like those customers who just pulled up. (Goes outside the greet them) Hello, gentlemen, and welcome to the Chum Bucket. Would you like seating inside or outside?
Fish #1: Seating for what?
Plankton: For the Chum Bucket! Where you can enjoy a nice helping of chum. (Shows them a piece of chum and pretends to eat it) Oh boy, this is so good … the chum is.
Fish #2: Wait a minute, eating chum? Do people do that?
Plankton: Look, are you going to eat or not?
Fish #2: Yeah, I'm gonna have two Krabby Patties.
Fish #1: Oh yeah, two.
Fish #2: We couldn't find parking over there are the Krusty Krab. (Cut to shot of many boats parked outside of the Krusty Krab; the customers leave Plankton and join the queue outside the Krusty Krab)
Plankton: (Head explodes with anger; catches the "juice" in a mug and drinks it) Now what was I saying? Oh right. (Rips up the menu he was holding) I'm tired of the Krusty Krab taking all of my business! We're doomed, Karen, doomed I tell you!
Karen: Well why don't you do what all good business owners do?
Plankton: What would that be?
Karen: Advertise your product, of course.
Plankton: Advertising? I can't believe it took me this long to come up with this. (Karen sighs)
(Cut to Plankton sorting through a box of sign letters)
Plankton: Let's see … Q, no, P, no, ah! Here it is – L! (Adds "L" to the sign) There, it's perfect! "Chum is metabolic fuel!" You really did it this time, old Plankie. Oh yeah, who's a genius? (Dances) Have you seen this, seen this, seen this, seen my genius, genius, genius?
Patrick: Chum is … (Slurps a drink and tries to read the sign) … meh …
Plankton: Hello, sir, and welcome to the Chum Bucket! Uh, sir?
Patrick: Me-ta- … uh … ta-tuh … bol … (Cut to inside Patrick's head where the Department of Thought is on fire)
Mini Patrick #1: Forget about what that word means, there's a fire breaking out in the language lobes! We need to get out of here!
Mini Patrick #2: The door's jammed!
Mini Patrick #1: Push harder!
(Cut back to Patrick)
Patrick: Metabuh- …
Plankton: Uh, sir? Your head. It's on fire. The drink, use the drink!
Patrick: It's kelp juice, you want some? (Plankton throws it at Patrick's head) Hey! What kind of friend are you?
Plankton: Friend? I don't even know you.
Patrick: Go ahead, say you're sorry.
Plankton: Uh … I'm sorry?
Patrick: OK. I forgive you and I'm sorry for yelling. (They shake hands) OK, so can I tell you something honestly?
Plankton: Whatever.
Patrick: It's about your sign. These words make my head sad.
Patrick's head: I don't get it.
Patrick: It's OK, little fella, I don't either.
Plankton: OK, freak show, you just wait. In a few minutes this sign will have attracted more customers than you can count.
Narrator: A few minutes later.
Patrick: Uh, what's that number before one?
Plankton: Zero.
Patrick: Oh, right. Congratulations! You have zero customers!
Plankton: OK, so maybe it will take a little longer than a few minutes.
Narrator: A little longer than a few minutes later.
Patrick: Wait, what are we doing again?
Plankton: (Facepalms) Urgh!
Patrick: (Changes the letters on the sign) There we go! "Chum is fun!"
Plankton: What the-? (Climbs up the ladder to join him) This says "Chum is fum!" You changed my sign to "Chum is fum"? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!
Patrick: (Pointing to crowd) They seem to think it's interesting. (The crowd enters the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: Apparently dumb sells chum. And I believe I just found our advertising director. (Patrick takes a bite of of the letter "R")
(Cut to the Krusty Krab; Mr. Krabs comes out of his office and gasps)
Mr. Krabs: Only two customers? (Approaches Squidward) Customers are looking kind of scarce. Must be low tide or something, eh, Squidward?
Squidward: They've all gone to the Chum Bucket.
Mr. Krabs: Chum Bucket? (Takes out a pair of binoculars and reads the Chum Bucket sign) Chum is fum? SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Yes, sir!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, we have a situation.
SpongeBob: I'm on it. (Pulls a lever, activating a siren and a mechanism that shoots them both into the basement) Five … (Pushes a button and a door opens for every number) Four … three … two … one! (He ends up in a secret bunker with Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm afraid our worst fears have been realised.
SpongeBob: Goofy Goober is going non-dairy?
Mr. Krabs: No! (Starts a slide show)
SpongeBob: Ooh, slide show!
Mr. Krabs: A few hours ago the Chum Bucket was, as it should be, a desolate no man's land. There's only one way he could have turned things around so quickly. Plankton must have slipped into the Krusty Krab while you weren't looking.
SpongeBob: Hey, that's my legs!
Mr. Krabs: He stole the forumla!
SpongeBob: Aaaaah!
Mr. Krabs: I thought you'd say that. So we need to infiltrate the Chum Bucket and steal the formula back.
(Cut to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs queuing outside the Chum Bucket, wearing a disguise; Mr. Krabs is on SpongeBob's shoulders)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, how you holding up, boy?
SpongeBob: (Trembling) Not so good, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Hold on, now. We're almost there.
Narrator: Two hours later.
Plankton: Next!
Mr. Krabs: We made it SpongeBob, we're in!
SpongeBob: (Weakly) Whoopie … (Walks inside; the customers are eating chum sticks and wearing promotional helmets)
Customer #1: All I know is, chum is fum.
Customer #2: You said it, chum is fum!
Mr. Krabs: Keep an eye peeled for anything suspicious.
SpongeBob: (Points to a door that says "Top secret, keep out") Like that door?
Mr. Krabs: Bingo! Come on, giddy up, boy! We're almost there! (They approach the door but Plankton notices them)
Plankton: Excuse me, would you like a free sample?
Mr. Krabs: No, uh … (Switches to falsetto) I'm full, thanks.
Plankton: No? How about your little friend? (Lifts up the coat to reveal SpongeBob) Hi, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Hi, I don't want a free sample eith- (Plankton stuffs the chum stick into SpongeBob's mouth, then runs away)
Plankton: Sure you do. Look out, she's gonna blow! (SpongeBob explodes, blasting chum everywhere, then scubs his tongue with a brush to get rid of the taste)
Mr. Krabs: Well, Plankton obviously didn't steal my formula, so how did he steal all my customers?
Customer #2: This chum tastes awful.
Customer #1: Yeah, but the slogan is so catchy that we can't stop eating it.
Customer #1 and #2 together: Chum is fum! (They vomit)
Plankton: (Laughs) Chum is fum!
Mr. Krabs: Come on, SpongeBob. (Grabs SpongeBob by the tongue and leaves)
Plankton: I'm going to see how our advertising guru is doing. (Walks through the top secret door) What brilliant slogans have you come up with this week, Patrick?
Patrick: (Wakes up) Huh?
Plankton: Gah! You're supposed to be coming up with witty catchphrases to keep that rabble out there happy! (Read the flip chart) "Chum is fum" … we've kind of got that one already. (Turns the page)
Patrick: Oh, I like that one! (Plankton keeps turning the pages, where "chum is fum" is written in various styles and combinations)
Plankton: Oh well. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Keep up the good work! I guess …
Patrick: You got it, boss!
Plankton: (Walks back into the dining room) Hey everyone, chum is fum! (Customers cheer)
(Cut to Plankton stood next to the cash register)
Plankton: Hey, Karen, check this out.
Karen: What now?
Plankton: You see, every time I make a sale, the sound goes there, watch! (Opens the cash register; the "ding" is picked up on a microphone and broadcast over megaphones; Krabs hears it and cries)
Karen: How is that going to help to boost sale?
Plankton: Karen, babe, you don't need help when you've got a catchy slogan like mine.
Karen: Don't look now but I think your catchy slogan's days are numbered.
Customer #1: (Vomits) Something's not right.
Customer #2: Yeah, I know. I keep saying "chum is fum" but it's just not working.
Customer #1: I'm outta here. (They both leave)
Plankton: Hmm.
(Cut to Patrick asleep at a desk)
Plankton: Patrick!
Patrick: (Wakes up) Huh?
Plankton: We've having a board meeting here! We need ideas.
Patrick: (Looks at the chart that is set up, showing that the sales are in the toilet) Hmm. Uh huh. I think I see the problem. Your potty has a shocky thing in it.
Plankton: No, that's not it, you fool! We need a new slogan. You need to come up with another genius catchphrase like "chum is fum"! But different.
Patrick: Oh. Gotcha. Hmm …
Narrator: 3 days later.
(Cut to line outside of the Chum Bucket; the sign now reads "Fum is chum!")
Customer #1: I'm so happy that they changed that old, tired slogan, "chum is fum".
Customer #2: Yeah, that new slogan "fum is chum" is way cooler.
Customer #1: Way cooler. (They both eat from buckets and them vomit into them)
Plankton: (Serving a customer) Here's your Chum Bucket Supreme, enjoy! Patrick, my boy, you really earned that promotion.
Patrick: (Washing dishes) Thanks, boss.
Plankton: Nothing can stop me now! (Montage of Plankton selling chum and Krabs crying when he hears the cash register; a bus of hockey players pulls up) You fellas look hungry. Here you go. (Throws them chum sticks)
Patrick: Excuse me, sir. (Hands Plankton a piece of paper) My resignation.
Plankton: But you're my whole marketing department!
Patrick: I know, but I'm burned out. See? (Turns to show a hole in his head) Anyway, you can send my cheque to my home.
Plankton: Cheque? You want money for those stupid catchphrases? Anybody can sell to my idiot customers. (The microphone picks his voice up and broadcasts it all over town) They're buffoons. Morons. They'll buy anything I sell them. They're the dumbest of the dumb. The stupidest of the stupid. They're dummies, dweebs and doo-doo dunderheads. I can keep that rabble right where I want them. Huh? (The angry hockey team approaches him)
Hockey player: What was that part about doo-doo dunderheads, eh?
Plankton: Uh oh. (They attack him and he runs away)
Hockey player: Where do you think you're going, little man?
Plankton: Is it too late for sorry?
Hockey player: Hey, check out that new sign at the Krusty Krab! ("Krabby Patties are fum")Who's hungry, eh? (They run into the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Well, Mr K, we're back in business.
Mr. Krabs: Yep. (To Patrick) Keep up the good work, boyo!
Patrick: You got it, boss!
End