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Porous Pockets

(at Jellyfish Fields)
SpongeBob: Ahh, nothing quite like a relaxing stroll deep in Jellyfish Fields. (eerie shrieking is heard and SpongeBob runs) I'd know that sound anywhere. It's a terrifying shriek! But where's it coming from? (looks from behind a rock and sees Patrick shrieking) Patrick, what is with all the shrieking? You know I walk here on Tuesdays.
Patrick: Sorry, SpongeBob, that wasn't me.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I know I heard a terrifying shriek.
Patrick: So did I, SpongeBob, but I was just mimicking it.
SpongeBob: (Patrick mimicks SpongeBob) So, you were mimicking it. Patrick, please don't do that. It is really... (shriek is heard again)
SpongeBob: Wait a minute, if the shriek wasn't coming from you, then where was it...? It's over there behind that kelp shrub. (looks through the shrub and sees a giant clam making the shriek sounds)
SpongeBob: The terrifying shriek must've come from this clam. (the clam starts coughing and retching)
SpongeBob: (Patrick mimicking) Hey, Patrick, I think there's something wrong with... (clam is retching and wheezing now)
SpongeBob: Wh-what are we gonna do?
Patrick: Well, the last time I remember coughing like that, I was sitting at home eating a box of Kelp Jerky.
SpongeBob: Oh, and you were coughing because you got something stuck in your throat?
Patrick: I got the TV remote stuck in my throat.
SpongeBob: Patrick, this clam is choking! Luckily, I come prepared. (pulls out a bottle of bubble soap) There, there, Clammy. (spreads some bubble soap under the lips of the giant clam)
Patrick: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
SpongeBob: They like this.
Patrick: No! You always give a choking victim the Slimelich Maneuver, first. And if that doesn't work, you walk away and pretend like you never saw them before. (walks behind the clam) Like this. Ready, clam? (tries lifting the giant clam but breaks his back and screams)
Patrick: Well, SpongeBob, I think I might go catch a movie.
SpongeBob: Hey, what about the clam?
Patrick: What clam? I've never seen that clam before in my life.
SpongeBob: But if… (the giant clam spits out a pearl)
SpongeBob: Patrick, the clam had a baby.
Patrick: That's not a baby, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Well, then what could it be?
Patrick: I'll give you a hint. What's white, and round, and comes out of clams?
SpongeBob: Their eyes?
Patrick: No, silly! A volleyball.
SpongeBob: A baby volleyball. (cut to Bikini Bottom Volleyball Courts and Appraisal Center)
Fish #1: I got it! (groans as the volleyball hits his head)
SpongeBob: Good idea coming here, Patrick.
Patrick: That's my specialty.
SpongeBob: Having good ideas?
Patrick: No. Being called Patrick.
SpongeBob: Maybe we should do some stretches first.
Patrick: Good idea!
SpongeBob: Well, that's my specialty.
Patrick: Having good ideas?
SpongeBob: No. Doing some stretches first. (front desk shop clerk is talking on the phone)
Appraiser: Yeah. No. I don't know. The thing's a hundred years old. How should I know? Yeah. Alright look, if you don't want it... (sees SpongeBob's pearl. dreamily) Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, I... Uh, uh, yeah, I'm still here. (hangs up the phone and walks out to SpongeBob and Patrick)
SpongeBob: 138, 139...
Appraiser: Gentlemen.
SpongeBob: Hello.
Appraiser: I couldn't help noticing what a lovely ball that is.
SpongeBob: Oh, really?
Appraiser: Yes. I'd sure like to get a closer look.
SpongeBob: We don't mind. Do we Patrick?
Patrick: Well, just don't take too long. We were just about to start playing with it.
Appraiser: Oh. It uh--it won't take long at all. (picks up pearl) Ooh! It's heavier than I imagined. And, uh, shinier, too. Where'd you find it?
SpongeBob: We found it deep in Jellyfish Fields.
Appraiser: Really? What was it doing there?
SpongeBob: Choking a clam.
Appraiser: Well, um... (clears throat) What would you say if I were to offer you a small fortune in exchange for your shiny ball?
Patrick: What do you mean small fortune?
(cut to a bunch of trucks, filled with cash, dumping the money in front of SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob & Patrick are eating Kelp Jerky just watching the trucks go by)
SpongeBob: Whoa. How many more trucks do you think there'll be, Patrick?
Patrick: Huh? Oh, I don't know. I am getting kinda hungry, though. I'll catch up with you later, SpongeBob. (last truck dumps off money)
SpongeBob: Well, that looked like the last of them.
Patrick: The last of what?
SpongeBob: Oh, hey, Patrick.
Patrick: So, did you figure out what you're gonna do with this fat stack of cabbage yet?
SpongeBob: Yup. I mean... nope.
Patrick: Well, my dad always told me when you have money you need to do more than just spend it. You need to have a plan.
SpongeBob: Wow, your dad really told you that?
Patrick: Well, what he said was, "How many times do I have to tell you not to stand there?" But I knew what he meant.
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, I know a good place to go when you don't know what to buy.
Patrick: You do?
SpongeBob: The mall! (SpongeBob and Patrick play in Sports Zone)
Both: Touchdown! (they both go to 'Pets')
Both: Aww! (two baby clams bite SpongeBob's eyes)
SpongeBob: Patrick, where'd you go?
(Patrick pulls off the clams)
SpongeBob: Oh, there you are. (next they listen to some songs on some headphones. Patrick's doesn't work so he pulls the cord and takes half of SpongeBob's head with him. He notices it and puts his head back on. Cut to SpongeBob & Patrick walking up to the pineapple)
SpongeBob: Patrick, that was the best shopping day ever!
Patrick: You can say that again.
SpongeBob: Best shopping day ever! Patrick, I got an idea!
Patrick: Really?
SpongeBob: Let's go shopping again! And this time-- buy stuff. (cut to them walking with carts and money sticking out of their clothes) Oh, wasn't that incredible, Patrick? I mean, with all this money we could've bought anything in the whole world.
Patrick: Yup.
SpongeBob: So tell me, what'd you buy?
Patrick: A lifetime supply of strawberry gum.
SpongeBob: Hey, me, too. And to think we barely even put a dent in my fortune.
Narrator: The following Thursday... (at an ice cream stall)
SpongeBob: Two, please. One for me, and one for my best friend, Patrick.
Lou: I didn't really ask who they're for.
SpongeBob: Thanks. (gives him a wad of bills) There you go.
Lou: It was only 59 cents for the ice cream.
SpongeBob: Oh, that's okay. I kinda have more money than I know what to do with right now.
Lou: Looks like my ex-wife was wrong. I am in the right line of work!
Bill: Uh, triple blueberry sundae, please. Extra nuts.
Lou: Sure. That's gonna be $2.98.
Bill: Uh, hey, Bert. You got, like, eight cents I can borrow?
Bert: Yeah, let me check. (checks pockets) No, I don't, Bill, Sorry.
Bill: You know, why is it I always have money when you need to borrow it?
Bert: Well, I don't know what to say...I...
SpongeBob: Are you gentlemen low on funds? Let me help. (gives wad to Bill) Here you go.
Bill: Whoa. Uh, uh, that's okay. I just need eight cents.
SpongeBob: That's okay, I already got my ice cream. See?
Bill: Okay. Uh...thanks.
SpongeBob: Sure thing. Do you need some, too, Bert?
Bert: Okay.
Fish #2: Excuse me, can I have some, too?
SpongeBob: Oh, you wanna buy some ice cream?
Fish #2: No, I'm allergic. But... I'll be you're best friend.
SpongeBob: It's a deal.
Bill: Hey, I think I can hang out with this guy for a while.
Bert: Me, too.
Fish #2: Me, too.
Lou: Me, three. (crowd leaves with SpongeBob)
Patrick: An ice cream? (cut to Patrick walking up to SpongeBob's new mansion and knocking on the door)
Jeeves: (sighs) Yes?
Patrick: Uh, I'm here to see SpongeBob.
Jeeves: And are you on the guest list, sir?
Patrick: Uh, I don't think so. Normally, I...
Jeeves: Well, then I'm afraid I can't let you in, sir. Good day, sir.
Patrick: Good day. Uh, your shoe's untied.
Jeeves: Oh. Why so it is. (Patrick walks inside after smelling an aroma) Thank you, sir.
Bert: And so, he was like, "Do you wanna buy some ice cream?" (laughs) Ice cream! Can you imagine?
Bill: (laughs) Yeah. Uh, I love that story.
Patrick: Uh, hey guys, have you seen SpongeBob around?
Bert: Is that guy talking to us?
Bill: Just don't move or breathe. He might go away.
Patrick: SpongeBob? SpongeBob!
Nat: Hey, pal, watch it. I can buy and sell you!
SpongeBob: And I said, "Go ahead, let's do it right now! I got too much hair, anyways." (everyone laughs)
Patrick: SpongeBob! SpongeBob?!
SpongeBob: That's my name. Don't wear it out.
Patrick: SpongeBob, I gotta tell you something I think you should know. Your house is full of strangers.
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick, these aren't strangers. These are 497 of my closest friends. Right everybody?
All: Yeah!
SpongeBob: That's right! (throws cash in the air and the crowd cheers)
SpongeBob: Patrick, do you hear that? That is the sound of love.
Patrick: SpongeBob, if you keep throwing your money away like that, you won't have any left, and...
Mr. Krabs: Excuse me, sir. Is this man giving you trouble?
Patrick: SpongeBob?!
SpongeBob: Like I was saying...
Patrick: But...
Mr. Krabs: (pushing Patrick out) We don't want any trouble. Now just keep moving.
Fish #3: Dude, how did you get in there?
SpongeBob: And I told him, "It's not that I mind the macaroni. What I mind is..."
Mr. Krabs: Sorry about that, SpongeBob. Won't happen again.
SpongeBob: No matter, he's simply jealous of my glamorous new lifestyle.
Mr. Krabs: Say, that reminds me... can I have some money?!
SpongeBob: Why, certainly. I always remember to... (checks his pocket but it's empty. Crowd gasps) Oh, I forgot. I keep it in this other pocket. (another empty pocket. Crowd gasps loudly) Uh, will you please excuse me for a moment? (SpongeBob goes around checking his safe, piggy bank, golden toilet, and Gary's shell. He has no money left. SpongeBob checks his giant safe, piggy bank, a golden toilet, under his mattress, and inside Gary's shell but no money is anywhere. SpongeBob wails and heads back to the party) Well, everyone, I hope this doesn't put a damper on things, but I just checked and, well it's just that all my money is...gone. (falls over on his face after noticing everyone is gone)
Mr. Krabs: Don't be late for work tomorrow, boy. (cut to Patrick's rock where Patrick is just laying back on it)
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: Oh. Hey, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Whatcha doing?
Patrick: Oh, the same thing us sea stars are usually doing, I guess. Laying up against a rock.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I was wrong.
Patrick: About what?
SpongeBob: The money, and about those people being my friends.
Patrick: There is no right or wrong when it comes to that stuff, SpongeBob. There just either is or there isn't.
SpongeBob: Patrick, if having a bunch of money makes me forget that you're my best friend, then I don't want anymore money ever again.
Patrick: Well, why didn't you say so, buddy? I've been waiting for someone to go break in my new volleyball with!
SpongeBob: You got another new volleyball?
Patrick: Yup. I found it.
SpongeBob: Found it? Where?
Patrick: Inside the Bikini Bottom Diamond Mine!
End