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Spongicus

(at Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: (singing) Oh... how much chum could a sea slug chug if a sea slug could chug... (gasps. Uses a payphone next to him to call Mr. Krab's office) Mr. Krabs, you gotta get out here! It's a code blue situation!
Mr. Krabs: Please deposit 25 cents to continue this call.
SpongeBob: Uh, sure thing, Mr. K. (inserts a quarter in the pay phone) Mr. Krabs, you gotta get out here! It's a code blue situation!
Mr. Krabs: Code blue?! (runs out of his office) What's the matter, boy?
SpongeBob: I think Plankton wants to destroy our way of life.
Mr. Krabs: Man alive! He's taking us down. (Plankton is on a wrecking ball machine)
Plankton: (laughs) Get ready Krabs, for the surprise of your life. (pulls down a lever)
Mr. Krabs: Brace yourselves! (hides under a table while SpongeBob hides under a barrel. The wrecking ball misses the Krusty Krab) Huh? (wrecking ball destroys the Chum Bucket) Plankton's destroying the Chum Bucket? Haha. I guess he's finally given up on the restaurant business. Couldn't take the competition. (a bulldozer hauls an ancient Rome colosseum in place of Chum Bucket) What is that? (giant screen rises up from the stadium with Plankton on it)
Plankton: Greetings, citizens of Bikini Bottom. Behold my imperial Chum Coliseum! (silence) I vow to introduce to this fair city culture in the form of hand-to-hand grappling. (crickets chirping) I intend to enrich your lives culturally by exhibiting the moist spectacle of gladiators in mortal conflict. (silence) My corporate underwriters told me to mention that it's free! (everyone gets excited and runs inside the stadium) Come one, come all! Remember, kids love gladiators.
Debbie: Wow! Real-life conflict, for free?
Nathaniel: Let the horror show begin. (everyone in the Krusty Krab runs over Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob to go to the colosseum)
Plankton: (laughs) Oh, Karen, even though you're just a frigid machine, your circuits must be welling up with emotion at my latest achievement.
Karen: Oh, yes, my resisters are simply gushing from there copper foiled traces.
Plankton: This will prove to be my greatest evil scheme ever!
Karen: That's what you said when you tried to boil Krabs in a giant bisque.
Plankton: I can still feel the burns. Which is why I removed all molten liquid from this maneuver. And it's why this time, I will be the one with all the customers and Krabs will be the pathetic one, in an empty restaurant, stuck with a computer for a wife! (Karen shuts down) Uh... sorry, honey.
SpongeBob: Wow! Looks like Plankton finally has some customers.
Mr. Krabs: I agree. It's very suspicious. And he may have lured a few of our fair-whether customers in with some cheap entertainment, but our loyal customers know quality when they taste it. So let's get in there and serve them up a burger they tell there grandguppies about! (gasps as he notices the Krusty Krab is empty) Where's all me loyal customers?
Squidward: They've all taken their grandguppies to see the guts and gore across the street.
Mr. Krabs: Grrrrr! That lower life form can slander my name and desecrate me mother's grave...
Mama Krabs: I'm right here.
Mr. Krabs: ...but when he steals me customers, then I push back. Gentlemen, to the Colosseum! (cut to the Colosseum) This reeks of evil, and i'm going to sniff out the source. (Mr. Krabs sniffs then his eyes get wide as Plankton sits on a throne)
Plankton: Welcome, one and all, to the first Bi-annual Big Arena of Annihilation! (all cheering and whistling)
SpongeBob: Whoo!
Plankton: Brought to you by yours truly. So without further ado, let the mauling begin! (all cheering and whistling)
Scooter: All right!
SpongeBob: Yay! (a Sea Lion is released and everyone cheers) Whoo! Isn't this a boat load of fun, Squidward? I can't wait to see the poor sucker who has to go against that beast!
Squidward: You call this fun? This is just cheap uncultured lay sport.
Plankton: Now release the opponent.
SpongeBob: Yes! Go! (a gate is raised and reveals Patrick in ancient greek clothing walking out waving to everyone) Patrick? How could they?! This is horrible! (sobs)
Squidward: This is fabulous! (laughs)
Plankton: Enough dillydallying. Send out the blood sausages! (two other fish wrap a sausage necklace around Patrick's neck)
Patrick: All right! (Sea Lion roars before Patrick takes a bite of the sausage. Plankton laughs)
Plankton: That pink dimwit doesn't stand a chance with those sausages around his throat. As soon as the smell of sausage hits that ravenous lionfish's nostrils, he'll be all over Patrick like mold on a shower curtain!
Sally: Rip his sausages off!
Patrick: Whoa! Nice kitty. (notices sausages) Here, kitty, want a sausage? A nice, delicious, tasty... sausage. (bites the sausage. The lionfish takes it from him) Spawn of a gefilte fish! (runs away)
SpongeBob: I can't sit here and watch this! That's my best friend out there. (SpongeBob jumps in the chariot in front of him, rising up in roman clothing and rides the chariot)
Patrick: Huh?
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: What? Oh! Oh, it's you. Hey, how's it going, buddy?
SpongeBob: No time for chit chat. Get in! (pulls Patrick into the chariot) Hurry up, Nelly!
Nat: Boo!
Mama Krabs: Boring! (throws a tomato) I want to see some body parts!
Mr. Krabs: Mom!
Plankton: This is ridiculous. I order a simple brutal mauling for my denizens, and I get a circus act! Time for phase two. (cut to Plankton trying to sell Chum on a Stick to the crowd) Chum on a stick! Get your fresh chum right here. Some chum for you miss?
Sadie: Well, all this waiting around for someone to get mauled is making me a bit hungry.
Plankton: Here. Take this one. It's fresh and warm, like my hospitality.
Sadie: Why, thank you.
Plankton: Just ten dollars, please.
Sadie: Ten dollars?! Why would I pay ten dollars when I can go across the street and get a Krabby Patty for one dollar?
Mr. Krabs: Exactly!
Plankton: Grr! You don't get this kind of entertainment with a Krabby Patty, do you?
Sadie: No. I suppose not.
Plankton: Ten dollars or the fights off!
Sadie: Oh! Fine! Whatever!
Plankton: There you are. I'm sure I've made a satisfied customer of you already.
Sadie: (spits out the Chum) That was appalling! What was in that?
Plankton: Oh, just the usual ingredients-- some jellyfish squeezings, whale blubber, seahorse snout, and a sprinkle of anchor rust.
Sadie: (throws up) Oh, barnacles! That's foul! (as everyone heads for the exits, the gates close)
Plankton: Now, I've been waiting for twenty years to have the amount of customers Krabs sees everyday, and I won't let that be ruined because the show's boring or the food's inedible. So sit down, enjoy the show, and buy some chum! (everyone walks back and sits down with some Chum on a Stick in their hands)
SpongeBob: What do we do now Patrick?
Patrick: Don't worry. I'm all ready doing it. (is eating one of the sausages)
SpongeBob: No! (slaps the sausage out of Patrick's hand) Patrick, now is not the time for eating. Now is the time to avoid being eaten by that giant... Huh? (the Sea Lion eats the sausage on the ground then chases after them again) That's it, Patrick! He's not chasing us. He's chasing those tasty, tender, delicious, succulent sausages around your neck! (SpongeBob throws the sausages off of Patrick's neck)
Plankton: Chum on a stick. Get your chum! (notices the flying sausages) What the...? (sausages land on him) Oh, great. Now, how am I going to entertain the masses? (Sea Lion roars at Plankton) Hey, watch where you're... (notices the lion, which roars at him again) Oh, dear! (screams. Runs away, as the Sea Lion is chasing him, out a tiny door) Whew! Good thing I thought ahead with that escape door. Try and catch me now, you prissy feline! (laughs as the Sea Lion punches a hole through the wall. Plankton screams and runs some more) No! Nice kitty! Want some chum? (cut to the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: You know I'm not one to give out comments likely, but I've gotta hand it to you, boy, if you didn't throw those sausages into the audience, we would have been dead meat. (hands SpongeBob one of his hands)
SpongeBob: My pleasure, Captain.
Patrick: Yeah. Thanks buddy! You really saved my behind. No joke! (turns around to show a hole in his pants that shows his behind)
Mr. Krabs: I think that it's safe to say, that no matter how diabolical Plankton's plans may be, he'll never have the loyalty of me good customers.
Scooter: One Krabby Patty, please.
Mr. Krabs: But of course, my good customer. That'll be ten dollars.
Scooter: Ten dollars? What happened to one dollar?
Mr. Krabs: Ahem. Perhaps you'd like to speak to our financial expert. (Sea Lion is the financial expert)
Scooter: Yahh! Stupid inflation. (gives Mr. Krabs ten dollars)
Mr. Krabs: Thanks for your business. (sustained laughter. Everyone walks away after laughing)
End