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Skill Crane

(Outside the Krusty Krab, a man is knocking on the doors)
Squidward: Mr Krabs, some guy in a suit wants to come in before we open.
Mr Krabs: What? Guy in a suit? No, it's a tax collector! (jumps inside Spongebob) Hide us, Spongebob! (takes the register in with him) We'll just walk non-schelauntly to the real exit. (man knocks on the door again but holding up a business card up)
Squidward: He's got a card. (reading business card) R.A. PennyPincher: Vending Supplies.
Mr Krabs: What? My machine has arrived?! Oh, let 'em in, let 'em in, let 'em in.
R.A. PennyPincher: Bring it in boys.
Mr Krabs: That's it, set her down easy.
R.A. PennyPincher: Here are the keys, Mr Krabs. Happy vending!
Squidward: What is it?
Mr Krabs: Only the greatest money maker since the krabby patty. Gentlemen, meet "skill crane".
Spongebob: Ooh, skill crane.
Mr Krabs: At a quarter a pop, this thing will pay for itself in no time. Which reminds me, step up boys. First one's free. (takes out two golden coins)
Spongebob: Thanks, Mr Krabs. (takes coin)
Squidward: No thanks, I'll pass.
Mr Krabs: C'mon Squidward, you know you want to.
Squidward: (sighs) Ok, if you insist. (takes coin and puts it in his pocket) Thanks.
Mr Krabs: Squidward! In the machine.
Squidward: Alright, alright. (puts coin in machine and moves crane) Oh boy, what fun. (crane almost pulls out a dinosaur)
Skill Crane: You lose.
Squidward: Did you see that, Spongebob? I almost got that on my first try!
Mr Krabs: My work here is done.
Squidward: They don't call me "Squidward 'Manually Dexterity' Tentacles" for nothing. (moves his tentacles up and down and so does Spongebob)
Spongebob: Well, why don't I give it a try.
Squidward: Haha, good luck. You'll...
Skill Crane: Winner!
Spongebob: It's a bear. I'm gonna call you 'Beary'.
Squidward: Heh, beginner's luck. Now it's the masters turn. (puts another coin in and grabs a cat but the crane drops it)
Skill Crane: Loser.
Spongebob: Wow, Squidward, you flipped him over. That takes an awful amount of skill.
Squidward: Well thank you for saying so.
Spongebob: Beary says he's getting lonely. Don't worry Beary I'll get you a friend. (enters a coin in the skill crane)
Squidward: Ha! If you think you're winning that thing again...
Skill Crane: Winner!
Spongebob: There ya go, Beary.
Squidward: Oh, I loosened that one up for you. You would've never won that without my skill.
Spongebob: Wow, thanks for your help, Squidward. (walks off)
Squidward: Hmph. I bet I win at this thing I try. Now all I have to do is... (thought bubble with Mr Krabs in it appears above Squidward)
Mr Krabs: At a quarter a pop, this thing pays for itself in no time.
Squidward: Ha! I'm not falling for that malarki. (later, Squidward is behind the register)
Spongebob: (skill crane makes the sound of a winner. Spongebob walks by with a blue prize animal from the skill crane) Hey, Squidward. (skill crane makes the sound of a winner. Spongebob walks by with a rabbit from the skill crane) Hey, Squidward. (skill crane makes the sound of a winner. Spongebob walks by with a two-headed pink prize animal from the skill crane) Hey, Squidward. (laughing from the kitchen) Ok, Mrs Wiggles, order up. Beary cooked this one all by himself. Oh, he makes me so proud.
Skill Crane: (distinct scratchy voice) Squid-ward. (crane swinging back and forth) Squid-ward.
Squidward: (sighs) What the...alright. Let's get this over with.
Mr Krabs: Need some change? (takes Squidwards dollar and gives him four coins in exchange)
There ya are.
Squidward: Gee, thanks.
Mr Krabs: No, no Mr Squidward. Thank you. (Squidward inserts coin in machine)
Skill Crane: You lose.
Mr Krabs: Need some more change? (gives Squidward more coins but Squidawrd keeps on losing over and over, dollar after dollar)
Skill Crane: You lose.
Mr Krabs: Need some change?
Squidward: No.
Mr Krabs: What? Why?
Squidward: Because...I'm all out of money!!
Mr Krabs: All out of...? Hmmm. (later, comes out of his office) Boys, it's payday.
Spongebob: (gasps) But, Mr Krabs, today is Monday.
Mr Krabs: What the...no it's payday me boy.
Spongebob: Money, money, money, money, money, money.
Mr Krabs: I took the liberty of turning your paycheck into quarters. Just in case you wanna, oh I dunno, do laundary, buy a soda or something.
Squidward: Very funny, Mr Krabs. If I can't win one of those stupid things with (this) quater, I'm walking away.
Narrator: Six hours later...
Spongebob: (Squidward sitting on ground with empty bag over head) Pardon me, Squidward. SpongeBear Junior here wants me to win him a little brother. (Squidward scoots to the side while Spongebob inserts a coin into the machine)
Skill Crane: You are a winner. (two prizes come out)
Squidward: Huh?
Spongebob: Two in one quarter? That's not fair. (puts in one of the prizes) What's that 'frown clown'? You'd rather sit next to the 'lovely lion'? (takes the crane and moves the prizes around) There you are, nice and cozy. See ya later, Squidward.
Squidward: (scoots his way into his house and then sits on his couch) A little mind-numbing television ought to help me forget about that stupid machine. (tries to pick up the remote but everytime he tries, he fails. Uses his eye instead) Yeow!! (now in bed) You had a rough day, Squiddy. But that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better. (tries to pull his covers but he can't) Ooh, phooey! (tries to pick up the glass of water by his bed but drops it and breaks it) I gotta win that crane! (runs through his closet door and gets the piggy bank. Later, Spongebob enters the krusty krab and freaks out at what he sees when he enters) Just once. Please, oh please, let me win one time.
Spongebob: Squid, I think you have a problem.
Mr Krabs: No he doesn't. You don't listen to him, Squidward. You keep playing until you win! (takes out all the quarters that were put in the machine and pours them into a bucket. A piece of rolled paper drops into the bucket) What's this?
Squidward: The deed to my house.
Mr Krabs: Okie dokie then. Carry on.
Squidward: (cries) If I can just win once, I'd never play again.
Spongebob: Hey, you want me to tell you the secret of how to win on this machine.
Squidward: (gasps) Spongebob, there's a secret?
Spongebob: Mm-hmm.
Squidward: Tell me the secret.
Spongebob: Are you ready to be a winner?
Squidward: Yes.
Spongebob: Yeah?
Squidward: Yeah.
Spongebob: Yes?
Squidward: Yes.
Spongebob: Yes?
Squidward: Spongebob! The secret?
Spongebob: Ok, Squidward, ok. I face the crane. Deposit my quarter. Then I close my eyes.
Squidward: Close your eyes?
Spongebob: Quiet, Squidward. I'm being the crane.
Squidward: Oh, that's...
Skill Crane: Winner!
Spongebob: See? Now you try.
Squidward: This is ridiculous. If I close my eyes, how will I know where the...
Spongebob: Squidward, do you wanna win or not?
Squidward: (presses face against machine) Yesssss. Yes, I do.
Spongebob: Ok, Squidward, put your quarter in.
Squidward: But, this is my last quarter.
Spongebob: In the machine, Squidward.
Squidward: Ok-ok.
Spongebob: Close your eyes. (Squidward does) Now be the crane. (while Spongebob is telling him this, Squidward is playing the game) Be the crane. Be the crane. Be the crane.
Skill Crane: Winner!
Squidward: Whoo-hoo! Yeah! I knew I could do it. I'm a winner.
Spongebob: You're a winner.
Squidward: I am a winner, aren't I? Winner, winner, winner! (twirls) Winner. (over loud-speaker) I'm a winner everybody. You hear that? (cricket chirps due to the empty restaurant. Squidward goes into Mr Krabs office) I'm a winner.
Mr Krabs: That's funny. Last time I checked you were a cashier.
Squidward: Yuk it up all you want, Mr Krabs. But just remember, you're yuking it up in front of a winner. Ha!
Mr Krabs: I'll try to remember that. 3,498 of Squidward's quarters. 3,499 of Squidward's quarters.
Spongebob: Triple decker, on deck.
Squidward: (slams door in Spongebob face) Make way for the winner. (door opens to Spongebob having the triple decker hanging out of his mouth like an accordion)
Skill Crane: You lose. (little kid sighs)
Squidward: You didn't win the prize?
Billy: No.
Squidward: You know what that means?
Billy: No, what?
Squidward: It means you have no skills and you're a loser! (laughs) I'm a winner, see my prize. You're a loser who sits and cries. (little kids kicks Squidward in the leg) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. (later, Squidward and Spongebob are walking out the Krusty Krab) Did you see how I handled that crane?
Spongebob: I sure did.
Squidward: I just closed my eyes and became the crane.
Spongebob: Oh, yeah, you're the man.
Squidward: Spongebob, look. (a real crane is just a few yards away. Squidward runs to it)
Spongebob: Uhh, Squidward I don't think the same principles apply.
Squidward: Be the crane.
Spongebob: Wait, Squidward!
Squidward: Be the crane. (picks up an I-beam)
Spongebob: He did it. Yay, Squidward!
Squidward: Be the crane. Be the crane. Be the...
Construction Worker: You know this guy?
Spongebob: Yeah, that's Squidward. He's got the magic touch. (pokes the construction worker) Ding. (Squidward knocks a bunch of buildings over with the I-beam) Tada! (notices the mess) Ah! Squidward, open your eyes.
Squidward: (opens eyes) Oh, uhh, be the crane. Be the crane. (can't control crane) Look out, Spongebob. I can't stop! (crane chases after Spongebob & workers) Be the crane. Be the crane. Be the crane. Don't be the crane. Don't be the crane. (crane spins around fast and heads towards the Krusty Krab destroying it)
Mr Krabs: What the...?
Squidward: Oh my. Oh my. Time to go, Teddy. (bumps into large construction worker)
Construction Worker: Just where do you think you're going, crane master?
Construction Worker #2: You ain't going anywhere.
Spongebob: (whistles) Hang on, buddy. I got ya. (uses crane to get Squidward but instead gets his prize) I guess I can only pick up toys.
Squidward: Uh-oh.
End