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SpongeBob's Place

Episode Info
Typed By: Greek Chorus

(Open at the Krusty Krab at day, slightly zoom in on the restaurant. The scene moves inside the Krusty Krab, showing two customers with Krabby Patties. They clink the Krabby Patties together, and start eating them with their arms interlocked. Out of joy, they both jump up in the air and float back down. Cut to a scene of a large fish licking his fin and another fish in an oversized sweater. Zoom in on the fish with the sweater revealing an oversized human hand with Krabby Patty meat on the fingers. He starts to lick it, but it is grabbed by the larger fish who starts licking it all himself. Cut to another fish with a large tray of Krabby Patties. He sniffs it, then jumps onto the tray and rolls in them. At the end, he eats one. Cut to a shot of the French Artist.)
French Artist: Excuse me?
(Mr. Krabs walks in.)
French Artist: Who may I ask cooked this patty?
(Mr. Krabs opens his mouth, but is interrupted by all the customers as the shot cuts to them.)
Customers: SpongeBob SquarePants!
(Cut back to the French Artist and Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob zooms in.)
SpongeBob: Did somebody call my name?
Mr. Krabs: (places claw over SpongeBob’s head, squishing him a little) Is there a problem with your sandwich, sir?
(Zoom in on French Artist)
French Artist: Yes, I feel like I could die!
(Zoom out to all three characters, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs gasp.)
French Artist: (Holds up patty in air) And go to heaven!
(Zoom in on SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs, who make an excited noise. French Artist starts kissing SpongeBob’s shoe, and it zooms out to show him.)
SpongeBob: Oh, please sir, heh, don’t… heh, stop… (Krabs walks away.) You really can stop, sir.
(Cut to scene of Krabs and Squidward)
Mr. Krabs: Everyone seems to really like the Krabby Patty!
(Zoom on Squidward.)
Squidward: Some people started calling it the (air quotes) “SpongeBob Patty.”
(Zoom out to show Mr. Krabs again.)
Mr. Krabs: What? That’s ridiculous! It’s always been the Krabby Patty! (Slaps Squidward’s nose with his eyestalk.)
(Zoom out to show a little girl.)
Girl: One SpongeBob Patty, please! (Mr. Krabs looks shocked.)
(Zoom back in on Squidward)
Squidward: Maybe you should change the name of this place (cut to Mr. Krabs, who is getting increasingly angry, visible from his bloodshot eyes) from the Krusty Krab to SpongeBob’s Place! (Mr. Krabs’s eyes shatter from anger. Cut to a shot of a green fish in a suit jacket.)
Green Fish: Hey, that’s a great idea! (jumps up on table) SpongeBob’s Place! SpongeBob’s Place!
(cut to shot of all the customers, one is hanging from a rope)
Customers: SpongeBob’s Place! SpongeBob’s Place! (continue chanting offscreen, cut to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, no no no! (throws SpongeBob off screen, chanting stops) Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! (cut to several customers who are looking fed up with him) Krusty Krab… Krusty… Krab.
[crickets chirping]
(cut back to Mr. Krabs, looking upset. SpongeBob zooms back in, and raises up his claw.)
SpongeBob: Come on, guys! Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab!
(cut back to the customers from earlier, the one still hanging from a rope)
Customers: SpongeBob’s Place!
(customers come over to Krabs and SpongeBob, and grab SpongeBob)
Customers: (offscreen) SpongeBob’s Place! SpongeBob’s Place.
(pan to the right to show Squidward, who gets out of his boat and walks towards Mr. Krabs)
Squidward: Admit it, without SpongeBob, you’d be nothing!
(Krabs looks shocked, then confronts Squidward)
Mr. Krabs: Well that’s not true! I’m the one who created the SpongeBob Pa- I mean the Krabby Patty!
(customers walk by, holding SpongeBob on a throne, now singing to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb)
Customers: ♪ Let’s all go to SpongeBob’s Place, SpongeBob’s Place, SpongeBob’s Place! ♪ (While the customers continue singing, the screen cuts to a grumpy Mr. Krabs, whose pupils form himself and SpongeBob. The one resembling himself walks over to SpongeBob, and pushes him away.)
SpongeBob Silhouette: Woah!
(Bubble transition, now showing Squidward in the boat. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs walk out the door.)
SpongeBob: Alright, Mr. Krabs. If you think the Krusty Krab is haunted and needs ghost busting, (hands Mr. Krabs his hat) I’ll stay away for a while. (walks away)
(cut to Squidward)
Squidward: Haunted, eh?
(zoom out to show Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Don’t you believe in ghosts?
Squidward: Oh, admit it. You’re just jealous of SpongeBob.
(zoom in on Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Of course not! (zoom back out to show Squidward) I’ll be cooking the Krabby Patties from now on! (points at Squidward) Krabby Patties! Named after me! Mr. Krabby! (places hat on eyestalk, but it stretches down and covers the whole thing. Squidward hands him his own hat, and is covers his other eye. Krabs walks away and crashes into a barrel. Cut to Mr. Krabs over a barrel.)
Mr. Krabs: Ouch.
(Bubble transition to SpongeBob’s pineapple, and zoom in. Inside is a bored looking SpongeBob surrounded by several activities.)
SpongeBob: *sighs* What do we do now, Gary? We’ve read every book and played every game! (SpongeBob looks inspired) Hey, I know! How about another makeover?
(cut to Gary, who looks far too glamorous)
Gary: *growls*
(SpongeBob walks in)
SpongeBob: You know, I can’t go to the Krusty Krab, but I can play Krusty Krab! (grabs Gary and runs to his inflatable chair, all of Gary’s makeup comes off)
SpongeBob: This can be the register boat! (places Gary) And you can be… Squidward!
(cut to Gary, SpongeBob stretches down his eyestalks to place his eyes closer to his head, and stretches out his nose to resemble Squidward’s)
Gary: *imitating Squidward* Meow.
SpongeBob: (gesturing towards a hole that is probably his ear) What’s that, Squidward? Thirty Krabby Patties? Comin’ right up! (runs off to his kitchen, and places Krusty Krab hat on Gary)
Gary: *imitating Squidward* Meow-wow.
(Cut to SpongeBob holding a can of Krabby Patty in a Can as circus music starts playing. He plops the contents of the can onto a counter, and slices up all the patties with a couple knifes. He shuffles them, and throws them all towards his grill. He gets out a bag of buns, and starts juggling them on his head, then throws them over to the patties with his butt. He tosses his spatula between his arms, balances it on his nose, then throws it up in the air as it lands under a patty. He then hits the spatula with his arm, flinging the patties inside the buns. He spins the tray, forming finished Krabby Patties. Cut to a close up of him carrying the tray as he walks away, then cut to Gary in the living room as SpongeBob walks in.)
SpongeBob: Okay, everybody! Order up! (SpongeBob opens his eyes, only to notice no customers. Zoom out to show SpongeBob’s house empty, aside from himself and Gary. SpongeBob makes a noise of disappointment. Zooms in on SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob: Guess I’m used to making Krabby Patties in mass quantities. (Cut to the window, where SpongeBob leaves his patties in the windowsill. Outside, the scent attracts a few customers. The customers walk inside.)
Yellow Fish: (licking tray) How’s about making us some more of those delicious patties?
(SpongeBob picks up the tray, and a long tongue licks up the remaining crumb)
(cut back to customers, showing an octopus with three patties)
Octopus Customer: I drew two more mouths on my face so I could eat three at a time! (throws one inside his beak, and squishes the other two between the mouths he drew on his cheeks)
(zoom out to show SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Okay, you guys! Just make yourself comfortable! More patties on the way!
(Bubble transition to Krusty Krab, with smoke erupting from the chimney. Cut to the grill, covered in burnt patties, which catches on fire. Cut to Krabs, who tries spraying them with his fire extinguisher. The kitchen appears gross and messy. Cut to Squidward, who rings a bell and holds up two gross patties.)
Squidward: These are being sent back. (Gets blasted with fire extinguisher, covering him in white goop. Krabs walks up to take patties. Squidward shakes the goop off his face, but Krabs blowing it off the patties puts more on. Squidward wipes it off his face as Krabs inspects the patties.)
Mr. Krabs: What?! What’s wrong with them?
Squidward: The customers said to make them good, like they used to be.
Mr. Krabs: Like they used to be? It’s the same formuler!
(purple fish looks through window)
Purple Fish: Hey! (stares at Squidward, who crouches down, then Krabs) I see the problem! (cut to outside the window in the main restaurant, with the purple fish hugging the window tightly) SpongeBob’s not in the kitchen!
(Cut back to all the customers, who in shock, spit out their patties. One customer spits out part of one resembling the Nasty Patty. He walks away with the rest of the customers, who mumble in discontent. Mr. Krabs looks out the window, shocked, and runs in front of the crowd.)
Mr. Krabs: Wait, wait! Please don’t go! (zoom in on Krabs) We’re having a two-for-one deal! For every two you buy… (cut to customers) You can… buy another one!
(cut back to Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: (Laughs, only to get an idea.) Hold on, everybody! (He turns to the kitchen, revealing a human ear on the side of his head.) I think I hear SpongeBob’s hideous laughter coming from the kitchen! (Zooms away, past Squidward. He peaks his head out the door.) I’ll show you that the customers are always wrong! (Zooms back inside, close-up of Squidward.)
Squidward: Oh boy. (Clattering is heard in the kitchen, only for Squidward to look shocked. Cut to Krabs wearing a cardboard box over his head with SpongeBob’s face crudely replicated.)
Mr. Krabs: Now go on ahead! Call attention to me!
(cut back to Squidward)
Squidward: (forced) Hey, everybody! Look… who’s back! In the kitchen! (customers zoom past him)
(cut inside, showing Mr. Krabs dancing in his SpongeBob costume)
Mr. Krabs: (imitating SpongeBob’s voice) I’m ready! I’m ready! (continues offscreen, as the scene cuts back to the customers)
Purple Fish: That’s SpongeBob? (shaking head) Man, did he let himself go.
Red Fish: Who cares? I’ll take a Krabby Patty!
(Crowd cheers in excitement, only to bubble transition to everyone eating gross Krabby Patties. Cut back to Krabs in SpongeBob suit.)
Mr. Krabs: (imitating SpongeBob’s voice) Is everybody enjoying their Krabby Patties? (imitates SpongeBob’s laugh)
(Customers attempt to show signs of approval, but are struggling to do so.)
Turquoise Fish: (sticks out tongue to show contents of gross patty, struggling to compliment Mr. Krabs’s cooking) This is very nice.
(Cut to Krabs looking back and forth, then to him cheering in glee!)
Mr. Krabs: Ha-ha! (removes costume) It was me who cooked those patties! You’re all enjoying my food!
(Everyone spits out food, and mumbles angrily. They walk back to the door. Cut back to Krabs, who runs over to the door.)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, no you don’t! (Jumps up out of the ceiling, and lands outside. He runs offscreen to get a bulldozer, which crushes the Krusty Krab sign, and forms a moat around the Krusty Krab. He gets in a cement mixer filled with hot lava, and fills the moat. He jumps back inside.) Anyone who wants to leave has to go through me first!
(Customers all attack Mr. Krabs, and stretch him out until he’s flat. They place him out the door as a bridge across the moat, and everyone walks over him. Squidward slams the door over his eyestalks.)
Squidward: Good night boss, see you tomorrow!
(Mr. Krabs’s eyestalks form fists and punch the glass door.)
Mr. Krabs: Please, wait!
(Lava transition to Squidward walking down the street that evening, only to encounter a large crowd in front of SpongeBob’s pineapple, which now has a large banner reading “SpongeBob’s Place” with a crude drawing of himself on it.)
Squidward: SpongeBob’s Place?? (cut to close-up of Squidward) What in the ocean?
(cut to in front of Squidward’s house, where he is struggling through the crowd)
Squidward: (angrily) Pardon me! Don’t mind me! Just trying to get in my own front DOOR! (slams door shut, showing him inside, on a shellphone.)
Health Department: You’ve reached the health department! If you’d like to leave a message, wait for the cough! *coughing noise*
Squidward: (sarcastically) Everybody’s a comedian. (normally) This is Squidward Tentacles, and I’d like to lodge a complaint about my neighbor SpongeBob.
(Bubble transition to ambulance.)
Paramedic: That should do it, Mr. Krabs. (Cut inside ambulance, where Mr. Krabs is scorched, flattened, and covered in bandages.) You’ll be as good as new in no time.
Mr. Krabs: Wasting your time, boys. You should just take me straight to the morgue. I’m done. (hears cheering, and is shocked) Stop! (throws Paramedic aside, the other runs away) Stop right there! (Shows outside of ambulance, and zooms out showing SpongeBob’s Place, now with a large flashing sign pointing to it and a statue of SpongeBob on top. A crowd is outside. Cut to two fish eating Krabby Patties, while Bubble Bass walks by with a large tray. Fred drives up to the Drive-Thru window, and is given a Krabby Patty on a plate. Krabs hops out of the ambulance, inflates himself so he isn’t flattened anymore, and pushes through the crowd.) Break a hole! (He runs through SpongeBob’s Place, seeing everyone enjoying patties and relaxing. He walks up to the door, only for Gary to burst out carrying a large tray of patties.)
Gary: (imitating Squidward) Meow-wow-wow-mrow-wow!
(Inside the kitchen, SpongeBob is flinging patties like earlier. As Krabs approaches, one flies between his eyestalks. SpongeBob turns around.)
SpongeBob: Oh, hello Mr. Krabs! Place your order with Gary, please! (Flings patty in air.) And drop your money anywhere. (Cut to Krabs opening fridge for loads of cash to pop out.) I’m running out of places to put it. (chuckles) Don’t even have time to count it! (Krabs looks through his bedroom and bathroom, just to see piles of cash. Cut to SpongeBob salting a patty.) Here, try one!
Mr. Krabs: (bites the patty) Oh, it’s delicious.
SpongeBob: Sorry I ran out of napkins, you’ll have to use a hundred dollar bill. (Hands Mr. Krabs money. Krabs starts to cry.)
Mr. Krabs: You deserve your own place. (Blows into hundred dollar bill, then puts it in his pocket. He walks outside, only for SpongeBob to go after him.)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, don’t go! I need you!
Mr. Krabs: Aww, whaddya’ need me fer? You got everything! (zoom in on him) A magic tough for cookin’, lots of customers, money…
(SpongeBob comes in)
SpongeBob: I could use… a boss. Someone to take all the credit and all the money.
(zoom out)
Mr. Krabs: Well, I suppose I could do some bossin’. How’s ninety-nine percent for me and one percent for you?
SpongeBob: Ooh, that’s more than generous!
TIME CARD: The next morning…
(Squidward walks to Krusty Krab, the sign repaired, but the moat still there with a wooden bridge over it. The door is covered in tape. Squidward cuts the tape with scissors and walks inside. He sighs as he turns on the light. Zoom out to show the Krusty Krab in ruins.)
Squidward: Huh, no people are ever coming back here. ...No people! That’s great! Because I HATE people! (laughs, then runs over to cash register to pick up microphone) ♪ I hate people, people hate me! (jumps on boat) I prefer my own best company! (dancing on beam) Single and secluded, on my own! (swinging on rope) I can have the best of times (sliding down pole) all alone, because I hate… (lands on floor, and screams into microphone) people! ♪
(Cut back to SpongeBob’s Place at day, with Krabs sleeping on a throne of money. Gary slithers by with a tray of patties. Krabs is confronted by Andy Yellowtail and Carl.)
Andy Yellowtail: *ahem* (Krabs wakes up) Are you the owner of this joint establishment?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I do own ninety-nine percent of SpongeBob’s Place, so I guess that’s a yes! You have to stand in line if you want to place an order!
Andy Yellowtail: Well, I have an order for ya’. (zoom in on Krabs, who is handed warrant) An order to shut down your restaurant. It’s against city health codes to sell food in a pineapple.
(Cut to Carl and Yellowtail, Carl bites patty.)
Carl: Say, Andy, you gotta try these patties, they’re delicious!
(Yellowtail slaps patty out of Carl’s hand.)
Andy Yellowtail: Carl, you’re eating contraband.
(Zoom out to show Carl, Yellowtail, and Krabs.)
Carl: You’re not the boss of me. (storms away)
Andy Yellowtail: Uh, yeah, I totally am the boss of you. (Walks after him, SpongeBob walks in.)
SpongeBob: Oh, what’s going on? (Krabs hands SpongeBob warrant)
Mr. Krabs: We’ve been shut down!
SpongeBob: (throws warrant back) Well it was (turns around to show buns on his butt) bun while it lasted! (Laughs, as Gary slithers in. Gary sneezes, and stops looking like Squidward, knocking the buns off of SpongeBob.)
Mr. Krabs: You know, I know of an empty restaurant! It’s got all its papers in order!
(hands SpongeBob hat, and it zooms in on him)
Mr. Krabs: We can move in right away!
SpongeBob: Did you get rid of the ghosts?
(cut back to Krabs, confused)
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, the ghost is gone.
(Bubble transition back to Krusty Krab, now repaired. SpongeBob and Krabs are being followed by the customers, only to hear Squidward’s singing off screen.)
Squidward: ♪ I hate people, I’m still that way! ♪
(SpongeBob shivers, while Squidward goofs off in the background)
SpongeBob: Sounds like it’s still haunted.
(Krabs opens door, and peeks inside, showing Squidward on a table, dancing in showtune clothes.)
Squidward: ♪ I hate SpongeBob, I hate Krabs, I wish they would leave the ocean in taxi cabs! And all the customers can kiss my abs because I’m the one and only-
(lights turn on, and Squidward is interrupted by Mr. Krabs.)
Mr. Krabs: (offscreen) Mr. Squidward!
(closeup of Squidward’s face)
Squidward: (gulps) And… um… oh…
(Turns around to see SpongeBob, Krabs, and the customers. Squidward drops his hat and cane, and the customers all laugh. Cut back to Squidward, who shrinks down and disappears. Bubble transition outside the Krusty Krab, with SpongeBob and Krabs walking towards the sign.)
Mr. Krabs: You know, I’ve been doin’ some thinkin’, you’re a big part of this place, boy-o, and I believe I should share the name with ya’. (turns SpongeBob around) Take a gander! (close up of the sign, which looks identical)
SpongeBob: I don’t get it Mr. Krabs! (cuts back to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs) It looks the same!
Mr. Krabs: Well, climb up there! (pushes SpongeBob towards sign) Get a closer look!
(SpongeBob climbs on top of the clamshell)
SpongeBob: Where?
(cut down to show Mr. Krabs looking up)
Mr. Krabs: Under the words “Krusty Krab!”
(Cut to SpongeBob reading sign)
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab... (gets out magnifying glass, camera zooms in on SpongeBob looking at a small piece of tape underneath) and SpongeBob’s Place! (SpongeBob looks over shell) Oh, Mr. Krabs, you’re the best! (Jumps down, with the wind blowing away the tape. SpongeBob lands on Mr. Krabs, with his eyestalks poking through a few of the holes.)
End