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Sharks vs Pods



Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Greek Chorus

(Open at the Krusty Krab at night. A sign reading “CLOSED FEEL FREE TO SLIDE MONEY UNDER THE DOOR” is placed on the front. The scene moves inside the Krusty Krab, to show SpongeBob mopping.)
SpongeBob: ♪ La-laaa, la-la-laaa, la-la-la-la, la-la-laaa… ♪ (stops mopping) Hmm, maybe I could use a little music to make my work even more fun! (SpongeBob reaches through his head, into his pockets, where he pulls out a grimy quarter.) Aha! There ya’ are! (SpongeBob flicks quarter into coin slot of jukebox. Music begins to play, and SpongeBob starts dancing as he mops the floor. The scene cuts outside, where the Sharks drive in in their boatmobile. Sharkface steps out of the boatmobile wearing spiky cleats, and brushes his teeth. He and the other Sharks walk up to the Krusty Krab.)
Lonnie: Hey, boss, it says “Closed: Feel free to slide money under the door.”
Sharkface: Thank you, Professor Lonnie. Here’s a flash: I can read!
Ronnie: Aw, man, I really wanted to sink my teeth into somethin’! (Gnashes teeth.)
Donnie: Hey, there’s somebody in there! (The other Sharks huddle around the window. SpongeBob is jumping around, twirling his mop.)
Sharkface: Look at that kid go!
(SpongeBob jumps onto the two tables, slams the floor with his mop.)
Lonnie: What power! (SpongeBob knocks barrel into air by slamming floorboard, and beats the barrel in mid-air.) What force! (Cuts back to Sharks)
Donnie: What’s for dinner?
Sharkface: (Clamps Donnie’s mouth shut with clam) Clam it, Donnie! This kid is bad to the bone. (They look inside, seeing SpongeBob still cleaning the restaurant with some sweet, sweet moves.) We gotta get him to join our group.
SpongeBob: (Lands, and looks at broom.) I just mopped the floor with you. (Smacks broom six times, laughs, and throws it in the bucket. He breathes in air, and the hat flies off his head.) Well, good night Krusty Krab! (Hat lands on broom.)
(Cut to SpongeBob walking outside. He is singing, when Sharkface falls from the sky in front of him.)
Sharkface: Hey there, killa! My name is Sharkface! Don’t let the teeth intimidate ya’! (Gnashes teeth.)
SpongeBob: Hello, Sharkface! My name is SpongeBob SquarePants!
Sharkface: Well, hey there SpongePants! (draws line around SpongeBob) You ain’t as square as ya’ look! You are one poppin’ porifera!
(SpongeBob is confused for a moment, and pulls out a dictionary. He reads for a moment, then looks flattered as he throws the dictionary away.)
SpongeBob: I am? Oh, thank you, Sharkface! Who are your friends?
Sharkface: Well lemme introduce you to my fellas here!
(Cuts to sharks standing in front of Shark Lightning.)
Sharkface: Here’s my main man, Lonnie!
(Zooms in on Lonnie)
Lonnie: (snaps once) Ay, yo! (gets out comb and combs hair)
Sharkface: Keepin’ it cooler than a sea cucumber is Ronnie!
(Zooms in on Ronnie)
Ronnie: (snaps twice) Ay, ay ,yo! (gets out hairbrush and brushes hair)
(Briefly cuts to Sharkface with SpongeBob)
Sharkface: And that decked-out righteous fella, is the one, the only Donnie!
(Cuts to Donnie)
Donnie: (snaps thrice) Ay, ay, ay, yo! (gets out hairdryer and blows away wig, he quickly puts another one on.)
(Cuts to SpongeBob, who looks amazed.)
SpongeBob: Wooow.
(Zooms out to show SpongeBob, the four Sharks, and the Shark Lightning.)
Sharkface: And we are…
(Zooms in on leather jacket, with “Sharks” written on the back in purple text. The word glimmers.)
Sharks: The Sharks!
(Briefly shows SpongeBob, with his eyes glistening.)
SpongeBob: Ooh! Fancy stitching!
(Shows Sharkface and SpongeBob.)
Sharkface: Well we’ve seen you doin’ your stuff inside there, and I have to say, you got skills, Sponge-O!
(Cuts to Lonnie, spraying his hair.)
Lonnie: Yeah, skills.
(Cuts back to Sharkface and SpongeBob)
Sharkface: We could use a fella like you in our crew, ever since we lost Jonnie…
(Donnie jumps in)
Donnie: Jonnie, no!
(Ronnie slides in)
Ronnie: Jonnie, no!
(Lonnie falls in and flops on ground)
Lonnie: Jonnie, no!
(Cuts to Sharkface looking annoyed as the other Sharks continue sobbing.)
Donnie, Ronnie, and Lonnie: Jonnie, no!
Sharkface: Shut it.
(Cuts to view of all sharks, who stop their actions, and jump back to the boatmobile, looking cool. The scene then cuts back to Sharkface holding SpongeBob at the side.)
Sharkface: Hey look, we got a hole in our crew, and we need somebody to fill it. (puts SpongeBob down) How would you like to join the Sharks?
(Cuts to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Do I get a jacket?
(Sharkface gives SpongeBob jacket)
Sharkface: Of course you do!
(Cuts back to view of SpongeBob and Sharkface)
SpongeBob: Yaaay- I mean, ayyy, new friends! (Holds thumbs up, and Sharkface smiles.)
Sharkface: Alright, let’s bail on this joint; cruise the neighborhood. (gets into Shark Lightning)
(SpongeBob goofily walks to Shark Lightning. The scene cuts to in front of the Krusty Krab, with the boatmobile driving away. Bubble transition to later, with SpongeBob and the Sharks cruising down the street. The scene briefly cuts to a traffic light turning red, which the Sharks stop at with a few girls jumping rope visible in the distance.)
Evelyn: It’s the Sharks!
(Tina-Fran and Nancy-Suzy run in circles screaming, tying Evelyn in their jump rope. They bump into each other and fall over.)
(Cuts back to sharks in Shark Lightning, with girls in distance)
SpongeBob: (gasps) Are they okay?
Sharkface: Aww, don’t worry about them betties. It’s a waste of time.
SpongeBob: Yeah, bu-but what if they’re hurt?
Sharkface: I told you not to worry, but you keep on worrying.
(Lonnie pulls SpongeBob towards back seat.)
Lonnie: Cool your jets, Sponge.
(Donnie looks back)
Donnie: Yeah, don’t you trust us?
SpongeBob: I guess so.
(Donnie pulls back into front seat, and the Shark Lightning drives away. It cuts in front of a fruit stand.)
Fruit Vendor: Please, have whatever you want! Take it all, take it all! (Throws all of his fruit towards the Sharks, covering them all. SpongeBob emerges with a watermelon on his head.)
SpongeBob: That guy seemed really scared of us!
(Sharkface pops out with banana in mouth. He spits it out.)
Sharkface: That guy’s loony.
(Ronnie pops out with head of fruit.)
Ronnie: Hey, SpongePants, don’t be such a maybe-baby.
(Cuts to SpongeBob, sucking thumb, wearing a baby bonnet.)
SpongeBob: Waaah! Who’s a baby? (Throws away bonnet.)
(Shows view of everyone, with the Fruit Vendor shivering. The Sharks drive away. Bubble transition to Howlin Marlin sign flickering. Zoom out to SpongeBob and Sharks snapping fingers as they approach the club.)
Bouncer: Stop right there. Y’all ain’t allowed in here no more.
Lonnie: Give us a break, old man.
Sharkface: We practically own the place!
(Cut to view of Bouncer)
Bouncer: Not after what you did last time. You wrecked the joint. (pulls sign with a no symbol over a shark on it out of his hair) This is a Shark-free zone now.
(Cut back to Sharks.)
Donnie: What a bunch of hooey.
Ronnie: Yeah, what are we gonna do, Sharkface?
Lonnie: The Sharks can’t allow this!
(Cut to SpongeBob sweating, the Sharks all seem to be agreeing.)
SpongeBob: Um, you know, maybe we should let it slide! There are plenty of clubs in the sea!
(Zooms out to show Howlin Marlin in the middle of nowhere.)
(Sharkface approaches SpongeBob, and begins holding him.)
Sharkface: Slow down, this is our spot, Sponge.
(Sound of suction cups snapping is heard, and Sharkface looks surprised.)
(Zoom in on Sharkface’s shark face.)
Sharkface: The… (closer zoom in on lips) Pods.
(Sound of suction cups snapping intensifies.)
SpongeBob: Um… whats?
(Zoom in on tentacle snapping. The Pods emerge from behind a lamp post. Cut back to Sharks.)
Lonnie: It’s our rivals.
(Pods land on top of boat.)
Sharks: The Pods.
Pods: (whispering) Pods.
(Cut to Sharks)
Sharks: Sharks!
(Cut to Pods)
Pods: Pods!
(Cut to SpongeBob standing in the middle, as the Sharks and Pods approach each other.)
Sharks and Pods: Sharks! Pods! Sharks! Pods!
(Zoom in on SpongeBob, who shrinks down, revealing a realistic kitchen sponge in a pile of water. A police car drives in between the Sharks and Pods. SpongeBob’s eyes emerge from the realistic sponge, and the rest of him jumps up from the bottom.)
SpongeBob: The cops! (swipes sweat off face) Phew.
Officer John: Hold it there, laddies! Break this nonsense right now!
Officer Nancy: Now you Pods clear outta here!
(Cut to view of Pods)
Blue Pod: ‘Ay, we’ll see ‘ya at the showdown, Sharks! (Him and other Pods snap)
(Cut to view of Pods riding scooter.)
Blue Pod: Unless you’re a bunch of jellies! (Laughs, and the Light Green Pod drives away.)
(Cut back to view of Sharks)
Sharkface: We’re gonna be there! And we’re no jellies!
(Zoom out)
Officer John: Not so fast there, boy-o! There won’t be a showdown! (Zoom in on officers.) You lads know that’s our turf!
Officer Nancy: Stay off our beat! This is your final warnin’!
(Scene zooms out, and the cops walk away.)
Lonnie: (Pulls toothpick out of mouth.) Cops. Always breathing down our gills. (Steps on toothpick.)
(Zoom in on SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Well I’m glad that’s all cleared up!
(Cut to Sharkface)
Sharkface: You’re right, Sponge. We got a showdown to get ready for. (Punches fist.)
(Cut back to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Oh, uh, didn’t you hear? The nice officer said there won’t be a showdown.
(Zoom out to show both SpongeBob and Sharkface)
Sharkface: Forget the cops, it’s the Pods we need to take down, (squishes SpongeBob) and we can do that because we got you on our side!
(Zoom in on SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Um, me? I’m not really the showdown type.
(Donnie approaches from side of screen.)
Donnie: I thought you was one of us!
(Lonnie approaches from side)
Lonnie: Yeah, a Shark!
(SpongeBob falls over and lays on ground)
SpongeBob: I was caught up in the moment. I just love making new friends.
Sharkface: (offscreen) Do not shrimp out on us, Sponge-O. (Zoom out to SpongeBob and Sharkface) The showdown is at the playground, tonight. (Zoom in on Sharkface) So we’re gonna see you there, right?
(Cut back to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Um… (gulps) oh, okay. See you guys there. Bye.
(Cut to Sharks in Shark Lightning)
Sharkface: Don’t disappoint us, Sponge. (drives away)
(SpongeBob turns around with a worried look on his face, and walks home. Bubble transition to SpongeBob’s pineapple.)
SpongeBob: Showdown? I can’t fight in a showdown!
(Cut inside, SpongeBob turns around from mirror, wearing a fake mustache with a tag. He has his clothes packed in a suitcase.)
SpongeBob: I’ll have to go into the Witness Protection Program. (Walks over to images of Mr.Krabs, the Krusty Krab, the Krabby Patty, and his Hydro-Dynamic spatula) I’ll have to quit working at the Krusty Krab! I’ll never flip a succulent Krabby Patty ever again… (Walks to Gary’s food bowl, with a ransom note placed over it.) Oh, what have I done! Hmm? What’s this? (SpongeBob picks up note and starts reading it shows the note)
SpongeBob: A-yo, Sponge-O, we were in your neck of the woods and decided to pick up your beloved pet, Gary. (SpongeBob looks surprised as he reads that. It cuts back to the note.) If you want to see him, you better hightail your porous caboose over to the showdown? Sincerely, Sharkface and the other Sharks? (SpongeBob throws away note and is shocked) Gary? Nooo! (SpongeBob runs through wall of house, and back through door.) I have to save Gary! I have to go to the showdown! I have to get ready (zoom in on SpongeBob’s face, with a realistic sponge detail) to fight. (SpongeBob puts on sunglasses, and places down a bucket of lard patty oil. In his garage, he squeezes the top of his head, and sticks it in the oil, forming a greasy wig. He slides into the gym, and beats up his punching bag with his hair. He prepares two spatulas, and jumps into the living room, spinning them around.) Hwah! (Everything in room slices in half. It zooms back in on SpongeBob’s face and he lowers his sunglasses.) I’m ready.
(Bubble transition to the playground. The Pods have their backs turned. The Sharks drive in. Zoom in on the Pods, who begin snapping. Three of them turn around. The four Sharks walk over snapping. SpongeBob walks over as well.)
SpongeBob: I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready (jumps in) I’m ready! (Pulls out two spatulas) Back up, Pods! I don’t want to hurt you!
(Cut to Pods, who look confused.)
Pods: Huh? (Squidward turns around.)
Squidward: SpongeBob, (walks out) what are you doing here?
(Cut back to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Squidward?! Oh no. I accidentally joined this bad boy gang and I’m supposed to fight in this showdown ‘cause I gotta save Gary, (cut back to Squidward, looking annoyed) and I don’t wanna go into the Witness Protection Program, (cut back to SpongeBob) but I don’t want to fight you because you’re my friend!
(Cut back to Squidward)
Squidward: (slaps face) What are you talking about, jellyfish-for-brains? (Zooms out to show Pods posing, and Squidward poses as well.) We are a troupe.
(Cut back to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: A troupe? What do you mean?
(Cut back to Squidward)
Squidward: A dance troupe, (points at head) you numbskull. This is a dance showdown. No one is going to fight!
(SpongeBob looks embarrassed, his sunglasses fall off and the spatulas fall out of his hands.)
SpongeBob: But what about those girls, that screamed and fainted?
(Cut back to sharks)
Lonnie: Oh, that? That’s just our fans. They scream and faint all the time.
(Cut over to Reg, holding back all the fans.)
Fans: (cheering) We love you!
(Cut back to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: But what about the fruit vendor? He just gave you his fruit and ran away!
(Cut back to Sharks)
Donnie: That guy’s a health nut! He’s always worried that we don’t eat enough fruits.
(Zooms out to reveal Fruit Vendor)
Fruit Vendor: It keeps you regular! (Throws apple into Donnie’s mouth.)
(Cuts back to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: But what about the club? The bouncer said you destroyed the place!
(Cut back to Sharkface)
Sharkface: That was a total accident! That’s how we lost… Jonnie.
(flashback to Jonnie twirling in the club)
Sharkface: Jonnie thought he could do a quadruple-pirouette. He lost control, he fell down, he scratched up the floor pretty bad. (Tough guys in club seem to cringe, covering their eyes and crying.) He won’t be able to dance for days, maybe even a week!
(Cut back to present, Lonnie and Donnie are crying, while Ronnie flops on the ground.)
Donnie, Lonnie, and Ronnie: Jonnie, no!
(Cut to Squidward)
Squidward: Oh, brother.
(Cut back to SpongeBob and Sharkface)
SpongeBob: But you guys kidnapped Gary!
Sharkface: We would never do such a thing!
(Cut to Lonnie and Ronnie)
Lonnie: Yeah, we were just giving him a ride. Gary’s our DJ.
(Cut to Gary at turntable)
Gary: (meows)
(Cut back to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Yay! (jumps in air) I’m not a criminal by association!
(Cut to Squidward and Pods looking annoyed)
Squidward: Will you stop yakking, already?
(Cut to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: You’re right, Squidward.Gary, lay down some tunes.
(Cut to Gary)
Gary: (meows, then lays a record on the turntable, scratching it then playing jazzy music. The sharks perform their dance sequence, which begins with them all snapping and walking, then snapping their teeth Jaws-style. The three Sharks stacked together walk towards the Pods, as SpongeBob and Sharkface approach. SpongeBob snaps in Squidward’s face, then the Pods begin their dance. The music suddenly changes to a strange, techno track as the Pods begin their dance. The Light Green Pod holds up the other three, as they wave their arms. They approach the front of the screen, and all cartwheel, with Squidward and the Light Green Pod standing on their heads. They wiggle their bodies, and group together in a circle, moving out their leg-tentacles in squid fashion. There is an explosion and a puff of smoke, revealing the Pods in a strange pose. Cut back to a shot of the playground, where the cops show up. The scene cuts back to SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob: Oh no! It’s the coppers!
(The officers approach SpongeBob)
Officer John: We told ‘ya to stay off our turf, lads!
SpongeBob: I’m so sorry, officer! We were just dancing!
Officer Nancy: ‘Ya call that dancin’? (zoom in on officers) Move aside, boy-os, this here is our beat!
(Cut to Gary, who is now pounding on a drum. The officers rip off their clothes to reveal Polynesian dance clothes underneath. Gary pounds on the drums more, and the officers begin their hula dance. The scene cuts back to the playground as the Internal Affairs approach. The officers look shocked, and Officer John is doing the fire knife.)
Officer John: Oh no! It’s Internal Affairs!
(Cut to IA officers walking up to John and Nancy in their hula clothes)
Yellow IA Officer: We’re shutting you dirty dancing cops down.
(Zoom in on Green IA Officer)
Green IA Officer: It’s time to pop it. (puts on breakdancing helmet) And lock it.
(Gary begins record scratching, and a hip-hop beat plays in the background. The IA Officers, now in break-dancing suits, begin their routine of an impressive break-dance against a metal and graffiti’d backdrop. The scene cuts back to Sharkface and SpongeBob.)
Sharkface: It’s all over. Nobody can beat the Internal Affairs.
(Zoom in on SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Ooh! Leave it to the Sponge! Ay, yo! (SpongeBob jumps and begins his Kung-Fu Rock dance. He jumps around, occasionally swinging to the left and right, and snaps for a moment, before twirling down the slide in front of the Sharks. The backdrop resets to normal, and SpongeBob and the Sharks walk towards Mr. Krabs while snapping. The screen zooms in on Mr. Krabs.)
Mr. Krabs: And the winner is… (pulls out golden trophy) SpongeBob SquarePants and the Sharks! (SpongeBob grabs trophy)
(Zooms out, and the Sharks are celebrating, throwing SpongeBob and the trophy in the air)
Ronnie: For Jonnie!
(Patrick rushes on screen)
Patrick: We saved the rec center!
(Cut to Squidward)
Squidward: What rec center?
(Cut back to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Now everybody’s a winner!
(The Sharks, SpongeBob, Patrick, the cops, the IA officers, and every Pod but Squidward jump into the air, cheering.)
Squidward: I didn’t win anything!
(Iris out on Squidward)
End