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The Good Krabby Name

(Mr. Krabs watching mailman through telescope on top of the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: Ughh... (takes picture of mailman though telescope) Arrgh! (Looking at fish reading paper) I gotcha. (takes picture) Whoa! (Looking at old lady watering flowers) You're a big one. Can't believe I've never seen you in the Krusty Krab before.
(Squidward spraying pole to clean it)
SpongeBob: (tapping Squidward's shoulder) Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward.
Squidward: (turns around) What!
SpongeBob: I haven't seen Mr. Krabs all morning. Do you know where he is?
Squidward: Don't know. Don't care. (goes back to spraying pole with lemon cleaner)
(Mr. Krabs quickly drops from the lookout tower above, smashing Squidward)
Squidward: Oohhwww...
SpongeBob: Oh, there you are Mr. Krabs. Where have you been?
Mr. Krabs: I've been conductin' a little market research. Where's Squidward?
Squidward: (Pulling himself up from the bottom of the watch tower floor) Present.
Mr. Krabs: You two, follow me.
(They all walk to Mr. Krabs' office)
SpongeBob: Oh, wow. You've been busy Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: I want you to take a look at these folks right here. (points at pictures in the "Those who have not eaten here" box) Have you ever seen any of 'em in the Krusty Krab. Think hard!
SpongeBob: Ummm...hmmm...ah no. No. No. No. Possibly. No. Maybe. No. No no no no and no. No sir, I do not recognize any of them, sir.
Mr. Krabs: How 'bout you Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: I try not to look directly at the customers.
Mr. Krabs: (Sighs and pulls out pie chart) Well according to my research, a full two percent of the population of Bikini Bottom has never set foot in the Krusty Krab. That's two percent of money that's not in me pocket, and when I think about that two percent, I get soooo mad.
SpongeBob: (pointing at chart) When I see that two percent, I think of pie.
Mr. Krabs: (Throws chart) I'm not talking about pie! These hold outs are probably spendin' their money in some other restaurant! We need to find that two percent and reel 'em in. I need you two boys to get out there and promote the Krusty Krab!
Squidward: Will we get overtime pay?
Mr. Krabs: (scratching head) Over what who?
Squidward: Oh, sure thing Mr. Krabs. I'll get right on that... (backing away) ... never.
SpongeBob: Don't worry Mr. Krabs! I think I know just where to start!
(A hole in the top of the Krusty Krab opens and a giant spatula with SpongeBob in a Krabby Patty costume comes out)
SpongeBob: Hellooo Bottomites! (bouncing on the spatula like a diving board, jumps off and lands in front of a customer)
Customer #1: Aahhh!
SpongeBob: Hello sir, have you heard of the most wonderful restaurant in all of Bikini Bottom, the Krusty Krab? (Pulls out sign that says "Eat at the Krusty Krab")
Customer #1: Of course I have. That's where I'm going, if you'll get out of my way.
SpongeBob: (Hold flyer out) Please accept one of our flyers and consider dining at our fine dining establishment the next time you're feeling hungry.
Customer #1: Ugggg. But I'm hungry now! (Tries to walk by SpongeBob) Whoop! Haha! Okay, already! (Takes all 4 flyers and 4 of SpongeBob's arms and throws them on the ground)
SpongeBob: Oh, thank you sir! Tell all your... friends. Krusty Krab! Eat at the Krusty Krab!
Patrick: (Hiding behind a rock looking at SpongeBob) Oh no! I Knew this day would come. Invasion of the giant patties. There's only one thing to do. It's eat, or be eaten! (screaming growl and while running and tackling SpongeBob. He starts trying to eat the costume)
SpongeBob: Ow! No, Patrick, what are you doing! It's me, SpongeBob!
Patrick: (stops eating costume) Oh, no! The giant patty has eaten my buddy!
SpongeBob: Aw, relax Patrick, it's me. This is just a costume...
Patrick: (Punches SpongeBob) Cough him up, you monster! Come here you! (Swings SpongeBob around and slams him against Krusty Krab window)
SpongeBob: Ahhhh! Duuuuuhhhaaaoowwh!!!
Patrick: (Drop kicks SpongeBob and then goes on top of the Krusty Krab) Die giant patty! Die! (Grunting. Body slams patty costume that SpongeBob is out of now. Flyers shoot out on SpongeBob's face) Patties should not eat my buddy! (grabs costume, spins around with it, and launches it)
Plankton: Boy, I'm not sure what it is, but I feel like there's something in the air. Today's the day I finally get a Krabby Patty. Ougg! (patty costume smashed Plankton)
Patrick: You okay, little buddy? (helping SpongeBob up)
SpongeBob: Yeah, I'm doing really good. Thanks, I guess.
Patrick: What's this? (picking up flyer off SpongeBob's head)
SpongeBob: It's a flyer--to promote the Krusty Krab, 'cause Mr. Krabs needs all the money.
Patrick: Well this will never do. You gotta think bigger! Everyone should know the name of... umm... Krusty Krab! We need an ad blitz of a monumental proportions! Everywhere you look you should see the name The Klabby Klam.
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab.
Patrick: Uh whatever.
(Cuts to Patrick shaving into SpongeBob's back a reverse message saying "Eat at the Krusty Krab")
SpongeBob: Oh haha, that tickles.
Patrick: Hold still. I'm almost through. (Shaves off last bit) Perfect.
SpongeBob: Don't forget the paint.
Patrick: Hold onto your shorts. (Takes paint roller out of black paint) I got it. (Paints onto lettering on SpongeBob's back)
SpongeBob: Oooh! It's cold.
Patrick: Okay, turn around. Open your mouth.
SpongeBob: Aaahh.
Patrick: Wider.
SpongeBob: Aaahh!
Patrick: Perfect! (smashes paint roller into SpongeBob's mouth and starts using is back as a stamp on walls) Ready?
SpongeBob: Ready.
(Pans across downtown which is now covered in the "Eat at the Krusty Krab" message. SpongeBob gives a thumbs up to Patrick. Patrick throws paint roller to the side.)
Cop: (Whistling) Whoop! Graffiti! Disgraceful! Huh, I vow to bring the evildoer to justice! ...right after I have a Krabby Patty at the Krusty Krab. Hm.
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are we doing out here?
Patrick: Uh, I hired a sky writer. Oh, look! There he is now. (points)
(We hear the noise of a plane. Guy falls from sky while writing on a clipboard, "Help Me")
SpongeBob: Ooo.
Patrick: Somehow I thought that would be more effective.
(SpongeBob and Patrick looking over cliff edge. We hear the crash of the sky writer)
Male Fish: Ow, I think I broke my thesaurus.
(Cuts to scout leader with 3 campers following him)
Scout Leader: Okay campers, today we're going to see one of nature's wonders, the oldest tree in Bikini Bottom!
(Patrick is creating a "Eat at the Krusty Krab" message with the tree leaves. Campers scream. The tree falls over)
(In a bathroom. Toilet flushes. SpongeBob comes out of stall. Customer #1 walks in)
SpongeBob: We left you a present in there.
(SpongeBob and Patrick giggle and leave)
Customer #1: Weirdos. (Walks into stall) What the... Eat at the Krusty Krab? I'm Disgusted! Yet, strangely hungry. (toilet paper has "Eat at the Krusty Krab" written on every sheet)
(Patrick is flying a plane with a "Eat at the Krusty Krab" banner attached in the back)
Patrick: Hey! I can see my house from here!
(SpongeBob presses "Lights" button while flying blimp with electronic message)
SpongeBob: Huh?
(Patrick flying directly at SpongeBob. Patrick laughing and not looking forward)
SpongeBob: Aaahhhhh! (SpongeBob takes a hard left but the wheel breaks off and goes through the side of the blimp where he is)
Patrick: Oh, the Krusty Krab.
(Plane avoids blimp without Patrick doing anything)
SpongeBob: (Sigh) Pheew...
Patrick: (laughing) Waa? Oh, SpongeBob! (Turns plane around and smashes into SpongeBob) Hi SpongeBob!
(They both fall to the ground screaming)
Fish #106: If I see the words Krusty Krab one more time I am going to scream.
(Blimp and plane crash right in front of Fish #106 and Tom. Patrick and SpongeBob come out from under the wreckage)
Fish #106: Uhem, what does that say? (pointing)
SpongeBob: Krusty Krab.
Fish #106: I thought so. (takes in deep breath the sucks in SpongeBob and Patrick except their skeletons) Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! (Skin flies back on to the SpongeBob and Patrick, but they get each other's skin) (Breathing heavily with loss of breath. Wipes mouth with handkerchief)
SpongeBob: I think the ad campaign is going very well.
Patrick: I agree.
SpongeBob: (cell phone ringing in pocket that Patrick now has on him) Hello? Oh, hi Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: I don't know what you're doing boy oh, but it's working like gangbusterers. This place is packed to the gills with gills! In fact, I've seen at least half the hold outs just since this morning. (Draws X over picture on clipboard)
(Patrick putting his skin back on)
SpongeBob: Whoa! I better get back there to help with the crowd!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, don't worry lad. Squidward's holdin' down the fort.
(Squidward takes money from customer and flips patty onto bun)
Mr. Krabs: You just keep doing what your doing, and bring in that last one percent. (hangs up)
SpongeBob: Yeah, but how do we find that last one percent? Well there's one place we missed. That big pile of roads.
(shows busy boatway)
SpongeBob: Heya, Patrick. (Pointing to sign above that says "No Playing on Boatway!") We're not supposed to play in traffic.
Patrick: ah pfft... Well we're not playin', we're working!
SpongeBob: But what if we get hit by a boat!
(Big boat truck coming right at them honking)
SpongeBob: Tarter sauce.
Patrick: I got this. (Pulls out paintbrush with white paint on it and paints a stripe across his face. Tosses paintbrush and turns himself into a cone)
Buford: (driving boat) Do you see that, Cletus? It's a pink traffic cone.
Cletus: Well golly! Hit the brakes, Buford!
(Slams breaks, truck flips and lands upside down, blocking the road)
Patrick: (Handing SpongeBob green paintbrush) Your canvas awaits.
SpongeBob: Thank you, Patrick. (Paints "Eat at the Krusty Krab" on the side of the truck) Our work here is done. Let's go to the Krusty Krab and greet that last one percent.
(They jump off the road, using SpongeBob as a parachute to the Krusty Krab)
(A car driving on the boatway swerves off the side of the road to avoid the truck)
Fish: Aaahhhhh!
SpongeBob: Here they come!
(A large pileup of boats is in front of the Krusty Krab now)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs will be so excited! (Enters Krusty Krab) We did it, Mr. Krabs! Soon you'll have more customers than you'll know what to do with!
Squidward: It's about time! (throws money and spatula down) Where have you been? I'm outta here. (Throws hat on ground and leaves Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: Fire up the grill, laddie, and get ready for customers! And Patrick, buy something or get out.
(Fish grunting and yelling outside)
SpongeBob: Oh boy! Here they come!
(Fish yelling "Tear it down")
SpongeBob: But they're not happy. We're being boarded! Help me hold the door shut.
Lou (Customer #2): Hey! The door's blocked!
Mr. Krabs: (Seeing the last customer he needs) Hmmm... (gasp) That's him! Let him in. It's the last one percent. (Picks up SpongeBob and Patrick and throws them behind) Come on, sir. (grabs customer) Gotcha!
(SpongeBob and Patrick getting thrown around. Customers yelling. Mr. Krabs and the customer go up the watch tower)
Customer #3: What are we doing up here?
Mr. Krabs: (Holding customer's mouth shut) Shh shh shhh shhh shhh shhhhh. Let's... saver the moment. (tying napkin around customer) Hold still. Hungry?
Customer #3: I guess so.
Mr. Krabs: Try... this. (Holds up Krabby Patty)
Customer #3: (Takes Krabby Patty) A Krabby Patty? I've never had one before. (Takes bite)
Mr. Krabs: That'll be twenty bucks.
(Customer rolls eyes and hands him twenty bucks)
Mr. Krabs: Boy, this advertising campaign really paid off!
(Krusty Krab collapses)
End