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House Sittin' for Sandy

SpongeBob: (snores, alarm blows, wakes up and sits)
Gary: Meow
SpongeBob: Good morning to you too, Gary. Help yourself to some breakfast kibble while I make ready for my day at, (cheerfully and feminish) the Krusty Krab! (walks and hums, puts hat on coat rack)
Gary: Meow meow.
SpongeBob: (pauses) Finished your breakfast already, Gare? (walks) Well, you always were a good little eater (opens door to kitchen)
Gary: Meow meow!
SpongeBob: (pats Gary) We can play fetch when I get home, Gary. (walks) Right now Mr Krabs needs me. There's leftovers in the fridge if you get hu— (opens door to see Gary, shrieks) Gary, what has gotten into you? Is there something important that you'd like to tell me? (Gary shows him calendar and points at the Sunday 26 page, shrieks) Today, is, Sunday!? (makes a weird face, hesitantly) But, that means…
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: (depressed) Yeah, that's exactly right, Gare Bear. I can't go to work today. (takes off hat) Krusty Krab is closed on Sundays. (goes under covers, tired) Gee Gary, I was really looking forward to work. (twists) Now what purpose could today possibly have? (phone rings, excitedly pops up) Hey Mr Krabs, did you need me to come to work today? (tired) Oh, hi Sandy. (lays down, phone voice) Yeah. (phone voice) No. (phone voice) Nah, just me and Gary. (phone voice) No, uh no, yeah. (phone voice, Gary munches on kibble) I'm not sick! (phone voice, excitedly pops up) You, need, a house sitter! Today!
(cuts to treedome)
Sandy: (holding phone) That's right, SpongeBob. I know it's last minute, but—
SpongeBob: (suddenly appears) I would love to. (Sandy confused)
(cuts to later)
Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob, my Treedome is a highly technical facility, (closes eyes and lifts arm) and there are many facets to it's operation. (opens eyes in question) SpongeBob, are you gettin' all this?
SpongeBob: (nods) Ah-Ha!
Sandy: (hands SpongeBob a clipboard) Here's a comprehensive list of Do's and Don't's to follow.
SpongeBob: (looks at list) Well, this looks easy to remember. (points at paper) It's just a little black smudge!
Sandy: (chuckles) That's just to save paper! (takes out reading scope) You'll need this special reading scope)
SpongeBob: (takes scope, looks the long list) Oh…
Sandy: Now, pay attention, as I clue you in on some of your more elaborate responsibilities. (SpongeBob and she walk to a greenhose) This majestic structure is my Kelp Greenhouse. It's functions are completely automated, so all you have to do—
SpongeBob: (in awe) Wow!
Sandy: (opens cabinet to see thermometer) Is check this thermometer right here, to make sure the temperature is normal.
SpongeBob: (writes on paper) ooooorrrrrrmaaaaalll. (puts pencil on mouth, quietly) Got it.
Sandy: (opens garage door) And this is the robot warehouse. (sees robots) It's where I keep all my robots.
SpongeBob: That stands to reason.
Sandy: (walks) This part's easy! All y' gotta do is come in here and count every single one of these robots, and makes sure none of ‘em's gone missin'. (SpongeBob takes note, both walk) You seem to be doin' a good hop at payin' attention, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: (looks at Sandy) I respect your meticulous nature.
Sandy: (blushes and blinks with lashes, says meekly) Oh, (eyes brighten) why thank you SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: (wanting to get over with) What's next on the list?
Sandy: (shows incubator) This here's my worm incubator. (SpongeBob looks at incubator) They're not set to hatch for weeks, but I thought I'd just show it to you anyways. (SpongeBob takes note) And last, but not least, (shows SpongeBob a shelf) is my collection of rare and fragile artifacts that have to be cleaned twice daily. (SpongeBob takes note) Now, are you sure you can handle all that, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Trust me Sandy, you got nothing to worry about! (puts hand on heart) Your beloved Treedome is in my capable hands!
Sandy: Are you sure?
SpongeBob: Yup!
Sandy: (gets really close to SpongeBob, touching helmet to nose) Are you really sure?
SpongeBob: (nasally) Really sure.
Sandy: Okay! (gets on bus to Texas)
SpongeBob: (looks at list, walks to greenhouse, looks at thermometer, takes note) Normal. (seen in warehouse) Two-Thousand, Six-Hundred, Ninety-Two (taps buttons on adding machine, receipt extends) Two-Thousand Six-Hundred Ninnety-Three. (taps buttons on adding machine, receipt extends) 2,694— (taps button on adding machine fast, receipt extends fast, laughs, adding machine breaks down, receipt goes down in flames, walks out of warehouse, cuts to later, duster seen) Sandy said that this collection of rare, (wearing a maid outfit) fragile artifacts had to be gently cleaned twice daily. (cleans artifacts) There we go, not a speck of dust anywhere (pops up) Wait a minute. (turns skull around to see a speck of dust) Ah-Ha! (pulls out a feather to flick dust) There, we go. (cuts to later) Worm Incubator. Looks like everything's fine here. (turns, hears rustling) What the? (sees pinks thing coming out of incubator, shrieks) Sandy said these wouldn't hatch for, (looks at notes) weeks! What is going on! (Patrick comes out of incubator) Patrick?
Patrick: SpongeBob! There you are!
SpongeBob: (relieved) Oh, what a relief. I thought you were a horrible, mutant worm who was about to soak me with digestive juices and slowly consume me over a period of weeks.
Patrick: Oh, no thanks, I had a late breakfast!
SpongeBob: (confused) Why are you wearing that funny thing on your head?
Patrick: Well, cuz' we can't breathe in Sandy's Treedome, ‘member? It's filled with air.
SpongeBob: Oh, yes thanks for reminding me, I almost for— (gasps, instantly dehydrates, gasping for water) Puh, puh, Patrick, help, me, I, I can't, buh, buh, breathe.
Patrick: (puts water helmet on him) There ya' go!
SpongeBob: (takes deep breaths) Ah, thanks, Patrick, you're a lifesaver. (pats patrick) Now that I haven't suffocated, it's high time I got back to this list of house sitting duties. (walks to door) So without further a do, Patrick, (opens door) I'd like you to please immediately exit the Treedome)
Patrick: (mumbling) Exit, the, uh, (surprised) exit the Treedome!?
SpongeBob: That's right, yeah, exit the Treed—
Patrick: (eager and excited) Well, SpongeBob, where should we go!? Jellyfish Fields!? Goo Lagoon!? Barg'n Mart!? Luck E. Larry's!?
SpongeBob: Well, Luck E. Larry's sounds fu—
Patrick: Alright, let's go— (tries to push SpongeBob out)
SpongeBob: (angered and strict) Hold it! (firmly) I promised Sandy I'd take extra special care of her Treedome while she's at the inventors convention today! And that is exactly what I intend to do! Patrick, this is a major responsibility.
Patrick: Well, in that case, I'd better stay and help ya'.
SpongeBob: (firmly) Nnnn-No.
Patrick: Pleease?
SpongeBob: Not gonna happen.
Patrick: Pretty please?
SpongeBob: No way.
Patrick: Pretty please with a scoop of vanilla ice cream!
SpongeBob: Yeah, right.
Patrick: (quickly) Pretty please with a scoop of chocolate, (points to his hand repeatedly) vanilla, and strawberry ice cream, smothered in goober berry sauce and half a can of whipped topping!
SpongeBob: (annoyed) Patrick, what do you take me for?
Patrick: (suddenly screams) AND A SCOOP OF NUTS!
SpongeBob: Deal
Patrick: (excitedly jumps) HOORAY!
Spongebob: But you have to promise not to touch anything.
Patrick: I, Patrick Star, hereby promise not to touch, anything!
SpongeBob: (happier) Okay, now let's check the list to see what's ne- (jumps and screams) PATRICK!!! (sees Patrick chomping on artifact shelf, runs to Patrick) Patrick no!!! You promised me you weren't gonna touch anything!
Patrick: (guilty, puts water helmet back on) I wasn't touching anything!
SpongeBob: (suddenly and angrily, pokes Patrick) Then what were you doing with Sandy's collection of rare, fragile artifacts!!!
Patrick: Um, tasting it!
SpongeBob: (annoyed) Okay, Patrick, (makes hand movements) from now on I insist! From now on, you must stick to me as closely as possible! Do I make myself perfectly clear? Patrick, I said do I make myself per— Patrick!? Patrick? (turns to see Patrick sitting on his back)
Patrick: Is this close enough?
(cuts to later)
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, tell me again what it is that you're gonna do.
Patrick: (slowly) Not, touch, anything.
SpongeBob: Mm-Hm, what else?
Patrick: (slowly) Not, (shakes head) do anything.
SpongeBob: And?
Patrick: (slowly) Not, look at anything.
SpongeBob: (points to Patrick) Until… when?
Patrick: (hesitates, thinking position)
SpongeBob: Until…?
Patrick: (slowly) Until, SpongeBob is done house sitting! (acts like a dog and pants)
SpongeBob: (pats Patrick's head) Good boy, Patrick!
Patrick: Roof! Roof! Roof!
SpongeBob: (walks to chemical table) Well, now that that's settled, (looks at notes) let's see where I—
Patrick: SpongeBob! Uh, Can I… Can I… Can I… Can I…
SpongeBob: (annoyed) Patrick, how many times do I have to— (lifts arms and hits beaker, beaker spins, beaker rolls under warehouse door, dramatic music plays, beaker hits robot, robot leans and turns on another robot. Robot #2 shoves Robot #1, then #1 pounds #2, Robot #3 hits #2, #1 kicks #2, robots go crazy and wreck the warehouse, it collapses, SB and Pat worried, robots destroy incubator, destroy the greenhouse, cut down the oak tree, and shatter the artifacts, and the tree dome is seen a wreck)
Patrick: Wasn't me!
SpongeBob: (shnivers, says sadly) Well, I couldn't handle it after all, I'm, (shnivers) I'M A FAILURE!
Patrick: (optomistically) Hey buddy, its not as bad as it seems.
SpongeBob: (sadly) Oh yeah, what makes you say that?
Patrick: (holds up beaker) Not everything's broken!
SpongeBob: (grabs beaker and sobs, Sandy steps in, gasps) S-s-s-s-s-Sa-Sandy! (thinks in danger) How was the inventors convention?
Patrick: Did you bring back any souvenirs?
Sandy: (with no emotion) Funny ya'll should ask that.
SpongeBob: It is?
Sandy: Yup, I brough home something real handy. (holds up a ray gun, SB and Pat shriek, sandy turns dial, turning it on) And I'm setting it on maximum power!
Patrick: (worried, holding SB) SpongeBob, I guess this is our final goodbye.
SpongeBob: (worried) I'd never thought I'd go out like this.
Patrick: At the hands of a squirrel!?
SpongeBob: No, with a fish bowl on my head.
Sandy: (fires gun, SB and Pat scream, ray bounces around them and fixes the warehouse, fires again and fixes the incubator, and once more for the rest of the Treedome) Eureka! It works! The experiment is a success!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Experiment!?
Sandy: (proudly) That's right, boys. I wanted you to destroy my home all along, so I could test this new Rubble-Reversing Ray Blaster on some genuine rubble. I could've just smashed all this stuff up myself, but nobody destroys stuff quite like ya'll. (enthusiastically) You're not a failure, SpongeBob, you're a scientist!
SpongeBob and Patrick: (laughs hard, lifts arms in glee) Hooray! (drops beaker again, it rolls)
All: Uh-Oh. (the robots do the same sequence as earlier)
Patrick: Wasn't me!
Sandy: Quit your worriyin', ya'll! I can fix it all with my handy-dandy Rubble-Reversing Ray Blaster! (robot grabs the ray blaster and rips and drops it, robot laughs and escapes)
SpongeBob: Silly old robot! He doesn't realize you have more than one of these ray guns, am I right Sandy? (questioning) You do have more than one of them, right Sandy? Sandy? (gulps, he and Patrick back away with a weird grin)
Sandy: (twitches, then screams loudly, while SB and Pat run) SPONGE-BOOOOOOOBBBBBB!
End