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20,000 Patties Under the Sea

(starts in Jellyfish Fields)
SpongeBob: Breaker, breaker. Outer perimeter looks clear. Over.
Patrick: Uh, Robert. Robert! Uh, Ronald. Ronald? Ryan?
SpongeBob: Are you sure you're not trying to say Roger?
Patrick: Oh, wait I got it! I got it! Ringo.
SpongeBob: (Jellyfish humming in front of SpongeBob) Patrick, we have visual contact. Now taking evasive action. Subject still in close proximity. Over.
Patrick: Hello?
SpongeBob: Please reply.
Patrick: Wonder if I can order pizza with these thing.
SpongeBob: Please, contact immanent, Patrick! Respond now, please! Please?!
Patrick: SpongeBob, you're gonna need to speak up. My eardrums aren't what they used to be.
SpongeBob: I can't speak up Patrick. There's a jellyfish over here and I'm worried it might sting me if i make any loud... (SpongeBob bumps Patrick and he yells)... noises.
Patrick: Oops. (they run away. The jellyfish shrugs his tentacles)
SpongeBob: Is he still after us, Patrick?
Patrick: (panting) I don't know, buddy.
SpongeBob: Should we turn around and check?
Patrick: Okay. (they both turn around then trip over something sticking out of the ground)
SpongeBob: Whoa! Oh, I think I landed on my pain center.
Patrick: I think I landed on a rock. (Patrick shows giant rock sticking out the back of his head)
SpongeBob: Patrick, look! There's a weird thing sticking out of the ground right there.
Patrick: That's just Squidward sunbathing again. (Squidward lowers his sunglasses)
SpongeBob: No, not that, Patrick. This!
Patrick: Oh, what is it?
SpongeBob: I don't know. I think there's something buried underneath it, and I'm going to go get some shovels so we can dig it up.
Patrick: "We"?
(scene cuts to a bunch of dirt piles)
SpongeBob: Phew! Nothing like a little manual labor to put some hair on your chest, hey, Patrick?
Patrick: I'll say. (monkey hooting is heard as his entire chest is covered with hair)
SpongeBob: Plus look at what we unearthed: a UFO! (looks inside) Go on. You first. (Patrick climbs down the ladder first then SpongeBob) Kind of dark, huh?
Patrick: Yeah, dark.
SpongeBob: Well, there's got to be a light switch around here somewhere. Found it! Excuse me, sir. (pushes a skeleton. Pulls down a lever to start the submarine) Hey, Patrick, look. We're moving! And here's the steering wheel.
Patrick: Oh, hold it, SpongeBob. You better let me drive.
SpongeBob: Give me that wheel!
Patrick: No. Let go. I wanna drive! Ow! (submarine crashes)
(scene cuts to the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: I don't understand, Squidward. Where are all the customers? I know the Krusty Krab isn't Bikini Bottom's most prestigious eatery, but at least it's better than that salty old Chum Bucket across the street. And that's our only competition.
Squidward: Am I getting paid extra for this conversation?
Mr. Krabs: Ah, come on, Squidward. Can't you just pretend to listen for once in your life? Do it for old Mr. Krabs.
Squidward: (sighs) Well, since you can't bring any customers into the Krusty Krab, have you ever thought about bringing the Krusty Krab to the customers?
Mr. Krabs: Quiet, Squidward, I'm brainstorming! Ooh! ooh! What if, instead of bringing customers to the Krusty Krab, we could bring the Krusty Krab to the customers?!
Squidward: La, la, la-la, la-la. La, la, la, la-la, la.
Mr. Krabs: Well, yes, of course, but how? (submarine crashes into the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Can we park here? (Squidward looks up) Hey, Mr. Krabs! Look what Patrick and I found! We're gonna use it to go on a long journey.
Patrick: Or even around the block!
Mr. Krabs: That's it! We'll take the Krusty Krab on the road! (scene cuts to outside) So long, lad. Make me lots of money!
SpongeBob: Bye, Squidward. Bye, Mr. Krabs! Bye, Squidward.
Patrick: You said "Bye, Squidward" twice.
SpongeBob: I like Squidward.
Plankton: (looking through a telescope) A traveling restaurant, eh? It's not fair! I had that idea years ago! No matter. If Mr. Krabs wants to play dirty, then Plankton's ready for his turn to take...his turn. (laughs maniaclly as he turns the fist on top of the Chum Bucket into a flying machine)
SpongeBob: Hello!
Fish: Hello.
SpongeBob: Could I interest you in a Krabby Patty?
Fish: No, thanks.
Patrick: Now what?
SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick. Mr. Krabs said if we didn't find customers, not to come back. (to fish) Are you sure you don't want to be our first customer, sir.
Fish: Yeah, I'm pretty sure. (starts to walk away)
SpongeBob: Wait! We'll pay ya.
Fish: Hey, thanks again, guys. Good luck with the restaurant.
SpongeBob: Thank you, sir. Come again!
Plankton: Those nincompoops are better salesmen than I suspected. (alarm blarring)
Female Voice: Customer approaching.
Plankton: Hello, little boy. Would you like a chum burger?
Boy: Uh, does it come in raspberry?
Plankton: Uh, no.
Boy: Blueberry?
Plankton: No.
Boy: Uh...mmm...raspberry?
Plankton: Ah, come on, kid. You asked me that already. Now quit wasting my time!
Lady Fish: Hey, you can't talk to my son that way! Who do you think you are?
Plankton: I'm Plankton, you old hag! And your son smells like boogers!
Husband: Hey, you can't talk about my wife that way. What do you think this is?
Plankton: I think it's time for you to lose some weight, fatty, that's what this is.
Grandma: Hey, you can't talk to my grandson like that. Someone ought to put you in a mental hospital.
Plankton: Someone should put you in a box floating down the river, Grandma!
Grandma: You're probably right.
Plankton: You people are crazy. I'm getting out of here. (a rock is thrown at Plankton) What the...? (People start throwing rocks and yelling) No! Controls malfunctioning?! (people continue to throw rocks) Go away!
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick?
Patrick: Yeah.
SpongeBob: Weren't you supposed to be on kitchen duty? (cut to the kitchen where the patties are burnt) Oh, no! You burnt all the patties! It's hard as a rock. How are we going to find somebody who will buy these?
Husband: (notices there are no more rocks to throw) Hey, the rocks are all gone.
All: Aw! (Plankton smiles, but SpongeBob and Patrick's submarine stops in front of the group)
SpongeBob: Folks, have I got a deal for you! (group all start talking at once. They walk up to SpongeBob and give him their money in exchange for lots of rocks)
Jack M. Crazyfish: All right, get him! (they start to throw the rocks at Plankton. Plankton yells)
SpongeBob: Won't Mr. Krabs be so proud of us when he finds out how good we're doing? See any new customers, Patrick?
Patrick: No, but I see a sign. It says, "Warning: Ab...eyes?"
SpongeBob: Here, let me see. (looks through periscope) No, Patrick. That says "Abyss."
Patrick: Oh, okay. What's an abyss, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: An abyss is a bottomless...(submarine falls) chasm! (an alarm goes off) Agh, we're falling!
Patrick: Oh, no, we're bathed in an eerie red light!
Plankton: (notices the submarine is falling) Yes, Yes!
Patrick: (submarine is losing it's bolts as a siren is blarring) Oh, no! A deafening warning siren!
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob imitates the siren) Ooh-eee! Ooh-ee! (the submarine hits a muddy hill but an eye opens on the hill. The sea monster roars) Look, Patrick--we floated back up. Out of the deep, dark, depressing, horrible abyss. (looks at the Sea Monster)
Sea Monster: (roars as he grabs the submarine) Who are you calling dark and depressing?
SpongeBob: No! We didn't mean it that way, Mr. Sea Monster... sir. Um, what we really wanna know is, are you hungry?
Sea Monster: Hungry? I've been asleep for 79 years, which means my last meal was 79 years ago. Yes, I'm hungry.
SpongeBob: Well, then try one of our Krabby Patties.
Sea Monster: (sniffs the Krabby Patty then throws it in his mouth) Mmm! That's the best thing I've tasted since that sewer spill back in... '76. I'll take 640 of 'em. (SpongeBob and Patrick whooing)
Patrick: Order, uh, up. (Sea Monster takes the plate of Krabby Patties and munches on them. Then gives giant wads of cash to Patrick)
Plankton: Now that those two are out of the picture, all the customers will come running to me! (notices the sea monster paying cash to SpongeBob and Patrick) This calls for drasticer...ist measures! (Plankton goes into the abyss) Okay, you bums. Time for the second course. Chum Charges!
Patrick: (the Chum Charges explode on the submarine causing it to leak water inside) SpongeBob, our hull's been breached. You know what that means?
SpongeBob: No.
Patrick: Neither do I!
Plankton: Yes! I sunk the Krusty Krab! I sunk the Krusty Krab! I sunk the...ooh! (Plankton's machine crashes into the wall. He's parachuting down) Ah, who needs that old Rust Bucket anyhow.
Sea Monster: Come on in there! I want more sandwiches!
Patrick: (a pink gum-like item enters the submarine) SpongeBob, look.
SpongeBob: What is it?
Patrick: It's a liquid.
SpongeBob: No, it's a solid! It's a solid!
SpongeBob and Patrick: It's a "lol squid."
Sea Monster: All right. What's going on in there? (sees the Patty) Hey, that looks like a sandwich to me.
SpongeBob: Not-not just a sandwich. It's a tumwich.
Sea Monster: (eats it and likes it) Mmm! Now that's a sandwich.
(cut to SpongeBob and Patrick making lots of sandwiches with the pink gum-like stuff in it)
SpongeBob: (the monsters stomach is grumbling) Anything else before we shove off?
Sea Monster: I want dessert! (Plankton parachutes down)
SpongeBob: We...We-We don't have desserts.
Plankton: Don't give another penny to those fast-food phonies. That's right. They stole my idea. My, my, my... (grunting as the end of the periscope breaks off. Plankton falls and rolls into some mud)
Sea Monster: Hey, a choclate éclair. Now that looks like dessert to me!
Plankton: N-no. No, no, no, no, no, no! Uh, you got it all wrong, see? Hey! (Sea Monster chases Plankton off through the abyss)
(scene cuts to the Krusty Krab)
Janitor: (finishing repairing the windows) There you are, Mr. Krabs. Just like new again.
Squidward: Now all we have to do is keep SpongeBob away from...(the submarine crashes into the windows)
SpongeBob: We're back, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Tell me all about it. Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!
SpongeBob: You wouldn't believe it Mr. Krabs. We had so many new customers!
Mr. Krabs: I don't care about that. Tell me about the money.
SpongeBob: There we were at the bottom of a deep, dark abyss. And we had to let go of something heavy.
Patrick: And paper.
Mr. Krabs: You let go of all the money I earned as ballast? (SpongeBob and Patrick nod their heads)
SpongeBob: But on the bright side, we did manage to bring back 37,000 pounds of these decorative deep sea rocks! (unloads a lot of brightly colored rocks from inside the submarine)
End