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Welcome to the Chum Bucket



Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: sireatsalot

(Scene opens outside the Krusty Krab at night.)
Mr. Krabs: Come on, SpongeBob! It’s quittin’ time! I’ve got a card game tonight.
SpongeBob: Who you playing cards with, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I’m goin’ over to the Chum Bucket to play with Plankton.
SpongeBob: Huh! Plankton?! (thought cloud appears above SpongeBob with Plankton) But Mr. Krabs, he’s your arch-enemy. He’s been trying to steal the krabby patty formula for years. (SpongeBob holds up a krabby patty, then the Plankton in the thought cloud leans forward to try and grab it. SpongeBob then swats him with a fly swatter.)
Thought cloud Plankton: Ouch.
SpongeBob: Why would you play cards with him?
Mr. Krabs: Between you an’ me, Plankton is the worst card player in Bikini Bottom. (Cuts to a thought scene where Mr. Krabs and Plankton are sitting at a card table; Mr. Krabs grabs a big stack of money and Plankton looks disappointed) Why, I’ve been takin’ him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! (his eyes turn into dollar signs) I never lose!
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing, then SpongeBob joins in. They start walking away from the entrance of the Krusty Krab together, then walk in opposite directions when they get to the road. The scene turns to morning, and Mr. Krabs is coming back to the Krusty Krab, now sobbing. SpongeBob comes back, but is still laughing.)
SpongeBob: Takin’ him to the cleaners! That’s a hot one! (walks up to Mr. Krabs who is sitting down at the front doors) How’d the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I lost.
SpongeBob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs! How much money did you lose?
Mr. Krabs: I didn’t lose any money. (wipes a tear from his eye) I lost…
SpongeBob: Don’t tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!
Mr. Krabs: I lost…
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn’t lose the… (he grabs Mr. Krabs by the shirt and pulls him up) krabby patty secret formula!!
Mr. Krabs: I…lost…you!
SpongeBob: What?
Mr. Krabs: I bet your contract, and I lost.
(SpongeBob stares blankly, then starts laughing.)
SpongeBob: That’s a good one, Mr. Krabs! Well, I gotta go make those krabby patties now.
(SpongeBob starts to walk towards the doors, but is stopped by Mr. Krabs’ claw. He makes muffled sounds and his legs are moving, but he can’t get past the claw and falls to the ground.)
Mr. Krabs: I’m afraid you don’t work here, anymore.
(Squidward comes running out the front door from inside the restaurant.)
Squidward: Please tell me this isn’t a joke.
SpongeBob: (his eyes welling up with tears) Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him! Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke!
(Plankton walks up beside SpongeBob.)
Plankton: As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I’m afraid he’s not joking. You work for me now, SpongeBob! (he reaches around and pulls out a Chum Bucket uniform hat) Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet!
(Plankton hops up onto SpongeBob’s head, kicks off his Krusty Krab hat, and replaces it with the bucket helmet. SpongeBob gasps.)
SpongeBob: Aaaaahhhh! (he runs toward Mr. Krabs, knocking the hat and Plankton off) But Mr. Krabs! I don’t wanna work for him! I wanna work for you, here at the Krusty Krab! (he starts crying and hugs Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: I’m sorry boy! (he starts crying and hugs SpongeBob back) It’s all my fault.
Plankton: (in an empathetic voice) What kind of cold, heatless person would break apart such a loving relationship? (pulls out a crowbar) I would!
(Plankton hops on top of SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs and uses the crowbar to pull them apart. Mr. Krabs is holding on to SpongeBob so hard that his arms come off as SpongeBob is sent flying.)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! (he lands in a cage and Plankton slams the door shut)
Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years I’ve been throwin’ those card games, just waitin’ for you to slip up! I may not have the precious krabby patty formula, but I’ve got the next best thing… the guy who makes ‘em! I’m gonna run you outa business, Krabs! (a propeller pops up on top of the cage, and carries off SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Mr. Kraaaaaabs!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! (he whimpers a few times and sniffs) Can I have my arms back? (Plankton walks over with Mr. Krabs’ arms and throws them on his head.)

(Scene changes to inside the Chum Bucket where the flying cage dumps out SpongeBob. It’s dark inside.)
SpongeBob: What is this place?
(SpongeBob cowers as lights come on, one at a time, revealing different machinery and things on the walls. A buzzer goes off and startles him.)
SpongeBob: Aaaahhh!
(Plankton throws open some doors and comes into the room.)
Plankton: OK! I’m ready for my krabby patty!
SpongeBob: Actually, uh, Mr. Plankton, sir… uh I’m having…
Plankton: Perhaps you don’t understand. You work for me now. And as your new boss, I command you to make me a patty this instant, or I’ll be forced to remove your brain and implant it in my robot chef! (He motions toward a robot that looks like SpongeBob standing against the wall. It sputters and smoke comes out a pipe.) So get cookin’. (he flicks SpongeBob’s nose)
(We now see SpongeBob standing in front of some sort of machine. He grabs a spatula that has a spring for a handle. The machine blasts air from a hole and startles him.)
SpongeBob: Aaahh! (he glances up at a sign that says “kitchen” blinking on and off) The sign says “kitchen”, but my heart says “jail”.
(SpongeBob walks off as music begins to play. He walks up to a porthole where he can see the Krusty Krab across the street.)
SpongeBob: (singing) A stove, is a stove. No matter where you go.
(Cuts to Mr. Krabs inside the Krusty Krab, cooking a patty.)
Mr. Krabs: (singing the same tune as SpongeBob) A patty, is a patty. That’s what I say.
(Back to SpongeBob in the Chum Bucket.)
SpongeBob: A grill, is a grill. This is surely so-o-o-o.
(Back to Mr. Krabs.)
Mr. Krabs: (he dumps a basket of burnt fries in the garbage) And fries, should be fries, either wa-a-a-a-ay.
(Back to SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob: But this grill is not a home! (he leans out the window, reaching out his arm to the Krusty Krab) This is not the stove I kno-o-o-ow!
(Back to Mr. Krabs, now coming out the Krusty Krab’s front doors and reaching toward the Chum Bucket.)
Mr. Krabs: I would trade it all away, if you’d come back to sta-a-a-y.
(The camera pans out from the street and we can see both restaurants. A shooting star goes by.)
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: (in harmony) This kitchen’s not the same, without you.
(An image of Mr. Krabs floats up from the Krusty Krab.)
Mr. Krabs: It’s just a greasy spoo-oo-oon…
(An image of SpongeBob floats up from the Chum Bucket.)
SpongeBob: Just a greasy spooooooon…
(The images disappear, and we’re back inside the Chum Bucket where SpongeBob turns away from the window.)
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: (in harmony) …without yoooooooooooou. (The music ends, SpongeBob sobs and falls on his face on the floor.)

(Cut to Plankton in another room, watching him on a monitor.)
Plankton: What is he doing? All these tears? And the show tunes? Why isn’t he making the patties?! Forget it, I’m going with plan B, I’ll put his brain in the robot chef. (robot chef sputters)
Karen: You know that never works. The answer is obvious. To get to the SpongeBob, you must show him compassion and understanding. (her screen shows a simple drawing of SpongeBob, a plus sign, and a heart which suddenly changes to a patty) Then he’ll give you what you want.
Plankton: Will you be quiet? I’m thinking! I’ve got it! To get to the SpongeBob I’ll show him compassion and understanding. Then he’ll give me what I want!

(Cut to SpongeBob in Plankton’s kitchen, trying to figure out the machines. He pushes a button on one, opening a door. A patty-looking thing is inside. It reaches out an arm at SpongeBob, making evil, giggling sounds at him. SpongeBob slams the door shut before it can get out. Plankton has walked up beside him.)
SpongeBob: I’m sorry Plankton, I’m trying my best! I’m not used to cookin’ this way. Please don’t take my brain out!!
Plankton: Hold it, SpongeBob! I’m capable of compassion and understanding.
SpongeBob: Really? Then I’d like to go back to the Krusty Krab.
Plankton: Let’s not get carried away! Now, what can I do to make you more comfortable here at the Chum Bucket?
SpongeBob: Well, I usually cook on a grill.
Plankton: You got it!
(Cut to Plankton shoving a grill into view while SpongeBob watches.)
Plankton: (grunts) Well, it wasn’t easy, but here it is. One old fryin’ grill. How about we try it out?
SpongeBob: Uh…it…just that… I’m used to the grill facing that way. (he points to his left)
Plankton: Say no more, I’ll take care of everything! (Plankton proceeds to shove the grill off camera to where SpongeBob pointed, and grunts loudly while moving it.) How about here?
SpongeBob: A little more to the left.
(Plankton shoves a little further and comes back on camera, as he is now towards the back of the room.)
Plankton: (grunts) How’s this, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Move it over a little more.
(Plankton shoves the grill a bit more to the left, now he’s on the left side of the back of the room.)
Plankton: Here?
SpongeBob: Keep going! (he points left again)
(Plankton shoves the grill off camera again, this time on the left side of the screen.)
Plankton: Here?
SpongeBob: Almost. (we can hear the grill being moved some more) That’s it… (the grill comes back into view as SpongeBob motions with his hand to keep moving) just a little more… perfect! Right there! (The grill is now in the same spot that it started from.)
Plankton: (very disturbed, one hand resting against the grill and sweat dripping from his head) Dyouuaahh!
SpongeBob: I don’t know. Something still doesn’t feel right.
(Cut to SpongeBob, blindfolded, following Plankton’s voice.)
Plankton: Just a few more steps, SpongeBob. Ok, go ahead, take it off. (SpongeBob removes the blindfold and the camera now takes his point of view.) It’s an exact replica of the Krusty Krab kitchen!
(SpongeBob’s eyes get big.)
SpongeBob: Huuuhh!! It is an exact replica! Here’s the sink! The greasy fryers! The squeaky floorboards! And that thing! (points to a life ring on the wall) (SpongeBob runs back over in front of the grill, now holding a spatula.) One krabby patty, comin’ up, Mr. Krabs! (starts sobbing) Oh, Mr. Krabs!
Plankton: (camera is tight on him, we still hear SpongeBob crying in the background) Don’t cry, SpongeBob, I’ll show you it’s much better working for me. Is there anything that ol’ skinflint Krabs wouldn’t let you have?
SpongeBob: Well… there is one thing I’ve always wanted. (We see SpongeBob’s feet, where Plankton has just finished giving him a pair of very large, flowery, vibrating shoes.) Wow!!
Plankton: So now do you have everything ya need to make some krabby patties?
SpongeBob: Weeelll…
(Cut to SpongeBob sitting in a round, bubble-filled tub eating an ice cream cone while Plankton scrubs his back with a loofah sponge.)
Plankton: You ready to make some patties?
SpongeBob: Wait ‘til I finish my ice cream!
(Cut to Plankton pushing SpongeBob on a toy seahorse on wheels.)
Plankton: How ‘bout those patties? (SpongeBob just giggles as he’s being pushed.)
SpongeBob: Dahahaha! Faster, faster… faster!!
(Cut to Plankton reading SpongeBob a book.)
Plankton: And then the littlest sea elf said… (suddenly gets hit with a big drop of SpongeBob’s drool) Huh? (looks up to see SpongeBob has dozed off and is snoring and drooling) Dyouaaahhh!!! (Plankton pulls out a mallet and readies it to hit SpongeBob over the head.) Steady, Plankton… it’s all gonna pay off soon enough. (tosses the mallet behind him as SpongeBob starts to wake up) Hey there, sleepy head! Whadya say?
SpongeBob: All this preparation is makin’ me hungry.
Plankton: Me too. You know what would really hit the spot? Why dontcha whip us up a couple of krabby patties?
SpongeBob: Hmmmmm… I’m kinda in the mood for tacos.
Plankton: Heh, heh! Good one, SpongeBob! But really, why don’t you go ahead and make us a patty?
SpongeBob: (yawning and rolling over on his chair) Naw, I don’t really feel like it.
Plankton: But I don’t understand. You have the grill…an’ the spatula, an’ the comfy chair. I rubbed your putrid feet!
SpongeBob: Tell you what, half-pint, why dontcha ask me later?
Plankton: Rrrrrr!! I command you to make me a patty this instant!
(SpongeBob gets up out of the comfy chair)
SpongeBob: (defiantly) No!
Plankton: Don’t back-sass me!
SpongeBob: (being sassy and mocking Plankton by not speaking clearly) Don’t back-sass me!
Plankton: What!!
SpongeBob: (he makes a certain “noise” with his tongue and bends over just a bit) Pbbbbbt!!!
Plankton: That’s it, mister! You just lost your brain privileges!

(Cut to Plankton running out of a room, holding a remote control.)
Plankton: Finished! SpongeBob…come in here! (He pushes the single big red button on his control and the SpongeBob robot walks into the room. SpongeBob’s brain is floating in a dome above the robot’s head.) Heh, heh, heh! Or should I say, RobotBob Sponge…shipPants. I put the brain in the robot, you know. You shouldn’t have been a spoiled brat! You see, I always get what I want, and I want you to make me a krabby patty!! (He pushes the button again.)
RobotBob: Beep, beep…da da deep de do… Response. Why don’t you ask me later.
Plankton: What? WHAAAT?!?!
RobotBob: Get welded. (it turns and walks off camera)
Plankton: Wait! I command you! Make me a krabby patty!
(We see the robot lying on the floor, sipping a soda and reading comic books.)
RobotBob: I don’t wanna.
Plankton: (tossing the remote) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Cut to the front of the Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is hanging an “out of business” sign on the front doors.
Mr. Krabs: Well, old girl, this looks like our final chapter. (notices Plankton walking up to him) Huh?
Plankton: (sobbing) I-I can’t take anymore. (hops up onto Mr. Krabs’ nose) You’ve gotta take that yellow nightmare back! It’s not worth it! I’m better off stealing a krabby patty fair and square.
Mr. Krabs: Ummm… (he grabs the sign he just hung and puts it behind his back) Well, a deal’s a deal, Plankton. He’s your headache, now. (he grabs Plankton by the antennae and dangles him in the air)
Plankton: Oh please, have mercy, Krabs! I’ll do anything. I beg of you!
Mr. Krabs: How ‘bout, you give me fifty bucks, and I’ll take ‘im off your hands?
Plankton: It’s a deal! (immediately hands him the money) I cheated, anyway.
Mr. Krabs: Now be gone with ya, ya puny pest! (He tosses Plankton towards the Chum Bucket.)
Plankton: (while still flying through the air) Thank yooooou! (lands through the front doors of the Chum Bucket) Ouch.

(Cut to SpongeBob back in the Krusty Krab. He’s trying to look at this own forehead where there are bandages in the shape of a “T”.)
SpongeBob: My brain and I are glad to be back, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Glad ta have ya back, lad! Now, get to those patties. The lunch rush is a comin’!
(SpongeBob puts his hand to his mouth and yawns.)
SpongeBob: Aaahh… I don’t feel like it. Why dontcha ask me later, Krabby? Dahahahahaha! Eh…heh, I mean…I’m workin’ all day for free! My treat! (He runs off camera quickly, and a pair of underwear is left hanging in mid-air.)
Mr. Krabs: (off camera, as the camera view pans out from the Krusty Krab). That’s what I thought you said.
End