Jellyfish Jam
written by Ennio Torresan, Jr., Erik Wiese, and Peter Burns
typed by Aaron exclusively for Sarah's Spongebob Shrine

French Narrator: (as he speaks, a jellyfish floats through Jellyfish Fields) Ah, Jellyfish Fields. Here, we find Spongebob, once again stalking the wild jellyfish. (the camera stops at a row of oddly shaped rocks) Uh, Spongebob? (the camera pans left) Hello? Spongebob? (the camera pans right) Hmm, he's supposed to be here somewhere. Aha! (the jellyfish buzzes past a square, purple rock; Spongebob's mouth and eyes appear in the rock; he puts his safety glasses on)
Spongebob: Safety first. (the jellyfish sits down on a small rock; Spongebob slowly slides over to it, still covered in rock, holding a jellyfish net; he scoops it up and the rock crumbles and falls off of him) Aha! (takes off his glasses) I finally gotcha. (pulls over a stool and sits on it; then, puts on a straw hat, takes a piece of bread, and starts milking the jellyfish of its jelly onto the bread; he finishes and takes a bite of the bread; with an odd French accent) Ah, there is nothing better than the taste of natural jelly from a jellyfish. (takes another bite) See you later! (walks off; the jellyfish follows, wearing Spongebob's glasses) Oh? Oh, my glasses. Thanks, little guy. Bye! (continues walking; the jellyfish follows again) I can't play anymore, jellyfish. I gotta get home. (the jellyfish rubs against his nose) No! You can't come home with me. (walks away; the jellyfish imitates walking behind him) Jellyfish, you've got to stay here! (the jellyfish rubs up against him again) Hey! (walks over to a rock and sets the jellyfish there) Stay! (slowly backs up) Stay. (walks normally again; the jellyfish floats around him, but out of his sight; Spongebob finally catches him, takes out a slingshot, and launches him away; when he turns around and starts walking again, the jellyfish is on his back; he tears it off his back) Jellyfish, for the last time, you cannot come home with me! (the jellyfish droops sadly, Spongebob looks sympathetic then immediately cheers up) Aw, what the heck! (later, Spongebob holds the jellyfish on a leash as he walks in front of Squidward's house) Squidward! Hey, Squidward! Squidward! Squidwardy-ard! (Squidward walks up to the window) Squidward, look at my new pet.
Squidward: That's no pet. That's a wild animal.
Spongebob: No he isn't! Watch this! (throws a stick) Fetch! (the jellyfish zooms off and returns with the stick; Spongebob holds up three fingers) How many fingers am I holding up? (the jellyfish buzzes three times) Play dead. (a grave appears in the ground with "RIP" engraved in it; the jellyfish pops out of the sand in front of it)
Squidward: I wouldn't let that thing in my house even if it was potty-trained. (the jellyfish sits on a toilet, humming and reading the newspaper) I didn't need to see that.
Spongebob: Well, we're going to my house to have a little fun. (the two walk toward Spongebob's pineapple)
Squidward: How can you possibly have fun with a jellyfish?
(a dance sequence begins; a techno song blasts from two large speakers in Spongebob's living room; he and the jellyfish move their arms and legs back and forth; the two move their arms around in circles; quickly, the two switch places, with Spongebob as a jellyfish and the jellyfish as a sponge; the jellyfish spins Spongebob around in circles; the jellyfish wiggles his arms, right then left, followed by Spongebob; then, they both do it at the same time; the two "raise the roof"; they bump each other, back to back; they both wiggle their arms again; the two spin around, while Spongebob's body parts mix around; they bump heads a couple of times; they both march in place; a series of body part mixing and matching takes place; Spongebob's house bounces around slightly)
Squidward: (lies in bed and sighs) Spongebob is the only guy I know that can have fun with a jellyfish... for 12 hours!
(the jellyfish spins Spongebob around again; the two swim sideways across the screen; Spongebob is spun by the jellyfish once again; then, they both swim sideways across the screen in the other direction; Spongebob is spun around one last time, then thrown by the jellyfish as it continues to dance; he returns and sighs) Wow. You sure like to dance. Well, that's enough for tonight. (walks over and turns the stereo off) It's time to go to bed. (walks away; the jellyfish turns the stereo back on) Huh? (goes over and shuts the stereo off again) You've got it all wrong, little fella. (the jellyfish turns it on again, and Spongebob quickly turns it back off) Bed! Repeat after me. (puts a leash around the jellyfish) Bed! (walks upstairs; the jellyfish desperately tries to reach the stereo again, but fails) We'll just keep you right here. (ties its leash to the headboard of his bed)
Gary: (on the floor) Meow.
Spongebob: Quit worrying, Gary. He'll be just fine. (shuts the light out and gets in bed) Good night, everybody. (falls asleep and starts snoring; later in the night, a large flock of jellyfish fly to Spongebob's house; the jellyfish escapes from the leash and opens the window to let them in)
Gary: Meow? (the other jellyfish enter the room; angrily) Meow. (the jellyfish spray jelly at him and laugh; the fly past him, covering him in even more jelly) Meow. (outside, even more jellyfish are arriving; the next morning, Spongebob wakes up)
Spongebob: Mmm, good morning, Gary. Good morning, jellyfish. Jellyfish? Jellyfish? Here, jellyfish. (looks under his pillow; gets out of bed) Oh, jelly? (looks under his bed; puts on a green robe and heads downstairs; Gary follows him to the stairway, covered in jelly)
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: (going down the stairs) Oh jellyfish!!! (slips on a small glob of jelly and lands inside an even bigger one; tumbles down the stairs, and when he lands, the jelly bubble bursts) Ow! (gets up and enters the living room, where music can be heard playing; the jellyfish are partying and jelly is splattered everywhere) Where'd you all come from? (walks all the way in the room; the jellyfish all join together to form a hand; they pick Spongebob up, stick him on the light bulb on the ceiling, and spin him around, turning him into a disco ball; he falls to the ground) Okay, that's it. Party's over! You guys have overstayed your welcome. (tries to walk over to the stereo, but is instead picked up by the jellyfish, who come together and create a set of stairs) This music is way too loud. (falls off the top of the jellyfish) AHHHHH!!!! (the jellyfish carry him upward in a triangle) Very funny. (they then bring him down between two swiveling lines) I'm serious! (they form a horizontal zigzagged line and send Spongebob across it, then a vertical one and do the same; then, they make two straight lines and carry Spongebob across the top one; Spongebob's pineapple bounces around like crazy)
Squidward: (moans; gets out of bed) 18 hours! (falls over; gets up and picks up the phone) I'm gonna give that Spongebob a piece of my mind. (the phone rings at Spongebob's house and a jellyfish answers it as Spongebob is carried around in the background) Spongebob, listen to me, you square-headed assault on my ears! I've had enough of this! (jelly squirts out of the phone and into Squidward's face) Strawberry. (leans out the window, holding his clarinet) Two can play at this. (starts playing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" on his clarinet; meanwhile Spongebob stands in his house, lecturing the jellyfish, now in the form of a smiley face)
Spongebob: Come on, guys. Enough is enough. (hears Squidward's poor clarinet playing) Huh? (looks out the window; the jellyfish are now shaped like a frowning face) Uh oh. (the jellyfish scatter around and start stinging Spongebob) Hey! Take it easy! Ow!!! Okay, I'll talk to him! (leans out the window) Squidward, would it be possible to play your clarinet a little better? I don't think the jellyfish like it.
Squidward: The jellyfish don't like...?! What? Why, sure, pal. I can play better. (reenters his house)
Spongebob: (to the jellyfish) Okay! He said he'll play better. (Squidward's entire house turns toward Spongebob's; Squidward is now holding his clarinet, which is attached to two large amplifiers; he blows on it real hard, and begins playing the song again, now worse than before) Uh oh! That's not better. (the jellyfish start breaking things) Hey! Take it easy with that! Those are my things! Don't touch the...! (falls over) Ow! (the jellyfish leave and enter Squidward's house)
Squidward: Uh, wait. I can turn it down. (gets stung repeatedly; opens Spongebob's door, now covered with scabs, right after the jellyfish) Everybody's a critic. (hands Spongebob the clarinet) You won't be hearing from me anymore. (shuts the door)
Spongebob: Hey now! That wasn't nice. (two jellyfish fly over and take the clarinet; they snap in half and make a bonfire out of it; all the jellyfish circle around it, dancing)
Spongebob: Okay, that is it! Everybody out! (marches over and takes the stereo, then walks out the door; the jellyfish follow and pull the stereo back; they fight over it until it falls to the ground and breaks; Spongebob gulps; the jellyfish start to shake; Spongebob backs up) Uh, wait. Uh, uh, hold on. Uh, wait! (runs off; the jellyfish follow and sting him like crazy) Ow! Ow! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ahh!!! AHHHH!!! Ow! Eee! AHHHH!!! (Spongebob runs up to the roof) Come on, Gary! (Gary follows; Spongebob shuts the door; the jellyfish erupt from the bottom of the house and fly around angrily over Spongebob and Gary)
Spongebob: Gary, you were right. Thanks for not rubbing it in. (his teeth chatter; Gary taps his eyes together in rhythm; the jellyfish form three neat line and move to the rhythm) Huh? They stopped? (holds Gary's eyes; the jellyfish begin to scatter around again; Spongebob lets go and the rhythm starts again; the jellyfish get in order once again; Spongebob repeats the process one last time, then picks Gary up) Gary, don't stop shaking it! (enters the house, followed by the jellyfish; the pineapple expands for a moment, then contracts when he and the jellyfish leave and walk down the road, in a perfectly straight line; a musical sequence begins; Spongebob points in another direction; bubbles start to plop, in rhythm with Gary; Spongebob points to a treasure chest, which opens, lets a few bubbles out, and closes, then repeats; points to a large anchor, and its chain starts to jingle back and forth; points to a live-action dolphin, that chirps; points with his butt to a three plants, that blow out a catchy beat; points to the dolphin again, who flips in the water and chirps; points to a group of clams, that sing a chorus of "La, la, la, la, la! La, la, la, la, la, la!"; the dolphin flips in the water and chirps again; Spongebob points to it and it chirps another time; a few jellyfish join together to create strings, and one jellyfish slides down them, adding another element to the song; the group enters Jellyfish Fields; Spongebob's body forms a large hand that points to the dolphin; Spongebob continues walking through Jellyfish Fields as the music goes on; four more jellyfish slide down the strings; Spongebob points to a whole group of dolphins, who chirp; Spongebob stands at the top of a rock as the jellyfish fill the sky behind him, then in front of him; he then leaves the Fields and heads toward home)
French Narrator: Today, Spongebob has learned one of the sea's harshest lessons. Wild animals can throw very wild parties. (Spongebob shakes "hands" with Gary's eye; meanwhile, Squidward soaks in the bathtub, uncomfortably)
Squidward: Ow... (sinks in the water)
French Narrator: Ooh, I felt that.