A Test In Sadism: I'm listening to the 100 worst singles of all time according to RateYourMusic (at

tEMMIE

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This is not a replacement for Music Month. That's still going to happen in March.

But in the meantime, over the past few months, I've been thinking that maybe I'm being a bit too nice to music. Also, I was bored. With that in mind, I pulled up my RYM account, went to the charts, messed with a few options, and... voila?

Going to begin this with the first few entries later tonight.

The list in action:
100: Ai Se Eu Te Pego -Michel Teló
99: Hit or Miss - Jacob Sartorius
98: Chinese Food - Alison Gold
97: Don't Quit Ya Day Job - Joey Bada$$
96: Tig Ol' Bitties - Your Favorite Martian
95: Honky Tonk Badonkadonk - Trace Adkins
94: Pretty Girls - Britney Spears & Iggy Azalea
93: ::dolphin noise:: Like That - Eminem
92: Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
91: le Internet Medley - The GAG Quartet
90: Façon Sex - Tribal King
89: Photograph - Nickelback
88: Feel This Moment - Pitbull
87: Treat You Better - Shawn Mendes
86: Pray - Justin Bieber (I've lost count of how many times he's on this list)
85: Iyiyi - Cody Simpson
84: The Club is Alive - JLS
83: A Bay Bay! - Hurricane Chris
82: Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO
81: Hey, Soul Sister - Train
80: I Want Candy - Aaron Carter
79: U Smile - Justin Bieber
78: Surfin' USA - Aaron Carter
77: Prom Queen - Lil Wayne
76: Never Say Never - Justin Bieber
75: She Bangs - William Hung
74: Welcome to My Life - Simple Plan
73: My Generation (Remix with Will.i.am and Slash) - The Who
72: Mistletoe - Justin Bieber
71: The Climb - Joe McElderry
70: ::dolphin noise:: It (I Don't Want You Back) - Eamon
69: I Love Rock 'n' Roll - Britney Spears
68: Me Too - Meghan Trainor
67: Soulja Girl - Soulja Boy
66: Booty - Jennifer Lopez
65: My Humps - The Black Eyed Peas
64: Get Crunk / 40 Oz - BrokeNCYDE
63: Honey I'm Good - Andy Grammer
62: Cruise - Flordia Georgia Line
61: I Love College - Asher Roth
60: Last Christmas - Crazy Frog
59: Chihuahua - DJ BoBo
58: Hello Kitty - Avril Lavigne
57: Lips of an Angel - Hinder
56: Love Song to the Earth - i'm not writing down all those names
55: Untitled (HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEEEEEE) - Simple Plan
54: Tonight (I'm ::dolphin noise::in' You) - Enrique Iglesias
53: Daddy DJ - Crazy Frog
52: The Time (Dirty Bit) - The Black Eyed Peas
51: What a Wonderful World - Kenny G
50: Eenie Meenie - Sean Kingston/Justin Bieber
49: Tonight Tonight - Hot Chelle Rae
48: Baby - Justin Bieber
47: One Time - Justin Bieber
46: Sorry for Party Rocking - LMFAO
45: First Dance - Justin Bieber
44: New Americana - Halsey
43: Love Me - Justin Bieber
42: All Summer Long - Kid Rock
41: Winning! - Charlie Sheen, Rob Patterson & Snoop Dogg
40: McCain Palin Tradition - Hank Williams, Jr.
39: Mignon Mignon - René La Taupe
38: These Boots Are Made for Walkin' - Jessica Simpson
37: One Less Lonely Girl - Justin Bieber
36: Africa - Karl Wolf
35: Tacatà - Tacabro
34: 4'33 - Cage Against the Machine
33: Popcorn - Crazy Frog
32: #SELFIE - The Chainsmokers
31: Watch Me - Silento
30: ::dolphin noise:: Christ - Satanic Army
29: Burger Dance - DJ Ötzi
28: Rockstar - Nickelback
27: The Lazy Song - Bruno Mars
26: Original - Unkle Adams
25: God Bless the USA - Beyonce
24: Axel F - Crazy Frog
23: #WHERESTHELOVE - The Black Eyed Peas
22: Booty Call (or "Booty Call!!!" as it's called on the single, apparently) - BrokeNCYDE
21: Dear Future Husband - Meghan Trainor
20: Teach Me How to Scream / Da House Party - BrokeNCYDE
19: I'm a Stupid Hoe - Bart Baker
18: Fly - Hospin
17: Jam (Turn it Up) - Kim Kardashian
16: Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby) - Jedward
15: Flatline - B.o.B
14: Jingle Bells / U Can't Touch This - Crazy Frog
13: Hate my Life - Theory of a Deadman
12: Jingle Bells / Last Christmas (I don't know as of yet if this is a mashup or if it's redundant) - Crazy Frog
11: PopoZão - Kevin Federline
10: Surrounded by Silence - Design the Skyline
9: Alone - Falling in Reverse
8: Sweatshirt - Jacob Satorius
7: We are the Champions (Ding a Ding Dong) - Crazy Frog
6: Marvin Gaye - Charlie Puth
5: Bad (Remix by Afrojack Featuring Pitbull - DJ Buddha Edit) - Michael Jackson (that's a really elaborate way to say that this is a remix, most likely of dubious quality)
4: The Clap - Perez Hilton
3: Transphobic Techno (::dolphin noise:: Got A ::dolphin noise:: ) - Your Favorite Maritan
2: I'm With Her - Le Tigre
1: We Are The World 25 For Haiti - Artists for Haiti

Also, I'm separating these into four categories, because why not?

Actually kinda good!
There's a reason this is Unicorn-colored. That's because it is the Unicorn. The Unicorn doesn't exist.

I mean, I guess it's tolerable...
Ai Se Eu Te Pego -Michel Teló
Chinese Food - Alison Gold
Don't Quit Ya Day Job - Joey Bada$$
::dolphin noise:: Like That - Eminem
le Internet Medley - The GAG Quartet
Façon Sex - Tribal King
Pray - Justin Bieber
A Bay Bay! - Hurricane Chris
I Want Candy - Aaron Carter
Surfin' USA - Aaron Carter
She Bangs - William Hung
Mistletoe - Justin Bieber
I Love Rock 'n' Roll - Britney Spears
What a Wonderful World - Kenny G
Eenie Meenie - Sean Kingston/Justin Bieber
Baby - Justin Bieber
One Time - Justin Bieber
First Dance - Justin Bieber
New Americana - Halsey
Love Me - Justin Bieber
Winning! - Charlie Sheen, Snoop Dogg and Rob Patterson
One Less Lonely Girl - Justin Bieber
Africa - Karl Wolf
Tacatà - Tacabro
4'33 - Cage Against The Machine (although on the contrary, how am I supposed to judge this?)
Burger Dance - DJ Ötzi
Axel F - Crazy Frog (although only because of nostalgia)
Bad (Remix by Afrojack Featuring Pitbull - DJ Buddha Edit) - Michael Jackson

THAT'S NO GOOD
Hit or Miss - Jacob Sartorius
Honky Tonk Badonkadonk - Trace Adkins
Pretty Girls - Britney Spears & Iggy Azalea
Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
Photograph - Nickelback
Feel This Moment - Pitbull
Treat You Better - Shawn Mendes
Iyiyi - Cody Simpson
The Club is Alive - JLS
Hey, Soul Sister - Train
U Smile - Justin Bieber
Never Say Never - Justin Bieber
Prom Queen - Lil Wayne
Welcome to My Life - Simple Plan
My Generation (Remix) - The Who
The Climb - Joe McElderry
::dolphin noise:: It (I Don't Want You Back) - Eamon
Me Too - Meghan Trainor
Soulja Girl - Soulja Boy
Booty - Jennifer Lopez
My Humps - The Black Eyed Peas
I Love College - Asher Roth
Last Christmas - Crazy Frog
Chihuahua - DJ BoBo
Love Song to The Earth - a buncha people, yo
Tonight (I'm ::dolphin noise::ing You) - Enrique Inglesias
Daddy DJ - Crazy Frog
The Time (Dirty Bit) - The Black Eyed Peas
Sorry for Party Rocking - LMFAO
All Summer Long - Kid Rock
McCain Palin Tradition - Hank Williams Jr.
Mignon Mignon - René La Taupe
These Boots Are Made for Walkin' - Jessica Simpson
Popcorn - Crazy Frog
::dolphin noise:: Christ - Satanic Army
Rockstar - Nickelback
The Lazy Song - Bruno Mars
Original - Unkle Adams
God Bless the USA - Beyonce
#WHERESTHELOVE - The Black Eyed Peas
Dear Future Husband - Meghan Trainor
I'm A Stupid Hoe - Bart Baker
Jam (Turn It Up) - Kim Kardashian
Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby) - Jedward
Flatline - B.o.B
U Can't Touch This - Crazy Frog
Jingle Bells - Crazy Frog
PopoZão - Kevin Federline
Sweatshirt - Jacob Sartorius
We Are The Champions (Ding a Dang Dong) - Crazy Frog
Marvin Gaye - Charlie Puth
We Are The World 25 For Haiti - Artists for Haiti

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8811841
Tig Ol' Bitties - Your Favorite Martian
Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO
Get Crunk - BrokeNCYDE
Honey, I'm Good - Andy Grammer
Cruise - Florida Georgia Line
Hello Kitty - Avril Lavigne
Lips of an Angel - Hinder
Tonight Tonight - Hot Chelle Rae
#SELFIE - The Chainsmokers
Watch Me - Silento
Booty Call - BrokeNCYDE
Teach Me How To Scream - BrokeNCYDE
Hate My Life - Theory of a Deadman
Surrounded by Silence - Design the Skyline
Alone - Falling in Reverse
The Clap - Perez Hilton
Transphobic Techno (::dolphin noise:: Got a ::dolphin noise:: )- Your Favorite Martian
I'm With Her - Le Tigre

Err... uh... this might've been a bad idea. Out of curiosity, what was #101?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JEXXHwVACo

...Pray for me, everybody.
 

OWM

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I completely forgot Your Favorite Martian existed until now
 

CakeCup

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I'm just gonna say that I can't believe some of these songs are real (looking at Chinese food, Last Christmas (by Crazy Frog), WATCH ME, anything by Crazy frog, and I'm a stupid Hoe).
 

The Real Nostalgia Critic

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rzg9GGU.jpg
 

PinkPearl

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I actually kinda like some of these...Lips of an Angel, Tonight Tonight, and Rockstar. Dear Future Husband is only on there because people are too sensitive and don't understand satire. The lyrics to My Humps aren't great but oh man, is it catchy. That was the anthem of my middle school class. It's...dare I say it...kind of nostalgic. I know, I know...I don't even like it for the dirty parts though. It's just catchy.

I'm surprised Rebecca Black isn't on here, but I guess this only applies to physical albums?
 

tEMMIE

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So, uh, I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to rate singles in a different language when I first started it. Sure enough...

100: Ai Se Eu Te Pego - Michel Teló

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcm55lU9knw
And... it's just simple radio fodder. I don't know, I don't exactly dislike it, but I wouldn't exactly want to hear it after this one time. I can see it getting very old. At the very least, it is short. The real surprise to me is that the music video has over 728 MILLION views... and has 249 ratings on RYM. That don't make sense.

Best from RYM: "Honestly, the closest this song comes to being dislikeable at all is with the presence of an accordion, and who, like, really, genuinely, hates accordions? Tune." - StonedWallaby


99: Hit or Miss - Jacob Satorius

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6yXm88fCa4


I love the face he makes in the thumbnail.

Right as the song begins, I take back what I said about liking this song, hoo boy. I thought we all agreed Autotune was dead and buried a while back? Lyrics are at least kinda unintentionally funny. All I'm going to remember from this song is that he really likes his BLOOZ CLOOZ.


Best From RYM: "According to this site, I am apparently this song's biggest fan." - (A two star review from) WonkeyDude98

98: Chinese Food - Alison Gold

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWLhrHVySgA

I've heard about this song for quite a while now, what with it appearing on Wikipedia's list of music considered the worst. Well, uh, it's actually pretty ::dolphin noise:: catchy. Whether or not this song is actually good, I don't know. Those stereotypes don't really do me any good, though.

Best From RYM: "To celebrate my accomplishment(?) of reaching 5000 ratings, I had some Chinese Food with Alison Gold. It was excrementitious!" - StellaWasaDriver

Best Moment of the Song: that rap from the middle, all of it is glorious bliss

Well uh, gotta do some stuff tonight.
 
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I don't have any real opinions on Bruno (despite him stealing a good overvalued mini-concert in a football game ruined by a blowout and commercials) so is it alright that I don't know why The Lazy Song is so hated, I've heard plenty worse. :S

PinkPearl said:
Dear Future Husband is only on there because people are too sensitive and don't understand satire.
I don't recall ever hearing that was satire, and if so, it wasn't really a convincing job at satire after "All That Bass" for her having a bit of a misguided personality. Just not a good move for your personality either way you look at it.
 

tEMMIE

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PinkPearl said:
I'm surprised Rebecca Black isn't on here, but I guess this only applies to physical albums?
For the record, Friday just barely missed it, as it's currently at #116. Honestly though, I've never really hated it as much as anything else that sounds similar that was popular at the time.
 

Alex Squarepants

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This will seem like an interesting list. Though, I don't even think all these songs are that bad.
 
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rym's not exactly the best place for judgement (cough the fact that there are at least 5-10 crazy frog songs here cough) but most of these are pretty bad
i haven't heard satanic army but black metal sucks and this is the worst you can get with it...good luck
also i dont really think le internet medley is bad, just kind of stupid but not "worst ever"
 

The Real Nostalgia Critic

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PinkPearl said:
Dear Future Husband is only on there because people are too sensitive and don't understand satire.
No offense, but I don't really see how it's satire. I mean, compared to the likes of satire groups such as Flight of the Concords and The Lonely Island (which aren't even groups to take seriously in the first place), Meghan Trainor sounds completely serious and legitimate. Sort of leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

But even if it was satire, I probably would've still hated it music-wise. Especially the fact that it sounds like her other samey-sounding songs.
 

tEMMIE

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97: Don't Quit Ya Day Job - Joey Bada$$

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdKV3pJ2Z1k

This is like that stereotype of rappers people who don't listen to rap have. Has a good beat, actually. If the Youtube Description of this is right in that it's supposed to be a diss to Lil B, however, this deserves it's placement, how dare he attack our based god. But in all seriousness, not really as bad as I was expecting.

Best from RYM: "yo I go to the club and try to wax nostalgic about mid to late '90s hip hop with clubgoers and I always get shut down because everyone is talking about this dude called Lil B so I gave one of his records a spin and this dude is whack why doesn't the dude come stepping with a generic "technical" underground flow like everybody else?

idgi, time to go re-listen to Gang Starr's "Moment of Truth" about 50 times in a row and write scathing social commentaries on mammonistic contemporary hip hop culture." - moonglow

Surprisingly enough, so far none of these songs are really that bad. Granted, I'm perfectly aware that like 90% of RYM's users are dummy hipsters, but I expected a lot worse when beginning this list. It kind of makes you wonder what exactly they're on abou...

96: Tig Ol' Bitties - Your Favorite Martian

(Actually, i'm not even posting that video - you don't deserve even more torture than the song itself)

...Oh. Ray William Johnson. I forgot you existed. I was much happier when I forgot you existed.

Besides that atrocious video that I'm not even posting, the song itself has absolutely no redeeming values. The lyrics are utterly atrocious, the beat's not even trying, and the vocals are exactly what you expect from the dude behind =3, one of the worst internet-based shows I've ever had the displeasure of watching. And since I have ANOTHER song to cover from him...

Best From RYM: Well, actually, there are no reviews or comments on this song, at least on the front page. Plenty on that song that's somehow going to be even worse, but nothing here.

95: Honky Tonk Badonkadonk - Trace Adkins

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNVguvNE7qc

...Wait, is the song even onAND THERE IT IS, that's how he began it.

Never really was a country fan. Even for the genre, though, this song is pretty dumb. I knew country is known for stupid lyrics, but what ARE these? Musically, it's not the worst in Bro-Country... I guess? I don't know, I don't like, next.

Best From RYM: "That this song was written, recorded, and released for public consumption was as though the chaos of the universe, the eternal tango between matter and anti-matter, hushed into a single, sustained tone...Trace Adkins' "Honky tonk Badonkadonk."

This is less a single than singularity.

And with that voice, singing in that unknowable tone the birth pangs of a new galaxy, we said to Existence, "The terrorists have lost."" - naderm

94: Pretty Girls - Britney Spears & Iggy Azalea

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uV2uebhnqOw

Right as the beat begins, I'm reminded of Fancy. Right as this review begins, I realize that this song sucks, end of story.

Best From RYM: "stupid spotify ads playing this dreck while i'm trying to rock out to Dino jr" - Thoronir

93: ::dolphin noise:: Like That (Well, actually, I am now going to refer to this song as ALH IT SKA SET just because of the single cover) - Eminem

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um4-d7VzZiE

I gotta say, I was not exactly expecting Eminem to appear on this list when I first recorded it. I'm not even going to pretend that most of his post 8-Mile work has had a rather significant quality downfall compared to what came before 8 Mile, but what exactly made RYM so heated to warrant him a spot on this list?

oh god i'm laughing and not in the way he meant by crossing over with crank yankers hahahaha oh my god

This should be in the dictionary for "So Unfunny It's Funny". That line quoted in the review below says it all.

Best from RYM: ""You make my pee pee go DOING DOING DOING". Truly this is why every teenager says he raps about real world issues and not just sex and drugs." - Redrinn

92: Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byQIPdHMpjc

The face he makes in the thumbnail perfectly describes how I feel about this song, so no review needed.

Best from RYM: "OBEY THE MULLET!" - oldguywithsticks92

91: le Internet Medly - The Gag Quartet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mghhLqu31cQ

>This is categorized as "Progressive Rock"

I'm dying. HEY LOOK TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME

As for the song itself, it's not really so much "bad" as it's really dumb.

Best From RYM: "surprisingly, the only good thing that has come from Israel" - Latorami

And with that, we are done with the first tenth of the list. Why I'm still doing this, I don't know.
 
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good luck on nickelback, train, lmfao, and simple plan, they're coming up soon and i can safely say that all those songs are horrid
 

OWM

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#91 made me cry once I realized I used to listen to it unironically.
 
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