The entire Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back Script

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patfan200

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Minions. Minions have been on this planet far longer than we have. They go by many names. Dave, Carl, Paul, Mike. Oh, that one is Norbert. He's an idiot. They're all different, but they all share the same goal. To serve the most despicable master they could find. Boss! Making their master happy was the tribe's very reason for existence. But that's not to say that they didn't have other passions. Huh? Finding a boss was easy. But keeping a boss, therein lies the rub. Nope, it wasn't easy for these guys. But they never gave up. With the emergence of the Stone Age came the rise of a new species. Man was very different from the dinosaur. He was shorter, hairier, and way, way smarter. The Minions took an instant liking to man, and helped him the best they could. Oh, no, no. Eh? Poor man. So trusting, so fragile. So, so delicious! Their quest for a boss put the Minions front and center for some of civilization's most historic moments. Anubis! Ancient Egypt held great promise. Okay! Pancake! But it didn't last long. Hmm. Oh! Ow! The Dark Ages were actually fun times. Their new master had a tendency to party all night and sleep all day. Ooh! Oh. But eventually, the party was over. They bounced from one evil boss to another, but they never seemed to find their perfect fit. One particular employer took their failure very, very badly. Huh? The Minions had no other choice but to keep moving. Oh. And then, when all hope seemed lost, they found sanctuary. The Minions were safe! Years passed as the Minions forged their own civilization. They truly made a life for themselves. But something just wasn't right. They felt empty inside. Without a master, they had no purpose. They became aimless and depressed. If this continued any longer, the Minions would perish. But all was not lost for one Minion had a plan. His name was Kevin. He was excited to share his idea with the tribe. He'd been preparing for days, weeks, months. But now he was ready. Buddies! Kevin would leave the cave... ...go back to the outside world, and he would not return until he had found his tribe the biggest, baddest villain to serve. But he needed help. Me! Bob was eager to go, but Kevin felt he was just not strong enough for the dangerous journey ahead. Uh, no. Luckily, someone stepped up. Stuart! Huh? Me, me? Oh! Thank you. Truth be told, Stuart had no idea what he was chosen for... ...but was thrilled it made people cheer for him. Thank you. Me! Eh, okay. Eventually, Bob's energy and enthusiasm, but mostly lack of other volunteers, changed Kevin's mind. The tribe said their farewells. Kevin had given them something they hadn't had in a very long time. Hope. Bob! Hey, Tony! Tom... Chris... Hey, Bob. Oh. Bye-bye. Kevin felt pride. He was going to be the one to save his tribe. Stuart felt hungry mostly. He was going to be the one to eat this banana. And Bob... Bob was frightened of the journey ahead. Ah. Okay. Okay. Okay. And they were off. Off to find their new boss! Huh? Kevin! Huh? Huh? Banana! Uh, Stuart? Banana. Banana! Ugh! Ugh! Stuart! Stopa! Uh, Bob! Stopa! Huh? Oh! Bob! Huh? Uh, no, no. No, no. No, no, no. Profiterole. No, no, no! Stuart... Ah! Oh, look at that one! Whoa! Peace! Make love, not war! Peace and love! Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Hey, hey, hey, oh. Kashmiri? - Boo-ya! - Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Oh. Banana! - Hey! Hey, taxi! - Hey! Hey! Oh. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Banana! Hey, hey! Stuart! Hey, oh! Kevin! Bob! Oh. Bello! Bob! Huh? Oh. Ah! Bob! Huh? Whoa! Women's bell bottoms and tie-dye shirts marked down. Check out our wide selection of go-go boots and miniskirts. Bob! Okay. Huh? Bob! The store is now closing. Hey, what are you doing? Bob! Give me that! Kevin! Oh. Oh. Ah. Huh? Oh. Oh. Hey! ...buddies. No? Oh. Bob! Bob! Oh. Oh. Tim. Oh! Me Tim! Mmm, thank you! Hmm? ...Stuart? Uh, nah. Okay, okay. Oh. "Dating game." Okay. And welcome back to The Dating Game! Well, Jennifer... ...have you decided which of these three gentlemen you'll go on a date with? Is it Bob? Yeah! Go, Bob! Kevin? Kevin! Or will it be Stuart? Oh. Yo, Stuart! Gosh! This is so hard! They all sounded so cute. Um, I think I'm gonna go with... Stuart. VNC! You're watching the top-secret Villain Network Channel. If you tell anyone, we'll find you. Huh! Sponsored by Villain-Con, for 89 years straight, the biggest gathering of criminals anywhere! Big boss. Attend guest lectures from esteemed villains, make contacts in the underworld community, and for the first time anywhere, Scarlet Overkill! Evil. So evil. Criminal genius! Hey, a girl's gotta make a living! - Move aside, men! - Make way. There's a new bad man in town... SCARLET: Excuse me. ...and that man is a woman! Crime isn't pretty! It's red hot! Get to Villain-Con this weekend. Only at 545 Orange Grove Avenue in Orlando, Florida. So much fun, it's a crime. Oh! Villain-Con, Orlando. Whoo-hoo! Bello! Uh, Orlando? Ugh. - Hey, uh... - Orlando? Oh, hello. Orlando? Uh-huh. Ah, okay. Thank you, baby! Bye-bye! Ah. Orlando! Hey, Stuart... Oh, yeah! Far out! Love is the way, brother! Ah! Eh, no, no, no, no, no, Kevin. Hmm. Hey! Stopa! Stopa! Stopa! Stopa! Ugh! Stuart... Oh... Oh, Walter, look! These adorable little freaks are headed to Orlando, too! Yeah, I see that! Hey, Walter Junior! What's happenin'? Tina. Hi! Binky. Mmm, mmm. What do you say we give these fellows a ride? Yay! New friends! All aboard the Nelson Express! You, one-eye! You're sitting next to me! Okay. Stuart! Glad we came along before some weirdos picked you up! Who wants apple slices? Ah, ah! Ooh, ooh! Oh, you, too! Growing boy-like creatures need their strength. Okay. Heck, yeah! Thanks, man! All righty! Who needs to stretch their legs? Yeah! Yes! Me, me, me! Sweet! You guys wait here, we'll be right back. Okay, Nelsons, let's do this! Go, go, go! Okey-dokey. On the road again. Dad! We got company! It's because I tripped the alarm. I stink! Hey, we all make mistakes, sugarplum. You're still learning. Huh! What? - Your father's right, Tina. - Reload! He wasn't this good at being evil overnight! Reload! Your time's coming. It's jammed! Huh? Okay, who did that? - Uh... Stuart! - Huh? That was great! Thank you! Say, fellas, can we get personal for just a second? Why are you going to Orlando? Come on. You can tell us. You're going to Villain-Con, aren't you? Villain-Con. Villain-Con. Wow! So many bad guys in the car. What fun! I knew it! I knew you were villains! Didn't I, honey? What a small world! Hope we're not in rival gangs. Binky! Joke! Babies, huh? Yay. Big boss! When we get to Orlando, I'm gonna get all my favorite villains to sign my magazine! Dumo the Sumo! Boss! Oh, Kevin, you don't wanna work for him! He ate his last henchmen! Uh... Frankie Fish Lips. He lives in the ocean. Boss? Oh... Can you breathe underwater? Uh, so-so. Oh, oh, oh! Look at her! Scarlet Overkill! The coolest super-villain, like, ever! She started out as your average little girl, braces, pigtails. But by the time she was 13, she built a criminal empire! If I was a Minion, that's who I'd want to work for! Oh. Here we are! Beautiful Orlando! Yeah! We're here! Orlando! Hey, gang, watch this! Welcome to Billy Bob's Bait Shop. How can I help you? Yeah, hi. Uh... We're here for, uh, so much fun, it's a crime. Whoo-hoo! Villain-Con! All right! Here we go! Well, this is it! I wanna tell you, and I really mean this. I really appreciate what you did back there with the cops. Really! Dad! It's Frankie Fish Lips! I can smell him from here! Junior! Get my camera! Good luck in there, boys! I hope you find what you're looking for! Bye! Villain-Con! Yeah! Villain-Con! Whoo! Okay! Oh! Any evil talents? Not bad. What about you? Any evil talents? Uh... Bello! La, la, la! La, la, la! Eh? That's not evil or a talent. Bello! Ha-ha! No? I'm sorry! But I'm not looking for any more servants, for I, Professor Flux, have invented the world's first time machine! Every time I visit the future, I bring my future self back to help me. Hello! Oh. Move that over there, Professor Flux from two weeks from now. As you can see, I don't need any help. Oh, way to go, guys. We killed the original! Please! Eh... Villain-Con presents our keynote speaker, Scarlet Overkill! The world's first female super-villain! Appearing right now in Hall H! Bob! Stuart! Buddies! Hey! Buddies! Scarlet? Kevin! Are you ready... Yeah! ...for Scarlet Overkill! Doesn't it feel so good to be bad? Scarlet! Scarlet! Scarlet! Yes! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoa. Whoo-hoo! Awesome! Yeah! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Wow! Thank you! Scarlet! Scarlet! Thank you so much! Okay. Ah. When I started out, people said a woman could never rob a bank as well as a man! Well, times change! I love you, Scarlet! Look at all those faces out there! We are all so different! But we have one thing in common. We were born with flippers! No? Just me? Okay. We have big dreams! And we will do anything to make them come true! Have any of you ever dreamt of working for the greatest super-villain of all time? Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Well, what if I were to tell you that I am looking for new henchmen? Hey, boss! Boss! I truly believe somewhere out there is a villain with the potential to serve greatness! And it could be any of you. Whoa! Although, let's not kid ourselves. Truly, the only men for this job are Kevin and his Minions! - Huh? But... But... - Ten times the evil in half the package! I am just in awe! Let's hear it for Kevin. He saved his tribe! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin... Hey! Kevin. Hey. Hey! Argh! So, how should we do this? Hmm. Oh. You see this tiny little trinket? Well, just take it from my hand and you've got the job. No big deal, it's almost too simple. Uh... Oh, come on! Don't be afraid. Just take the stone and get that job! Come on! Oh, okay. ...Boss! That job is mine! Ooh! Now go easy on me. Whoops! Love the costume! Ha! Uh... So cool! Tim? Tim! Uh... Oh, no, Bob! Ah! Tim! Tim! Is no one good enough? Bob! I got it! I got it! Ah! Didn't my speech inspire anyone to rise up and prove themselves worthy? All these villains and yet I still have the bear. Stuffed bear! Why am I holding a bear? Who has the ruby? Wow! Who... Who are you, my knights in shining denim? ...Stuart. ...Bob. Minions! That was incredible! Behold! The last creatures you'd expect to win the day have emerged victorious! - Everyone, meet my new henchmen. - The Minions! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Hey! I know those guys! I gave them a ride here! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Buckle up, boys! Next stop, England. Oh... Bello? Hey, Kevin! Eh? Boss? In England? Nah, Boss! Ah, uh... Bello, Kevin? ...England? - Uh-huh. - ...Boss? Scarlet Popapil. Ah. - Bello? Bello! - Bello? Oh! Wow! Ah! Here we go! There. By the way, I really like your bear. Herb! My baby! You know I am! How'd it go? Were you evil? So evil! Oh! A little bird dropped this off today. It's me, I'm the "H." Also, there was no bird. Also me. Herb, seriously, I wanna dig up that William Shakespeare so he can see what true writing is. I love it! Ah, that works out because I love... Well, I love... too. Ah, the love, ah! Oh! Oh, ah. Oh, boys, could you come here, please? Meet my husband, Herb. Inventor, super genius, fox. Herb, these are the new recruits. Kevin, Stuart, and that cute little one is Bob. Hey, bello! Right on! You guys are crazy little and way yellow, and I dig that! Sweet, man! Ah, ah. Whoa! I know, right? Ah! Just a few things I stole to help fill the void. Whoa! ...mega ukulele! Checkin' out my can? We stole that because finally someone expressed my love of soup in painting form. Wow! Ooh! Okay, listen up! It is time to get down to business. Do you know who this is? Uh... This is Queen Elizabeth, ruler of England. Oh, I love England. The music, the fashion. I'm seriously thinking about overthrowing it someday. Ooh! Anyway, this pale drink of water oversees it all. I'm her biggest fan, love her work! And I really, really, really want her crown. Steal me the crown and all your dreams come true. Respect! Power! Banana! Banana! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Ha! Henry! ...England. Uh... ...England... Oh, uh... Hmm. Heh. - Wow! - Whoa. Ooh-la-la. No! Oh, no. Don't get too close, boys. When it's completed, it'll be my ultimate weapon. But right now, it's leaking radiation like you would not believe! So, you're here for gear. Whoa! Bob, Robert, Bobby, my boy. You get my far-out stretch suit. Wow! Kevin, Kev-bo, Seventh Kevin, you are the proud owner of my lava lamp gun. Ah? This baby shoots actual lava! Ooh! Pretty cool, right? And finally, Stu. Stu-art, Stu-perman, Beef Stu. I got you the coolest invention, probably ever. Oh. Hypno-hat! Uh, oh. Uh... You can use it to hypnotize anyone. Anyone! Oh, you look so great! I feel like a proud mama with three dashing evil sons. Uh, Scarlet, Scarlet... No, no. Don't say anything. I won't understand. It's getting late. You've had a big day, you must be exhausted! Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing... Wow! These cats are pumped! Well, maybe I'll settle them down with a bedtime story? Ha-ha! How does that sound, Bob? Bob. Bob! Bob! Oh! Bedtime porry? That is a groovy idea! I'll go get some cookies and warm milk. This is gonna be so fun! ...bedtime porry. Oh, yes, I've got a really, really good bedtime porry. Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. One fateful day, the pigs encountered a big, bad wolf... ...who had a wonderful surprise for them! The wolf offered the three piggies and all their friends a job working for her. Everyone would be so happy! All the three little piggies had to do was just steal one little crown that the beautiful wolf had wanted ever since she was a penniless little street cub, unloved and abandoned. But that crown would mean she was a princess, and everybody loves a princess! So the wolf sent the piggies to get that crown. But the little pigs weren't up to the challenge. They failed their mission. So the wolf huffed and puffed, and she blew them off the face of the earth! Yo, po, po! The end. Good luck getting that crown tomorrow, little piggies. I know you won't disappoint me. Um. Okay. ...Scarlet. Which way is the loo, please? Hmm. Oh, thank you. Ah. Bello. - Uh... - ...please. You're not allowed in without an adult. Scram, hooligans! Oh. Uh, mm. Ooh... Oh, la... Stuart... How many tickets, please? ...please. ...please. Enjoy yourself, love. Thank you! It was nowhere near Hyde Park! Bob's your uncle. Huh, hmm. Okay. Okay. Huh? Ah! He-hey. Okay. Hey! What are you doing here? This is a restricted area! Hands in the air! No... Stop that! Get back. Yay! Ah! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Bob, Stuart... So... So, you came for the Queen's crown, did you? Well, you're gonna have to get through me! The Keeper of the Crown! Ow! Hey! You think it's funny to mock the elderly, do you? Uh... I've been up here for decades, just waiting for someone to try and steal the Queen's treasure! Okay. What are you saying? Never mind, don't care! Oh, no! Oh, no, you don't! Oh, flippin' heck! What's goin' on? Bob... Eh... Hmm. Wow. Hello! Huh? Hello! Stone the crows! Stop him, lads! Wait! Go for the legs! Gordon Bennett! Kevin! The Queen's been kidnapped, Sarge! Blimey! Hyah! Hyah! Ooh! Ha! Boo-ya! Huh. Hyah! Hyah! What's going on? Bello! Oh, my goodness! - Whoa! - Ha-ha! No! Gentlemen do not steal ladies' crowns! Huh? Hmm? Huh? Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, dear! Ah! Ahhh! Yeah! You scoundrel! After them! Uh-oh. Stop the blighter! Go on, grab him! Huh? Huh? Oh. Cor, blimey! One of England's most famous myths has become a reality as a new king has been crowned. Bob, who appears to be a bald, jaundiced child, has pulled the famed sword right from its stone, which, legend dictates, makes him the new king. Tiny yellow traitor! England! England! England! England! England! England! England! England... Ha, ha! Bello! Bello! Cut! Hey, Bob. Hello, King Bob. Uh... Welcome to Buckingham Palace. Uh, no. Oh, what's the matter, Your Majesty? Whatever's bothering you, we can make it right. Just name it! Oh. Buddies! Buddies! Buddies! Buddies! Oh. Uh... King Bob! Long live the king! King Bob! ...Bob... ...King... So... King Bob! Oh... Yeah! King Bob! Wait! - Wow! - Whoa! Whoo-hoo! Oh... Yee-haw! King Bob! Hyah! Hmm? Huh! Ah! Yes, King Bob. Oh. King Bob? King Bob? Ah, Claire. Mmm, Tiffany. Rawr! Ball! How dare you! Scarlet! Don't you "Scarlet" me, you backstabbing little traitors! Using Herb's invention to steal my crown? I feel used. Not gonna lie. You stole my dream! I was going to conquer England someday! There was gonna be a coronation, and I was going to be made Queen. Every moment was planned. I'd wear a dress so sparkly, it glowed! And everyone who ever doubted me would be watching, and they would be crying! I was going to be the picture of elegance and class! And you pinheads screwed it up! No, no, no! No, no, no, King Bob! You cannot just abdicate the throne! Who invited the square? And you definitely cannot just give the job to this woman! There are laws! Boss. ...Boss. ...Scarlet Popapil! King Bob has officially changed the law, clearing the way for Scarlet Overkill to be crowned Queen of England! She will be coronated at London's historic Westminster Abbey. If I wasn't so polite, I'd say this spells certain doom for the country, if not the world. But I'm so very polite that I shall keep my mouth shut. But, seriously, we're all in big trouble. Scarlet! Scarlet! I don't have time to answer any questions. I just want to thank the Minions for going above and beyond the call of duty. You are three tiny, golden... ...pill-shaped miracle workers, and you have stolen not just England but my heart. Scarlet, over here! Pardon me? Eh? Wow! So many! Good for you! Well, you'll all get what you deserve. Serve! ...serve! Whoo-hoo! Oh. Go ahead, go ahead. Uh... Uh... I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I hate you. I thought I could get over what you did, but I feel so betrayed. I think... Yes, I think we're gonna have to break up. And it's not you. Wait, hold on. It is you. It's 100% you! No, no. So get comfortable, Minions. Get real, real comfortable. Because this is where you're going to spend the rest of your worthless little lives. All right! Let's do this! Herb! Who's this handsome "Herb" fella? No, my name is "Blerb." I'm a dungeon master. Prepare for torture, which I do! All right, are we comfy? Doesn't matter! This is torture! - Huh. - Oh. Wow! Harder than I thought. Next machine! Oh, welcome to Hang Town! Population, you! Oh. Whoo-hoo! Cut it out! This is really unprofessional! There's no laughing in the dungeon! I wanna see tears and I wanna hear screams, or I'm gonna get... Wait! Hey! Ooh! I've got a groovy idea! Ah! Look at this! Argh! Hello! Will the future king, Herb Overkill, please come upstairs to prepare for the coronation? Well, I hope you learned your lesson for today. And by the way, it was me, Herb, the whole time! I don't even know anyone named "Blerb"! Uh, Herb... Oh. Huh. I am hours away from becoming the Queen of England! I know! It's a gas! I will finally get my crown. Yeah. It's all I've ever wanted. I'm going to be so happy. But let me ask you something, Fabrice. Does that look like this to you? Mrs. Overkill, the hair in that picture, it's just two wavy lines! Oh, so, what, now you're an art critic? I drew that when I was five years old! Get out of my sight! Bye, Fabrice! I liked him. He was fun. So, what do you think of the dress? Oh, it's so beautiful. So fashion-forward. So Valentino. Gave it a sweetheart neckline because you're my sweetheart. The high collar and cinched waist reflect a simpler, more violent time. The material is a blend of taffeta and high-density body armor. Fully armed and loaded. And that glow, that's nuclear. Nice. Just one more thing to do. Gotta look good for the public. Ugh. Do you mind? My pleasure. Little tighter, sweetie. Come on, I can take it. Little tighter. Tighter! Must have tiny waist. Seeing stars, seeing stars! Losing feeling in my legs. Perfect! Tie it, tie it, tie it, tie it. Huh? Ah. Bob! Stuart! Eh? - Ooh! Bello! - Ooh-ooh! Ah! Oh. Ah. Huh! Ah. - Eh, eh, Kevin... - ...Scarlet. Ah! "Porry Scarlet." - He, he! - ...Boss. Oh. Ah, okay! Huh? I love you, Scarlet! Queen wave, queen wave! Queen waving! - I am so, so excited! - This is perfect! Everyone looks so nice! Oh! Oh, you are just adorable! Oh, yes! And that music, oh! Who is that organist? She is good! Right? She looks like an Edna. Edna, you are very good! Who was that? Whoa! Thanks for doing this, padre. Big fan. Uh-huh. Come here, let me squeeze you! Oh, you are so squishy! ...Scarlet. Go, go, Go! Ouch! Ouch! ...sayonara! Ciao... Bob... Stuart! Aww! Oo-ooh! Okay! Oh! Beh... Will you to your power cause law and justice... ...Popapil! Oh! Ah... Hmm? Ah... Huh? Uh... Uh... Stopa! Bah! In mercy... No, no, no! Do you, Scarlet Overkill... Yeah! Huh? Oh? No! Uh, mmm... ...Bob. I proclaim thee, Scarlet Overkill, the Queen of England! Oh! Huh? Kevin! Huh? Scarlet! Scarlet, my queen? Somebody help me! Come on, come on! Lift on two. One, two! One, two! Huh? Scarlet! You're okay! He tried to kill me! Uh, no... Villains, this is no longer a coronation! It is an execution! Get them! Whoa, Nelly! Run, fellas, run! Come back here, you! Ah! Uh? Hyah! Aah! You're mine! Stuart, Bob! Uh... Oops! Oh! Hey! I got one! Tim! Huh? Oh? Aww! Oh! Uh? Eh? Tim! Stuart! Bob! Buddies! Mind the gap. Mind the gap. Mind the gap! Mind the gap! Mind the gap! Mind the gap. Mind the gap! He won't get away! He won't escape us! Huh? What about this one? Why did the queen go to the dentist? To get her teeth crowned. Heh! Tell us another one, Lizzy! Uh, uh... - Bello! - Oh! It's you. Everyone, this is one of the little fellows who stole the monarchy from me. And how's that working out for you? Uh, Scarlet... Oh, yes, yes, I saw what was going on on the telly. Uh, telly? What was meant to be the coronation of Scarlet Overkill has gone terribly wrong as... Move! Kevin, Kevin, I know you're out there. You think you've gotten away? Well, what do we have here? Bello! Oh, my goodness! Bob? Stuart? Which one shall I kill first? Little Bob? Stuart? Bob! Stuart! I will do it, Kevin, if you are not back here by dawn! Oh, my! No! ...buddies! ...Scarlet. There he is! Follow me! Ah! Ha-haa! Who the man, eh? Uh... Oh! Oh. Harder! It's just my head. Oh, no! This way! Let's get him! Go, go, go! No! Huh? Oh. Huh? Ultimate weapon initiated. Activation in three, two, one. Bello. Huh? ...buddies! This is it, boys! Things do not look good for you. Oh, and I'm keeping the bear. Tim! You're not gonna need him where you're going. Heaven. Huh? Uh... Aah! Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh, shoosh! Oh! Huh? Ah! Bye-bye. Say bye-bye, Bob. Bye-bye! Huh? Oh, whoa! Wait, what? How did he... Hold my bear. Huh? Yippee! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Kevin! So, that's your plan? Make yourself a bigger target? Huh? K-K-Kevin? Hey! ...Kevin! Whoa! Ow! And so help me, I never wanna see another one of your goofy, bug-eyed faces ever again! Scarlet! Scarlet! Scarlet! What? Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! Oh no, you don't! Whoa! And just for the record, my little deviled eggs, you can thank Kevin for what I'm about to do to you! Ow! Ow! Bob! Stuart! Buddies! Tony! Tom! Chris! You the man! Buddies! Mazel tov. Ugh! Ew! Ooh! Aah! Kevin! Kevin! Enough! This ends now! Kevin! You imbecile! Have fun exploding! Baby! What's the rush? Got to get out of here! Let us go! No, no, no, no! Kevin! Kevin... Huh? Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Ooh! Stuart? Hmm. Bob? Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to celebrate the Minions! Huh! The country owes you a great debt of gratitude. Bob, you were a wise and noble king for all of eight hours. So for you, I offer this tiny crown for your teddy bear, Tim. Oh, very good, Bob! Oh, spectacular! I'm so proud of you boys! Oh, Stuart. For you, I have this beautiful, super-duper, incredible... Ah! ...snow globe! Eh? Poglobe? Uh, ze... And look, look, hours of excitement! Oh, uh... Yippee. Uh, eh, gracias. Stuart, we're just messing with you! Don't be mad at me, it was Kevin's idea. Kevin! We have a much better surprise for you! ...super mega ukulele! Uh... Wow! ...poglobe. Thank you. Right. Uh... And finally, Kevin! You are a hero of the highest order. For your bravery and valor, I am knighting you. From here on out, you are Sir Kevin. Well done. What a beautiful moment! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! The nation, nay, the world was celebrating Kevin, Stuart and Bob. The last few thousand years were rough, no question, but things were finally going their way! Kevin had never been more proud. But something was missing. Yes, good show, good show! My crown is gone! It's gone! Blimey! She's lost the crown! Oh, my days! Scarlet? Scarlet! Hey! ...Scarlet! Hey! They took everything from me! My castle! My reputation! Things look bleak, baby, I'm not gonna lie! But now at least I have my crown! Child, give me that back. No, I don't think so! You have no idea who you're messing with! I am the greatest super-villain of all time! Oh! Were you? B... B... Buddies... Ah! ...Boss! Ha, ha! Get back! Are you really going to allow that little penguin to make off with my crown? Herb. I'm done. For me? Bye-bye! Big boss! And that is how the Minions found their new boss. He was cunning, he was evil, he was perfect. He was despicable. Huh? Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Cheese! Cheese! Cheese! Gru! Gru! Gru! Gru! Bob... Hey! Come back here! Freeze ray!
 

Kaiju

I love SBM
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Stop with the dumb topics. Your all grown adults. Do something useful
You say that but you constantly get into arguments with people, spout brainless insults, complain about the stupidest things, and are a horribly rounded individual. I've seen your post history, it's literally all this with no in betweeners.

Also it's time for your alt to come out of vacation.
 

Leedles

Leedle
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Spleenburb RectangleButt said:
Your all grown adults.
This is the most ironic thing I've seen anyone on this site say.
 

BenPaz: Act Zero

My Waifu
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patfan200 said:
Minions. Minions have been on this planet far longer than we have. They go by many names. Dave, Carl, Paul, Mike. Oh, that one is Norbert. He's an idiot. They're all different, but they all share the same goal. To serve the most despicable master they could find. Boss! Making their master happy was the tribe's very reason for existence. But that's not to say that they didn't have other passions. Huh? Finding a boss was easy. But keeping a boss, therein lies the rub. Nope, it wasn't easy for these guys. But they never gave up. With the emergence of the Stone Age came the rise of a new species. Man was very different from the dinosaur. He was shorter, hairier, and way, way smarter. The Minions took an instant liking to man, and helped him the best they could. Oh, no, no. Eh? Poor man. So trusting, so fragile. So, so delicious! Their quest for a boss put the Minions front and center for some of civilization's most historic moments. Anubis! Ancient Egypt held great promise. Okay! Pancake! But it didn't last long. Hmm. Oh! Ow! The Dark Ages were actually fun times. Their new master had a tendency to party all night and sleep all day. Ooh! Oh. But eventually, the party was over. They bounced from one evil boss to another, but they never seemed to find their perfect fit. One particular employer took their failure very, very badly. Huh? The Minions had no other choice but to keep moving. Oh. And then, when all hope seemed lost, they found sanctuary. The Minions were safe! Years passed as the Minions forged their own civilization. They truly made a life for themselves. But something just wasn't right. They felt empty inside. Without a master, they had no purpose. They became aimless and depressed. If this continued any longer, the Minions would perish. But all was not lost for one Minion had a plan. His name was Kevin. He was excited to share his idea with the tribe. He'd been preparing for days, weeks, months. But now he was ready. Buddies! Kevin would leave the cave... ...go back to the outside world, and he would not return until he had found his tribe the biggest, baddest villain to serve. But he needed help. Me! Bob was eager to go, but Kevin felt he was just not strong enough for the dangerous journey ahead. Uh, no. Luckily, someone stepped up. Stuart! Huh? Me, me? Oh! Thank you. Truth be told, Stuart had no idea what he was chosen for... ...but was thrilled it made people cheer for him. Thank you. Me! Eh, okay. Eventually, Bob's energy and enthusiasm, but mostly lack of other volunteers, changed Kevin's mind. The tribe said their farewells. Kevin had given them something they hadn't had in a very long time. Hope. Bob! Hey, Tony! Tom... Chris... Hey, Bob. Oh. Bye-bye. Kevin felt pride. He was going to be the one to save his tribe. Stuart felt hungry mostly. He was going to be the one to eat this banana. And Bob... Bob was frightened of the journey ahead. Ah. Okay. Okay. Okay. And they were off. Off to find their new boss! Huh? Kevin! Huh? Huh? Banana! Uh, Stuart? Banana. Banana! Ugh! Ugh! Stuart! Stopa! Uh, Bob! Stopa! Huh? Oh! Bob! Huh? Uh, no, no. No, no. No, no, no. Profiterole. No, no, no! Stuart... Ah! Oh, look at that one! Whoa! Peace! Make love, not war! Peace and love! Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Hey, hey, hey, oh. Kashmiri? - Boo-ya! - Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Oh. Banana! - Hey! Hey, taxi! - Hey! Hey! Oh. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Banana! Hey, hey! Stuart! Hey, oh! Kevin! Bob! Oh. Bello! Bob! Huh? Oh. Ah! Bob! Huh? Whoa! Women's bell bottoms and tie-dye shirts marked down. Check out our wide selection of go-go boots and miniskirts. Bob! Okay. Huh? Bob! The store is now closing. Hey, what are you doing? Bob! Give me that! Kevin! Oh. Oh. Ah. Huh? Oh. Oh. Hey! ...buddies. No? Oh. Bob! Bob! Oh. Oh. Tim. Oh! Me Tim! Mmm, thank you! Hmm? ...Stuart? Uh, nah. Okay, okay. Oh. "Dating game." Okay. And welcome back to The Dating Game! Well, Jennifer... ...have you decided which of these three gentlemen you'll go on a date with? Is it Bob? Yeah! Go, Bob! Kevin? Kevin! Or will it be Stuart? Oh. Yo, Stuart! Gosh! This is so hard! They all sounded so cute. Um, I think I'm gonna go with... Stuart. VNC! You're watching the top-secret Villain Network Channel. If you tell anyone, we'll find you. Huh! Sponsored by Villain-Con, for 89 years straight, the biggest gathering of criminals anywhere! Big boss. Attend guest lectures from esteemed villains, make contacts in the underworld community, and for the first time anywhere, Scarlet Overkill! Evil. So evil. Criminal genius! Hey, a girl's gotta make a living! - Move aside, men! - Make way. There's a new bad man in town... SCARLET: Excuse me. ...and that man is a woman! Crime isn't pretty! It's red hot! Get to Villain-Con this weekend. Only at 545 Orange Grove Avenue in Orlando, Florida. So much fun, it's a crime. Oh! Villain-Con, Orlando. Whoo-hoo! Bello! Uh, Orlando? Ugh. - Hey, uh... - Orlando? Oh, hello. Orlando? Uh-huh. Ah, okay. Thank you, baby! Bye-bye! Ah. Orlando! Hey, Stuart... Oh, yeah! Far out! Love is the way, brother! Ah! Eh, no, no, no, no, no, Kevin. Hmm. Hey! Stopa! Stopa! Stopa! Stopa! Ugh! Stuart... Oh... Oh, Walter, look! These adorable little freaks are headed to Orlando, too! Yeah, I see that! Hey, Walter Junior! What's happenin'? Tina. Hi! Binky. Mmm, mmm. What do you say we give these fellows a ride? Yay! New friends! All aboard the Nelson Express! You, one-eye! You're sitting next to me! Okay. Stuart! Glad we came along before some weirdos picked you up! Who wants apple slices? Ah, ah! Ooh, ooh! Oh, you, too! Growing boy-like creatures need their strength. Okay. Heck, yeah! Thanks, man! All righty! Who needs to stretch their legs? Yeah! Yes! Me, me, me! Sweet! You guys wait here, we'll be right back. Okay, Nelsons, let's do this! Go, go, go! Okey-dokey. On the road again. Dad! We got company! It's because I tripped the alarm. I stink! Hey, we all make mistakes, sugarplum. You're still learning. Huh! What? - Your father's right, Tina. - Reload! He wasn't this good at being evil overnight! Reload! Your time's coming. It's jammed! Huh? Okay, who did that? - Uh... Stuart! - Huh? That was great! Thank you! Say, fellas, can we get personal for just a second? Why are you going to Orlando? Come on. You can tell us. You're going to Villain-Con, aren't you? Villain-Con. Villain-Con. Wow! So many bad guys in the car. What fun! I knew it! I knew you were villains! Didn't I, honey? What a small world! Hope we're not in rival gangs. Binky! Joke! Babies, huh? Yay. Big boss! When we get to Orlando, I'm gonna get all my favorite villains to sign my magazine! Dumo the Sumo! Boss! Oh, Kevin, you don't wanna work for him! He ate his last henchmen! Uh... Frankie Fish Lips. He lives in the ocean. Boss? Oh... Can you breathe underwater? Uh, so-so. Oh, oh, oh! Look at her! Scarlet Overkill! The coolest super-villain, like, ever! She started out as your average little girl, braces, pigtails. But by the time she was 13, she built a criminal empire! If I was a Minion, that's who I'd want to work for! Oh. Here we are! Beautiful Orlando! Yeah! We're here! Orlando! Hey, gang, watch this! Welcome to Billy Bob's Bait Shop. How can I help you? Yeah, hi. Uh... We're here for, uh, so much fun, it's a crime. Whoo-hoo! Villain-Con! All right! Here we go! Well, this is it! I wanna tell you, and I really mean this. I really appreciate what you did back there with the cops. Really! Dad! It's Frankie Fish Lips! I can smell him from here! Junior! Get my camera! Good luck in there, boys! I hope you find what you're looking for! Bye! Villain-Con! Yeah! Villain-Con! Whoo! Okay! Oh! Any evil talents? Not bad. What about you? Any evil talents? Uh... Bello! La, la, la! La, la, la! Eh? That's not evil or a talent. Bello! Ha-ha! No? I'm sorry! But I'm not looking for any more servants, for I, Professor Flux, have invented the world's first time machine! Every time I visit the future, I bring my future self back to help me. Hello! Oh. Move that over there, Professor Flux from two weeks from now. As you can see, I don't need any help. Oh, way to go, guys. We killed the original! Please! Eh... Villain-Con presents our keynote speaker, Scarlet Overkill! The world's first female super-villain! Appearing right now in Hall H! Bob! Stuart! Buddies! Hey! Buddies! Scarlet? Kevin! Are you ready... Yeah! ...for Scarlet Overkill! Doesn't it feel so good to be bad? Scarlet! Scarlet! Scarlet! Yes! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoa. Whoo-hoo! Awesome! Yeah! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Wow! Thank you! Scarlet! Scarlet! Thank you so much! Okay. Ah. When I started out, people said a woman could never rob a bank as well as a man! Well, times change! I love you, Scarlet! Look at all those faces out there! We are all so different! But we have one thing in common. We were born with flippers! No? Just me? Okay. We have big dreams! And we will do anything to make them come true! Have any of you ever dreamt of working for the greatest super-villain of all time? Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Well, what if I were to tell you that I am looking for new henchmen? Hey, boss! Boss! I truly believe somewhere out there is a villain with the potential to serve greatness! And it could be any of you. Whoa! Although, let's not kid ourselves. Truly, the only men for this job are Kevin and his Minions! - Huh? But... But... - Ten times the evil in half the package! I am just in awe! Let's hear it for Kevin. He saved his tribe! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin... Hey! Kevin. Hey. Hey! Argh! So, how should we do this? Hmm. Oh. You see this tiny little trinket? Well, just take it from my hand and you've got the job. No big deal, it's almost too simple. Uh... Oh, come on! Don't be afraid. Just take the stone and get that job! Come on! Oh, okay. ...Boss! That job is mine! Ooh! Now go easy on me. Whoops! Love the costume! Ha! Uh... So cool! Tim? Tim! Uh... Oh, no, Bob! Ah! Tim! Tim! Is no one good enough? Bob! I got it! I got it! Ah! Didn't my speech inspire anyone to rise up and prove themselves worthy? All these villains and yet I still have the bear. Stuffed bear! Why am I holding a bear? Who has the ruby? Wow! Who... Who are you, my knights in shining denim? ...Stuart. ...Bob. Minions! That was incredible! Behold! The last creatures you'd expect to win the day have emerged victorious! - Everyone, meet my new henchmen. - The Minions! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Hey! I know those guys! I gave them a ride here! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Buckle up, boys! Next stop, England. Oh... Bello? Hey, Kevin! Eh? Boss? In England? Nah, Boss! Ah, uh... Bello, Kevin? ...England? - Uh-huh. - ...Boss? Scarlet Popapil. Ah. - Bello? Bello! - Bello? Oh! Wow! Ah! Here we go! There. By the way, I really like your bear. Herb! My baby! You know I am! How'd it go? Were you evil? So evil! Oh! A little bird dropped this off today. It's me, I'm the "H." Also, there was no bird. Also me. Herb, seriously, I wanna dig up that William Shakespeare so he can see what true writing is. I love it! Ah, that works out because I love... Well, I love... too. Ah, the love, ah! Oh! Oh, ah. Oh, boys, could you come here, please? Meet my husband, Herb. Inventor, super genius, fox. Herb, these are the new recruits. Kevin, Stuart, and that cute little one is Bob. Hey, bello! Right on! You guys are crazy little and way yellow, and I dig that! Sweet, man! Ah, ah. Whoa! I know, right? Ah! Just a few things I stole to help fill the void. Whoa! ...mega ukulele! Checkin' out my can? We stole that because finally someone expressed my love of soup in painting form. Wow! Ooh! Okay, listen up! It is time to get down to business. Do you know who this is? Uh... This is Queen Elizabeth, ruler of England. Oh, I love England. The music, the fashion. I'm seriously thinking about overthrowing it someday. Ooh! Anyway, this pale drink of water oversees it all. I'm her biggest fan, love her work! And I really, really, really want her crown. Steal me the crown and all your dreams come true. Respect! Power! Banana! Banana! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Ha! Henry! ...England. Uh... ...England... Oh, uh... Hmm. Heh. - Wow! - Whoa. Ooh-la-la. No! Oh, no. Don't get too close, boys. When it's completed, it'll be my ultimate weapon. But right now, it's leaking radiation like you would not believe! So, you're here for gear. Whoa! Bob, Robert, Bobby, my boy. You get my far-out stretch suit. Wow! Kevin, Kev-bo, Seventh Kevin, you are the proud owner of my lava lamp gun. Ah? This baby shoots actual lava! Ooh! Pretty cool, right? And finally, Stu. Stu-art, Stu-perman, Beef Stu. I got you the coolest invention, probably ever. Oh. Hypno-hat! Uh, oh. Uh... You can use it to hypnotize anyone. Anyone! Oh, you look so great! I feel like a proud mama with three dashing evil sons. Uh, Scarlet, Scarlet... No, no. Don't say anything. I won't understand. It's getting late. You've had a big day, you must be exhausted! Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing... Wow! These cats are pumped! Well, maybe I'll settle them down with a bedtime story? Ha-ha! How does that sound, Bob? Bob. Bob! Bob! Oh! Bedtime porry? That is a groovy idea! I'll go get some cookies and warm milk. This is gonna be so fun! ...bedtime porry. Oh, yes, I've got a really, really good bedtime porry. Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. One fateful day, the pigs encountered a big, bad wolf... ...who had a wonderful surprise for them! The wolf offered the three piggies and all their friends a job working for her. Everyone would be so happy! All the three little piggies had to do was just steal one little crown that the beautiful wolf had wanted ever since she was a penniless little street cub, unloved and abandoned. But that crown would mean she was a princess, and everybody loves a princess! So the wolf sent the piggies to get that crown. But the little pigs weren't up to the challenge. They failed their mission. So the wolf huffed and puffed, and she blew them off the face of the earth! Yo, po, po! The end. Good luck getting that crown tomorrow, little piggies. I know you won't disappoint me. Um. Okay. ...Scarlet. Which way is the loo, please? Hmm. Oh, thank you. Ah. Bello. - Uh... - ...please. You're not allowed in without an adult. Scram, hooligans! Oh. Uh, mm. Ooh... Oh, la... Stuart... How many tickets, please? ...please. ...please. Enjoy yourself, love. Thank you! It was nowhere near Hyde Park! Bob's your uncle. Huh, hmm. Okay. Okay. Huh? Ah! He-hey. Okay. Hey! What are you doing here? This is a restricted area! Hands in the air! No... Stop that! Get back. Yay! Ah! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Bob, Stuart... So... So, you came for the Queen's crown, did you? Well, you're gonna have to get through me! The Keeper of the Crown! Ow! Hey! You think it's funny to mock the elderly, do you? Uh... I've been up here for decades, just waiting for someone to try and steal the Queen's treasure! Okay. What are you saying? Never mind, don't care! Oh, no! Oh, no, you don't! Oh, flippin' heck! What's goin' on? Bob... Eh... Hmm. Wow. Hello! Huh? Hello! Stone the crows! Stop him, lads! Wait! Go for the legs! Gordon Bennett! Kevin! The Queen's been kidnapped, Sarge! Blimey! Hyah! Hyah! Ooh! Ha! Boo-ya! Huh. Hyah! Hyah! What's going on? Bello! Oh, my goodness! - Whoa! - Ha-ha! No! Gentlemen do not steal ladies' crowns! Huh? Hmm? Huh? Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, dear! Ah! Ahhh! Yeah! You scoundrel! After them! Uh-oh. Stop the blighter! Go on, grab him! Huh? Huh? Oh. Cor, blimey! One of England's most famous myths has become a reality as a new king has been crowned. Bob, who appears to be a bald, jaundiced child, has pulled the famed sword right from its stone, which, legend dictates, makes him the new king. Tiny yellow traitor! England! England! England! England! England! England! England! England... Ha, ha! Bello! Bello! Cut! Hey, Bob. Hello, King Bob. Uh... Welcome to Buckingham Palace. Uh, no. Oh, what's the matter, Your Majesty? Whatever's bothering you, we can make it right. Just name it! Oh. Buddies! Buddies! Buddies! Buddies! Oh. Uh... King Bob! Long live the king! King Bob! ...Bob... ...King... So... King Bob! Oh... Yeah! King Bob! Wait! - Wow! - Whoa! Whoo-hoo! Oh... Yee-haw! King Bob! Hyah! Hmm? Huh! Ah! Yes, King Bob. Oh. King Bob? King Bob? Ah, Claire. Mmm, Tiffany. Rawr! Ball! How dare you! Scarlet! Don't you "Scarlet" me, you backstabbing little traitors! Using Herb's invention to steal my crown? I feel used. Not gonna lie. You stole my dream! I was going to conquer England someday! There was gonna be a coronation, and I was going to be made Queen. Every moment was planned. I'd wear a dress so sparkly, it glowed! And everyone who ever doubted me would be watching, and they would be crying! I was going to be the picture of elegance and class! And you pinheads screwed it up! No, no, no! No, no, no, King Bob! You cannot just abdicate the throne! Who invited the square? And you definitely cannot just give the job to this woman! There are laws! Boss. ...Boss. ...Scarlet Popapil! King Bob has officially changed the law, clearing the way for Scarlet Overkill to be crowned Queen of England! She will be coronated at London's historic Westminster Abbey. If I wasn't so polite, I'd say this spells certain doom for the country, if not the world. But I'm so very polite that I shall keep my mouth shut. But, seriously, we're all in big trouble. Scarlet! Scarlet! I don't have time to answer any questions. I just want to thank the Minions for going above and beyond the call of duty. You are three tiny, golden... ...pill-shaped miracle workers, and you have stolen not just England but my heart. Scarlet, over here! Pardon me? Eh? Wow! So many! Good for you! Well, you'll all get what you deserve. Serve! ...serve! Whoo-hoo! Oh. Go ahead, go ahead. Uh... Uh... I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I hate you. I thought I could get over what you did, but I feel so betrayed. I think... Yes, I think we're gonna have to break up. And it's not you. Wait, hold on. It is you. It's 100% you! No, no. So get comfortable, Minions. Get real, real comfortable. Because this is where you're going to spend the rest of your worthless little lives. All right! Let's do this! Herb! Who's this handsome "Herb" fella? No, my name is "Blerb." I'm a dungeon master. Prepare for torture, which I do! All right, are we comfy? Doesn't matter! This is torture! - Huh. - Oh. Wow! Harder than I thought. Next machine! Oh, welcome to Hang Town! Population, you! Oh. Whoo-hoo! Cut it out! This is really unprofessional! There's no laughing in the dungeon! I wanna see tears and I wanna hear screams, or I'm gonna get... Wait! Hey! Ooh! I've got a groovy idea! Ah! Look at this! Argh! Hello! Will the future king, Herb Overkill, please come upstairs to prepare for the coronation? Well, I hope you learned your lesson for today. And by the way, it was me, Herb, the whole time! I don't even know anyone named "Blerb"! Uh, Herb... Oh. Huh. I am hours away from becoming the Queen of England! I know! It's a gas! I will finally get my crown. Yeah. It's all I've ever wanted. I'm going to be so happy. But let me ask you something, Fabrice. Does that look like this to you? Mrs. Overkill, the hair in that picture, it's just two wavy lines! Oh, so, what, now you're an art critic? I drew that when I was five years old! Get out of my sight! Bye, Fabrice! I liked him. He was fun. So, what do you think of the dress? Oh, it's so beautiful. So fashion-forward. So Valentino. Gave it a sweetheart neckline because you're my sweetheart. The high collar and cinched waist reflect a simpler, more violent time. The material is a blend of taffeta and high-density body armor. Fully armed and loaded. And that glow, that's nuclear. Nice. Just one more thing to do. Gotta look good for the public. Ugh. Do you mind? My pleasure. Little tighter, sweetie. Come on, I can take it. Little tighter. Tighter! Must have tiny waist. Seeing stars, seeing stars! Losing feeling in my legs. Perfect! Tie it, tie it, tie it, tie it. Huh? Ah. Bob! Stuart! Eh? - Ooh! Bello! - Ooh-ooh! Ah! Oh. Ah. Huh! Ah. - Eh, eh, Kevin... - ...Scarlet. Ah! "Porry Scarlet." - He, he! - ...Boss. Oh. Ah, okay! Huh? I love you, Scarlet! Queen wave, queen wave! Queen waving! - I am so, so excited! - This is perfect! Everyone looks so nice! Oh! Oh, you are just adorable! Oh, yes! And that music, oh! Who is that organist? She is good! Right? She looks like an Edna. Edna, you are very good! Who was that? Whoa! Thanks for doing this, padre. Big fan. Uh-huh. Come here, let me squeeze you! Oh, you are so squishy! ...Scarlet. Go, go, Go! Ouch! Ouch! ...sayonara! Ciao... Bob... Stuart! Aww! Oo-ooh! Okay! Oh! Beh... Will you to your power cause law and justice... ...Popapil! Oh! Ah... Hmm? Ah... Huh? Uh... Uh... Stopa! Bah! In mercy... No, no, no! Do you, Scarlet Overkill... Yeah! Huh? Oh? No! Uh, mmm... ...Bob. I proclaim thee, Scarlet Overkill, the Queen of England! Oh! Huh? Kevin! Huh? Scarlet! Scarlet, my queen? Somebody help me! Come on, come on! Lift on two. One, two! One, two! Huh? Scarlet! You're okay! He tried to kill me! Uh, no... Villains, this is no longer a coronation! It is an execution! Get them! Whoa, Nelly! Run, fellas, run! Come back here, you! Ah! Uh? Hyah! Aah! You're mine! Stuart, Bob! Uh... Oops! Oh! Hey! I got one! Tim! Huh? Oh? Aww! Oh! Uh? Eh? Tim! Stuart! Bob! Buddies! Mind the gap. Mind the gap. Mind the gap! Mind the gap! Mind the gap! Mind the gap. Mind the gap! He won't get away! He won't escape us! Huh? What about this one? Why did the queen go to the dentist? To get her teeth crowned. Heh! Tell us another one, Lizzy! Uh, uh... - Bello! - Oh! It's you. Everyone, this is one of the little fellows who stole the monarchy from me. And how's that working out for you? Uh, Scarlet... Oh, yes, yes, I saw what was going on on the telly. Uh, telly? What was meant to be the coronation of Scarlet Overkill has gone terribly wrong as... Move! Kevin, Kevin, I know you're out there. You think you've gotten away? Well, what do we have here? Bello! Oh, my goodness! Bob? Stuart? Which one shall I kill first? Little Bob? Stuart? Bob! Stuart! I will do it, Kevin, if you are not back here by dawn! Oh, my! No! ...buddies! ...Scarlet. There he is! Follow me! Ah! Ha-haa! Who the man, eh? Uh... Oh! Oh. Harder! It's just my head. Oh, no! This way! Let's get him! Go, go, go! No! Huh? Oh. Huh? Ultimate weapon initiated. Activation in three, two, one. Bello. Huh? ...buddies! This is it, boys! Things do not look good for you. Oh, and I'm keeping the bear. Tim! You're not gonna need him where you're going. Heaven. Huh? Uh... Aah! Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh, shoosh! Oh! Huh? Ah! Bye-bye. Say bye-bye, Bob. Bye-bye! Huh? Oh, whoa! Wait, what? How did he... Hold my bear. Huh? Yippee! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Kevin! So, that's your plan? Make yourself a bigger target? Huh? K-K-Kevin? Hey! ...Kevin! Whoa! Ow! And so help me, I never wanna see another one of your goofy, bug-eyed faces ever again! Scarlet! Scarlet! Scarlet! What? Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! Oh no, you don't! Whoa! And just for the record, my little deviled eggs, you can thank Kevin for what I'm about to do to you! Ow! Ow! Bob! Stuart! Buddies! Tony! Tom! Chris! You the man! Buddies! Mazel tov. Ugh! Ew! Ooh! Aah! Kevin! Kevin! Enough! This ends now! Kevin! You imbecile! Have fun exploding! Baby! What's the rush? Got to get out of here! Let us go! No, no, no, no! Kevin! Kevin... Huh? Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Ooh! Stuart? Hmm. Bob? Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to celebrate the Minions! Huh! The country owes you a great debt of gratitude. Bob, you were a wise and noble king for all of eight hours. So for you, I offer this tiny crown for your teddy bear, Tim. Oh, very good, Bob! Oh, spectacular! I'm so proud of you boys! Oh, Stuart. For you, I have this beautiful, super-duper, incredible... Ah! ...snow globe! Eh? Poglobe? Uh, ze... And look, look, hours of excitement! Oh, uh... Yippee. Uh, eh, gracias. Stuart, we're just messing with you! Don't be mad at me, it was Kevin's idea. Kevin! We have a much better surprise for you! ...super mega ukulele! Uh... Wow! ...poglobe. Thank you. Right. Uh... And finally, Kevin! You are a hero of the highest order. For your bravery and valor, I am knighting you. From here on out, you are Sir Kevin. Well done. What a beautiful moment! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! The nation, nay, the world was celebrating Kevin, Stuart and Bob. The last few thousand years were rough, no question, but things were finally going their way! Kevin had never been more proud. But something was missing. Yes, good show, good show! My crown is gone! It's gone! Blimey! She's lost the crown! Oh, my days! Scarlet? Scarlet! Hey! ...Scarlet! Hey! They took everything from me! My castle! My reputation! Things look bleak, baby, I'm not gonna lie! But now at least I have my crown! Child, give me that back. No, I don't think so! You have no idea who you're messing with! I am the greatest super-villain of all time! Oh! Were you? B... B... Buddies... Ah! ...Boss! Ha, ha! Get back! Are you really going to allow that little penguin to make off with my crown? Herb. I'm done. For me? Bye-bye! Big boss! And that is how the Minions found their new boss. He was cunning, he was evil, he was perfect. He was despicable. Huh? Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Cheese! Cheese! Cheese! Gru! Gru! Gru! Gru! Bob... Hey! Come back here! Freeze ray!
I thought you hated minions
 

Leedles

Leedle
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Also, what's hilarious about his "grown adults" comment is the person who made the topic is 15. I wouldn't consider that an adult lmao.
 

Alex Squarepants

angrier than ever
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patfan200 said:
Minions. Minions have been on this planet far longer than we have. They go by many names. Dave, Carl, Paul, Mike. Oh, that one is Norbert. He's an idiot. They're all different, but they all share the same goal. To serve the most despicable master they could find. Boss! Making their master happy was the tribe's very reason for existence. But that's not to say that they didn't have other passions. Huh? Finding a boss was easy. But keeping a boss, therein lies the rub. Nope, it wasn't easy for these guys. But they never gave up. With the emergence of the Stone Age came the rise of a new species. Man was very different from the dinosaur. He was shorter, hairier, and way, way smarter. The Minions took an instant liking to man, and helped him the best they could. Oh, no, no. Eh? Poor man. So trusting, so fragile. So, so delicious! Their quest for a boss put the Minions front and center for some of civilization's most historic moments. Anubis! Ancient Egypt held great promise. Okay! Pancake! But it didn't last long. Hmm. Oh! Ow! The Dark Ages were actually fun times. Their new master had a tendency to party all night and sleep all day. Ooh! Oh. But eventually, the party was over. They bounced from one evil boss to another, but they never seemed to find their perfect fit. One particular employer took their failure very, very badly. Huh? The Minions had no other choice but to keep moving. Oh. And then, when all hope seemed lost, they found sanctuary. The Minions were safe! Years passed as the Minions forged their own civilization. They truly made a life for themselves. But something just wasn't right. They felt empty inside. Without a master, they had no purpose. They became aimless and depressed. If this continued any longer, the Minions would perish. But all was not lost for one Minion had a plan. His name was Kevin. He was excited to share his idea with the tribe. He'd been preparing for days, weeks, months. But now he was ready. Buddies! Kevin would leave the cave... ...go back to the outside world, and he would not return until he had found his tribe the biggest, baddest villain to serve. But he needed help. Me! Bob was eager to go, but Kevin felt he was just not strong enough for the dangerous journey ahead. Uh, no. Luckily, someone stepped up. Stuart! Huh? Me, me? Oh! Thank you. Truth be told, Stuart had no idea what he was chosen for... ...but was thrilled it made people cheer for him. Thank you. Me! Eh, okay. Eventually, Bob's energy and enthusiasm, but mostly lack of other volunteers, changed Kevin's mind. The tribe said their farewells. Kevin had given them something they hadn't had in a very long time. Hope. Bob! Hey, Tony! Tom... Chris... Hey, Bob. Oh. Bye-bye. Kevin felt pride. He was going to be the one to save his tribe. Stuart felt hungry mostly. He was going to be the one to eat this banana. And Bob... Bob was frightened of the journey ahead. Ah. Okay. Okay. Okay. And they were off. Off to find their new boss! Huh? Kevin! Huh? Huh? Banana! Uh, Stuart? Banana. Banana! Ugh! Ugh! Stuart! Stopa! Uh, Bob! Stopa! Huh? Oh! Bob! Huh? Uh, no, no. No, no. No, no, no. Profiterole. No, no, no! Stuart... Ah! Oh, look at that one! Whoa! Peace! Make love, not war! Peace and love! Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Hey, hey, hey, oh. Kashmiri? - Boo-ya! - Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Oh. Banana! - Hey! Hey, taxi! - Hey! Hey! Oh. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Banana! Hey, hey! Stuart! Hey, oh! Kevin! Bob! Oh. Bello! Bob! Huh? Oh. Ah! Bob! Huh? Whoa! Women's bell bottoms and tie-dye shirts marked down. Check out our wide selection of go-go boots and miniskirts. Bob! Okay. Huh? Bob! The store is now closing. Hey, what are you doing? Bob! Give me that! Kevin! Oh. Oh. Ah. Huh? Oh. Oh. Hey! ...buddies. No? Oh. Bob! Bob! Oh. Oh. Tim. Oh! Me Tim! Mmm, thank you! Hmm? ...Stuart? Uh, nah. Okay, okay. Oh. "Dating game." Okay. And welcome back to The Dating Game! Well, Jennifer... ...have you decided which of these three gentlemen you'll go on a date with? Is it Bob? Yeah! Go, Bob! Kevin? Kevin! Or will it be Stuart? Oh. Yo, Stuart! Gosh! This is so hard! They all sounded so cute. Um, I think I'm gonna go with... Stuart. VNC! You're watching the top-secret Villain Network Channel. If you tell anyone, we'll find you. Huh! Sponsored by Villain-Con, for 89 years straight, the biggest gathering of criminals anywhere! Big boss. Attend guest lectures from esteemed villains, make contacts in the underworld community, and for the first time anywhere, Scarlet Overkill! Evil. So evil. Criminal genius! Hey, a girl's gotta make a living! - Move aside, men! - Make way. There's a new bad man in town... SCARLET: Excuse me. ...and that man is a woman! Crime isn't pretty! It's red hot! Get to Villain-Con this weekend. Only at 545 Orange Grove Avenue in Orlando, Florida. So much fun, it's a crime. Oh! Villain-Con, Orlando. Whoo-hoo! Bello! Uh, Orlando? Ugh. - Hey, uh... - Orlando? Oh, hello. Orlando? Uh-huh. Ah, okay. Thank you, baby! Bye-bye! Ah. Orlando! Hey, Stuart... Oh, yeah! Far out! Love is the way, brother! Ah! Eh, no, no, no, no, no, Kevin. Hmm. Hey! Stopa! Stopa! Stopa! Stopa! Ugh! Stuart... Oh... Oh, Walter, look! These adorable little freaks are headed to Orlando, too! Yeah, I see that! Hey, Walter Junior! What's happenin'? Tina. Hi! Binky. Mmm, mmm. What do you say we give these fellows a ride? Yay! New friends! All aboard the Nelson Express! You, one-eye! You're sitting next to me! Okay. Stuart! Glad we came along before some weirdos picked you up! Who wants apple slices? Ah, ah! Ooh, ooh! Oh, you, too! Growing boy-like creatures need their strength. Okay. Heck, yeah! Thanks, man! All righty! Who needs to stretch their legs? Yeah! Yes! Me, me, me! Sweet! You guys wait here, we'll be right back. Okay, Nelsons, let's do this! Go, go, go! Okey-dokey. On the road again. Dad! We got company! It's because I tripped the alarm. I stink! Hey, we all make mistakes, sugarplum. You're still learning. Huh! What? - Your father's right, Tina. - Reload! He wasn't this good at being evil overnight! Reload! Your time's coming. It's jammed! Huh? Okay, who did that? - Uh... Stuart! - Huh? That was great! Thank you! Say, fellas, can we get personal for just a second? Why are you going to Orlando? Come on. You can tell us. You're going to Villain-Con, aren't you? Villain-Con. Villain-Con. Wow! So many bad guys in the car. What fun! I knew it! I knew you were villains! Didn't I, honey? What a small world! Hope we're not in rival gangs. Binky! Joke! Babies, huh? Yay. Big boss! When we get to Orlando, I'm gonna get all my favorite villains to sign my magazine! Dumo the Sumo! Boss! Oh, Kevin, you don't wanna work for him! He ate his last henchmen! Uh... Frankie Fish Lips. He lives in the ocean. Boss? Oh... Can you breathe underwater? Uh, so-so. Oh, oh, oh! Look at her! Scarlet Overkill! The coolest super-villain, like, ever! She started out as your average little girl, braces, pigtails. But by the time she was 13, she built a criminal empire! If I was a Minion, that's who I'd want to work for! Oh. Here we are! Beautiful Orlando! Yeah! We're here! Orlando! Hey, gang, watch this! Welcome to Billy Bob's Bait Shop. How can I help you? Yeah, hi. Uh... We're here for, uh, so much fun, it's a crime. Whoo-hoo! Villain-Con! All right! Here we go! Well, this is it! I wanna tell you, and I really mean this. I really appreciate what you did back there with the cops. Really! Dad! It's Frankie Fish Lips! I can smell him from here! Junior! Get my camera! Good luck in there, boys! I hope you find what you're looking for! Bye! Villain-Con! Yeah! Villain-Con! Whoo! Okay! Oh! Any evil talents? Not bad. What about you? Any evil talents? Uh... Bello! La, la, la! La, la, la! Eh? That's not evil or a talent. Bello! Ha-ha! No? I'm sorry! But I'm not looking for any more servants, for I, Professor Flux, have invented the world's first time machine! Every time I visit the future, I bring my future self back to help me. Hello! Oh. Move that over there, Professor Flux from two weeks from now. As you can see, I don't need any help. Oh, way to go, guys. We killed the original! Please! Eh... Villain-Con presents our keynote speaker, Scarlet Overkill! The world's first female super-villain! Appearing right now in Hall H! Bob! Stuart! Buddies! Hey! Buddies! Scarlet? Kevin! Are you ready... Yeah! ...for Scarlet Overkill! Doesn't it feel so good to be bad? Scarlet! Scarlet! Scarlet! Yes! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoa. Whoo-hoo! Awesome! Yeah! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Wow! Thank you! Scarlet! Scarlet! Thank you so much! Okay. Ah. When I started out, people said a woman could never rob a bank as well as a man! Well, times change! I love you, Scarlet! Look at all those faces out there! We are all so different! But we have one thing in common. We were born with flippers! No? Just me? Okay. We have big dreams! And we will do anything to make them come true! Have any of you ever dreamt of working for the greatest super-villain of all time? Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Well, what if I were to tell you that I am looking for new henchmen? Hey, boss! Boss! I truly believe somewhere out there is a villain with the potential to serve greatness! And it could be any of you. Whoa! Although, let's not kid ourselves. Truly, the only men for this job are Kevin and his Minions! - Huh? But... But... - Ten times the evil in half the package! I am just in awe! Let's hear it for Kevin. He saved his tribe! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin... Hey! Kevin. Hey. Hey! Argh! So, how should we do this? Hmm. Oh. You see this tiny little trinket? Well, just take it from my hand and you've got the job. No big deal, it's almost too simple. Uh... Oh, come on! Don't be afraid. Just take the stone and get that job! Come on! Oh, okay. ...Boss! That job is mine! Ooh! Now go easy on me. Whoops! Love the costume! Ha! Uh... So cool! Tim? Tim! Uh... Oh, no, Bob! Ah! Tim! Tim! Is no one good enough? Bob! I got it! I got it! Ah! Didn't my speech inspire anyone to rise up and prove themselves worthy? All these villains and yet I still have the bear. Stuffed bear! Why am I holding a bear? Who has the ruby? Wow! Who... Who are you, my knights in shining denim? ...Stuart. ...Bob. Minions! That was incredible! Behold! The last creatures you'd expect to win the day have emerged victorious! - Everyone, meet my new henchmen. - The Minions! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Hey! I know those guys! I gave them a ride here! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Buckle up, boys! Next stop, England. Oh... Bello? Hey, Kevin! Eh? Boss? In England? Nah, Boss! Ah, uh... Bello, Kevin? ...England? - Uh-huh. - ...Boss? Scarlet Popapil. Ah. - Bello? Bello! - Bello? Oh! Wow! Ah! Here we go! There. By the way, I really like your bear. Herb! My baby! You know I am! How'd it go? Were you evil? So evil! Oh! A little bird dropped this off today. It's me, I'm the "H." Also, there was no bird. Also me. Herb, seriously, I wanna dig up that William Shakespeare so he can see what true writing is. I love it! Ah, that works out because I love... Well, I love... too. Ah, the love, ah! Oh! Oh, ah. Oh, boys, could you come here, please? Meet my husband, Herb. Inventor, super genius, fox. Herb, these are the new recruits. Kevin, Stuart, and that cute little one is Bob. Hey, bello! Right on! You guys are crazy little and way yellow, and I dig that! Sweet, man! Ah, ah. Whoa! I know, right? Ah! Just a few things I stole to help fill the void. Whoa! ...mega ukulele! Checkin' out my can? We stole that because finally someone expressed my love of soup in painting form. Wow! Ooh! Okay, listen up! It is time to get down to business. Do you know who this is? Uh... This is Queen Elizabeth, ruler of England. Oh, I love England. The music, the fashion. I'm seriously thinking about overthrowing it someday. Ooh! Anyway, this pale drink of water oversees it all. I'm her biggest fan, love her work! And I really, really, really want her crown. Steal me the crown and all your dreams come true. Respect! Power! Banana! Banana! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Ha! Henry! ...England. Uh... ...England... Oh, uh... Hmm. Heh. - Wow! - Whoa. Ooh-la-la. No! Oh, no. Don't get too close, boys. When it's completed, it'll be my ultimate weapon. But right now, it's leaking radiation like you would not believe! So, you're here for gear. Whoa! Bob, Robert, Bobby, my boy. You get my far-out stretch suit. Wow! Kevin, Kev-bo, Seventh Kevin, you are the proud owner of my lava lamp gun. Ah? This baby shoots actual lava! Ooh! Pretty cool, right? And finally, Stu. Stu-art, Stu-perman, Beef Stu. I got you the coolest invention, probably ever. Oh. Hypno-hat! Uh, oh. Uh... You can use it to hypnotize anyone. Anyone! Oh, you look so great! I feel like a proud mama with three dashing evil sons. Uh, Scarlet, Scarlet... No, no. Don't say anything. I won't understand. It's getting late. You've had a big day, you must be exhausted! Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing... Wow! These cats are pumped! Well, maybe I'll settle them down with a bedtime story? Ha-ha! How does that sound, Bob? Bob. Bob! Bob! Oh! Bedtime porry? That is a groovy idea! I'll go get some cookies and warm milk. This is gonna be so fun! ...bedtime porry. Oh, yes, I've got a really, really good bedtime porry. Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. One fateful day, the pigs encountered a big, bad wolf... ...who had a wonderful surprise for them! The wolf offered the three piggies and all their friends a job working for her. Everyone would be so happy! All the three little piggies had to do was just steal one little crown that the beautiful wolf had wanted ever since she was a penniless little street cub, unloved and abandoned. But that crown would mean she was a princess, and everybody loves a princess! So the wolf sent the piggies to get that crown. But the little pigs weren't up to the challenge. They failed their mission. So the wolf huffed and puffed, and she blew them off the face of the earth! Yo, po, po! The end. Good luck getting that crown tomorrow, little piggies. I know you won't disappoint me. Um. Okay. ...Scarlet. Which way is the loo, please? Hmm. Oh, thank you. Ah. Bello. - Uh... - ...please. You're not allowed in without an adult. Scram, hooligans! Oh. Uh, mm. Ooh... Oh, la... Stuart... How many tickets, please? ...please. ...please. Enjoy yourself, love. Thank you! It was nowhere near Hyde Park! Bob's your uncle. Huh, hmm. Okay. Okay. Huh? Ah! He-hey. Okay. Hey! What are you doing here? This is a restricted area! Hands in the air! No... Stop that! Get back. Yay! Ah! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Bob, Stuart... So... So, you came for the Queen's crown, did you? Well, you're gonna have to get through me! The Keeper of the Crown! Ow! Hey! You think it's funny to mock the elderly, do you? Uh... I've been up here for decades, just waiting for someone to try and steal the Queen's treasure! Okay. What are you saying? Never mind, don't care! Oh, no! Oh, no, you don't! Oh, flippin' heck! What's goin' on? Bob... Eh... Hmm. Wow. Hello! Huh? Hello! Stone the crows! Stop him, lads! Wait! Go for the legs! Gordon Bennett! Kevin! The Queen's been kidnapped, Sarge! Blimey! Hyah! Hyah! Ooh! Ha! Boo-ya! Huh. Hyah! Hyah! What's going on? Bello! Oh, my goodness! - Whoa! - Ha-ha! No! Gentlemen do not steal ladies' crowns! Huh? Hmm? Huh? Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, dear! Ah! Ahhh! Yeah! You scoundrel! After them! Uh-oh. Stop the blighter! Go on, grab him! Huh? Huh? Oh. Cor, blimey! One of England's most famous myths has become a reality as a new king has been crowned. Bob, who appears to be a bald, jaundiced child, has pulled the famed sword right from its stone, which, legend dictates, makes him the new king. Tiny yellow traitor! England! England! England! England! England! England! England! England... Ha, ha! Bello! Bello! Cut! Hey, Bob. Hello, King Bob. Uh... Welcome to Buckingham Palace. Uh, no. Oh, what's the matter, Your Majesty? Whatever's bothering you, we can make it right. Just name it! Oh. Buddies! Buddies! Buddies! Buddies! Oh. Uh... King Bob! Long live the king! King Bob! ...Bob... ...King... So... King Bob! Oh... Yeah! King Bob! Wait! - Wow! - Whoa! Whoo-hoo! Oh... Yee-haw! King Bob! Hyah! Hmm? Huh! Ah! Yes, King Bob. Oh. King Bob? King Bob? Ah, Claire. Mmm, Tiffany. Rawr! Ball! How dare you! Scarlet! Don't you "Scarlet" me, you backstabbing little traitors! Using Herb's invention to steal my crown? I feel used. Not gonna lie. You stole my dream! I was going to conquer England someday! There was gonna be a coronation, and I was going to be made Queen. Every moment was planned. I'd wear a dress so sparkly, it glowed! And everyone who ever doubted me would be watching, and they would be crying! I was going to be the picture of elegance and class! And you pinheads screwed it up! No, no, no! No, no, no, King Bob! You cannot just abdicate the throne! Who invited the square? And you definitely cannot just give the job to this woman! There are laws! Boss. ...Boss. ...Scarlet Popapil! King Bob has officially changed the law, clearing the way for Scarlet Overkill to be crowned Queen of England! She will be coronated at London's historic Westminster Abbey. If I wasn't so polite, I'd say this spells certain doom for the country, if not the world. But I'm so very polite that I shall keep my mouth shut. But, seriously, we're all in big trouble. Scarlet! Scarlet! I don't have time to answer any questions. I just want to thank the Minions for going above and beyond the call of duty. You are three tiny, golden... ...pill-shaped miracle workers, and you have stolen not just England but my heart. Scarlet, over here! Pardon me? Eh? Wow! So many! Good for you! Well, you'll all get what you deserve. Serve! ...serve! Whoo-hoo! Oh. Go ahead, go ahead. Uh... Uh... I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I hate you. I thought I could get over what you did, but I feel so betrayed. I think... Yes, I think we're gonna have to break up. And it's not you. Wait, hold on. It is you. It's 100% you! No, no. So get comfortable, Minions. Get real, real comfortable. Because this is where you're going to spend the rest of your worthless little lives. All right! Let's do this! Herb! Who's this handsome "Herb" fella? No, my name is "Blerb." I'm a dungeon master. Prepare for torture, which I do! All right, are we comfy? Doesn't matter! This is torture! - Huh. - Oh. Wow! Harder than I thought. Next machine! Oh, welcome to Hang Town! Population, you! Oh. Whoo-hoo! Cut it out! This is really unprofessional! There's no laughing in the dungeon! I wanna see tears and I wanna hear screams, or I'm gonna get... Wait! Hey! Ooh! I've got a groovy idea! Ah! Look at this! Argh! Hello! Will the future king, Herb Overkill, please come upstairs to prepare for the coronation? Well, I hope you learned your lesson for today. And by the way, it was me, Herb, the whole time! I don't even know anyone named "Blerb"! Uh, Herb... Oh. Huh. I am hours away from becoming the Queen of England! I know! It's a gas! I will finally get my crown. Yeah. It's all I've ever wanted. I'm going to be so happy. But let me ask you something, Fabrice. Does that look like this to you? Mrs. Overkill, the hair in that picture, it's just two wavy lines! Oh, so, what, now you're an art critic? I drew that when I was five years old! Get out of my sight! Bye, Fabrice! I liked him. He was fun. So, what do you think of the dress? Oh, it's so beautiful. So fashion-forward. So Valentino. Gave it a sweetheart neckline because you're my sweetheart. The high collar and cinched waist reflect a simpler, more violent time. The material is a blend of taffeta and high-density body armor. Fully armed and loaded. And that glow, that's nuclear. Nice. Just one more thing to do. Gotta look good for the public. Ugh. Do you mind? My pleasure. Little tighter, sweetie. Come on, I can take it. Little tighter. Tighter! Must have tiny waist. Seeing stars, seeing stars! Losing feeling in my legs. Perfect! Tie it, tie it, tie it, tie it. Huh? Ah. Bob! Stuart! Eh? - Ooh! Bello! - Ooh-ooh! Ah! Oh. Ah. Huh! Ah. - Eh, eh, Kevin... - ...Scarlet. Ah! "Porry Scarlet." - He, he! - ...Boss. Oh. Ah, okay! Huh? I love you, Scarlet! Queen wave, queen wave! Queen waving! - I am so, so excited! - This is perfect! Everyone looks so nice! Oh! Oh, you are just adorable! Oh, yes! And that music, oh! Who is that organist? She is good! Right? She looks like an Edna. Edna, you are very good! Who was that? Whoa! Thanks for doing this, padre. Big fan. Uh-huh. Come here, let me squeeze you! Oh, you are so squishy! ...Scarlet. Go, go, Go! Ouch! Ouch! ...sayonara! Ciao... Bob... Stuart! Aww! Oo-ooh! Okay! Oh! Beh... Will you to your power cause law and justice... ...Popapil! Oh! Ah... Hmm? Ah... Huh? Uh... Uh... Stopa! Bah! In mercy... No, no, no! Do you, Scarlet Overkill... Yeah! Huh? Oh? No! Uh, mmm... ...Bob. I proclaim thee, Scarlet Overkill, the Queen of England! Oh! Huh? Kevin! Huh? Scarlet! Scarlet, my queen? Somebody help me! Come on, come on! Lift on two. One, two! One, two! Huh? Scarlet! You're okay! He tried to kill me! Uh, no... Villains, this is no longer a coronation! It is an execution! Get them! Whoa, Nelly! Run, fellas, run! Come back here, you! Ah! Uh? Hyah! Aah! You're mine! Stuart, Bob! Uh... Oops! Oh! Hey! I got one! Tim! Huh? Oh? Aww! Oh! Uh? Eh? Tim! Stuart! Bob! Buddies! Mind the gap. Mind the gap. Mind the gap! Mind the gap! Mind the gap! Mind the gap. Mind the gap! He won't get away! He won't escape us! Huh? What about this one? Why did the queen go to the dentist? To get her teeth crowned. Heh! Tell us another one, Lizzy! Uh, uh... - Bello! - Oh! It's you. Everyone, this is one of the little fellows who stole the monarchy from me. And how's that working out for you? Uh, Scarlet... Oh, yes, yes, I saw what was going on on the telly. Uh, telly? What was meant to be the coronation of Scarlet Overkill has gone terribly wrong as... Move! Kevin, Kevin, I know you're out there. You think you've gotten away? Well, what do we have here? Bello! Oh, my goodness! Bob? Stuart? Which one shall I kill first? Little Bob? Stuart? Bob! Stuart! I will do it, Kevin, if you are not back here by dawn! Oh, my! No! ...buddies! ...Scarlet. There he is! Follow me! Ah! Ha-haa! Who the man, eh? Uh... Oh! Oh. Harder! It's just my head. Oh, no! This way! Let's get him! Go, go, go! No! Huh? Oh. Huh? Ultimate weapon initiated. Activation in three, two, one. Bello. Huh? ...buddies! This is it, boys! Things do not look good for you. Oh, and I'm keeping the bear. Tim! You're not gonna need him where you're going. Heaven. Huh? Uh... Aah! Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh, shoosh! Oh! Huh? Ah! Bye-bye. Say bye-bye, Bob. Bye-bye! Huh? Oh, whoa! Wait, what? How did he... Hold my bear. Huh? Yippee! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Kevin! So, that's your plan? Make yourself a bigger target? Huh? K-K-Kevin? Hey! ...Kevin! Whoa! Ow! And so help me, I never wanna see another one of your goofy, bug-eyed faces ever again! Scarlet! Scarlet! Scarlet! What? Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! Oh no, you don't! Whoa! And just for the record, my little deviled eggs, you can thank Kevin for what I'm about to do to you! Ow! Ow! Bob! Stuart! Buddies! Tony! Tom! Chris! You the man! Buddies! Mazel tov. Ugh! Ew! Ooh! Aah! Kevin! Kevin! Enough! This ends now! Kevin! You imbecile! Have fun exploding! Baby! What's the rush? Got to get out of here! Let us go! No, no, no, no! Kevin! Kevin... Huh? Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Ooh! Stuart? Hmm. Bob? Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to celebrate the Minions! Huh! The country owes you a great debt of gratitude. Bob, you were a wise and noble king for all of eight hours. So for you, I offer this tiny crown for your teddy bear, Tim. Oh, very good, Bob! Oh, spectacular! I'm so proud of you boys! Oh, Stuart. For you, I have this beautiful, super-duper, incredible... Ah! ...snow globe! Eh? Poglobe? Uh, ze... And look, look, hours of excitement! Oh, uh... Yippee. Uh, eh, gracias. Stuart, we're just messing with you! Don't be mad at me, it was Kevin's idea. Kevin! We have a much better surprise for you! ...super mega ukulele! Uh... Wow! ...poglobe. Thank you. Right. Uh... And finally, Kevin! You are a hero of the highest order. For your bravery and valor, I am knighting you. From here on out, you are Sir Kevin. Well done. What a beautiful moment! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! The nation, nay, the world was celebrating Kevin, Stuart and Bob. The last few thousand years were rough, no question, but things were finally going their way! Kevin had never been more proud. But something was missing. Yes, good show, good show! My crown is gone! It's gone! Blimey! She's lost the crown! Oh, my days! Scarlet? Scarlet! Hey! ...Scarlet! Hey! They took everything from me! My castle! My reputation! Things look bleak, baby, I'm not gonna lie! But now at least I have my crown! Child, give me that back. No, I don't think so! You have no idea who you're messing with! I am the greatest super-villain of all time! Oh! Were you? B... B... Buddies... Ah! ...Boss! Ha, ha! Get back! Are you really going to allow that little penguin to make off with my crown? Herb. I'm done. For me? Bye-bye! Big boss! And that is how the Minions found their new boss. He was cunning, he was evil, he was perfect. He was despicable. Huh? Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Banana! Cheese! Cheese! Cheese! Gru! Gru! Gru! Gru! Bob... Hey! Come back here! Freeze ray!
Here's the French version:
Minions. Minions ont été sur cette planète beaucoup plus longtemps que nous avons. Ils passent beaucoup de noms. Dave, Carl, Paul, Mike. Oh, que l'on est Norbert. Il est un idiot. Ils sont tous différents, mais ils partagent tous le même objectif. Pour servir le maître le plus méprisable qu'ils pouvaient trouver. Patron! Rendre leur maître heureux était très raison de la tribu pour l'existence. Mais cela ne veut pas dire qu'ils ne disposent pas d'autres passions. Huh? Trouver un patron était facile. Mais garder un patron, est là le hic. Non, il n'a pas été facile pour ces gars-là. Mais ils n'ont jamais abandonné. Avec l'émergence de l'âge de pierre est venu la montée d'une nouvelle espèce. L'homme était très différent du dinosaure. Il était plus petit, plus velue, et beaucoup, beaucoup plus intelligente. Les Minions ont pris un instant aimer à l'homme, et l'a aidé du mieux qu'ils pouvaient. Oh, non, non. Eh? Pauvre homme. Donc confiance, si fragile. Donc, si délicieux! Leur quête pour un patron mis à l'avant et le centre Minions pour certains des moments les plus historiques de la civilisation. Anubis! Egypte ancienne a été très prometteur. D'accord! Crêpe! Mais ça n'a pas duré longtemps. Hmm. Oh! Ow! The Dark Ages étaient en fait des moments de plaisir. Leur nouveau maître avait tendance à faire la fête toute la nuit et dormir toute la journée. Ooh! Oh. Mais finalement, la fête était finie. Ils ont rebondi d'un patron du mal à l'autre, mais ils ne semblaient trouver leur ajustement parfait. Un employeur particulier a pris leur échec très, très mal. Huh? Le Minions avait pas d'autre choix que de continuer à avancer. Oh. Et puis, quand tout espoir semblait perdu, ils ont trouvé refuge. Les Minions étaient en sécurité! Les années ont passé les Minions forgé leur propre civilisation. Ils ont vraiment fait une vie pour eux-mêmes. Mais quelque chose était tout simplement pas juste. Ils se sentaient vide à l'intérieur. Sans un maître, ils avaient pas de but. Ils sont devenus sans objet et déprimé. Si cela a continué plus longtemps, les Minions périrait. Mais tout n'a pas été perdu pour une Minion avait un plan. Son nom était Kevin. Il était heureux de partager son idée avec la tribu. Il avait été la préparation des jours, des semaines, des mois. Mais maintenant, il était prêt. Amis! Kevin laisserait la grotte ... ... revenir vers le monde extérieur, et il ne reviendra pas jusqu'à ce qu'il ait trouvé sa tribu le plus grand, méchant baddest pour servir. Mais il avait besoin d'aide. Moi! Bob était impatient d'aller, mais Kevin a estimé qu'il était tout simplement pas assez fort pour le voyage dangereux à venir. Euh, non. Heureusement, quelqu'un a intensifié. Stuart! Huh? Moi: Moi? Oh! Je vous remercie. À vrai dire, Stuart avait aucune idée de ce qu'il a été choisi pour ... ... mais était ravi, il a rendu les gens applaudissent pour lui. Je vous remercie. Moi! Eh bien. Finalement, de l'énergie et de l'enthousiasme, mais surtout le manque d'autres bénévoles Bob, changé l'esprit de Kevin. La tribu a dit leurs adieux. Kevin leur avait donné quelque chose de ne pas avoir eu dans un temps très long. Espérer. Bob! Hey, Tony! Tom ... Chris ... Hey, Bob. Oh. Bye Bye. Kevin sentait la fierté. Il allait être le seul à sauver sa tribu. Stuart avait faim la plupart du temps. Il allait être le seul à manger cette banane. Et Bob ... Bob avait peur du voyage à venir. Ah. D'accord. D'accord. D'accord. Et ils étaient hors tension. Off pour trouver leur nouveau patron! Huh? Kevin! Huh? Huh? Banane! Euh, Stuart? Banane. Banane! Pouah! Pouah! Stuart! Stopa! Euh, Bob! Stopa! Huh? Oh! Bob! Huh? Euh, non, non. Non non. Non non Non. Profiterole. Non non Non! Stuart ... Ah! Oh, regarde celui-là! Whoa! Paix! Faites l'amour pas la guerre! Paix et amour! Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Hé, hé, hé, oh. Kashmiri? - Boo-ya! - Boo-ya! Boo-ya! Oh. Banane! - Hey! Hey, taxi! - Hey! Hey! Oh. Hé, hé, hé, hé! Banane! Hé, hé! Stuart! Hé ho! Kevin! Bob! Oh. Bello! Bob! Huh? Oh. Ah! Bob! Huh? Whoa! Femmes fonds de cloche et tie-dye chemises marquées vers le bas. Découvrez notre large sélection de go-go bottes et minijupes. Bob! D'accord. Huh? Bob! Le magasin est maintenant ferme. Hey que fais tu? Bob! Donne moi ça! Kevin! Oh. Oh. Ah. Huh? Oh. Oh. Hey! ... Copains. Non? Oh. Bob! Bob! Oh. Oh. Tim. Oh! Me Tim! Mmm, je vous remercie! Hmm? ... Stuart? Uh, nah. OK OK. Oh. "Jeu de la séduction." D'accord. Et bon retour à The Dating Game! Eh bien, Jennifer ... ... avez-vous décidé lequel de ces trois messieurs, vous allez sur une date avec? Est-ce Bob? Ouais! Allez, Bob! Kevin? Kevin! Ou sera-ce Stuart? Oh. Yo, Stuart! Gosh! C'est si difficile! Ils ont tous sonné si mignon. Hum, je pense que je vais aller avec ... Stuart. VNC! Vous regardez le Villain Channel Network top-secret. Si vous dites à personne, nous allons vous trouver. Huh! Parrainé par Villain-Con, pendant 89 années consécutives, le plus grand rassemblement des criminels partout! Big boss. Assister à des conférences d'invités de méchants estimés, des contacts dans la communauté des enfers, et pour la première fois partout, Scarlet Overkill! Mal. Si démoniaque. génie criminel! Hey, les gotta une fille font une vie! - Écarter, les hommes! - Faites place. Il y a un nouveau mauvais homme en ville ... SCARLET: Excusez-moi. ... Et que l'homme est une femme! Le crime est pas jolie! Il est rouge chaud! Apprenez à Villain-Con ce week-end. Seulement à 545 Orange Grove Avenue à Orlando, en Floride. Tellement amusant, il est un crime. Oh! Villain-Con, Orlando. Whoo Hoo! Bello! Euh, Orlando? Pouah. - Hey, euh ... - Orlando? Oh salut. Orlando? Uh-huh. Ah ok. Merci bébé! Bye Bye! Ah. Orlando! Hey, Stuart ... Oh, yeah! Far out! L'amour est le chemin, mon frère! Ah! Eh, non, non, non, non, non, Kevin. Hmm. Hey! Stopa! Stopa! Stopa! Stopa! Pouah! Stuart ... Oh ... Oh, Walter, regarde! Ces petits monstres adorables sont dirigés vers Orlando, aussi! Oui, je vois ça! Hey, Walter junior! Qu'est-ce qui se passe'? Tina. Salut! Binky. Mmm, mmm. Que dites-vous que nous donnons ces gens-là un tour? Yay! Nouveaux amis! Tous à bord du Nelson express! Vous, un oeil! Vous êtes assis à côté de moi! D'accord. Stuart! Glad nous sommes venus le long avant quelques cinglés vous ramassé! Qui veut des tranches de pomme? Ah ah! Ooh ooh! Oh, vous aussi! Growing créatures garçon comme besoin de leur force. D'accord. Heck, yeah! Merci mec! Tout droitier! Qui a besoin de se dégourdir les jambes? Ouais! Oui! Moi moi moi! Doux! Vous les gars attendre ici, nous serons de retour à droite. Ok, Nelsons, nous allons le faire! Allez allez allez! Ça marche. Sur la route une fois de plus. Papa! Nous avons entreprise! Il est parce que je trébuché l'alarme. Je pue! Hey, nous faisons tous des erreurs, sugarplum. Vous êtes encore à apprendre. Huh! Quelle? - Le droit de votre père, Tina. - Recharger! Il ne fut pas ce bon d'être le mal du jour au lendemain! Recharger! venue Votre temps. Il est coincé! Huh? D'accord, qui a fait cela? - Euh ... Stuart! - Hein? C'était génial! Je vous remercie! Dites, les gars, pouvons-nous obtenir personnelle pour juste une seconde? Pourquoi allez-vous à Orlando? Allons. Vous pouvez nous dire. Vous allez Villain-Con, n'êtes-vous pas? Villain-Con. Villain-Con. Hou la la! Tant de méchants dans la voiture. Ce que c'est drôle! Je le savais! Je savais que vous étiez méchants! Did not I, le miel? Que le monde est petit! Espérons que nous ne sommes pas dans les gangs rivaux. Binky! Blague! Les bébés, hein? Yay. Big boss! Quand nous arrivons à Orlando, je vais obtenir tous mes méchants préférés à signer mon magazine! Dumo le Sumo! Patron! Oh, Kevin, tu ne veux pas travailler pour lui! Il a mangé ses derniers hommes de main! Euh ... Lips Frankie poisson. Il vit dans l'océan. Patron? Oh ... Pouvez-vous respirer sous l'eau? Euh, so-so. Oh oh oh! Regarde la! Scarlet Overkill! Le plus cool super-vilain, comme, jamais! Elle a commencé comme la moyenne de votre petite fille, des accolades, des tresses. Mais au moment où elle avait 13 ans, elle a construit un empire criminel! Si j'étais un Minion, voilà qui je veux travailler pour! Oh. Nous y sommes! Belle Orlando! Ouais! Nous sommes ici! Orlando! Hey, bande, regarder cela! Bienvenue à Billy Bob Bait Shop. Comment puis-je t'aider? Ouais, salut. Euh ... Nous sommes ici pour, euh, beaucoup de plaisir, il est un crime. Whoo Hoo! Villain-Con! D'accord! Et c'est parti! Eh bien, ça y est! Je veux vous dire, et je veux dire vraiment. Je comprends vraiment ce que vous avez fait là-bas avec les flics. Vraiment! Papa! Il est Lips Frankie poisson! Je peux le sentir d'ici! Junior! Obtenir mon appareil photo! Bonne chance là-bas, les garçons! J'espère que vous trouverez ce que vous cherchez! Au revoir! Villain-Con! Ouais! Villain-Con! Whoo! D'accord! Oh! Tous les mauvais talents? Pas mal. Et vous? Tous les mauvais talents? Euh ... Bello! La, la, la! La, la, la! Eh? Cela ne veut pas le mal ou un talent. Bello! Haha! Non? Je suis désolé! Mais je ne suis pas à la recherche de tous les autres fonctionnaires, pour moi, le professeur Flux, ont inventé la première machine de temps du monde! Chaque fois que je visite l'avenir, j'amener mon futur moi de retour pour me aider. salut! Oh. Déplacer que là-bas, le professeur Flux de deux semaines à partir de maintenant. Comme vous pouvez le voir, je ne pas besoin d'aide. Oh, chemin à parcourir, les gars. Nous avons tué l'original! S'il vous plaît! Eh ... Villain-Con présente notre conférencier d'honneur, Scarlet Overkill! premier super-méchant femme au monde! Apparaissant dès maintenant dans le Hall H! Bob! Stuart! Amis! Hey! Amis! Écarlate? Kevin! Êtes-vous prêt ... Yeah! ... Pour Scarlet Overkill! il ne se sent pas si bon d'être mauvais? Écarlate! Écarlate! Écarlate! Oui! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoa. Whoo Hoo! Génial! Ouais! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Hou la la! Je vous remercie! Écarlate! Écarlate! Merci beaucoup! D'accord. Ah. Quand j'ai commencé, les gens ont dit une femme ne pourrait jamais voler une banque ainsi qu'un homme! Eh bien, les temps changent! Je t'aime, Scarlet! Regardez tous ces visages là-bas! Nous sommes tous si différents! Mais nous avons une chose en commun. Nous sommes nés avec palmes! Non? Juste moi? D'accord. Nous avons de grands rêves! Et nous ferons tout pour les réaliser! L'un de vous jamais rêvé de travailler pour le plus grand super-vilain de tous les temps? Ouais! Whoo Hoo! Eh bien, si je devais vous dire que je suis à la recherche de nouveaux hommes de main? Hey, patron! Patron! Je crois vraiment quelque part là-bas est un méchant avec le potentiel pour servir la grandeur! Et il pourrait être l'un de vous. Whoa! Bien que, il ne faut pas se leurrer. En vérité, les seuls hommes pour ce poste sont Kevin et ses Minions! - Hein? Mais ... Mais ... - Dix fois le mal dans la moitié du paquet! Je suis juste dans la crainte! Disons l'entendre pour Kevin. Il a sauvé sa tribu! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin ... Hey! Kevin. Hey. Hey! Argh! Alors, comment devrions-nous faire cela? Hmm. Oh. Vous voyez ce petit petit bijou? Eh bien, il suffit de prendre de ma main et vous avez la tâche. Pas grand-chose, il est presque trop simple. Euh ... Oh, allez! Ne pas avoir peur. Il suffit de prendre la pierre et obtenir ce travail! Allons! Ah d'accord. ...Patron! Ce travail est à moi! Ooh! Maintenant, allez facile sur moi. Whoops! Aimez le costume! Ha! Euh ... So cool! Tim? Tim! Euh ... Oh, non, Bob! Ah! Tim! Tim! Est ne suffit pas? Bob! J? ai compris! J? ai compris! Ah! didn ' T mon discours inspire toute personne de se lever et de se montrer digne? Tous ces méchants et pourtant j'ont encore l'ours. Ours en peluche! Pourquoi suis-je tenais un ours? Qui a le rubis? Hou la la! Qui ... Qui êtes-vous, mes chevaliers en denim brillant? ... Stuart. ...Bob. Minions! C'était incroyable! Voir! Les dernières créatures que vous vous attendez à gagner le jour ont émergé victorieux! - Tout le monde, de rencontrer mes nouveaux hommes de main. - Les minions! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! Hey! Je sais que ces gars-là! Je leur ai donné un tour ici! Whoo Hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Bouclez, les garçons! Prochain arrêt, l'Angleterre. Oh ... Bello? Hey, Kevin! Eh? Patron? En Angleterre? Nah, patron! Ah, euh ... Bello, Kevin? ...Angleterre? - Uh-huh. - ...Patron? Scarlet Popapil. Ah. - Bello? Bello! - Bello? Oh! Hou la la! Ah! Et c'est parti! Là. D'ailleurs, je l'aime vraiment votre ours. Herbe! Mon bébé! Vous savez que je suis! Comment cela s'est-il passé? Avez-vous mal? Si démoniaque! Oh! Un petit oiseau a déposé ça aujourd'hui. Il est moi, je suis le "H." En outre, il n'y avait aucun oiseau. Moi aussi. Herb, sérieusement, je veux creuser que William Shakespeare, afin qu'il puisse voir ce que la vraie écriture est. J'aime ça! Ah, ça marche parce que je l'aime ... Eh bien, je l'aime ... trop. Ah, l'amour, ah! Oh! Oh, ah. Oh, les garçons, pourriez-vous venir ici, s'il vous plaît? Rencontrez mon mari, Herb. Inventor, super génie, renard. Herb, ce sont les nouvelles recrues. Kevin, Stuart, et que petit mignon est Bob. Hey, bello! Droit sur! Vous les gars sont peu et manière folle jaune, et je creusez ça! Homme doux! Ah ah. Whoa! N'est-ce pas? Ah! Juste quelques choses que je volais pour aider à combler le vide. Whoa! ... Mega ukulele! Checkin 'ma boîte? Nous avons volé parce que enfin quelqu'un a exprimé mon amour de soupe sous forme de peinture. Hou la la! Ooh! Bon, écoutez! Il est temps de se mettre au travail. Sais-tu qui est-ce? Euh ... Ceci est la reine Elizabeth, la règle de l'Angleterre. Oh, j'aime l'Angleterre. La musique, la mode. Je songe sérieusement à renverser un jour. Ooh! Quoi qu'il en soit, cette boisson pâle de l'eau supervise tout. Je suis son plus grand fan, aimer son travail! Et je vraiment, vraiment, vraiment envie sa couronne. Steal moi la couronne et tous vos rêves. Le respect! Puissance! Banane! Banane! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Ha! Henri! ...Angleterre. Euh ... ... Angleterre ... Oh, euh ... Hmm. Il h. - Sensationnel! - Whoa. Oh la la. Non! Oh non. Ne vous approchez pas trop, les garçons. Quand il est terminé, ce sera mon arme ultime. Mais le rayonnement en ce moment, il fuit comme vous ne croiriez pas! Donc, vous êtes ici pour les engins. Whoa! Bob, Robert, Bobby, mon garçon. Vous obtenez mon far-out costume stretch. Hou la la! Kevin, Kev-bo, septième Kevin, vous êtes le propriétaire fier de ma lampe à lave pistolet. Ah? Ce bébé tire lave réelle! Ooh! Pretty cool, non? Et enfin, Stu. Stu-art, Stu-Perman, Beef Stu. Je vous ai le plus cool invention, sans doute jamais. Oh. Hypno-chapeau! Uh, oh. Euh ... Vous pouvez l'utiliser pour hypnotiser quelqu'un. N'importe qui! Oh, tu es si grand! Je me sens comme une maman fière de trois fringant mauvais fils. Euh, Scarlet, Scarlet ... Non, non. Ne dites rien. Je ne comprends pas. Il se fait tard. Vous avez eu un grand jour, vous devez être épuisé! Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing ... Wow! Ces chats sont pompés! Eh bien, peut-être je les installe avec une histoire au coucher? Haha! Comment ça sonne, Bob? Bob. Bob! Bob! Oh! Bedtime Porry? Voilà une idée groovy! Je vais aller chercher des biscuits et du lait chaud. Ça va être tellement amusant! ... L'heure du coucher Porry. Oh, oui, j'ai vraiment, vraiment bon Porry du coucher. Il était une fois, il y avait trois petits cochons. Un jour fatidique, les porcs ont rencontré un grand méchant loup ... ... qui avait une merveilleuse surprise pour eux! Le loup a offert les trois piggies et tous leurs amis un emploi travaillant pour elle. Tout le monde serait si heureux! Tous les trois petits cochons avaient à faire était tout simplement voler un peu la couronne que le beau loup avait voulu depuis qu'elle était sans le sou petit ours de rue, mal aimé et abandonné. Mais cette couronne signifierait qu'elle était une princesse, et tout le monde aime une princesse! Donc, le loup a envoyé les piggies pour obtenir cette couronne. Mais les petits cochons ne sont pas à relever le défi. Ils ont échoué leur mission. Alors le loup souffla et gonflé, et elle les a soufflé au large de la face de la terre! Yo, po, po! La fin. Bonne chance pour cette couronne demain, petits cochons. Je sais que vous ne me décevoir. Um. D'accord. ...Écarlate. De quel côté est le loo, S'il vous plaît? Hmm. Oh merci. Ah. Bello. - Euh ... - ... s'il vous plaît. Vous n'êtes pas autorisé à sans un adulte. Scram, hooligans! Oh. Euh, mm. Ooh ... Oh, la ... Stuart ... Combien de billets, s'il vous plaît? ...S'il vous plaît. ...S'il vous plaît. Amusez-vous, l'amour. Je vous remercie! Il était loin de Hyde Park! Bob est ton oncle. Huh, hmm. D'accord. D'accord. Huh? Ah! He-hey. D'accord. Hey! Que faites-vous ici? Ceci est une zone restreinte! Les mains en l'air! Non ... Arrête ça! Revenir. Yay! Ah! Hé, hé, hé, hé, hé! Bob, Stuart ... Alors ... Alors, vous êtes venu pour la couronne de la reine, vous avez fait? Eh bien, vous allez devoir passer à travers moi! Le Gardien de la Couronne! Ow! Hey! Vous pensez qu'il est drôle de se moquer des personnes âgées, pensez-vous? Euh ... Je suis ici depuis des décennies, dans l'attente de quelqu'un pour essayer de voler le trésor de la reine! D'accord. Qu'est-ce que tu dis? Peu importe, ne se soucient pas! Oh non! Oh, non, vous ne le faites pas! Oh, flippin 'diable! Que se passe t-il? Bob ... Eh ... Hmm. Sensationnel. salut! Huh? salut! Pierre les corbeaux! Arrêtez-le, les gars! Attendez! Optez pour les jambes! Gordon Bennett! Kevin! La Reine a été kidnappé, Sarge! Blimey! Hyah! Hyah! Ooh! Ha! Boo-ya! Huh. Hyah! Hyah! Qu'est-ce qui se passe? Bello! Oh mon Dieu! - Whoa! - Haha! Non! Messieurs ne volent pas les couronnes des dames! Huh? Hmm? Huh? Oh, non, non, non, non, non! Oh cher! Ah! Ahhh! Ouais! Scélérat! Après eux! Uh-oh. Arrêtez le blighter! Allez, prenez-le! Huh? Huh? Oh. Cor, blimey! L'un des mythes les plus célèbres de l'Angleterre est devenue une réalité en tant que nouveau roi a été couronné. Bob, qui semble être, un enfant jaunisse chauve, a tiré l'épée célèbre dès sa pierre, qui, dicte la légende, lui le nouveau roi fait. traître jaune minuscule! Angleterre! Angleterre! Angleterre! Angleterre! Angleterre! Angleterre! Angleterre! Angleterre ... Ha, ha! Bello! Bello! Coupe! Hey, Bob. Bonjour, le roi Bob. Euh ... Bienvenue à Buckingham Palace. Euh, non. Oh, quelle est la question, Votre Majesté? Quoi que vous dérange, nous pouvons le faire à droite. Juste le nommer! Oh. Amis! Amis! Amis! Amis! Oh. Euh ... King Bob! Longue vie au roi! Roi Bob! ... Bob ... ... King ... Alors ... King Bob! Oh yeah! Roi Bob! Attendez! - Sensationnel! - Whoa! Whoo Hoo! Oh ... Yee-haw! Roi Bob! Hyah! Hmm? Huh! Ah! Oui, le roi Bob. Oh. Roi Bob? Roi Bob? Ah, Claire. Mmm, Tiffany. Rawr! Balle! Comment oses-tu! Écarlate! Ne pas vous "Scarlet" moi, vous backstabbing petits traîtres! En utilisant l'invention de Herb pour voler ma couronne? Je me sens utilisé. Ne vais pas mentir. Tu as volé mon rêve! J'allais à la conquête de l'Angleterre un jour! Il allait être un couronnement, et j'allait être faite reine. Chaque moment était prévu. Je porte une robe si brillant, il rayonnait! Et tout le monde qui ait jamais douté de moi serait regarder, et ils seraient en train de pleurer! J'allais être l'image d'élégance et de classe! Et vous pinheads vissé vers le haut! Non non Non! Non, non, non, roi Bob! Vous ne pouvez pas abdiquer le trône! Qui a invité la place? Et vous avez certainement ne pouvez pas simplement donner le travail à cette femme! Il y a des lois! Patron. ...Patron. ... Scarlet Popapil! Roi Bob a officiellement changé la loi, ouvrant la voie à Scarlet Overkill d'être couronné reine d'Angleterre! Elle sera couronné à l'historique abbaye de Westminster à Londres. Si je ne suis pas si poli, je dirais que ce sorts mort certaine pour le pays, sinon dans le monde. Mais je suis très poli que je garderai ma bouche fermée. Mais, sérieusement, nous sommes tous en grande difficulté. Écarlate! Écarlate! Je n'ai pas le temps de répondre à vos questions. Je veux juste remercier les Minions pour aller au-delà de l'appel du devoir. Vous êtes trois minuscules, d'or ... ... des miracles en forme de pilule, et vous avez volé non seulement en Angleterre, mais mon cœur. Scarlet, ici! Excusez-moi? Eh? Hou la la! Tant! Bien pour vous! Eh bien, vous allez tous obtenez ce que vous méritez. Servir! ...servir! Whoo Hoo! Oh. Allez-y, allez-y. Euh ... Euh ... Je ne veux pas que vous preniez cela dans le mauvais sens, mais je vous hais. Je pensais que je pourrais obtenir plus de ce que vous avez fait, mais je me sens tellement trahi. Je pense que ... Oui, je pense que nous allons avoir à se briser. Et il est pas toi. Attendez, attendez. C'est toi. Il est 100% vous! Non non. Donc, mettre à l'aise, Minions. Obtenez réel, réel confortable. Parce que cela est où vous allez passer le reste de vos petites vies sans valeur. D'accord! Faisons cela! Herbe! Qui est ce beau "Herb" fella? Non, mon nom est "Blerb." Je suis un maître de donjon. Préparer la torture, ce que je fais! Très bien, nous sommes confortables? N'a pas d'importance! C'est de la torture! - Huh. - Oh. Hou la la! Plus dur que je pensais. Machine suivant! Oh, bienvenue à accrocher Town! Population, vous! Oh. Whoo Hoo! Découper! Ceci est vraiment professionnel! Il n'y a pas de rire dans le donjon! Je veux voir des larmes et je veux entendre des cris, ou je vais me faire ... Attendez! Hey! Ooh! J'ai une idée groovy! Ah! Regarde ça! Argh! salut! Est-ce que le futur roi, Herb Overkill, s'il vous plaît venez à l'étage pour se préparer pour le couronnement? Eh bien, je l'espère vous avez appris votre leçon d'aujourd'hui. Et en passant, il était moi, Herb, tout le temps! Je ne sais même pas que quelqu'un nommé "Blerb"! Euh, Herb ... Oh. Huh. Je suis heures loin de devenir la reine d'Angleterre! Je connais! Il est un gaz! Je vais enfin obtenir ma couronne. Ouais. Il est tout ce que j'ai jamais voulu. Je vais être si heureux. Mais laissez-moi vous demander quelque chose, Fabrice. Est-ce que ressembler à cela pour vous? Mme Overkill, les cheveux dans cette image, il est juste deux lignes ondulées! Oh, oui, quoi, maintenant, vous êtes un critique d'art? Je tirai que lorsque j'avais cinq ans! Dégage! Bye, Fabrice! Je l'aimais. Il était amusant. Alors, que pensez-vous de la robe? Oh, il est si beau. Donc, avant-gardiste. Donc Valentino. Gave un décolleté amie parce que vous êtes mon amour. Le col haut et à la taille sanglée reflètent une époque plus simple, plus violente. Le matériau est un mélange de taffetas et de haute densité armure de corps. Entièrement armé et chargé. Et cette lueur, qui est nucléaire. Agréable. Juste une chose à faire. Je dois regarder bien pour le public. Pouah. Est-ce que je peux? Mon plaisir. Peu serré, ma chérie. Allez, je peux le prendre. Peu serré. Tighter! Doit avoir taille minuscule. Voyant étoiles, voyant étoiles! Perdre sentiment dans mes jambes. Parfait! Attachez, attachez, attachez, attachez. Huh? Ah. Bob! Stuart! Eh? - Ooh! Bello! - Ooh ooh! Ah! Oh. Ah. Huh! Ah. - Eh, eh, Kevin ... - ... Scarlet. Ah! "Porry Scarlet." - Lui, il! - ...Patron. Oh. Ah ok! Huh? Je t'aime, Scarlet! onde de la reine, vague de reine! Reine agitant! - Je suis tellement, tellement excitée! - C'est parfait! Tout le monde a l'air si gentil! Oh! Oh, vous êtes juste adorable! Oh oui! Et que la musique, oh! Qui est cet organiste? Elle est douée! Droite? Elle ressemble à un Edna. Edna, vous êtes très bon! Qui était-ce? Whoa! Merci pour ce faire, padre. Grand fan. Uh-huh. Viens ici, laissez-moi vous presser! Oh, vous êtes si visqueux! ...Écarlate. Allez allez allez! Aie! Aie! ... Sayonara! Ciao ... Bob ... Stuart! Aww! Oo-ooh! D'accord! Oh! Beh ... vous à votre droit de la cause puissance et la justice ... ... Popapil! Oh! Ah ... Hmm? Ah ... Hein? Euh ... Euh ... Stopa! Bah! Dans la miséricorde ... Non, non, non! Avez-vous, Scarlet Overkill ... Yeah! Huh? Oh? Non! Euh, mmm ... ... Bob. Je proclame toi, Scarlet Overkill, la reine d'Angleterre! Oh! Huh? Kevin! Huh? Écarlate! Scarlet, ma reine? Quelqu'un m'aide! Allez allez! Soulevez sur deux. Un deux! Un deux! Huh? Écarlate! Tu vas bien! Il a essayé de me tuer! Euh, non ... Villains, ce ne soit plus un couronnement! Il est d'une exécution! Attrape les! Whoa, Nelly! Run, les gars, courir! Revenez ici, vous! Ah! Euh? Hyah! Aah! Tu es à moi! Stuart, Bob! Euh ... Oops! Oh! Hey! J'en ai un! Tim! Huh? Oh? Aww! Oh! Euh? Eh? Tim! Stuart! Bob! Amis! Attention à l'écart. Attention à l'écart. Attention à l'écart! Attention à l'écart! Attention à l'écart! Attention à l'écart. Attention à l'écart! Il ne va pas sortir! Il ne va pas nous échapper! Huh? Qu'en est-il celui-ci? Pourquoi la reine ne va chez le dentiste? Pour obtenir ses dents couronnées. Il h! Donnez-nous les uns les autres, Lizzy! Euh, euh ... - Bello! - Oh! C'est toi. Tout le monde, ceci est l'un des petits bonshommes qui ont volé la monarchie de moi. Et comment ça marche pour vous? Euh, Scarlet ... Oh, oui, oui, je l'ai vu ce qui se passait à la télé. Euh, la télé? Ce qui était censé être le couronnement de Scarlet Overkill a terriblement mal tourné que ... Déplacer! Kevin, Kevin, je sais que vous êtes là-bas. Vous pensez que vous avez pris la fuite? Eh bien, qu'est-ce que nous avons ici? Bello! Oh mon Dieu! Bob? Stuart? Lequel dois-je tuer d'abord? Little Bob? Stuart? Bob! Stuart! Je vais le faire, Kevin, si vous n'êtes pas de retour ici à l'aube! Oh mon! Non! ... Copains! ...Écarlate. Le voilà! Suivez-moi! Ah! Ha-haa! Qui l'homme, hein? Euh ... Oh! Oh. Plus fort! Il est juste ma tête. Oh non! Par ici! Mettons-le! Allez allez allez! Non! Huh? Oh. Huh? arme ultime initié. Activation en trois, deux, un. Bello. Huh? ... Copains! Ça y est, les gars! Les choses ne sont pas bonnes pour vous. Oh, et je garde l'ours. Tim! Tu ne vas pas besoin de lui où vous allez. Paradis. Huh? Euh ... Aah! Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh, shoosh! Oh! Huh? Ah! Bye Bye. Dites bye-bye, Bob. Bye Bye! Huh? Oh, whoa! Attends quoi? Comment at-il ... Tenez mon ours. Huh? Hourra! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Kevin! Donc, c'est votre plan? Faites-vous une cible plus importante? Huh? KK-Kevin? Hey! ... Kevin! Whoa! Ow! Et donc me aider, je ne vois jamais veux un autre de vos visages de bugs yeux loufoques jamais! Écarlate! Écarlate! Écarlate! Quelle? Oh, vous avez gotta be kidding me! Oh non, vous ne le faites pas! Whoa! Et juste pour le dossier, mes petits oeufs farcis, vous pouvez remercier Kevin pour ce que je vais faire pour vous! Ow! Ow! Bob! Stuart! Amis! Tony! À M! Chris! Tu es l'homme! Amis! Mazel Tov. Pouah! Ew! Ooh! Aah! Kevin! Kevin! Assez! Cela se termine maintenant! Kevin! Vous imbécile! Amusez-vous exploser! Bébé! Quelle est l'urgence? Nous sommes arrivés à sortir d'ici! Laisse nous partir! Non Non Non Non! Kevin! Kevin ... Hein? Haha! Whoo Hoo! Ooh! Stuart? Hmm. Bob? D'accord. Mesdames et messieurs, nous sommes ici aujourd'hui pour célébrer les Minions! Huh! Le pays vous doit une grande dette de gratitude. Bob, vous étiez un roi sage et noble pour toutes les huit heures. Donc, pour vous, je vous propose cette petite couronne pour votre ours en peluche, Tim. Oh, très bon, Bob! Oh, spectaculaire! Je suis tellement fier de vous les gars! Oh, Stuart. Pour vous, je dois cette belle, super-duper, incroyable ... Ah! ...boule à neige! Eh? Poglobe? Euh, ze ... Et regardez, regardez, heures d'excitation! Oh, euh ... Yippee. Euh, eh, gracias. Stuart, nous ne faisons que jouer avec vous! Ne soyez pas en colère contre moi, il était l'idée de Kevin. Kevin! Nous avons une bien meilleure surprise pour vous! ... Super méga ukulélé! Euh ... Wow! ... Poglobe. Je vous remercie. Droite. Euh ... Et enfin, Kevin! Vous êtes un héros de premier ordre. Pour votre bravoure et le courage, je vous adoubement. A partir de là, vous êtes Sir Kevin. Bien joué. Quel beau moment! Kumbaya! Kumbaya! La nation, non, le monde célébrait Kevin, Stuart et Bob. Les quelques milliers d'années étaient difficiles, sans aucun doute, mais les choses allaient enfin leur chemin! Kevin n'a jamais été plus fière. Mais il manquait quelque chose. Oui, bon spectacle, bon spectacle! Ma couronne est parti! C'est parti! Blimey! Elle a perdu la couronne! Oh, mes jours! Écarlate? Écarlate! Hey! ...Écarlate! Hey! Ils ont pris tout de moi! Mon château! Ma réputation! Les choses semblent sombres, bébé, je ne vais pas mentir! Mais maintenant au moins je dois ma couronne! Enfant, donnez-moi ce retour. Non, je ne le crois pas! Vous ne savez pas qui vous êtes de jouer avec! Je suis le plus grand super-vilain de tous les temps! Oh! Avez-vous été? B ... B ... Amis ... Ah! ...Patron! Haha! Revenir! Allez-vous vraiment pour permettre ce petit pingouin à faire avec ma couronne? Herbe. J'ai fini. Pour moi? Bye Bye! Big boss! Et voilà comment le Minions trouvé leur nouveau patron. Il était rusé, il était mal, il était parfait. Il était méprisable. Huh? Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Fromage! Fromage! Fromage! Gru! Gru! Gru! Gru! Bob ... Hey! Reviens ici! ray gel! Allez-vous vraiment pour permettre ce petit pingouin à faire avec ma couronne? Herbe. J'ai fini. Pour moi? Bye Bye! Big boss! Et voilà comment le Minions trouvé leur nouveau patron. Il était rusé, il était mal, il était parfait. Il était méprisable. Huh? Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Fromage! Fromage! Fromage! Gru! Gru! Gru! Gru! Bob ... Hey! Reviens ici! ray gel! Allez-vous vraiment pour permettre ce petit pingouin à faire avec ma couronne? Herbe. J'ai fini. Pour moi? Bye Bye! Big boss! Et voilà comment le Minions trouvé leur nouveau patron. Il était rusé, il était mal, il était parfait. Il était méprisable. Huh? Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Banane! Fromage! Fromage! Fromage! Gru! Gru! Gru! Gru! Bob ... Hey! Reviens ici! ray gel!
 
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