Is this good?

Hiya Guys
Right now,I'm writing a story on Fanfiction.Net called Whitdale Middle School,which is a Animal Crossing fanfic.It's about a guy named Dylan Murphy who moves into the town of Whitdale and goes to a middle school which is filled with animals.I wrote the prologue in my documents,and I need to know if this is good enough.Okay,here it is.

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My name is Dylan Murphy.I am a eleven year old who is starting middle school.Before the school year started,I moved into this town called Whitdale.The cool thing about this town is that it's filled with talking animals.I wanted to talk to one,I had to un-pack my stuff,so there was no time.
Right now,I'm sitting at my kitchen table finishing up my cereal.Then,my nine year old brother Alex comes into the kitchen,who is in the fourth grade.

"Hi Dylan!!" he said

"Whatever you're gonna ask me,it better not be about middle school tips.You don't need that until next year"

"Not about that.I'm asking where my backpack is."

I pointed to the counter behind me,which was where his backpack was.He put on his backpack,said goodbye to me,and ran to the door to go on his bus.Luckily for me,my school is only three blocks away.
Before I went outside,I looked at my picture,which had me and my mom.My mom died in a car accident when I was in second grade.She would had been so proud of me.I put it away,and went out the door to go to school.
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So,what do you guys think?

yo mama said:

My name is Dylan Murphy. I am an eleven-year-old who is starting middle school. Before the school year started, I moved to a town called Whitdale. The cool thing about this town is that it's filled with talking animals. I wanted to talk to one, but I had to unpack my stuff first so there was no time.
It was the first day of school, and I was sitting at my kitchen table finishing up my cereal. My nine-year-old brother Alex, who is in the fourth grade, comes into the kitchen.
"Hi Dylan," he said.
"Whatever you're gonna ask me, it better not be about middle school tips.You don't need those until next year."
"Not about that. I'm asking where my backpack is."
I pointed to the counter behind me, which was where his backpack was. He put on his backpack, said goodbye to me, and ran to the door to get onto his bus. Luckily for me, my school iss only three blocks away.
Before I went outside, I looked at my picture, which showed me and my mom. My mom died in a car accident when I was in the second grade. She would had been so proud of me now. I put the picture away, and went out the door to go to school.

Click to expand...

Just fixed some stuff, mostly grammar and verb agreement lel. Also, just a tip, you have to put a space after a comma. :p

1. What are verb agreements?

2.Are the paragraphs are supposed to be bunched up like that?